Best Sex Story Ever Told

[Phriend]

I force the stool back into her colon with a hot cattle prod while scraping the skin off of her back with a broken bottle of rootbeer. Ketchup drips from my stubbly face onto my new hanes white crew neck undershirt and i smell like rotting onions. i suddenly wake up only to find that these horrible dreams that i had were from watching old video tapes of my dad beating the crap out of my 4th grade baseball coach/mother. my mother has a glass of water to my lips before i can fully open my eyes or ask for one. she says that i looked thirsty in my sleep and she didn't want to wake me while she was getting me a drink. it isn't a normal glass though. it is a 10 gallon fish tank of boiling oil and fishheads. ...my favorite. it's good to be home, mom always remembers the little things. she always angelicaly tells me to stay calm in situations like this, my mother always had a way of making the pain go away, as my lips burned from the boiling fish oil, my mothers soothing voice overpowered the pain "look at my my boy, youw ill be okay" as these words flowed out of her mouth like shit out of a doves ass, her eyes twinkled behind her head started to glow. "just like on that television show" i thought. but it turned out dad set her hair on fire, but i'm embarrassed of my morning wood and try to casually shift myself so my mother doesn't notice. dad was prone to do such things. once he killed our cat because Dad said it looked at him "kinda funny." Mother probably deserved it though in all honsety. She had been seen late nights with the local bread delivery boy, apparently she had been receiving a free loaf, if you catch my drift...despite mother's infidelities pater loved her still. his inclination toward arson stemmed, however, from his rage induced by her double-postings on the asd message board. justice had been served. after mother put out the inferno that her head had been engulfed by, she began to...slowly undress. Her movements were slow, her manner calm. I was wilting underneath those hot rays most men would call eyes. As her blouse became unbuttoned, i was shocked to see...my brother making shadow puppets on the wall. he was being so childish. he never used to be so distant when mother would help us with our studies. mother reprimanded him for being unattentive. how would he ever learn where a sternum was if he was busying himself elsewhere. i don't know why i hadn't anticipated this. the doctors had been warning my parents and i for months that...the end of the world was near. my parents chose to not take heed of the fair warnings and continue living their lives as they normally did. the millions of dollars they had in the bank remained untouched as the brothel rooms across from mine continued to be a lucrative venture. a sillouhette rose from over my brother's shadow puppets, it was Misty, the queen of the whores in my house. She looked alarmed, and slowly said..."i'm only 14 but i taste as good as the older whores". I was aroused by this comment, very aroused. I knew our time on this planent was short so I figured there would be no harm in ravaging this little slut like she was the space in between my couch cushins. Just before completion a strange light appeared outside the window....it was **** burying up the corpse of jean benet ramsey that he had in backyard since 1999. oh how he loved that corpse. he used to dress it up in hockey pads, style its hair, and then show everyone his magic trick of making his cock disappear with a little help from ms. ramsey. oh how his mom would scream as she masturbated with a tire iron and continue asking for whippings from her husband who was decked out in the black, latex, cat woman dominatrix outfit with matching stilleto heels....which he would often step on the scrotums and breasts of willing patrons with. His famous spike heel mammography technique drew crowds of sex starved middle aged perverts with a hunger for sex organs to be beaten into useless tentacles of fat and shattered bone. little developing girls that were frightened of growing buds on their chests would call **** and mr ramsey up to stomp on them stop the mammary growth. it would kill their breasts along with their fears of growing up. It reminded him of his friend ***** ******** sewing the Smart family's vaginas shut back in the famous summer of 98 when......he had watched his mother being raped at gunpoint for the first time. What began as an opium-induced game of "Russian Roulette" had devolved into an orgy of blood and oral sex, all in front of his poor virgin eyes. As the brutish, loud-mouthed patrons of the co-located brothel forced themselves upon the woman who "brought him into the world", The only remmaining chance was to grab the 1911 .45 ACP semi-automatic pistol and to make a play. Images of the black-and-white "undead" so often viewed on late night television flickered within his head, long enough for him to close his eyes and squeeze off the first shot, which hit its mark directly on the bridge of the first mans face. Everything was much easier after the first shot...the bullets caught each of the assailents by surprise. no matter how ready for the shot they thought they were, they didn't expect such an awful and violent death. faces exploding like a hammer into watermelons. mrs **** was thankful and ran to her son for comfort and thanks. he hugged her and told her to breathe in order to come out of her state of hysteria. "calm down mom, and hold my stiff and bloodied penis in your mouth", *** demanded like it was her medecine for the experience she just endured. bloody pieces of flesh and bone dripped down ***'s naked body like milk flowing down a stripper as his mother went down on him. his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his grip tightened on the gun. just then ***'s flashback went back to reality, which in turn snapped ****'s flashback into reality. Pink's new song was blaring on the radio as he was rubbing one out with 3rd degree burns all over his body. Just then he remembered, it was Christmas day....and it reminded him that he still had those smallpox laced teddy bears he had to drop off at the reservation for one final 'fuck you' to the 'native americans'. while stuffing the trunk of his brown 1984 el camino full of the authentic , and yet hazardous, american gifts for the tribe's children, he noticed some pinkish red spots on the windshield where some of *****'s semen and blood had accumulated, and thought to himself, "i wonder if matthew shepherd still gets buttfucked in hell." upon getting into his car, he greets a bound and gagged, emaciated ******* ***** that has been lying in the back seat for nearly two weeks. a bit shocked that ***** still has a pulse, **** quickly realizes that the ejaculate of the hardened men outside of the aids clinic has been *****'s sustenance and life force for the past 14 days. suddenly, **** hops into the backseat and proceeds to tongue *****'s open wounds and spit the encrusted blood and semen into *****'s face as he hisses, "and you still have hell to look forward too.." and at that moment, a bright orange light...bursted out of his eyes and his head snapped backwards while his muscles tensed. pain shot throughout every vein in his body as his skin dried out and the glowing hot beams combusted everything they touched. thrashing around in the open field, screaming the lords name, surrounded by the mysterous woods now engulfed in flames, *******' body started to crack. the beams of light made themselves down his face and through his torso. "oh my, cell division" gurgled *****. ****'s skin peeled back to the beats of *****'s screams in the el camino. you could see movement through the light and as the shedding dropped to the earth, the reptile emerged, sporting a human penootza. yes thats right a human penootza. reptile **** and his nootza paraded around dancing and whistling the tune of the ice cream man. children gathered around the giant man cock yelling for fudgsicles and popsicles, and all those hot screwballs. And the giant man cock had a mind of its own. With all the child attention and kindness the man cock screamed and breathed fire. Flames where released in short bursts and scaring the little children's hearts of gold with terror and fire semen.....and then.... just like the time **** and his father went ass to ass with the 24" double-headed, king dong dildo. the father-child sodomy and prostate milking lasted for what seemed to be hours and was only interupted from the occasional pistol whippings the two would recieve from the onlookers that has congregated on ****'s front lawn. their planet hollywod t-shirts were soaked through with sweat that was dripping from their unkept mullets, as a pool of blood and feces was growing ever so larger underneath the two. this seemed to be as routine as a black man killing a white girl after his 'forced love' with her had ended. it was sorta like the time...when jesus was born. there was fire and blood and semen everywhere. but back to dino-**** and the punisher. neither have emotions, and dino-****, upon looking into the large blue eyes of the punisher, remembered that he is dead from the chest down. quickly, his mancock fell to the ground and turned to radioactive dust. the punisher could not control himself after witnessing this. whipping out his 2 inches of hard dick, he fucked dino-**** in every hole he could, even making a few more with bullets. after dino-**** was completely saturated with punisher semen, he began to whistle "brimful of asha" by cornershop. the punisher got so pissed that...he grabbed his new bitch sidekick, ponyboy, and began to mercilessly hammer baseballs into his ass. ponyboy enjoyed the tickle in his anus and proceeded to cook the punisher some pancakes, toast, and 2 sunny side up eggs. he knew all about the punishers needs and wants to every extreme. he then ordered some clean hot 17 year old girls to have sex with the punisher while he cried his eyes out over how lucky they were to have such a man. it was then that the dino-dick say up and began to talk. it had fresh breathe from chewing on polar ice extra gym and wished to say a thing or two about the situation. it gathered up a big gasp of air and began his tirade...on how he wants to bullet fuck some sluts in the catholic church like that motherfucker named...

 

[satanic goatslayer]

I liked that very much. Thank you, Phriend.

I especially enjoyed the part about dressing the corpse up in hockey pads.

 

[Doktor Bollix]

I preferred the movie.