gals & eating disorders

[flex4life]

It seems like most of us gals have had, come close to having, or have known someone with an eating disorder. Knowing this is an issue involving 'control', a pyschological one - not a food issue, what have you said, done...or has someone else helped you with this problem? Something that made you realize the truth about it & the dangers?

There's an attractive, young girl at the gym I see heading down this road. She reminds me of ME 17 yrs ago. We've talked some...of course she denies having a problem.

So sad to lose friends, workmates, etc... to disorders. Some move away or just seem to disappear altogether. So you never know if anything you said helped or hurt them.

One girl who worked for me came back to see me after she got released from the 'eating disorder camp' her parents sent her to ($77,000 for 60 days). She was so much better... then she moved, I moved... lost track of her....so don't know if her improvement was temporary. Unfortunately, this is the ending it seems most eating disorder victims are heading for.

Others at the gym just laugh at how little this girl eats... even tease her, make jokes about how low her calories are. They do not understand.

I would love to have something... anything.... to say to 'get through' to her before it's too late.

If not too personal, please share what helped any of you. Or send a pm.

Any suggestions, anyone....please.

 

[Phemomena]

I've never had an eating disorder, i love food!!! got fat once, but that wasn't a disorder, that was me eating a pint of hagan daas cookie dough a day

basically now i just look at it like this - food is the fuel for my body, if i put nothing/garbage in, i'll get nothing/garbage out... at this point in my life i'm training to have the best body i can have, diet is at the centre of this... if i dont' eat enough (of the right foods) to sustain my activity, how will i perform and reach my goals? its really quite simple, well to me at least...

not sure if that helped at all...

 

[keiko]

I just today saw the mom of one of my 14 year old's classmates. The woman had just sent her 14 year old daughter off to a clinic for an eating disorder (finally! I've watched this little girl fade away over the last 2 years)

In the gym, she watched me heave my routine around for a while. and then later, told me that she'd love to "do weights" but doesn't want to "get big". This with a kid with anorexia!

I highly recommend the book "Stick Figure" by a woman who was anorexic as a pre-teen.

Also, Salon just had a piece about on-line sites for anorexics--but not in aid of defeating it--instead giving tips and hints! I think one is goddessana.

 

[new@gettinbig]

My advice to you...if you know someone who is anorexic it is best not to tell them "wow you are so skinny...u are wasting away etc" They feed off of that and love it! That is what they are striving to do, so do not tell them they are so skinny, that is how they want to be! I had this disorder for over 2 yrs of my life...Went through personal issues and found it was the only thing in my life i could control. Plus my modeling didnt help, i was told i needed to be thinner, always being compared to girls all over. I was 5'10 about 110 at my worst! I was literally skin and bones. There is really nothing you can say to someone. It is a strange battle that they must overcome. Its even worse if they are in denial! Taking them to hospitals, doctors, clinics, camps is all good and has good intentions but bottom line the anorexic has to WANT to get better...u cant do it for them. Its a disease of the mind and its tough to get out of the mind set, especially with how society portrays how women should look.....like the fitness mag i discussed. Sends mixed signals to young minds. I gradually put on weight, when i started training i was thin, but not near where i was when i was modeling. Since then i now weigh almost 160 when not dieting for a show...eat like a MOFO! Never would go back, never want to go back. I love size, muscle, strength and women of fit healthy bodies! I think it is sick, and I am glad i was fortunate to see the light and didnt ruin my body. I have come a long way from what i used to be...now i have people stare and make comments on my size...and ask the question why. Had a lady at the store the other day asked me why i would want to do that to my body, women are not supposed to have big muscles...she was rude, and very overweight so i said why would you want to do that to YOUR body! Im usually pretty nice, but im dieting and she was quite rude so.......but anyways....all you can do is love them and try to help, but do not feed into their disease! Do not constantly tell them you are SO THIN, SO SKINNY, anything...its what they LOVE TO HEAR!

 

[wavywoman]

good topic

Good topic to bring up...
Sometimes I wonder in the effort to start a healthier lifestyle some people begin to go totally overboard after a while and start falling down a slippery slope to an eating disorder.
Ever since I started working out/eating consciously, I haven't been able to really balance myself out and not stress too much about not working out enough or eating too much. It's scarey to look at a list of anorexia symptoms and think "yes, I have that"-- amenorrhea, fatigue, high resting pulse in the morning, low blood pressure, thinking about food too much, depression, apathy. I was walking around in a grocery store just for the fun of it yesterday-- like an old woman who has nothing better to do! On the other hand, if someone accused me of being anorexic, I'd be like "No way!". I eat over 1200kcal a day, I don't cut out all meat, or eat weird lunches like a head of lettuce just to fill my stomach, and I'm not focused on losing weight, and I'm not technically underweight. On the other hand, some days it's only 2pm and I want to take a long nap, but I know if I lie in bed I'll be thinking about dinner so much that I won't be able to sleep. Hmmm, difficult issue. I wish I could give you advice but I can't. One thing I really love about this board is that this is one of the few boards I've seen concerning fitness where the central topics don't generally concern starvation diets.

 

[flex4life]

Thank you for the helpful replies.

N@GB- you are so right... they feed off the "you're so skinny" ...and try even harder to lose more. I think I'm the only one who does not say this to her. Yrs ago, I was on a kick.."only going to lose 1 more lb..."... I '1 more lb'd' myself down to 117 at 5'9"- in denial ("oh no, I'm not anorexic, I just want to lose 1 more lb..") The scale was my daily god. I felt so proud that I could respond to a comment, 'you're getting too thin, you don't eat enough..' with (smiling) 'I only had 6 wheat thins for lunch.' Someone- thankfully saved me before it was too late. This guy showed me a pic of a skinny gal 3 yrs later... did not even recognize that it was ME! Having a love for health & real fitness, I feel like you...would never go back. Congrats on your own recovery.

Keiko- I will look for the book you mentioned...one question... if I were to give her a book/ article on anorexia, am I 'feeding' into what she is trying to accomplish? Never have mentioned the words 'anorexia, eating disorder, skinny' to her- just keep trying to get her to train with me a little and be her friend.

Thanks again.

 

[keiko]

I don't know that I actually give her the book. but maybe you could read it and I dunno, have it in your gym bag. I agree, talking about being skinny just reinformces the whole cycle.

If you're training with her, you can talk about needing to feed muscles, though, if she admires you, maybe she'll take your example?

New--that's hilarious--I'm amazed you were so restrained! Why is it that that people feel that they can say this stuff!?

 

[wavywoman]

don't say "skinny"

I agree with everyone here, telling someone who's anorexic that she's "too skinny" is definitely not a good idea! For someone with a full-fledged eating disorder, and to normal everyday people, skinny=perfect, good, enviable, beautiful. When I was getting really psychotic last summer, really trying to lose weight down to 105lbs or so, my sister used a good word to describe me: "You look so TIRED" she said. When I look back at photographs of me then, I really did look tired, bags under my eyes, not exactly hot by any stretch of the imagination. Tired was a better word, I think, because it described reality-- I was worn out, sickly, lumpy, not just "skinny".
Man, I don't envy anyone who feels the need to take on the responsibility of getting an anorexic person help! Talk about hard work, dealing with sticky issues. Sometimes I feel that eating disorders are hard for people to overcome because in a way, it's the only disorder where people get "rewarded" socially for their extreme behavior.

 

[flex4life]

Thanks again for your replies.

Keiko- been trying to get her into weight training & off the endless cardio... classic answer.."I don't want to get big." "Well, do I look too big?" She says, "No, you look good, but you weigh 142! I could never weight that much!" Then asks me what I eat..."Wow- all those calories!"

Wavy... you're right.. sticky issue. If you say the wrong things, it often backfires. Saw a bit on 60 Minutes where they showed a group of young girls a documentary of a bulemic model telling her story. Their responses shocked the interviewers... they were expecting the girls to say, "I don't want that to happen to me"... instead the girls said, "Cool! She can eat all that, launch it & still look thin!"

It's hard to just stand by, not knowing the right things to say or do... and watch another victim slip away.

 

[FitFossil]

Eating disorders are so tricky. There is so much more going on behind the scenes than just food. It's a serious life-threatening disease, but most people don't take it seriously as an actual disease, like they would something like alcoholism. People with eating disorders will deny they have a disorder, because that would be admitting they'd lost control, and CONTROL is what it's all about. They feel like they have so little control in other areas of their life, that food is they only thing they CAN control. So, they really don't want to let anyone in on their private little secret, because they think if they do, they'll lose control of that too.

To tell the truth, I really don't remember what got me to finally face it and ask for help, but that's what it took. I had to make that decision myself, but even then, it's been a recovery process of many years. The bodybuilding has been the final piece of that puzzle because it's given me a healthy way to control food and my body. Just eating 6x a day makes me feel like I'm cheating 24/7! It's a sweet victory too, because I really feel like I'm really getting away with something. Two things actually, I've conquered the disease itself, and I no longer subscribe to society's current ideal of feminine beauty.

Today was funny, that Victoria's Secret "Body by Victoria" commercial came on. The one that's black and white and shows this model stretching and reclining to some thumpy provacative music, as if her body is so sexy. I kept thinking "ewe gross - no shoulders, no abs, no definition..." and wishing they'd put someone like Anja Langer on there, not just another model whose most developed feature are her (possibly fake) breasts.