If you are always hungry/starving then that is the first problem. you are NOT getting enough food. Without enough food, you will never get the results you want. If your body is not getting the necessary nutrients from food, it is catabolize ("eat") your lean muscle mass to fuel itself. Your body will always outsmart you.
Make sure you ALWAYS eat every 3 hours or so. And make sure you get healthy fats in there too.
You have to eat to get results. Your goals, while great goals, are a little broad. Most women do NOT maintain below two digit bodt fat percentages. 8% is contest weight for many women, and that is something they do not maintain for more than a couple weeks (if that). Something like 10-14% is more reasonable and easier to maintain.
If is nearly impossible to get very low body fat percentages while gaining muscle. You have to diet two separate ways for these goals. To gain muscle, you need more food, to lose body fat, you need less. You can do the 2 simultaneously, but the results will be very slow and a long process. Not that that is bad, just know that to achieve the results you desire, you are looking at YEARS of hard work and clean eating - not months or weeks.
You diet definately could use some cleaning up (who's couldn't?
). The cereal is a lot of carbs, and very processed. Same with the bar. Eating "clean" for results and eating "healthy" are very different.
Try something like this: (these are just my thoughts)
Meal 1: Oatmeal or Cream of Wheat, 4-6 Egg Whites, 1 Whole Egg
Meal 2: Shake, almonds
Meal 3: Lean Meat, small potato or 1/2-1 cup brown rice
Meal 4: Shake if post-workout. If not post workout, Lean Meat and green veggie
Meal 5: Lean Meat and green veggie
Meal 6: (late evening, bedtime) Shake, 1 tbsp Flax Oil
Don't worry about gaining fat if you eat after 7pm. If the food is clean and you are suffiently active, your body will chew right throug the food anyway. You just have to make smart choices about later-night fare though. A protein shake or lean meat is good. Some people eat cottage cheese before bed too.
Think about how long you are sleeping - your body is going hours and hours without nutrients. How is it going to fuel all the things it does while you sleep? Catabolizing muscle tissue. Not to mention that while you are resting is when your real gains come. Muscle doesn't grow in the gym, it grows while you rest.
Why do you drink so much milk? Not that milk is necesarilly BAD, it's just that milk adds extra calories. I make my shakes with water and take a Calcium supplement. Like I said, eating to get results isn't necessarily balanced.
Make sure you have healthy fats in your diet. Don't be afraid of fat - good fats. Fat is necessary in your diet. Fat sources such as almonds, flax oil, olive oil - good sources. Almonds are good to snack on and the oils can easily be added to a shake.
Hope this helps a little. Let us know if we can help anymore!