I'm pacing >¦(

[nangiggles]

I'll expect one from you for Christmas.

TYIA.

She didn't send you one in December, awkward... Did you at least get one of the keurig she sent out?

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[nangiggles]

I've never heard of a Mexican with a pool and I can spit on TJ from my house. This thread sounds made up.

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[jeremyng25]

You're not his errand and pool boy. If I said "clean the kitchen" to my gf I'd get kicked in the nuts

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[stosstruppe]

Lmao at a "chore chart", fucking quality!

As my wife and I both work full time we just split the house work 50/50, though she'll generally do more the more cleaning orientated stuff while I do manual shit.

 

[nangiggles]

Lmao at a "chore chart", fucking quality!

As my wife and I both work full time we just split the house work 50/50, though she'll generally do more the more cleaning orientated stuff while I do manual shit.

I know charts are for children but unfortunately I have the attention span of a goldfish. I'm the kind of person who needs structure and charts, reminders, sticky notes, etc. It's pretty bad but I've improved with ADHD meds and charts.

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[AFeedz]

I know charts are for children but unfortunately I have the attention span of a goldfish. I'm the kind of person who needs structure and charts, reminders, sticky notes, etc. It's pretty bad but I've improved with ADHD meds and charts.

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You probably wouldn't need charts if your husband was better and more understanding about how someone with ADHD processes the way they need to get things done.

Treating someone like a child (chore charts, scolding them when they don't do what you wanted) typically makes someone want to do the requested task less, ADHD or not.

Ask him to try giving you small, specific tasks, not big or vague ones like "clean the pool/deck". Try asking him to be specific like Day 1: Check the chemicals, Day 2: Sweep the pool, etc. But have him only tell you what needs to be done one day a time, and ask him not to tell you about any that need to be done after that one task.

I'd actually think a chart would make things worse for someone with ADHD. A large part of the reason people with ADHD act the way they do is because they take in everything at once: like tasks on a chart. If it's Monday, they can't ignore what's on the chart for Tuesday - Friday like others can, and they become overwhelmed and end up doing none of it.

You should try it with him because it works for us - as a couple, just paying attention to one small thing at a time, instead of everything that needs to happen in the future or in general, and letting the person who's able to process tasks one at a time (non ADHD) privately oversee that all those smaller tasks are accomplishing the bigger picture/goal.

 

[AFeedz]

Also, I've told you about this book before, but both you and him should read it together. Unlike most books, it doesn't take the "Here non-ADHD person, learn what's wrong with your partner and how to cope" stance.

It really explains that neither person is wrong, but that a person with and without ADHD need to be communicated with differently because they process information and tasks and needs differently, and once you understand that, you feel much better because you know how to talk to them to be effective - both the ADHD -having person to the non and vice versa.

The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps: Melissa C. Orlov: 9781886941977: Amazon.com: Books

 

[nangiggles]

You probably wouldn't need charts if your husband was better and more understanding about how someone with ADHD processes the way they need to get things done.

Treating someone like a child (chore charts, scolding them when they don't do what you wanted) typically makes someone want to do the requested task less, ADHD or not.

Ask him to try giving you small, specific tasks, not big or vague ones like "clean the pool/deck". Try asking him to be specific like Day 1: Check the chemicals, Day 2: Sweep the pool, etc. But have him only tell you what needs to be done one day a time, and ask him not to tell you about any that need to be done after that one task.

I'd actually think a chart would make things worse for someone with ADHD. A large part of the reason people with ADHD act the way they do is because they take in everything at once: like tasks on a chart. If it's Monday, they can't ignore what's on the chart for Tuesday - Friday like others can, and they become overwhelmed and end up doing none of it.

You should try it with him because it works for us - as a couple, just paying attention to one small thing at a time, instead of everything that needs to happen in the future or in general, and letting the person who's able to process tasks one at a time (non ADHD) privately oversee that all those smaller tasks are accomplishing the bigger picture/goal.

The chart was actually MY idea and its worked really well, the approach you suggested is what we were using and it was awful, resulted in him feeling like he's my dad and not my husband, also I'd feel like he was telling me what to do, too much tension

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[-SD-]

Too bad you arent married to Bill Parcells or Vince Lombardi then there would be no problem with motivation

Hahaha

 

[AFeedz]

The chart was actually MY idea and its worked really well, the approach you suggested is what we were using and it was awful, resulted in him feeling like he's my dad and not my husband, also I'd feel like he was telling me what to do, too much tension

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But he feels less like a dad being mad at you for not following your chore chart?