AMATEUR PSYCHOLOGISTS....analyze this DATING story

[jh1]

The fact that you mention the cost of a date or dinner... I could have guessed you would before reading the post.

 

[bran987]

you gave her the truth about herself, named that which she is insecure about inside but never admits, insulted her, and didn't back down when she challenged it.

women find that irresistable and the change in attitude was a consequence. it sounds like you're a little bored and just having fun going back and forth with her though.

 

[john937]

Hi!
I knew the date had gone pretty poorly. I was sure she felt likewise. We talk the next day on IM, and she tells me she "didn't really have a good time" and "isn't sure if she's romantically attracted to me".
.

I don't understand why it didn't just end right there.

 

[Kroliczek]

I don't understand why it didn't just end right there.

Exactamundo.

 

[Werd]

She's fucking pyscho, beat feet.

Could you please tell me why a guy like you would have even given this woman a second thought after the first date?

Darlin' you need to raise your standards.

 

[Forge]

Darlin' you need to raise your standards.

LOL! I never thought I'd hear someone say that MTS has to raise his standards with women! Is that even possible?

 

[Werd]

Just because he SAYS he has certain standards when choosing the women he spends his time getting to know, it seems that his ACTIONS demonstrate otherwise.

(Forgive my obvious grammatical blunders.... I honestly have a ton of shtuff jumbling my head these days and I really dont care to even attempt to fix them. I think you all know what it is that I am driving at.)

 

[wutangnomo]

lmao

With all due respect Matt, you come off sounding like a pretty arrogant jerk in your IM exchange. (No offense lol).

Firstly, YOU are the one who asked her out on a second date, only later to drop her right before actually going out on that date. So you ask her out again to which she agrees, insult her, then drop her. Who's the one playing games now? The way it seems is that you KNEW you two were not compatible after the first date, why bother asking her out again if you weren't going to follow through with it?

Secondly, you could have spent $12 or $1200 on your first date, but what does that matter? Do you think that spending a certain amount on a date entails the woman to fall head over heels with you?

Thirdly, you flat out insulted her by insinuating that she lives a meaningless life and is not happy. How could you possibly know that about her? Do you know every aspect of her life? She may not lead the type of life that YOU lead, but that does not mean she is not happy or does not have any meaning. Moreover, if you feel you did not insult her then why did you later send her an email APOLOGIZING?

The way she acted afterwards is a pretty common reaction. Someone gets fired from a job and claims they were going to quit anyway. Someone gets cut from a team and claims they didn't try hard enough, etc etc. When she asked for a "fresh start" perhaps all she meant by that was that she just wanted to get back on good terms on a friendship level. Her IM'ing you telling about her drunken fests is nothing more then her being friendly.

If she knows about your money situation then she may be interested in that part of you, which is why she continues to hang around. Lets face it, if you were some poor honkey she would be long gone. She is also trying to validate herself as well, as Jersey mentioned.

Overall though, you gave a lot of mixed signals and come off sounding pretty cruel. Your friend told you she was a partier from the get-go, so did you honestly not know the type of person you were getting into a date with? What did you expect eh? Come on now Matt, we all know you were well aware of the type of woman she is. I'm thinking you enjoy the challenge and power of charming women over with your ... What's wrong with you Matt?

ps... My advice is to never get involved with a divorced woman. Too many fuckin issues with divorced women. That was your first mistake.

Hi!

A few weeks ago i was introduced to a 29 year old woman by a friend of mine. We "had a lot in common", and she thought we might do well together. This is a friend I trust, and she was introducing me to a co-worker. She tells me this woman is divorced with no kids.

My friend told me this woman likes to go out, have fun, parties, goes to football games etc. Not exactly the mother of my kids, but could be fun / a friend / f-buddy whatever.

So I ask this woman out, and we agree to have dinner last Tuesday. We went out to dinner, which was about 2 and half hours, cost about $120, etc. She was a "7" on a 1 to 10 scale. I asked if she wanted to have a drink afterward, but she declined, citing work the next morning. I kissed her good night (no sparks) and dropped her off.

I knew the date had gone pretty poorly. I was sure she felt likewise. We talk the next day on IM, and she tells me she "didn't really have a good time" and "isn't sure if she's romantically attracted to me".

Fine cool whatever other stuff to do.

For the rest of the week, we chat maybe 10 mins a day on IM, but it's just casual chat. I went to NY over the weekend, and she called me in NY. We talked for about an hour, and I told her that "a mid week date is sometimes not the best way to meet someone - let's go out one more time, and if it sucks, we'll stop. If it's cool. we'll go from there". She told me about going out partying over the weekend, how drunk she was on Saturday, etc etc. (Great!!)

Anyway, she agreed to another date and suggested we go to an orlando magic game. Cool, easy, basketball, brainless etc. The game we were supposed to go to, was tonight.

Yesterday I was chatting with her on IM and it went about like this (forgive me, I lack Lestat's gift for cutting and pasting IMs.)

Matt: I don't think we should go out again
her: why? Why do you feel that way?
Matt: i feel like you're a 30 year old bar girl and I don't think that is what I am looking for. The way you act is incompatible with what I want.
her: How do I "act?"
Matt: Like a college girl. Like college was the last time you were happy and you want to stay there.

her: Whatever. I love my life.
Matt: Cool. That's great, i am happy for you. But I can't get along with that.
her: Single people go out. That's what they do. it's normal.
Matt: Living a meaningless life that impacts no one and nothing is normal too.
Her: Whatever.
Her: When I go out I see people 21-50.
Matt: yes. what you do is perfectly normal. And perfectly normal is not what I want out of life.

her: I already told you I wasn't that interested in you.
Matt: And now we know why. We see the world differently.
her: I am perfectly happy. I love my job, my roommates, my friends etc.
matt: Good. I am happy for you. I am not upset, and i don't want you to change.


That was about it. I didn't insult or anything. Later that day I apologized to her on email. I told her in the email i will not contact you again.

Today she emails me and says she wants to make "a fresh start", and that she was "not interested in me romantically right now", but she'd like to stay friends. Then later on, she IMs me. On IM, she tells me that "she was out until 4 last night at her friend's birthday party, and her roommate puked in her car...but she was afraid to tell me all of this because I would think she's stupid" (Like I care....people are so nuts)


I told her my I-Pod was fucking up my computer, and she said "They don't get along like we don't get along, I guess". WTF??

And she proceeds to chat for a while about how she wishes we were going to the game tonight, and how I need to send her pics from NY, how I should get her something when I go to St. Maarten, etc. she also asked if i would be in tallahassee this weekend for the FSU game.

What the fuck is wrong with her?

(1) desperate
(2) wants to date but doesn't know how to say it
(3) abused child
(4) stone cold clueless
(5) recognized there was some truth to what I was saying
(6) playing games with me
(7) other

You tell me. i have no idea.

 

[Lestat]

I think you were a little harsh with your criticisms, you could have said you are not romantically interested, and left it at that. Why bother with the true reasons, you barely know her and owe her nothing.

She's not your type, it happens, more often then not I'm sure, just move on without disrupting her life or yours.

 

[velvett]

Just because he SAYS he has certain standards when choosing the women he spends his time getting to know, it seems that his ACTIONS demonstrate otherwise.

I have to agree with this and in Matt's defense this date was well suggested by a friend - then again you do seem to attract a certain kind.