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Help! - Married at Home Love at Work???

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fakename

New member
You guys always given me good advice so here goes.

I'm 30, been married for 3 years (same woman from college 10 years ago). My wife is beautiful, puts up with my shit, and doesn't have an enemy in the world.

I am immature, get a lot of attention from women, and have a habit of never being home. I'm either at work, at the gym, or out with co-workers.

I love my wife and want to do nothing that could even come close to hurting her.

Now here comes the bad part. I started working here 2.5 years ago. First day in I meet this beautiful girl who is a couple years younger than me. We became great friends off the bat. 2.5 years go by and everyday I think to myself that I am obsessed with her (but i am married and she is engaged). A month ago it all came out. She told me that she thinks about me 24 hrs. a day just like i had been with her.

Nothing physical has happened, we have just told each other how we feel.

This weekend she decided to break up with her fiance and he guessed me immediately.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I have this beautiful, kind woman at home but all I can think about is the one I work with. I feel like a total piece of shit and that I need to make a choice quickly. Not sure I should even be married at this point....

Thanks for any advice you guys have...
 
This is something only u can sort out.... think about it long and hard, what makes her better than ur wife, do u have kids? is she worth ending it with ur spouse?
 
No kids, thank God. But we have a lot of history and she's got a great heart. What makes the new one better? Better looking, more fun, same interests, same personality as me, and probably wants to have sex more than once a month (part of my issue with my wife).
 
fakename said:
No kids, thank God. But we have a lot of history and she's got a great heart. What makes the new one better? Better looking, more fun, same interests, same personality as me, and probably wants to have sex more than once a month (part of my issue with my wife).
Click to expand...

Then I can't be helpful as per advice, I'm on the same boat as you with the once a month sex :worried: saying stay or leave would be vey subjective since I myself don't know how to handle it....

I can ony tell you one thing: life is about being happy, doing what makes you happy (without hurting others of course) if you are no longer happy in ur marriage and see the possibility of happiness knocking you might wanna open the door

Dont fear hurting/losing ur spouse if staying hurts you, and dont fear not going with te other girls because she dumper her fiancee, that's her doing and her life....
 
nangiggles said:
Then I can't be helpful as per advice, I'm on the same boat as you with the once a month sex :worried: saying stay or leave would be vey subjective since I myself don't know how to handle it....

I can ony tell you one thing: life is about being happy, doing what makes you happy (without hurting others of course) if you are no longer happy in ur marriage and see the possibility of happiness knocking you might wanna open the door

Dont fear hurting/losing ur spouse if staying hurts you, and dont fear not going with te other girls because she dumper her fiancee, that's her doing and her life....
Click to expand...

I'm with you, man. It just hurts me so much to hurt my wife. Love her as a person with all of my heart.

As for her dumping her fiance - I didnt ask her to do that - that's her choice.
 
The new girl may seem better just because its something new - if you ended up leaving your wife for her - this new girl can turn into the same thing as what you have now years down the road or even dump you when she gets bored and finds a new office guy to mess with...
You're married. you made a commitment - come on..
 
Yeah I agree... she may not be all that she's cracked up to be. You don't know all of her quirks.... things that might irritate you... with your wife you know them... and you accept them because you love her. Sounds to me like you're physically married to one woman and emotionally married to another. You've allowed this woman at work to replace a part of your wife's duties.... you probably talk to her about things, confide in her.... that's definitely not fair to your wife and actually an emotional affair to a lot of women is far worse than a physical one. If you're not meant to be with your wife then the split has to be because you two are not compatible... not because of another woman. What will happen if you left your wife... the expenses incurred in a divorce... where will you live? Do you want to work with your new partner? What if you have a fight at work? What if you broke up? You need to ask yourself a lot of questions... I don't think what you're doing is fair. You cannot have both and if you make the wrong decision you may end up alone.
 
I have had many opportunities to go the more now and exciting route as well. The thing I do everytime I come to these crossroads is sit and thing of one and only thing and it becomes clear.
Is there anyone else I could see spending the later years of my life or is see the one I want to grow old with. In my case it's always the same. I can't that's how I chose.
Sorry if there is any misspellings I don't have my glasse on.
 
Dude. You have a major issue: Sex. Sex is something that we NEED, just like eating every day. Just like taking a shit every day. However, you cannot make a decision to get out of something just because something else came up. I mean, you can do it, but is immature and not smart. You need first to communicate this problem to your wife, and make her aware of how much are you hurt in that relationship by dealing with that every day. After dealing with the same problem for a while, your feelings towards her will change and then you have to make a decision. not based just on the present, but also thinking about the future.
 
dude come on I'm with everybody else here its the classic my dick wants to get wet syndrome, it always seems better because you have not really had to deal with the office chicks bull**** for ten years so of course it might seem so shiny and great! I think you want to here this because it re-enforces what you already know (to stay with your 100% proven wife)--- otherwise you would have have physical intercourse with the office chick I dont know your age is but I'm 21 and I have lived with my girlfriend (shes a fuckin 10 every dick tries to talk to her, cars honk when we walk down the road, and women also try to pick her up) on our own since we were both 18 and yeah sometimes I see beautiful women at school ,work ,on the road whatever and it all comes down to this if I was sick as hell and not on top of my game would they even help me out like she has or be there through the rough times--- F*** no woman are the same as men --- women think shits greener because we only show the good side when we try to pick them up or have interest in them! Think bout it like Im sure you have already its a bad economy but--- (maybe your rich) take your wife on a vacation and i bet you will find a new spark and if not let her go for yourself not because the ass on the other side of the fence! not wanting to be harsh just keep it real for you from my perspective granted I only no 2% of your actual situation Take care!
 
Quick question..... did the "No sex" start around the time you met this new girl (couple years back)? sometimes there is a relation....
 
Just bang the new girl and get it over with, its just a matter of time. Then go home and have great sex with your wife and keep your mouth shut. Either way that chick at the office is going to hate you and either you or her will quit! Think with your mind not your dick. Have you tried counceling?
 
Double the ass. Quiet your fucking bitching and be a man and hit both them hoes while you can. Maybe you can even swing yourself a 3some out of this deal, SWEET. Pics or video if this goes down.
 
Thanks for the great advice everyone. To answer your question, the sex issue started years ago. Its always been a point of contention for us. Probably the only one.

The more i try to step back from the lust of it all, you're all right. It's new, she's hot, she's giving me attention, my ego likes it and doesn't want to let it go.

Starting to think that there is something wrong with me. I am obsessed with getting what i can't have, lose interest when i succeed, and then obsess when i can't have it again.

disgusting cycle...
 
fakename said:
You guys always given me good advice so here goes.

I'm 30, been married for 3 years (same woman from college 10 years ago). My wife is beautiful, puts up with my shit, and doesn't have an enemy in the world.

I am immature, get a lot of attention from women, and have a habit of never being home. I'm either at work, at the gym, or out with co-workers.

I love my wife and want to do nothing that could even come close to hurting her.

Now here comes the bad part. I started working here 2.5 years ago. First day in I meet this beautiful girl who is a couple years younger than me. We became great friends off the bat. 2.5 years go by and everyday I think to myself that I am obsessed with her (but i am married and she is engaged). A month ago it all came out. She told me that she thinks about me 24 hrs. a day just like i had been with her.

Nothing physical has happened, we have just told each other how we feel.

This weekend she decided to break up with her fiance and he guessed me immediately.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I have this beautiful, kind woman at home but all I can think about is the one I work with. I feel like a total piece of shit and that I need to make a choice quickly. Not sure I should even be married at this point....

Thanks for any advice you guys have...
Click to expand...

I haven't read anyone's responses and I don't need to. Your situation is absolutely normal, love is played out by society that it should be for one partner, yet when you have 3 kids, you love them all, right? We biologically want what we can't have, and when we have it we don't want it as much and want to move on to the next thing. I believe that you can find a partner that you want to be with for the rest of your life, and later, not in the beginning, still lust for other partners, but the choice is yours my friend. You have what appears to be a great wife, if she is up to standards, then don't get rid of her for something new, thats not fair to her, and this could pass. If you are comitted to this relationship then by all means DO NOT CHEAT! If you must be with this other woman, you must tell your wife. I'm to young to be married, and though I am seeing only one girl now, it is not unusual for me to be dating 2-3 girls at a time, but they know that we aren't exclusive, when in an exclusive relationship, which marriage is, normally, I do not suggest cheating.

I can't tell you how you feel, you have to think long and hard, it appears that you still love the woman you are married too, don't confuse lust for love, but at the same time don't fear lonliness or lack of sex, if that is what keeps you in a marriage.
 
Well, whatever you do, for crying out loud don't have an affair. You'll hate yourself and if your wife finds out, she'll hate you and the trust is shot.

You only have one of two choices: Either get out of your marriage or fix your marriage. Don't tell me your marriage is good, if you're tempted, then you're not "in love" with your wife, no matter how much friendship/respect/devotion you may feel for her. I don't believe you can be completely happy in a relationship and be seriously tempted by forbidden fruit.

Get counseling/medical help for the sex issue, or file for divorce and have fun with the office girl.

Lack of sex will do the relationship in sooner or later, seriously. Or eventually your balls will just shrivel up and you won't care anymore.
 
Just speak with your wife about your ( dick's ) situation and get it sorted bro. If she agrees to lettin ya pound her atleast a couple of days a week, go for it and tell the wench at the office to fuck off and if she doesn't, go ahead with the new found pussy you're about to make mince meat of anyway. Just don't cheat on her, cos...thats bad karma bro...

and trust me, bad karma is AVOIDABLE...
 
fakename said:
No kids, thank God. But we have a lot of history and she's got a great heart. What makes the new one better? Better looking, more fun, same interests, same personality as me, and probably wants to have sex more than once a month (part of my issue with my wife).
Click to expand...

WOAH!!! I should have read the rest of the board before I posted.... Sex once a month is a huge problem! Sex once a week would be a problem, especially since you don't have kids! This blows my mind, how do you guys not have sex? Like, you come home and watch TV, then go to bed? Come home and look at her, start kissing her, start rubbing her, standard procedure my friend. Do you guys never see each other?
 
We are all human, but we have animalistic instincts.... maybe she thinks you're cheating on her or do not love her anymore... hence the no sex. Her lack of intimacy with you may be because of you..... if that's the case it's you who needs to fix the root of the problem, not her, and not this other girl. Communication is key.... we're all waiting patiently for her response here...
 
why a hetero man would want more than one woman in his life is beyond me..... :lmao:
 
So I tried to start the conversation with my wife about what i feel like is missing in our relationship. she immediately went to tears (which kills me) and just didnt understand.

Office girl says that she has never been so upset in her life to hear how upset my wife is and how upset her fiance is. She says she doesnt know if she hurt these people this way and that maybe we should just do whatever makes everyone else most happy.

Then of course she texted me this weekend saying how much she mosses me and how much she wishes there was a way she wishes that this could work.

My wife has gone from sad to happy to totally angry the past few days. I probably havent helped the anger since i have been acting pretty stand-off-ish given the stress of the situation.

As far the sex life is concerned - it has been this way for years. We have talked about it over and over again and she says it will change and it only does for about 2 weeks. Then back to usual.

Yes, we are 28 and 30 years old and come home, watch tv, and go to bed. Unless if its a saturday night and she's drunk. it's not happening.
 
fakename said:
So I tried to start the conversation with my wife about what i feel like is missing in our relationship. she immediately went to tears (which kills me) and just didnt understand.

Office girl says that she has never been so upset in her life to hear how upset my wife is and how upset her fiance is. She says she doesnt know if she hurt these people this way and that maybe we should just do whatever makes everyone else most happy.

Then of course she texted me this weekend saying how much she mosses me and how much she wishes there was a way she wishes that this could work.

My wife has gone from sad to happy to totally angry the past few days. I probably havent helped the anger since i have been acting pretty stand-off-ish given the stress of the situation.

As far the sex life is concerned - it has been this way for years. We have talked about it over and over again and she says it will change and it only does for about 2 weeks. Then back to usual.

Yes, we are 28 and 30 years old and come home, watch tv, and go to bed. Unless if its a saturday night and she's drunk. it's not happening.
Click to expand...

Im stumped!
 
TheMsGuns said:
Im stumped!
Click to expand...

Me too, me too...

I am just freaking scared to be alone for the rest of my life. Or worse yet, the creepy old guy trying to find someone.

Oh, one more thing. Aside from hurting people, etc. Office girl also says that she is terrified of hurting me and things not going well for us after i have uprooted my life. I dont get it, nothing in life is guaranteed.
 
fakename said:
Me too, me too...

I am just freaking scared to be alone for the rest of my life. Or worse yet, the creepy old guy trying to find someone.

Oh, one more thing. Aside from hurting people, etc. Office girl also says that she is terrified of hurting me and things not going well for us after i have uprooted my life. I dont get it, nothing in life is guaranteed.
Click to expand...

True, so why do you think you will be alone for the rest of your life.
You have a wife and the gurl at the office who think you are interesting, so dont be so down on yourself.
 
Rather then listen to us (who aren't really in your position), when not get a counselor to talk it through? They'll be alot closer and would be more equipped to help out, no? BTW, pictures of both women?!
 
fakename said:
Me too, me too...

I am just freaking scared to be alone for the rest of my life. Or worse yet, the creepy old guy trying to find someone.

Oh, one more thing. Aside from hurting people, etc. Office girl also says that she is terrified of hurting me and things not going well for us after i have uprooted my life. I dont get it, nothing in life is guaranteed.
Click to expand...
I knew this was your fear, I could tell... its the only reason nonsexual relationships draw out longer than they are supposed to, especially when someone feels this way. If this is the reason you are staying with her, you MUST leave. These are my opinions, I haven't been married, but from what I've experienced through long term relationships and from what I've heard this seems to be the case with a lot of couples. Its leave or fix it... but getting back to my usual cocky sexual self... go in there grab her hair, rip off her shirt and suck on a tit, make it so close to rape it scares the shit out of her, drag her up to your bed throwing her against a wall a few times along the way making out with her hard, then throw her on the bed, then destroy... seriously, this might save your relationship.
 
fakename said:
So I tried to start the conversation with my wife about what i feel like is missing in our relationship. she immediately went to tears (which kills me) and just didnt understand.

Office girl says that she has never been so upset in her life to hear how upset my wife is and how upset her fiance is. She says she doesnt know if she hurt these people this way and that maybe we should just do whatever makes everyone else most happy.

Then of course she texted me this weekend saying how much she mosses me and how much she wishes there was a way she wishes that this could work.

My wife has gone from sad to happy to totally angry the past few days. I probably havent helped the anger since i have been acting pretty stand-off-ish given the stress of the situation.

As far the sex life is concerned - it has been this way for years. We have talked about it over and over again and she says it will change and it only does for about 2 weeks. Then back to usual.

Yes, we are 28 and 30 years old and come home, watch tv, and go to bed. Unless if its a saturday night and she's drunk. it's not happening.
Click to expand...

They aways try to change but they can't it's not in them, they work different... as I mentioned I am in the same boat as you, I've ben "sex strved" for months and I get how you feel, personally I have made peace with the fact I'm probably gotta have sex just once a month... am I happy about it? do I like it? of course not, I'd have sex every day but my partner is not like that, dont even think of the office chick, concentrate on your wife and your current issues, and think to yourself "if this is the way it's gonna be, if I'm gonna have sex just once a month or less often than that, do I still wat to stay?" THAT kind sir is what you need to figure out.... I used to post here and it made me feel better but sometmes made me feel worse...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlclashing

Good luck sweetie :)
 
fakename said:
You guys always given me good advice so here goes.

I'm 30, been married for 3 years (same woman from college 10 years ago). My wife is beautiful, puts up with my shit, and doesn't have an enemy in the world.

I am immature, get a lot of attention from women, and have a habit of never being home. I'm either at work, at the gym, or out with co-workers.

I love my wife and want to do nothing that could even come close to hurting her.

Now here comes the bad part. I started working here 2.5 years ago. First day in I meet this beautiful girl who is a couple years younger than me. We became great friends off the bat. 2.5 years go by and everyday I think to myself that I am obsessed with her (but i am married and she is engaged). A month ago it all came out. She told me that she thinks about me 24 hrs. a day just like i had been with her.

Nothing physical has happened, we have just told each other how we feel.

This weekend she decided to break up with her fiance and he guessed me immediately.

Now I'm at a crossroads. I have this beautiful, kind woman at home but all I can think about is the one I work with. I feel like a total piece of shit and that I need to make a choice quickly. Not sure I should even be married at this point....

Thanks for any advice you guys have...
Click to expand...


You are at a fork in the road arent you? You have a choice to make. You took vows with your wife that you would love her and forsake all others. Now its just up to your character. Life is NOT about making yourself happy for the sake of hurting your own family. If you do have a conscience you will live to regret this decision.
 
Damn it.... going back to that website made me get teary, it has been months maybe over a year that I logged in, I have it in my favorites and see the link all the time but cant get the courage to go back.... what made me sad was to see ellow posters still in the same situation, mismatched libido is a very dangerous thing to a relationship, unless counseling is seeked very few cases get better, ur wife will try to change and so will you, but OT on your own, not on this issue, seek help, if you fail you know you tried your best if you suceeed you'll be happy.... I hate giving advice I dont follow....
 
you need to go to a counselor with your wife. Telling us about these issues will not solve them. Honestly, you are not being a man about all of this. If you were handling it like a man, you'd take these issues to a counselor so your wife see's it from another point of view. Trust me, your counselor will not like the idea of you and your wife having sex once a month, mine was pissed. Now we have sex as often as we can. Not because it pleases me, but because we are more in love with each other than ever before. As far as issues and things that get on your nerves, let me promise you the new chick will have them too. I bet there was a time when you didn't think your wife had the issues that you have now discovered. Now that I have said my piece, I'm patiently waiting on yours. I hope you make the right decision and stay with your wife.. OH, and if you keep it up with the other chick you can kiss your marriage goodbye. You cannot have your cake and eat it too.
 
I can tell you from past experience that now is the time to "Man Up" and put as much effort into your marriage as you do anything else worthwhile. The sex will come if you get back into your wife's heart. Plan a trip to an exotic place..romance her like you did when it was new. Find something that you both enjoy and work at it as a team. Make new married friends.

I can tell you this...don't leave your wife for the office girl. If you want to end your marriage....break clean with no outside influence and plan to be alone for at least a year. After that year you will learn to like yourself again. If you aren't prepared to do "alone"...stay married and work it out.
 
The thing is you have been with your wife for a very long time you must love her there has to be something that attracted you to her. And for the sex thing if you guys are having problems then be a man and talk to her about them. I can almost guarantee that if you were to leave your wife for your office buddy you will regret it you shouldn't just give up on a relationship if you truly love the other person, I mean how do you know your gonna have a good relationship with your office buddy. And how would you feel if you found out your wife was going to do this to you I bet you'd be really hurt. All I'm trying to get at is if you and your wife are having problem talk to her about them, take her out to dinner spice your love life up a bit, DO SOME SPECIAL THINGS FOR HER!! make time for her. Nobody said marriage is going to be easy if you want it to work you gotta put that effort in it also there's always going to be temptation whether you go for it or realize what you have at home that's up to you. Now this is only advice whether you take it that's up to you but again you'd be heartbroken if your wife was doing this to you.
 
ive been in a slighty similar situation and i think youre headed for big fuckin mess. if your wife is beautiful and kind, you just need to find that spark again. take a vacation with her or somethin and put some distance between you and this other broad. stop yourself from fallin into the spider web.
 
Thats exactly what I was trying to say my boyfriend and I had some rough times but we got through them because we talked them out and we didn't let that other women get in between because he realized he has a wonderful girlfriend he didn't wanna let anything screw it up and thats exactly what he shouldn't let happen that other women probably won't do half the things his wife does for him. You can't have your cake and eat it to or put up with any of your shit. You have a great thing with your wife don't let someone come between you and her it's not worth it.
 
jbevins18 said:
Thats exactly what I was trying to say my boyfriend and I had some rough times but we got through them because we talked them out and we didn't let that other women get in between because he realized he has a wonderful girlfriend he didn't wanna let anything screw it up and thats exactly what he shouldn't let happen that other women probably won't do half the things his wife does for him. You can't have your cake and eat it to or put up with any of your shit. You have a great thing with your wife don't let someone come between you and her it's not worth it.
Click to expand...

I hope you didnt stay with a boyfriend that cheated on you ; I hope that your boyfriend caught himself before he did it
 
when it comes to love and commitment it all about the choice. I was engaged to a girl of 4 years, there were things lacking that i have brought up over and over but nothing changed. i met this beautiful younger girl and started to feel like i did when i first met my ex. what it took for me was, how did i allow myself to be open to the option of another woman? if i am open to this then i must be missing something i cant get at home. i had an emotional affair and realized it was not fair to my fiance to be with someone who is not willing to respect the relationship and it was not fair to me to pretend everything was great. i made the CHOICE to end it on our 4 year anniversary (just happened to be that weekend i made the CHOICE). yes it hurt to see her in pain but it killed me twice as much not being honest to myself. my life is awesome today and it had nothing to do with that other woman because i choose not to be with her either. the whole situation just allowed me to see what i deserve in my life and if i had the balls to seek it out. good luck.
 
Either leave the co-worker alone or invite her into the bedroom and get it over with.

man was not made to have one spouse. No mammal is

Whiskey
 
jbevins18 said:
So your saying cheating is okay?
Click to expand...

When did I say that? All I did was make a statement. Yes, it is noble for a couple to remain true to one another, BUT, it also goes against nature

Whiskey
 
Whatever, I ain't even reading this thread!!

Either fuck the work relationship or leave your wife. Bottom line.

If you cannot be satisfied and happy with your wife than be with someone who makes you happy. No need to string shit along with the wifey.

Whatever.
 
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