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bran987
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Tuesday June 26, 8:46 pm ET
Buffett Admits Pledges of Berkshire Stock a Big Hoax
OMAHA , Neb. -- Famed investor and businessman Warren E. Buffett, Chairman & CEO of Berkshire Hathaway Inc. (NYSE: BRK.A - News), made a startling confession during a second press conference earlier this evening.
"I was just kidding around," said Buffett. "I'm not -- I repeat -- I am not making any charitable donations to The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, or any other foundation, for that matter."
On Sunday, Buffett made the announcement that he was donating $37 billion, the bulk of his personal fortune, to his friends' and family's charitable organizations.
In front of a stunned audience, an obviously inebriated Buffett discussed why he pulled what critics are calling "the biggest 'troll' in philanthropic history."
"I remember several years ago, at The Motley Fool, where I sometimes post under the monikers 'ghu216' and 'kahunacfa'," Buffett slurred. "They did this April Fool's joke, something about eMeringue and its IPO." He cracked open another can of Budweiser (NYSE: BUD - News), took a big gulp, and continued. "I wanted to try that, too. Seemed like a funny idea at the time."
He shrugged, "I guess I was just bored."
Buffett then belched loudly into the microphone, looked over at Bill and Melinda Gates -- who were apparently in on the gag the entire time, and also seemingly quite drunk during this evening's press conference -- and they all cracked up laughing.
Members of the press were astounded. What was supposed to be the largest philianthropic donation ever made in history by an individual, turned out to be a mere, but cruel, hoax.
"Seriously," Buffett asked, "are guys f___in' nuts?!? We're talking about forty freakin' billion dollars, here. Think I'd just give it all away like that? Sheesh, you people are stupid."
He then made the equally shocking statement that he's been secretly selling his shares on the open market. Buffett has never sold a single share of his Berkshire Hathaway stock -- until now.
"See that dip in the stock price this morning? Yeah, that was me, unloading the goods," he laughed.
Asked what he was going to do with the proceeds, Buffett mentioned that he was interested in some potential investments in the red-hot real estate market.
"Gonna pick me up a bunch of houses, maybe in Florida... and California. Sure, I might be overpaying a bit. But you know what? Who cares... I've got more than forty freakin' billion dollars to play around with, baby!"
Buffett, once an avid bridge player who sometimes spent hours at a time playing the card game with his friend Bill Gates, mentioned that they have been playing online poker instead, gambling with his stock sale proceeds. "Listen, bridge is an old fogey's game. I grew tired of it. I want to go where the action is."
He then admitted that he's "not very good at it," and that he has personally lost over $25 million in the past few months alone.
"Gotta be in it to win it," Buffett said, cracking a smile -- and another beer.
Buffett's massive fortune, ranking him the world's second richest man, took a lifetime to build. However, apparently he now aims "to blow it all" before he passes away.
"Hookers, booze, and coke," he grinned. "And that's 'coke' with a lowercase 'c'."
Berkshire Hathaway owns a substantial holding in The Coca-Cola Company (NYSE: KO - News).
Buffett also explained why, at least in part, he's been selling some of his stake in the company that he has headed for several decades.
"They don't pay any freakin' dividends," he said angrily. "How the heck am I supposed to raise some cash for myself if they don't pay any f__in' dividends?!?"
The press conference quickly fell apart, as Buffett then ranted for at least ten minutes about the lack of dividends, their money-losing investment in NetJets -- and the excessively high share price of Berkshire Hathaway stock.
"How on earth is somebody supposed to be able to afford even one share?" he exclaimed. "Have you seen what these bozos are paying me? I can't afford that. I need a big raise; some stock options are looking pretty good right about now."
Buffett did, however, have one good thing to say about the company.
"Fruit of the Loom makes the most comfortable underwear one could possibly imagine. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now."
He then stood up and started unzipping his pants. "Want to see? Here, let me show you!"
Fortunately for those in attendance, Buffett had trouble undoing his pants. So he sat back down -- and from the apparent alcoholic intoxication, immediately passed out and started snoring loudly into the microphone.
The Gateses, a bit embarrassed at this point, attempted to muster Buffett and whisk him away.
As he was dragged out, Buffett suddenly awoke. "Free Dilly Bars for everyone!" he shouted. "A round of Dilly Bars for all my friends!"
He then quickly passed out once again.
On the New York Stock Exchange today, Berkshire closed down $600 to $91,500.
REPOSTED
Buffett Admits Pledges of Berkshire Stock a Big Hoax
OMAHA , Neb. -- Famed investor and businessman Warren E. Buffett, Chairman & CEO of Berkshire Hathaway Inc. (NYSE: BRK.A - News), made a startling confession during a second press conference earlier this evening.
"I was just kidding around," said Buffett. "I'm not -- I repeat -- I am not making any charitable donations to The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, or any other foundation, for that matter."
On Sunday, Buffett made the announcement that he was donating $37 billion, the bulk of his personal fortune, to his friends' and family's charitable organizations.
In front of a stunned audience, an obviously inebriated Buffett discussed why he pulled what critics are calling "the biggest 'troll' in philanthropic history."
"I remember several years ago, at The Motley Fool, where I sometimes post under the monikers 'ghu216' and 'kahunacfa'," Buffett slurred. "They did this April Fool's joke, something about eMeringue and its IPO." He cracked open another can of Budweiser (NYSE: BUD - News), took a big gulp, and continued. "I wanted to try that, too. Seemed like a funny idea at the time."
He shrugged, "I guess I was just bored."
Buffett then belched loudly into the microphone, looked over at Bill and Melinda Gates -- who were apparently in on the gag the entire time, and also seemingly quite drunk during this evening's press conference -- and they all cracked up laughing.
Members of the press were astounded. What was supposed to be the largest philianthropic donation ever made in history by an individual, turned out to be a mere, but cruel, hoax.
"Seriously," Buffett asked, "are guys f___in' nuts?!? We're talking about forty freakin' billion dollars, here. Think I'd just give it all away like that? Sheesh, you people are stupid."
He then made the equally shocking statement that he's been secretly selling his shares on the open market. Buffett has never sold a single share of his Berkshire Hathaway stock -- until now.
"See that dip in the stock price this morning? Yeah, that was me, unloading the goods," he laughed.
Asked what he was going to do with the proceeds, Buffett mentioned that he was interested in some potential investments in the red-hot real estate market.
"Gonna pick me up a bunch of houses, maybe in Florida... and California. Sure, I might be overpaying a bit. But you know what? Who cares... I've got more than forty freakin' billion dollars to play around with, baby!"
Buffett, once an avid bridge player who sometimes spent hours at a time playing the card game with his friend Bill Gates, mentioned that they have been playing online poker instead, gambling with his stock sale proceeds. "Listen, bridge is an old fogey's game. I grew tired of it. I want to go where the action is."
He then admitted that he's "not very good at it," and that he has personally lost over $25 million in the past few months alone.
"Gotta be in it to win it," Buffett said, cracking a smile -- and another beer.
Buffett's massive fortune, ranking him the world's second richest man, took a lifetime to build. However, apparently he now aims "to blow it all" before he passes away.
"Hookers, booze, and coke," he grinned. "And that's 'coke' with a lowercase 'c'."
Berkshire Hathaway owns a substantial holding in The Coca-Cola Company (NYSE: KO - News).
Buffett also explained why, at least in part, he's been selling some of his stake in the company that he has headed for several decades.
"They don't pay any freakin' dividends," he said angrily. "How the heck am I supposed to raise some cash for myself if they don't pay any f__in' dividends?!?"
The press conference quickly fell apart, as Buffett then ranted for at least ten minutes about the lack of dividends, their money-losing investment in NetJets -- and the excessively high share price of Berkshire Hathaway stock.
"How on earth is somebody supposed to be able to afford even one share?" he exclaimed. "Have you seen what these bozos are paying me? I can't afford that. I need a big raise; some stock options are looking pretty good right about now."
Buffett did, however, have one good thing to say about the company.
"Fruit of the Loom makes the most comfortable underwear one could possibly imagine. In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now."
He then stood up and started unzipping his pants. "Want to see? Here, let me show you!"
Fortunately for those in attendance, Buffett had trouble undoing his pants. So he sat back down -- and from the apparent alcoholic intoxication, immediately passed out and started snoring loudly into the microphone.
The Gateses, a bit embarrassed at this point, attempted to muster Buffett and whisk him away.
As he was dragged out, Buffett suddenly awoke. "Free Dilly Bars for everyone!" he shouted. "A round of Dilly Bars for all my friends!"
He then quickly passed out once again.
On the New York Stock Exchange today, Berkshire closed down $600 to $91,500.
REPOSTED
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