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Divorced peeps

nangiggles

nangiggles

Team Bennettar
EF VIP
If you're up for sharing tell me your version, did you take the first step? How long did you think it through, do you regret it? Is it the best thing you ever did, do you still struggle with it, how did you bring it up...

How did you determine how much was too much and you had enough?

:worried:
Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
I don't even know what I just said.

you thinking about getting divorce for real though? things haven't changed?
 
zwhit said:
I don't even know what I just said.

you thinking about getting divorce for real though? things haven't changed?
Click to expand...

Not only are they the same but I'm tolerating him less and less, its almost like I'm getting NOTHING out of this marriage, no sex, no intimacy, no conversation, no affection, I don't know... He keeps blaming it on my attitude, says I always have to be right, I on the other hand feel like he's delighted to put me down and minimize what does matter to me.

We've developed almost a fucking parentified relationship, I keep feeling like he's my fucking dad.

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
nangiggles said:
Not only are they the same but I'm tolerating him less and less, its almost like I'm getting NOTHING out of this marriage, no sex, no intimacy, no conversation, no affection, I don't know... He keeps blaming it on my attitude, says I always have to be right, I on the other hand feel like he's delighted to put me down and minimize what does matter to me.

We've developed almost a fucking parentified relationship, I keep feeling like he's my fucking dad.

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
Click to expand...

you don't have any kids and very little shit. It is almost like breaking up with a boyfriend with those circumstances
 
billfred said:
you don't have any kids and very little shit. It is almost like breaking up with a boyfriend with those circumstances
Click to expand...

It's 7 years together in ups and downs, building a life together, its not that easy bro.

@zwhit, we went to therapy about 3 weeks ago so we both know how the other feels, we want to be together, but sometimes it feels like I'm jamming in a puzzle piece in the wrong place, it kinda works but it ain't right, the big picture comes out wrong

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
You have to ask yourself..do you really want to make it work or are you just going thru the motions bcs you invested so much time already. If its bcs of the time then you need to get out. It may hurt for awhile in the beginning but if you look at the bigger picture its all worth it.

Sent from my DROID RAZR using EliteFitness
 
nangiggles said:
It's 7 years together in ups and downs, building a life together, its not that easy bro.

@zwhit, we went to therapy about 3 weeks ago so we both know how the other feels, we want to be together, but sometimes it feels like I'm jamming in a puzzle piece in the wrong place, it kinda works but it ain't right, the big picture comes out wrong

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
Click to expand...

Yeah, I was just wondering. as long as you really gave it your best shot at making it work, what else can you do? but I'm not divorced and am happily married so I'll bow out now
 
nangiggles said:
we want to be together, but sometimes it feels like I'm jamming in a puzzle piece in the wrong place, it kinda works but it ain't right, the big picture comes out wrong
Click to expand...
this is how I feel with the same girl I've been with for 4 yrs. we just keep sticking to it. although for me it'll be fine after I get over it, for her she'll be the same although she's been crushed too many times and I wonder if it won't turn her hard as a rock.
 
oxymoron said:
this is how I feel with the same girl I've been with for 4 yrs. we just keep sticking to it. although for me it'll be fine after I get over it, for her she'll be the same although she's been crushed too many times and I wonder if it won't turn her hard as a rock.
Click to expand...

Hard as a rock?
 
fuck...

you owe it to yourself and him to give therapy your best go, with as much honesty as you can muster and acknowledge that you can't force him to be honest with himself or the the therapist
you may even have to change therapists...if at the end of it all you still look at him and think, fuck this guy then at least the therapy can refocus on how to "un-couple"

I gotta be honest though, no kids...bailing is way easier

I looked at my last divorce as the best money I ever spent
I even told him in front of the judge during one of the proceedings that if a "house was all it took to get you to go away and never come back you can have it. I consider it a worthy price"
 
I went to counseling for 2 yrs.. in the end the therapist said we needed to separate and then date one another... that was all it took that was the end..
 
The wife leaving me was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I'm loaded. She left with nothing. I even bought her a car as a parting gift. I've got our son. Even my step daughter chose to stay behind with me. Now the ex can't find a job, and can't afford a place of her own. She lives on her homo friends sofa.
 
I can't say anything, Nan, except give it all you got. Every marriage deserves that

I can tell you my parents divorce after 16 years of marriage was civil, and I'm happy they did it because I never saw my parents be affectionate with one another but now, I've never seen my dad more happy and loving with his new wife (not so new, it's been some years). So sometimes, divorce really is what's best.

Sorry you're going through this, though. :( :heart:
 
Sorry to hear nan. I'd day with no kids and if counseling doesn't help I'd move on. It takes 2 for a marriage to work. Does he know you're considering this? Have you guys talked about it?
 
Divorce sucks. The only thing I can tell you is to make sure you know that you did everything you could to make things work before you walk away. Then have him deported.
 
jnevin said:
Divorce sucks. The only thing I can tell you is to make sure you know that you did everything you could to make things work before you walk away. Then have him deported.
Click to expand...

I completely agree. You don't want to leave any room to second guess the decision. Then if you do get divorced and are in a better situation years later, it feels very good.

Filing for divorce was the best investment I've ever made. It was expensive -- and worth every nickle.
 
nangiggles said:
It's 7 years together in ups and downs, building a life together, its not that easy bro.

@zwhit, we went to therapy about 3 weeks ago so we both know how the other feels, we want to be together, but sometimes it feels like I'm jamming in a puzzle piece in the wrong place, it kinda works but it ain't right, the big picture comes out wrong

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
Click to expand...

It isn't that easy but people do it all the time with 2 or 3 kids and all kinds of houses, furnitures, cars, partnerships and trust to divide up.

Believe me, you have it much easier than you think. Throw in 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids and $10 million dollars worth of shit, and then tell me how easy your situation seems.
 
billfred said:
It isn't that easy but people do it all the time with 2 or 3 kids and all kinds of houses, furnitures, cars, partnerships and trust to divide up.

Believe me, you have it much easier than you think. Throw in 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids and $10 million dollars worth of shit, and then tell me how easy your situation seems.
Click to expand...

I'll make it easy on you and take the $10M worth of shit.
 
I just signed my prenup...learn from your mistakes :)
 
Actually, having 10 Mill makes it a lot easier than having 50k.

At some point, if you don't have to worry about standard of living after the separation, you can make a more rational decision.

Of course, spending a few weeks at the beach house or ski chalet without the spouse can be a good way to freshen up the relationship.
:)
 
billfred said:
It isn't that easy but people do it all the time with 2 or 3 kids and all kinds of houses, furnitures, cars, partnerships and trust to divide up.

Believe me, you have it much easier than you think. Throw in 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids and $10 million dollars worth of shit, and then tell me how easy your situation seems.
Click to expand...
Kill your wife?
 
I divorced my wife. High school sweethearts, ten and a half years together. 8 unhappy years for me. I had second thoughts for a couple of weeks here and there, but just made no contact with her and that helped. I've had zero regret about it. If it isn't working, it just isn't. You know deep inside what you really want, and you know intuitively if that is realistic with your current partner.

Sent from my DROID2 GLOBAL using EliteFitness
 
WoodyO said:
Nan, you should relocate to San Diego after the divorce. I'll eat your roast and your butthole.
Click to expand...

I'll eat the butt hole....I'll have to smell the roast first.

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk HD
 
billfred said:
It isn't that easy but people do it all the time with 2 or 3 kids and all kinds of houses, furnitures, cars, partnerships and trust to divide up.

Believe me, you have it much easier than you think. Throw in 25 yrs of marriage, 3 kids and $10 million dollars worth of shit, and then tell me how easy your situation seems.
Click to expand...

I don't care about the assets, I'm a hard working woman and can start all over in that sense, also our house is worth twice what we paid so that doesn't bug me, the legal/complicated part doesn't deter me, It's the fact that I desperately want this to work, I don't need him in my life, I want him in my life, but It's looking more and more like we're not what the other expected :worried:

Today he woke up and spoke to me like nothing happened yesterday(despite him walking away and leaving in the middle of ordering dinner) I guess I'll play along since I have no better idea on how to address this for now. :whatever:
Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
And if there was millions at risk you would care a lot more and don't even lie and say you would...fuck I'm so mad right now
 
Everything we have we've worked hard for and acquired together, there is no reason why I'd try to get over half of it

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
wootoom said:
Ya all women don't care about the assets until they get a lawyer LOLOL true statement right here
Click to expand...

I'm not a vengeful wacko, I can't see myself mad enough to try to take more than half, cheating, secret love child, mistress, secret Homo life, etc I guess I'd have to have it actually happen but I don't see it happening, don't have it in me, I rarely get mad.

Sent from my HTC One V using EliteFitness
 
When I was married I looked forward to time alone to relax. Now I have tons of time alone and not enough shit to do to fill that time. One thing for sure starting to date again at age 36 sucks ass. The only regret I have about the divorce is that my five year old is constantly asking when his mom is coming home.
 
WoodyO said:
When I was married I looked forward to time alone to relax. Now I have tons of time alone and not enough shit to do to fill that time. One thing for sure starting to date again at age 36 sucks ass. The only regret I have about the divorce is that my five year old is constantly asking when his mom is coming home.
Click to expand...

Yeah, Q is always asking where her mom is, and the whole "she's working sweetie" thing is losing credibility.
 
My kids always ask if I'm gonna ask mom out when she comes over...haha..glad I'm at the stage where I can be civil with my ex..never thought it would happen..makes it so much easier on the kids
 
I'm pretty civil with the ex. Our problem is night she never takes our son because she has nowhere for him to stay. She only takes him during the day, so every night he asks when she's coming home and I have to try and explain to him that this isn't her home anymore.
 
WoodyO said:
When I was married I looked forward to time alone to relax. Now I have tons of time alone and not enough shit to do to fill that time. One thing for sure starting to date again at age 36 sucks ass. The only regret I have about the divorce is that my five year old is constantly asking when his mom is coming home.
Click to expand...

All you need is the right 21 year old with some dad issues.

1) Go to a bar or club with a fairly wide age range.

2) Strike up a conversation with a 20-something year old girl.

3) If the girl starts the conversation with: "My father has been fucking me over my entire life", your answer should be: "Really? Tell me more."

4) If the girl starts the conversation with: "My father is the greatest man I've ever known", your answer should be: "It's been really nice meeting you. I'll see you around."
 
Nan, sorry you're having issues with the hubby. Its stressful when things at home aren't going well. I've been there. I dont have any advice, i just hope in the end you get the outcome thats best for you.
 
Wtf does a 36 year old say/have in common with someone that is early 20s?

How would he strike up a conversation?
 
Last edited:
Nan you have no kids, you're not religious, and have no reason to hold on to some of the idealistic ideas that others hold on to IMO.

I can't shake the way I was raised. I just can't get past it, but maybe you can. If you don't have kids maybe divorce is something you should explore without guilt.

I agree with smurf though. I'm sorry and hope you find whatever makes you happy.
 
Last edited:
cindylou said:
Nan you have no kids, you're not religious, and have no reason to hold on to some of the idealistic ideas that others hold on to IMO.

I can't shake the way I was raised. I just can't get past it, but maybe you can. If you don't have kids maybe divorce is something you should explore without guilt.

I agree with smurf though. I'm sorry and hope you find whatever makes you happy.
Click to expand...

Holy shit, passive aggressive much?
 
wootoom said:
Doesn't matter
Click to expand...

Yea it does, people grow up and mature from when they are 21-25 to mid 30's. They also are better able to figure out what they want in a person and a relationship as they get older.
 
wootoom said:
My kids always ask if I'm gonna ask mom out when she comes over...haha..glad I'm at the stage where I can be civil with my ex..never thought it would happen..makes it so much easier on the kids
Click to expand...
That's pretty good. You were torn up about it when it happened. If I remember correctly, she just left right? Not for Kak or anyone else, but just left.
 
cindylou said:
Wtf does a 36 year old say/have in common with someone that is early 20s?

How would he strike up a conversation?
Click to expand...

It's not the 20 something's you want it's the single 30-45 year olds that will fuck anything that moves shortly after starting conversation.
 
I was the one to bring it up. Then regretted it and she wouldn't change her mind. I'm sure it was for the best as we fought like cats and dogs (I still have scars, but never hit her). It was almost 5 years ago now and it haunts me still like a good dream that you were forced to wake up from. But now I have a 9 month old mini me with someone else that I could never give up.
 
cindylou said:
Wtf does a 36 year old say/have in common with someone that is early 20s?

How would he strike up a conversation?
Click to expand...

My future wife was 21 when I met her and I was 38. We had plenty in common.

But she is third-generation old guy kind of girl. She's 18 years younger than me and her mother was 16 years younger than her father and her mother's mother was 18 years younger than her grandfather as well.
 
I should have gotten in on those genetics..or training...or rich oversized peen bandwagon


regardless...I did not :(

cept the oversized peen thing, I seem to be pretty good at that part
I seem to like them completely broken and dysfunctional otherwise
 
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Actually Plunkey is right. I've only dated girls younger than me since I went separated. I went out with a girl last week that wasn't even old enough to go to the bar i recommended. Seems like all the single women are either much younger than me or in their fourties already.
 
WoodyO said:
Actually Plunkey is right. I've only dated girls younger than me since I went separated. I went out with a girl last week that wasn't even old enough to go to the bar i recommended. Seems like all the single women are either much younger than me or in their fourties already.
Click to expand...

And they're all nuts.
 
WoodyO said:
Which ones? The twenties or fourties?
Click to expand...

Both, but the twenties are more fun. For the most part, older wimmins seem to get bitter and lazy and think everything in the world is owed to them because they shit out some kids.
 
jnevin said:
Both, but the twenties are more fun. For the most part, older wimmins seem to get bitter and lazy and think everything in the world is owed to them because they shit out some kids.
Click to expand...

Damn. I was getting ready to try the MILF's too.
 
AFeedz said:
Men, on the other hand, are completely sane, and never lazy, bitter or entitled.
Click to expand...

indeed....one completely sane and nawt bitter male poster in this thread comes immediately to mind :)
 
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