Regarding "true love" relationships ... I can't applaud you enough for having so much personal insight, seriously. And take it as I'm saying it, very intellectual people who are very interested in serious spiritual pursuits by their very nature get very ... self involved. It's not so much selfishness as their heads are so wrapped up with the "up there" and ether, if that makes sense. Think of all the time doctors and priests devote to their calling, same thing.
That's why I could never be a truly serious spiritual scholar, I'm way too involved with sensuality, in general, and my relationship in particular.