Has anyone tried this?

[nangiggles]

there were point hat yea sex was once a month, in the last year or so it got better to like 2 maybe 4 times a month (weekly) which is really less that I want but I have a very high sex drive, when we do it he does perform quite well most of the time, but I always have to initiate and if I touch him in a sexual/intimate way out of the blue he will get angry for not "respecting his body" .... yeah it's weird... but I guess I decided to take it as is and live with it, I rather be with him with these circumstances and not with another guy who sexes me up all night every night, putting the sexual issues a side I am pretty happy with him, with the separation I thought maybe things would change but A. he told me "good luck with that" about the K&Y (he later did seem a bit more enthusiastic) B. I shouldnt really expect things to change if I truly decided to stay with him as is which I did so I am no longer expecting much when he comes here... I dont think it has much to do with me, I think he has some sort of hang up or trauma that causes this to happen, he isnt very sexual at all, no porn no toys no anal, no fantasies, sex just isnt on his mind much until I remind him at which point he'll be busy or not in the mood or jump right in.....

 

[musclemom]

there were point hat yea sex was once a month, in the last year or so it got better to like 2 maybe 4 times a month (weekly) which is really less that I want but I have a very high sex drive, when we do it he does perform quite well most of the time, but I always have to initiate and if I touch him in a sexual/intimate way out of the blue he will get angry for not "respecting his body" .... yeah it's weird... but I guess I decided to take it as is and live with it, I rather be with him with these circumstances and not with another guy who sexes me up all night every night, putting the sexual issues a side I am pretty happy with him, with the separation I thought maybe things would change but A. he told me "good luck with that" about the K&Y (he later did seem a bit more enthusiastic) B. I shouldnt really expect things to change if I truly decided to stay with him as is which I did so I am no longer expecting much when he comes here... I dont think it has much to do with me, I think he has some sort of hang up or trauma that causes this to happen, he isnt very sexual at all, no porn no toys no anal, no fantasies, sex just isnt on his mind much until I remind him at which point he'll be busy or not in the mood or jump right in.....

Generally speaking, my current husband and I are about once a weekers, too. We both react really badly to stress (unusual for a man, but it totally puts him off) so weekends and vacations are our busy times. But we're very "touchy feely" we snuggle, hug, touch, even hold hands when we're just walking around and stuff. I think if my husband ever got angry at me for just touching him out of the blue I'd be utterly devastated. Our bodies are each others spaces, if that makes sense.

I can certainly understand a man with a low drive, I can't imagine one who doesn't want to have fun at all with an adventurous partner. Usually it's men complaining their wives are too vanilla.

It does sound like he might have had something very ugly happen to him once upon a time and he won't deal with it, which is so sad, because it's an injury that continues to hurt him and is now hurting you. Perhaps someday he'll consider speaking to someone or maybe you two can work on it together in counseling if he won't go by himself.

Funny, shamanism has a ritual for just this sort of problem, it's called soul retrieval. It comes to mind because I just got a book about it not too long ago. Basically, shamans believe that when a person suffers a severe enough trauma (and what qualifies as trauma varies from person to person) a part of their soul can get broken off and lost in the lower world. It's the loss of that soul fragment that causes the person to be unable to fully recover from the traumatic experience. The woman who wrote the book is actually a therapist and uses the soul retrieval ritual in the course of therapeutic work and claims she's had good results.

I'm rambling, don't mind me, I have work to do and I'm procrastinating ...

 

[nangiggles]

and can a shaman fix him?

Last time we had "the talk" we almost broke up and he was pretty desperate to stay together i'd never seen him like that he actually suggested therapy but instead i just decided to accept him as he is and he did improve a great deal,....

He also likes sex mostly in the mornings, i guess he likes to take advantage of morning wood

 

[Underwraps]

and can a shaman fix him?

Last time we had "the talk" we almost broke up and he was pretty desperate to stay together i'd never seen him like that he actually suggested therapy but instead i just decided to accept him as he is and he did improve a great deal,....

He also likes sex mostly in the mornings, i guess he likes to take advantage of morning wood

Oh, no, you should definately get him to go to counseling while the idea is still warm! I don't have time right now to add my 2 cents from my perspective, but you can probably guess a lot of it from my stories. Tell him he can go by himself OR with you - whichever he feels is most comfortable. It is not normal and he needs to address it b/c whatever harmed him may only get worse in the future and manifest in other ways besides the low interest in sex. Let's say you have a child and if he has fears, it can affect his parenting. I'm quite severe and overly protective of my kids b/c of what I had experienced as a kid. Nothing really really bad, but enough to weird me out quite a bit for life. I think it has affected me mentally and is part of the reason why I did the things I did so easily after repression for so many years.

I accepted my sexual incompatibility (20 reasons) with my spouse until that and 80 other reasons drove me to do the things I did. I then experienced "fake love"- an illusion of what sex with someone you are truly mutually attracted to feels like and it has devastated me since. It crushed me to know that my warm contented love for my spouse was just a drizzling rain compared to the passion one is suppose to feel for someone you are in love with with all your heart mind and soul. It was not love, but it was what it SHOULD feel like. I yearn for it everyday now and am deciding if I can live with this knowledge (like I ate of the fruit of knowledge in the garden of paradise) and go back to warm consistent drizzling rain and forget all about thunder and lighting or if I should really give up on it. I'm just warning that I hope you don't find yourself in my situation 15 years later when you realize how much of being human is the sexual part of us. I discounted its importance all these years and denied that it was important as long as the comfortable contentment was there. Don't wait till your almost perimenopausal like me to flip out! LOL!

Musclemom, when you have time, I would love your 2 cents on my situation since you've been through 2 marriages and you're just a bit older so your experiences would give more weight to your opinions. But, that's another thread another day.

 

[musclemom]

and can a shaman fix him?

Last time we had "the talk" we almost broke up and he was pretty desperate to stay together i'd never seen him like that he actually suggested therapy but instead i just decided to accept him as he is and he did improve a great deal,....

He also likes sex mostly in the mornings, i guess he likes to take advantage of morning wood

He should get help. He's not going to turn into a raging sex maniac, he'll just be released from an old burden.

 

[musclemom]

Musclemom, when you have time, I would love your 2 cents on my situation since you've been through 2 marriages and you're just a bit older so your experiences would give more weight to your opinions. But, that's another thread another day.

Maybe a tiny sticking point semantically but I haven't been through two marriages, I'm in the 9th year of my second marriage quite happily.

Actually, I'm not quite sure what you want my two cents on. The fact you gave up passion for security because you have a disabled child or ??? Because I made the opposite choice once upon a time and in hindsight the only regret has ever been that we waited as long as we did to make the jump (the man I found my passion with is still my husband to this day).

While my child is not severely autistic my son was once labeled by a school district psychologist as having one of the most severe cases of ADD/ODD in the entire school district, and considering five elementary schools mitriculate into one high school, that's a pretty big district. My current's husband's daughter has Asperger's (although that was only diagnosed in the past two years, the poor kid was slapped with every label but that throughout her childhood).

If you want to take this to more detail I'll have to go to PM. I've put enough of myself publicly on these boards over the years and there's some stuff that just doesn't need to be told or re-told.

Put it this way, you and I have walked very similar paths but there came a time we were both faced with choices and I think we made different ones.

 

[nangiggles]

Interesting stuff in PM MM thx

 

[Ezekiel]

Sounds to me like your man has low test levels.. Very common problem. He should get his blood levels checked...

 

[nangiggles]

Sounds to me like your man has low test levels.. Very common problem. He should get his blood levels checked...

He got them checked in CR but they never really gave/explained the results, hopefully once here we'll do it right.... he's very unenthusiastic about other stuff like going out with friends, I've always suspected low T, will wait to see...

 

[Ezekiel]

He got them checked in CR but they never really gave/explained the results, hopefully once here we'll do it right.... he's very unenthusiastic about other stuff like going out with friends, I've always suspected low T, will wait to see...

It really does sound like low T, especially combined w/ not really wanting to do other stuff as well...

If you knew what his results were from the test in CR I could help explain them...

For what it's worth, you are an attractive lady, so I am sure it's nothing personal on his part... Purely hormonal...