How can I convince the gf to clean up her lifestyle?

[EnderJE]

1) Break up with her.
2) Start dating P3 and post up your adventures.
3) Reap karma gold.
4) She's cheating on you.

 

[SpyWizard]

the way to fix her is to get a younger thinner gf..

 

[javaguru]

Thank you for reading into my post.

But really though I should've clarified with the comments she makes after I try leveling with her...she is emotionally immature which she even admits. She says things she doesn't always mean, even to her own mother. It's just like she wasn't raised to be that mature because actually her mother isn't half the time either. But at the same time it's like, I'd need my future wife to be more mature than that personally. It's not a healthy attitude.

You can't "convince" a girlfriend or any SO to change their lifestyle. You can express concern but they're going to make subjective value judgements based on their situation.

 

[Fitguy308]

the way to fix her is to get a younger thinner gf..

I agree with this statement plus bigger tits

 

[caligirl85]

yeah the whole "maybe we're not meant to be together" line is her saying "we're not meant to be together" homie. If it's a huge dealbreaking anxiety attack for her to go without it for a weekend than it's a pretty good sign weed is a crutch to her and not something she does recreationally. It's one thing to like and savor getting high, when it's part of your daily routine from which you can't part or your life falls apart....then....welll.

^^I agree with redsam. I don't know where the pot isn't addicting comes from either. I don't buy that. She wouldn't be driving an hour one way if she wasn't addicted. It sounds like you've hit that fork in the road and there are more reasons then the dope that you are not sure she's wife material. Good luck! It's a tough decision to make.

 

[-SD-]

If nicotine, caffeine, alcohol are addictive, pot sure as shit is addictive. All drugs are addictive in the wrong hands

 

[AFeedz]

Thank you for reading into my post.

But really though I should've clarified with the comments she makes after I try leveling with her...she is emotionally immature which she even admits. She says things she doesn't always mean, even to her own mother. It's just like she wasn't raised to be that mature because actually her mother isn't half the time either. But at the same time it's like, I'd need my future wife to be more mature than that personally. It's not a healthy attitude.

In response to that ^

The biggest problem in your relationship isn't her, it's you making all these excuses for her.

Even if she didn't mean the "maybe we aren't meant to be" comment, even if its justified by a shitty upbringing, even if she's amazingly great outside her whole pot problem...she's doing things you more and more can not stand.

And why shouldn't she do them? At this point, she knows you're not going anywhere, so why should she change if all you've done is show her it's not a big enough deal to you to book it?

Actions speak louder than words.

If you can deal with it, stay. If you can't, leave. No excuses. If you have to make excuses for a person or your why you're still together, it's not the right relationship for you.

 

[nangiggles]

First the good. She does great with school and work. Everyone likes her and she's as sweet as can be. Always helpful and courteous, and she also goes out of her way for people probably more than she should, especially when it comes to her siblings and even her parents. She has to juggle a lot since she works full time and goes to school full time.

The problem is it creates a lot of stress for her. The other problem is, she never developed a healthy way of dealing with it. Her best friend, who has pretty much devolved into an alcoholic pothead who can't even hold a part time job and barely goes to school anymore, introduced her to smoking herb, long before I met her. Like just out of high school. She also ran with a less than respectable crowd growing up, to which I kinda blame passive parenting more than anything.

Fast forward about 8 years and she's admittedly addicted. I know, "you can't get addicted to pot". Well, it's a big deal for her to go a weekend without it. Her personal life lacks the self discipline she has for school and work. So this weekend in particular she decided to drive an hour each way to get "cheap" stuff from this girl. I don't want to get into too many details of her living situation. Let's just say we were clear with each other she doesn't go into her house, which is actually her scrubby boyfriend's house whose roommates recently had scabies. Yeah. We're both talking about saving money for a trip this winter, as well as all the other random things we want to do til then, but she didn't want to wait a few days til she can get some from in town.

I'll admit I've smoked in the past before her and have since joined her for some here and there but it's getting old, and I wonder if she'll ever change. She doesn't always eat very well, never exercises, and can be careless with things when she smokes. The more serious we get the less I'm willing to put up with it. Makes me very leery about ever having kids, because they don't deserve to have to deal with it.

The problem is her having to keep it a secret from so many people, including many we work with (yup, we work same place, actually how we met). It obviously puts us both in a bind.

I've tried leveling with her at least once a year about it all, but some of the stuff she comes back at me with makes me kinda wonder why we're still together. Her reply is almost verbatim "maybe we're not meant for each other". Ok, so say we break up, then everyone's wondering why and I have to keep the reasons a secret or else she gets into trouble with work at the very least.

This is the type of shit drug habits bring into people's lives.
So, if anyone still wonders why I'm so conservative and hardass about things, it's because the alternative far too often leads to what you just read through.

I'm with Afeedz, this red up here ^^^^ that's both her and your excuses for her getting high, she's too busy, she's too stressed, she's too sad, she's too bored, etc, there will ALWAYS be a "valid" reason you'll rationalize to excuse the unexcusable behavior, because it makes you feel like it's not totally her fault, it's not that she doesnt want to it's that she cant, poor thing has the odds against her right, how else will she cope? NO, stop feeling sorry for her and her shitty life decisions, stand up for yourself and for what you want, you are a valuable person who has a right to discriminate what you may or may not tolerate, clearly she underestimates you, dont even focus on her anymore, focus on you, your plans your goals, your life and how she fits in it or how she doesnt and make a decision based on your present not based on what she "might" be or if she "might" change, dont do that to yourself, it's not fair.

 

[cindylou]

It's difficult to break up with someone you've been with for a long time and you still love. I did the same thing for the exact same reason. I couldn't see myself marrying and having kids with someone that got high every day. It was hard, but it was the right thing for both of us because I was beginning to lose respect for him in my mind. Just expect that it's going to be hard. It won't feel good, but once the hard part is over you won't look back.

Now that I'm older I think I could tolerate it more if it was like, only right before bed and it was very well hidden from the kiddos...but I don't know. I have not been around it in so long.

 

[jnevin]

You can't "convince" a girlfriend or any SO to change their lifestyle. You can express concern but they're going to make subjective value judgements based on their situation.

In this case, "convince" means choke and beat.