Trust me man, the main reason for doing this is for her.
As good as the words sound, you can't quit FOR anybody but yourself. You can't quit for kids, family, anyone but you. Are they a motivator, yes, will they keep you from using, sorry to say, no. If they did, we'd have many more people who could get sober, but sadly that not the case. I often wondered why on airplanes the attendants told you to "place the mask over your face first, then over you childs", I thought that seemed wrong, you want you kids to survive, do them first. After some thought, if your not able to save yourself first, you may not be able to even put the damn thing on them to save them. You have to save yourself first, then they automatically will be OK if you are.
It's hard to have fun with her because everytime we played with her, we were in a great mood. That's the psychological part of this shit. Trying to convince myself that the same things can be just as fun sober as they are high..
That's normal, some things aren't as fun. period. end of story. I'll give you a personal example. concerts for me. Some activities act as triggers and have to be avoided anyway, at least for a period of time. Fishing was that way for me, and it was hard to listen to certain songs, etc, but it gets ok.
The problem with that is I'm a realist. You can't sit there and tell me that doing things high isn't more fun than doing it sober. It just isn't possible chemically. The drugs make the brain flood the body with serotonin and whatever other feel good hormones thus making whatever experience that much better.
OK, MR. Realist, your exactly right, they are not as fun. How much fun is it puking, shiting, crying, puking, sweating, crying, sweating, shitting, puking, and doing all that all over again. When the pain exceeds the pleasure, you'll not worry about the little things like what's fun and what isn't. You'll be willing to go to any lengths to find serinity, inner calm, peace.
Even though that may be the case, I would still rather try to at least be content while doing things. Then eventually I'll forget about the pills being more fun and I'll just consider it fun. Well that's the idealist way of looking at it. I hope it comes true though
You forget the pills you'll use agian I can promise you that, with 100% accuracy. You HAVE to remember the pills, I didn't say obsess on them, the key is to remeber them and not dwell on them, to move past them, but NEVER forgetting. You'll have the stinkin thinkin that comes in time, maybe just 1, amybe just this much won't hurt, all that kind of shit, it creaps into your head w/o you noticing. Then I want you to rememver your worst days, the pain, the depression, not the good times out partying and dancing, the times where death would have been easier, those times.
Can life be fun again, absolutely. Will it be like you remember it, never again. And IMO, I'll take this over that anyday.....anyday.
I'll have a birthday God willing on the 3rd of Oct, 7:00 AM, 8 years clean and sober, friend of Bill
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