Gather ye rosebuds....

[buksoon]

I originally posted this in response to KingKong's query about doing a virgin, but I want as many responses as possible so I thought I'd create new thread. Here goes:

I can not believe I'm posting this... I confess this to no one.

But I am one of these older female virgins (28). I am totally paranoid that men will find this repellent (Is she frigid? Why did no guy prior to me ever want her? Will I fit in her hole? Dude, will there be cobwebs down there?)

None of the above. I'm just shy, okay? I see a guy who is beautiful and virile and smart and funny and nice and just get fuckin' bashful, okay? Start shaking and everything.

If I'd been sexualized earlier (as a teen), I'm sure I'd be fucking up a storm now. But since I waited this long, the waiting becomes easier.

Anyway, my question is: Is this really such a turn-off? All opinions welcome, thanks.

 

[Test boy]

You will now get 50 offers to de-virginize you. I think being a virgin is cool until a girl is in her early to mid twenties. Then I would perhaps start to worry about her. You start shaking when you see these perfect men? Personally I think that is too shy. I find it very annoying when a girl is that shy. But many guys are attracted to shyness so don't worry about me. Lots of guys will think that being with a virgin is the coolest thing in the world. I prefer that a woman has had sex with at least one man whom they really cared about and at least 1 one night stand because she just could not control her passions. There are pros and cons to everything...make sure that your first experience is a good one. This board has a multitude of world class lovers accoding to my readings.

 

[orca]

It is in no way a turn off, kind of sad that you've wasted all of those good years that you could have been out there screwing up a "storm". What I think you should do is go out and find a nice little pretty boy and bounce around on him until you feel comfortable. Then you will be comfortable hooking up with real men.


later ORCA

 

[Test boy]

I sort of cringe when I read the posts encouraging people to be very promiscous. I hang out with a group at the lake. They have mostly "been around the block" about 3 too many times. Stories of child support, rampant sexuality, divorce, unwanted kids, even STDs, are very, very common. I will admit to being a big talker, I kind of have to be that way because I always seem to hang with lovers and sluts. I'm not sure why either. Guess I believe in a middle ground in the real world but it is more fun to talk big when in cyberspace. Be very thankful you have no unwanted children, STDs, divorce or other baggage in your background. Now go get laid.

 

[WombRaider]

It's not a turn off, believe me. It's a BIG turn on!! Of course, I would be happy to take you to newfound pleasures, but I also have a great amount of respect for you so I probably wouldn't be able to get it up!! (remember that dad in American Beauty?). If we were together, and you told me you were, I would have really love you to do it. Again, it's because I would have such great respect for you that if I didn't feel strongly about you I would feel like a real asshole. But Iif I did have strong feeling for you..... WATCH OUT!!! It's the greatest gift you can give a man!

 

[hardbody_jr]

Post a pick and we'll see what the deal is.

.

 

[SeXKiTTen_CanDy]

My sister was a bit like this, she was pretty shy when it came to guys, and she didn't lose her virginity until she got married, at the age of hmm 25-28 (somewhere between there), she said to me, the longer you wait the HARDER it is. I don't know.

I guess when you find the right fella, it all starts from there.

I'm so opposite to my sister.

 

[buksoon]

Wombraider, I know you meant no insult (really, thank you), but what you said: "If I found out, I wouldn't be able to get it up."

Great, what every girl longs to hear! "Babe, you make me flaccid!"

The shyness comes from doubting my powers to whip a man into a slobbering frenzy on the floor, having never done it. Why should shyness be--as the other poster said--annoying?

I'll tell you something: Once I was semi-drunk at a bar. It was my birthday, and I lived in a different state. I just grabbed the guy I was talking to and kissed him so hard ... then I fainted. I swear to Loki, norse god of mischief. Just passed out from adrenalin and lust.

Yes, yes, the idea of find a hot guy to roll around with ... me like. But most guys out there ... no offense ... are just big doofs. And if I ever was to find this wonderful guy whom I love, I'd feel like I betrayed him. I know: that makes no sense.

But please guys, keep answering. Is it a turnoff? I like the multitude of opinions.

And Hardbody, about posting my pic: Much as I'd love a parade of cyber gawkers evaluating me to "see what the problem is" (not ), I don't have a scanner, and I wouldn't do it anyway. I'm cute, though. Trust me, babe.

 

[Test boy]

Guess I need to clarify things a little. Shyness can be cute in a way but you said that you start "shaking and everything." That would be annoying to me. I can relate to the scanner problem, I have a SCSI scanner and my SCSI card freaked out on me. I've had it with computer problems so I live with it. When I tried to hook up my $1400 digital camera, everything freaked and I had to format my hard drives and start over. I think that is when my SCSI card did the meltdown. So I sit flirting with hot chics and I can't even send a pic. To make things much worse, I'm a photographer and a good looking guy...so the girls tell me. Trust me...noyone will believe you without a pic. That should help keep your virginity intact. You really don't talk like a typical virgin though.

 

[buksoon]

Shyness can be cute in a way but you said that you start "shaking and everything." That would be annoying to me. though.

You wouldn't find it *flattering*, rather than annoying? You wouldn't think: "Wow, I am making this chick shake just by standing near her." You wouldn't think it was maybe sweet, and you wouldn't anticipate how insane she'd ultimately be in bed? All that release?

And if I did decide that you were special enough to me to be that guy, you wouldn't think--as another poster said: "What a gift..."?

I guess I'm just real paranoid, and those are my "wildest fantasy" reactions. I mean, it's pretty unusual.

Keep being honest, guys. If it is a turnoff, I'd like to know your opinion why. I appreciate this.

 

[Test boy]

Huh....I've seen a few girls shake and it never occurred to me that they were excited in a good way. I figured they were cold or scared by my height (6'5") or the bulge in me trousers.

 

[buksoon]

bump -- more input, please.

No pun on me, the virgin, begging for some input.

 

[big4life]

Have you talked to your doctor about this. They
can prescribe some medicine that helps to
relax you in stressful situations.
I'm drawing a blank on the med. names right now.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, try to get
out in social situations more.
Take it in small steps, get a girlfriend or sister to go out with you so you can feel more comfortable meeting
guys.

Don't make yourself sick worrying about
what guys are going to think, you will
find that some of us are fools and
some of us are pretty good guys.

Good luck.

 

[Fa2]

Definitley not a turnoff, most guys salivate when they hear that being the horny bastard we are. Hey, if your not ready than your not ready, you've waited 28 years already, but I wouldn't mind being in your way once this "STORM" gets started...

 

[WombRaider]

buk,
Do you masturbate?

 

[buksoon]

Whew boy, how granddaddy would roll over in his grave if he knew what I was gabbing about with strangers.

Womb, your question:

On the one hand, I don't keep an illustrated copy of Sex For One on my night table! I'm more of a wriggler. Do you know what I mean by that? But I wriggle every night.

Guys,

 

[LawDawg8]

Just go for it already... You've already waited for it too long. I'm not saying to become a whore overnight or anything, but at least find someone whom you think is attractive and come on to him and let him have you. (Make sure he wears a condom). Once you get that initial experience over, a whole new world will be opened up to you. Don't make it out to be the end-all-be-all of humanity or anything, it's really just sex, so don't get your hopes up TOO much. Besides, it'll probably hurt like hell the first time. I think virgin women are highly attractive as long as there's hope that they'll give it up before too long. I don't like the way this hasn't taken a negative tone because that wasn't my intention at all - quite the contrary. Just go ahead and get it over with.... and of COURSE, post here immediately the dirty details of how it was !!!

Whew boy, how granddaddy would roll over in his grave if he knew what I was gabbing about with strangers.

Womb, your question:

On the one hand, I don't keep an illustrated copy of Sex For One on my night table! I'm more of a wriggler. Do you know what I mean by that? But I wriggle every night.

Guys,

 

[Test boy]

I think this helps confirm my suspicions. Promiscuos women really don't like men, they just screw them. A virgin on the other hand is quite likely to like and respect men. Geez...we certainly deserve it! Since you "wriggle" every night, I may be interested in helping you with your predicament. Test boy

 

[Mandinka]

Buk

Shit , I posted my long-winded reply on KingKong's thread , didn't see this one.
Testboy , I definitely agree with you , but I'd go even further , promiscuous women in my experience hate men and consider them to be "the enemy".

 

[buksoon]

My sweet Mandinka! It's a good thing you are so far away. If you were here, and I got to hear you say those things in an Irish lilt (ooooh, sweet Mary Jesus, an Irish accent!!), I'd have to pull you down on top of me ... making all of this moot.

SexKitten, it's funny: I have a sister who's the opposite of me, too. She always tells me never to go to a tropical isle, they might sacrifice me. And I always say, "this from the girl who's easier to get into than community college!!" It's kind of funny.

Thanks guys for all the opinions and insights. You didn't have to respond but you did. You rock.

Mandinka, I shall think of you whenever I eat my Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious, you know.

 

[Mandinka]

Your wellcome sista!

Thankfully we don't have that stuff (Lucky Charms) over here - oh and cabbage and corn - that's a myth too.
But if you ever would like to visit,or just shoot crap , don't hesitate...

 

[Mandinka]

P.S. I'm not so sure it's a good thing I'm so far away, I've been wriggling for a while too y'know.

 

[SleepingFist]

Not a turn off, not a turn on...just a fact.

We were all virgins once (except for my sister) so the only barrier is how you think about yourself. The sexual tyranosaurus lying deep and ready within you is a great turn on. You sound like an explosive well of sexual calisthenics and a damn fine watering hole of thrusting sexual torment and vibrancy....now I've copt a chubby...damn you woman...I can't stand!

 

[needleboy]

buksoon,

I would not be intimidated by your virginity, gut the fact that you have chosen to remain a virgin deserves to be respected. It may be the case that some guys do not respect women, and therefore are uncomfortable with you.

THe other case may be that most guys figure a woman who is a virgin at 28 may be waiting to get married, so the whole commitment issue is right there from the very beginning, and that scares them off.

I personally have declined to sleep with a girl I had just met, because she was a virgin. I didn't want to be the guy who she always remembered being her first, as a 1 night stand. I figured why be remembered as something she regretted. I knew she would regret it, she was drunk!!

We ended up being friends, and I am more happy for those memories than I would be if I had slept with her!!

 

[buksoon]

Needleboy,

I personally have declined to sleep with a girl I had just met, because she was a virgin. I didn't want to be the guy who she always remembered being her first, as a 1 night stand. I figured why be remembered as something she regretted. I knew she would regret it, she was drunk!!

[/B]

I have this weird compulsion to thank you for that, on her behalf. Did she ever thank you? I'm sure she is grateful, even if she hasn't come out and told you. It was very cool of you.

 

[needleboy]

She never said it, but I could tell. I think she had been feeling alot of peer pressure to have sex, and got drunk just to get it out of the way. At least when she thinks of me(if ever) I hope she thinks of me fondly.



So why have you decided to stay a virgin???

 

[Hotdad]

It's not a turn off. I also have passed up two different opportunities to "de-flower" ladies who were drunk. I wanted it to be what it shouod be for a women and that is very special. As far as your shyness It would not offend anyone. Most would find it attractive..to a point (don't get carried away with it). Wait, since you have already waited so long! By the way, you don't live it OK do you?

 

[TN MuscleBear]

If you really have not had sex yet because you're nervous, afraid, etc. then there could be some kind of problem/issue...
What is it you are afraid of? If it's getting involved sexually without any real feeling behind it, or bonafide love befind it...then you're not doing it because you want love surrounding the act - and that is very admirable and I can certainly respect such a decision. If it's just irrational fear and you're just used to saying no out of habit - but deep down you really want to experience sex...then you might want to work on your self esteem, self confidence, etc.

I don't necessarily see this as a problem, as long as you are clear as to your reasons.

 

[buksoon]

TN Musclebear

Actually, it's neither reasons #1 or 2.

It's closer to #1. I need for love to be involved. No separating the heart and the clit. Inseverably joined.

I would think that sex without love just might be the loneliest couple of hours (or couple of minutes, depending) of a woman's life.

But as I get older, I wonder if this is stupid. This is my analogy: I haven't found the one food that I love above all others. Does this mean I should never EAT??

I work out so hard and attend to my diet because I believe that Thoreau was right when he said: "First, be a good animal. " So, if I believe that--it stands to reason that I'm just being dumb and Puritanical for wasting myself on some fairy tale dream.

We are physical entities, after all. I once read that the "only sexual perversion is celibacy" and I had to wonder if that was not true!

Edited to add: But I guess if we were just animals, we'd still be living in trees and flinging our turds at people who pissed us off.

 

[needleboy]

buk,

First time should be special, but sex sometimes is just sex!! And damn it can be fun!!!

How close have you come to actually doing it??

 

[buksoon]

bump, because I'm interested in what some others who posted in the "wait until married" thread had to say

Needleboy: gave one guy oral on 2 occasions. He was a jerk, who had good game I guess (said all the right things), and I was young. Not fun. Even less so in retrospect!

I "rolled around" with a guy one night ... VERY fun. Too much fun. He was nice, but I wasn't in love, and had to leave. It was winter, and I had to just walk around at 3 a.m.