Why is it that people with kids

[cindylou]

Think its okay to be rude just because they have kids?

Stuff like cancel plans last minute and expect you not to be a little pissed when the babysitter has an "emergency".

why cant husbands watch the kids one night ? Women never ask the GUY to watch the kids while she goes out with her friends.

and then they wonder why their friends drop off the face of the earth when they have kids.

 

[Raptorex]

For me, the worse thing is in Church when they let them act like they are in their playroom at home. UGH

 

[heatherrae]

Think its okay to be rude just because they have kids?

Stuff like cancel plans last minute and expect you not to be a little pissed when the babysitter has an "emergency".

why cant husbands watch the kids one night ? Women never ask the GUY to watch the kids while she goes out with her friends.

and then they wonder why their friends drop off the face of the earth when they have kids.

We aren't trying to be rude and are often torn about wanting to please our friends/families/lovers AND be a good parent. Plus, we hopefully have our friends for many, many years, but we only have our child's first year once, etc.

 

[cindylou]

For me, the worse thing is in Church when they let them act like they are in their playroom at home. UGH

I am quickly beginning to hate the haughty women in the "kids club." They think they are so smart and responsible for having kids before 25. lol

oh, and the church thing bugs me too. thats why they have the nurseries. Why dont all the mom's take their babies to the nursery while at chuch? lol

 

[dabuffguy]

family first. Sucks ass if you get blown off, but they gotta take care for numero uno. You should be more understanding even if it is frequent and it pisses you off. Kids are a hassle. If the guy refuses to watch the kids without mommy, he's an irresponsible dutch.



MM,

for real. When I see little kids wandering up and down the aisles, throwing cheerios around, and crap. Sit yuor kids' butt down and tell him to be quiet. geez.

 

[cindylou]

We aren't trying to be rude and are often torn about wanting to please our friends/families/lovers AND be a good parent. Plus, we hopefully have our friends for many, many years, but we only have our child's first year once, etc.

I know but some things should be important - like this date we had was important. It was important for her to make this one date. It might be the end of our friendship.

 

[cindylou]

family first. Sucks ass if you get blown off, but they gotta take care for numero uno. You should be more understanding even if it is frequent and it pisses you off. Kids are a hassle. If the guy refuses to watch the kids without mommy, he's an irresponsible dutch.



MM,

for real. When I see little kids wandering up and down the aisles, throwing cheerios around, and crap. Sit yuor kids' butt down and tell him to be quiet. geez.

Yeah, and I normally try to be understanding...but she's got a husband and two parents too.... I mean wtf.

she just didnt want to go.

 

[heatherrae]

I know but some things should be important - like this date we had was important. It was important for her to make this one date. It might be the end of our friendship.

So, you had a special meeting and her babysitter canceled on her? Is that what you meant?

When your babysitter flakes on you, it basically means that you are involuntarily grounded...lol. It doesn't sound like she could help it. What would you have liked for her to do differently?

 

[heatherrae]

Yeah, and I normally try to be understanding...but she's got a husband and two parents too.... I mean wtf.

she just didnt want to go.

Oh, well, that may be the case then. I don't have anyone else to watch mine when a babysitter flakes on me. Maybe her husband is an incapable idiot or refuses to watch the baby...lol?

No telling.

 

[cindylou]

So, you had a special meeting and her babysitter canceled on her? Is that what you meant?

When your babysitter flakes on you, it basically means that you are involuntarily grounded...lol. It doesn't sound like she could help it. What would you have liked for her to do differently?

Have her fiance watch her kids for her?

 

[blueta2]

None of my friends ever had kids

But maybe she's trying to find excuses not to go out. Maybe she really just wants to be with her family?

 

[cindylou]

Oh, well, that may be the case then. I don't have anyone else to watch mine when a babysitter flakes on me. Maybe her husband is an incapable idiot or refuses to watch the baby...lol?

No telling.

Yeah, Im thinking thats the case.

I got shit on. I have a feeling she didnt even try to set up a sitter until Saturday even though we made plans weeks in advance.

Im stuck until her weddings over which I'm a bridesmaid in....to do her a favor. Fuck. I am too fucking nice.

 

[cindylou]

None of my friends ever had kids

But maybe she's trying to find excuses not to go out. Maybe she really just wants to be with her family?

that could be.

she can have them then. lol

and when i have kids, I will know how to balance my kids with my life! i will never turn into on of those chicks who ends up friendless. Friends are important! When your kids move out and your husband plays golf all the time, who will you shop with?

maybe im just bitchy. i dunno.

 

[heatherrae]

Yeah, Im thinking thats the case.

I got shit on. I have a feeling she didnt even try to set up a sitter until Saturday even though we made plans weeks in advance.

Im stuck until her weddings over which I'm a bridesmaid in....to do her a favor. Fuck. I am too fucking nice.

Oh, well. That is rude then if she is just flaking on you. She should probably apologize if she wants to keep you as a friend.

 

[cindylou]

I'm overreacting Im sure.

My feelings were kinda hurt but oh well.

i'll get over it.

plus I sent the hubbie out of town to have QT with her and i get blown off.

so i was fucked sat night scrambling around for plans feeling retarted

lol i'll live.

 

[heatherrae]

LOL...

I used to complain that once women became mommies that they never continued to talk about interesting things but would go on and on about every little boring detail of their kids' lives. Then, I became one of those women. LOL. I think that is why it is hard on both the mommies and the childless women to continue to interact after the babies. We don't try to be so gosh awfully boring/annoying, but our kids are such a huge part of our lives when they are really little, especially.

 

[AztecWarrior]

U R overreacting.

 

[cindylou]

LOL...

I used to complain that once women became mommies that they never continued to talk about interesting things but would go on and on about every little boring detail of their kids' lives. Then, I became one of those women. LOL. I think that is why it is hard on both the mommies and the childless women to continue to interact after the babies. We don't try to be so gosh awfully boring/annoying, but our kids are such a huge part of our lives when they are really little, especially.

LOL OMG I cannot STAND that. Drives me crazy.

Its not a friendship deal breaker though, just an eye roller! haha

I know one day I'll do that too.

 

[AztecWarrior]

I know I have pissed people off. I get to see my kid like once a month. It's not set up most of the time. Plans in the last minute change for me all the time. Some friends get pissed off but they need to understand my kid comes first. I'm sure they would do the same in my situation.

 

[miplank]

Sounds to me like she probably just didn't want to go, and used her child as an excuse to get out.


I know that when my wife wants to go out w/her friends, I watch my son. Now we don't go out with our friends all that often, but occasionally its nice to get out and when those times come we have to compromise. I'll watch him while she goes and has a night out w/her friends, and she does the same for me.

And then when it is time for us to have some "mommy and daddy time"...well...that's what grandparents are for!

 

[Bikini Mod]

I'm overreacting Im sure.

My feelings were kinda hurt but oh well.

i'll get over it.

plus I sent the hubbie out of town to have QT with her and i get blown off.

so i was fucked sat night scrambling around for plans feeling retarted

lol i'll live.

I get the sense that there is more to this than you are letting on. If your friend was truly rude to you then I could see you feeling hurt but if it was just that you are upset because you had enough foresight to send your man out of town and she didn't have the foresight to find suitable care for her child then I am thinkin, yes you are over-reacting, with all due respect.

The friend in question is not only a mom but she is the bride? I dont think you realize the unbelievable stress going on in her household. Did you ever stop to think for one moment how hectic their lives are because of a RE-MARRIAGE with young child(ren) involved? Maybe she is having second thoughts? cold feet? or maybe her husband-2B or any combination of the two or maybe that isn't it at all. All I am saying is that when there is a child(ren) involved in ANY social situation it makes even the happiest occasions extremely stressfull.

I have been without my children for over 2 years. If all goes well we will have at least one of them here in the next several weeks, hopefully followed by several more in the following months if all goes as it should. Only ONE of our friends have children young enough that they should require sitters, the rest all have grown kids. Couple that with the fact that I will want to spend as much time as possible with my girls with my husband because of all the time that has been robbed from us becoming a real family. Now add to that the burden of how fucked up these kids have been. How much socializing you think my husband and I will be doing with our friends anytime soon?

As I said, if there is more to the story than you are telling and you truly feel slighted for a combination of this and other reasons, then I feel you. However, also bear in mind there could be way more to your friend's behavior than you might realize simply because you have not been in her situation.

You're a smart woman. I am sure you will figure it out.

 

[cindylou]

I know I have pissed people off. I get to see my kid like once a month. It's not set up most of the time. Plans in the last minute change for me all the time. Some friends get pissed off but they need to understand my kid comes first. I'm sure they would do the same in my situation.

I totally understand when its a situation like yours

she's not a single mommy

parents use kids as an excuse to flake out of everything.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I totally understand when its a situation like yours

she's not a single mommy

parents use kids as an excuse to flake out of everything.

Or maybe they just LIKE being with their kids and/or expend a lot of energy w/activities that are with/for their kids?

I mean, if you were a kid (which we all were once LOL) wouldn't you want your mommy and daddy to make you feel like the center of the universe MOST of the time until you get to be like 11 and only want mom and dad for a ride to your friend's?!

 

[AztecWarrior]

I totally understand when its a situation like yours

she's not a single mommy

parents use kids as an excuse to flake out of everything.

True. Most guys don't like to take care of there kids. THe wifes don't feel great about leaving the kids with them. Hell, I know most guys don't even like there wifes to go out w/ there friends to social gatherings. Who knows why she dosen't want to go. Maybe she dosen't really wanna go.

 

[blueta2]

that could be.

she can have them then. lol

and when i have kids, I will know how to balance my kids with my life! i will never turn into on of those chicks who ends up friendless. Friends are important! When your kids move out and your husband plays golf all the time, who will you shop with?

maybe im just bitchy. i dunno.

we never think we're going to turn into the people who annoy us, but we do..haha!

By the time the kids move out and the hubby is always off playing golf, you'll love being alone more than not.
As we get older, we desire more alone time.

 

[cindylou]

I get the sense that there is more to this than you are letting on. If your friend was truly rude to you then I could see you feeling hurt but if it was just that you are upset because you had enough foresight to send your man out of town and she didn't have the foresight to find suitable care for her child then I am thinkin, yes you are over-reacting, with all due respect.

The friend in question is not only a mom but she is the bride? I dont think you realize the unbelievable stress going on in her household. Did you ever stop to think for one moment how hectic their lives are because of a RE-MARRIAGE with young child(ren) involved? Maybe she is having second thoughts? cold feet? or maybe her husband-2B or any combination of the two or maybe that isn't it at all. All I am saying is that when there is a child(ren) involved in ANY social situation it makes even the happiest occasions extremely stressfull.

I have been without my children for over 2 years. If all goes well we will have at least one of them here in the next several weeks, hopefully followed by several more in the following months if all goes as it should. Only ONE of our friends have children young enough that they should require sitters, the rest all have grown kids. Couple that with the fact that I will want to spend as much time as possible with my girls with my husband because of all the time that has been robbed from us becoming a real family. Now add to that the burden of how fucked up these kids have been. How much socializing you think my husband and I will be doing with our friends anytime soon?

As I said, if there is more to the story than you are telling and you truly feel slighted for a combination of this and other reasons, then I feel you. However, also bear in mind there could be way more to your friend's behavior than you might realize simply because you have not been in her situation.

You're a smart woman. I am sure you will figure it out.

Its not a remarriage, her fiance is the father of the kids.

Yeah there is a little more to the story, but you are also right, I'm probably overreacting. It wouldnt have been that big of a deal if I hadnt been so excited to see her (FINALLY) and sent my man out of town.

 

[cindylou]

Or maybe they just LIKE being with their kids and/or expend a lot of energy w/activities that are with/for their kids?

I mean, if you were a kid (which we all were once LOL) wouldn't you want your mommy and daddy to make you feel like the center of the universe MOST of the time until you get to be like 11 and only want mom and dad for a ride to your friend's?!

Thats what my poor parents did. Spoiled me rotten!

I dont always think thats best!

Johnny's parents didnt use him as their world. he knew his parents had friends and they had no problem dropping him off at Grandmas on a Saturday night to keep in touch with friends.

I do understand though. lol.

 

[Tytan]

I believe that children are our future,.....You " have" to put children and family first....And alot of women know that their husbands will just let the kids eat whatever they want and stay up late and that just throws off moms schedule....Kids need to stay on a schedule..( I`m told that at least once a week)

 

[mrplunkey]

Children add a degree of uncertainty into any planning that is almost impossible to understand until you have kids yourself.

 

[cindylou]

I believe that children are our future,.....You " have" to put children and family first....And alot of women know that their husbands will just let the kids eat whatever they want and stay up late and that just throws off moms schedule....Kids need to stay on a schedule..( I`m told that at least once a week)

why is it okay for husbands to act this way?

 

[AztecWarrior]

why is it okay for husbands to act this way?

They just want the women to take care of the kids. Sucks I know.

 

[cindylou]

They just want the women to take care of the kids. Sucks I know.

thats awful. My guy better not even try to pull that shit on me when we have kids.

 

[AztecWarrior]

thats awful. My guy better not even try to pull that shit on me when we have kids.

Hope not.

 

[all the whey]

None of my friends ever had kids

But maybe she's trying to find excuses not to go out. Maybe she really just wants to be with her family?

Yep. It is the ultimate excuse. They use it to get out of work to.

If you say something to them about it you are a uncaring bastard.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I believe that children are our future,.....You " have" to put children and family first....And alot of women know that their husbands will just let the kids eat whatever they want and stay up late and that just throws off moms schedule....Kids need to stay on a schedule..( I`m told that at least once a week)

WERD to the nth degree. I can't tell you how much I had to suffer before I went out and after I came back *just* to get a few hours of adult time with my female friends who did NOT have kids. And it just was not worth it. No affront to my female friends but I didnt live with them. I lived with my family. And yea, my ex was a jerk to the nth degree (He would pick fights even before we had kids to make sure I wouldn't go out without him and you'd better believe that when I got home I got SUCH an interrogation from him and then the whole kids' schedule being off thing was just the cherry atop that nightmare) that I simply stopped socializing with females who did not have children. Hell, I stopped even TRYING to go out without him. When I tried to go back to work super part-time modeling it was the beginning of the end... what a PUTZ! He would leave our kids with my sister even though he was home hours earlier as it was just easier for her to feed them, help with homework, change diapers, etc... And she had 3 kids of her own younger than mine!

My bro-in-law is a GOOD man, excellent husband and great dad but he lets the kids get away with an unbelievable amount of shit for one reason or another so much so that my sister REALLY reams him a new one when she gets home! LOL You would think after 14 years he would learn!

 

[cindylou]

Allright then women have got to understand the deal then.

They cant get pissy at you because you have dropped out of their lives slightly because they chose to start a family.

this was the deal with this girl. She was super pissy because she thought because she had kids that I didnt want to be her friend anymore.

of course that wasnt the truth, but after time after time of stuff like this, I start to move on and hang out with other people, and we finally reconciled and then she pulls the shit again. lol.

i understand, but she's got to understand too, that you know, people are going to think you are flaky

 

[Bikini Mod]

Allright then women have got to understand the deal then.

They cant get pissy at you because you have dropped out of their lives slightly because they chose to start a family.

this was the deal with this girl. She was super pissy because she thought because she had kids that I didnt want to be her friend anymore.

of course that wasnt the truth, but after time after time of stuff like this, I start to move on and hang out with other people, and we finally reconciled and then she pulls the shit again. lol.

i understand, but she's got to understand too, that you know, people are going to think you are flaky

You are correct in that she can't have it both ways. If she wants your understanding then she had better be prepared to give hers to you. <--- that has nothing to do with kids or no kids. That is all about common courtesy, mature behavior and being a good friend.

 

[miplank]

Okay...I'm a dad, and I don't like being generalized that "all dads" act that way.

I give my son his baths, dress him in the mornings, brush his teeth, work with him on potty training, etc etc...


Now...My wife does all of these things as well, but the point is...Not all dads just sit on the couch with a beer watching football while mommy takes care of the kids.

Just sayin'

 

[cindylou]

Okay...I'm a dad, and I don't like being generalized that "all dads" act that way.

I give him his baths, dress him in the mornings, brush his teeth, work with him on potty training, etc etc...


Now...My wife does all of these things as well, but the point is...Not all dads just sit on the couch with a beer watching football while mommy takes care of the kids.

Just sayin'

Mine wont either. The first thing I thought when she told me that the sitter couldnt make it was....where's your man? whats he doing?

 

[digger]

It's about priorities. Doesn't matter if you're BFF, if the babysitter flakes Mommy is stuck. (Unless she's Superwoman and always has a Plan B lined up....)

Nothing is more important than your kids. Nuthin' no-how, no-way. Deal with it.

 

[miplank]

Yes...Children are Priority #1....BUT



The parents need to make time for themselves to keep their sanity, and their marriage healthy. Its not selfish, its the honest truth. Children are so a major part of your life that sometimes your marriage gets put on the back burner, so you need that time to "refresh and reconnect"

Now this time should be scheduled in advance so your kids aren't just left hangin', but it really is something all Husband/Wife should try and do atleast once a month IMO

 

[Smurfy]

Think its okay to be rude just because they have kids?

Stuff like cancel plans last minute and expect you not to be a little pissed when the babysitter has an "emergency".

why cant husbands watch the kids one night ? Women never ask the GUY to watch the kids while she goes out with her friends.

and then they wonder why their friends drop off the face of the earth when they have kids.

Um, I wouldnt ever have a SO who wouldnt be capable and willing to stay home with the child(ren) so I could go out with my friends.

 

[Smurfy]

For me, the worse thing is in Church when they let them act like they are in their playroom at home. UGH

Never was allowed when I was growing up.

 

[cindylou]

Um, I wouldnt ever have a SO who wouldnt be capable and willing to stay home with the child(ren) so I could go out with my friends.

i guess since i have an awesome SO myself (like u do i assume) maybe thats why i dont understand.

he would totally stay home to take care of the kids so I could see a long lost friend.

 

[Smurfy]

Yep. It is the ultimate excuse. They use it to get out of work to.

If you say something to them about it you are a uncaring bastard.

Dr Sketch would never be an uncaring bastard

 

[walliwalibus]

Thank God my wife's kids were older when I got married. And they even 14 years older now.... I never had the problem. But the church thing, I wasn't allowed to move. If I did, baaaaaaaaam! Right on spot, and I didn't want a scene. I was wise when I was young, someone tell me what happened? LOL

 

[walliwalibus]

Dr Sketch would never be an uncaring bastard

Oh My....................

 

[heatherrae]

I think that some people (me too) tend to become a bit numb to how others view their kids' behavior. For example, someone told me this weekend that my son was throwing a tantrum when he was really crying for me because I left the room to get something. I hadn't really thought of it as a tantrum but just as my son going through a bout of separation anxiety, lately. I still don't know if I would classify it as a tantrum or being spoiled because I don't know if a 1 year old has the cognitive skills yet to be manipulative. ??? The jury is still out, I guess. If he was throwing a tantrum, what is the mother of a 1 year old to do? Yelling at or spanking or punishing a one year old seems pretty pointless.

 

[Smurfy]

I think that some people (me too) tend to become a bit numb to how others view their kids' behavior. For example, someone told me this weekend that my son was throwing a tantrum when he was really crying for me because I left the room to get something. I hadn't really thought of it as a tantrum but just as my son going through a bout of separation anxiety, lately. I still don't know if I would classify it as a tantrum or being spoiled because I don't know if a 1 year old has the cognitive skills yet to be manipulative. ??? The jury is still out, I guess. If he was throwing a tantrum, what is the mother of a 1 year old to do? Yelling at or spanking or punishing a one year old seems pretty pointless.

kids learn how to get their needs met from day one.

 

[cindylou]

I think that some people (me too) tend to become a bit numb to how others view their kids' behavior. For example, someone told me this weekend that my son was throwing a tantrum when he was really crying for me because I left the room to get something. I hadn't really thought of it as a tantrum but just as my son going through a bout of separation anxiety, lately. I still don't know if I would classify it as a tantrum or being spoiled because I don't know if a 1 year old has the cognitive skills yet to be manipulative. ??? The jury is still out, I guess. If he was throwing a tantrum, what is the mother of a 1 year old to do? Yelling at or spanking or punishing a one year old seems pretty pointless.

I wouldnt think of tantrums until 2 years old. Once they start getting up and getting around they've got to learn the word No for their own safety - but crap. What can you do to a 1 year old?

i have no idea though. i dont have any. I would think you would get numb to that because so many people think they have the right to tell you what you should do. i have that already from my MIL and i dont even have kids yet. lol

 

[miplank]

I wouldnt think of tantrums until 2 years old. Once they start getting up and getting around they've got to learn the word No for their own safety - but crap. What can you do to a 1 year old?

i have no idea though. i dont have any. I would think you would get numb to that because so many people think they have the right to tell you what you should do. i have that already from my MIL and i dont even have kids yet. lol

I wouldn't say it was a tantrum either. My son is 2 years old, and he definetly throws the occasional tantrum. At 1 year old though, I would say he just got scared when you left the room.

My son would do that when he was that age...its too be expected though when his first year of his life he spent it mostly with mom and dad and grandparents.

 

[Smurfy]

When a kid has an all out temper tantrum, in essence they have lost control of themselves and yelling or spanking only increases the sense of a loss of control. The child often doesnt have the ability to pull themselves out of it and its also scary to them. so if the parent also loses control, well then you can guess the outcome wouldnt be good. but crying is not a temper tantrum

 

[miplank]

When a kid has an all out temper tantrum, in essence they have lost control of themselves and yelling or spanking only increases the sense of a loss of control. The child often doesnt have the ability to pull themselves out of it and its also scary to them. so if the parent also loses control, well then you can guess the outcome wouldnt be good. but crying is not a temper tantrum

I agree...I will just let my son "finish" his tantrum, and then I'll sit him down on my lap and we'll discuss what the problem was.

May sound too advanced for some since he's only a lil over 2, but he's a smart kid, and he understands what I'm saying.

 

[cindylou]

"Dear God please dont let me have kids that throw temper tanturms."

 

[miplank]

"Dear God please dont let me have kids that throw temper tanturms."

haha...it'll happen. I guarantee it.


Right around 2 years old (terrible two's). I think a lot of it has to do w/their communication ability. While they can communicate fairly well at this age, their is still a point where they get frustrated and alas...the tantrum.

LOL

 

[walliwalibus]

I think that some people (me too) tend to become a bit numb to how others view their kids' behavior. For example, someone told me this weekend that my son was throwing a tantrum when he was really crying for me because I left the room to get something. I hadn't really thought of it as a tantrum but just as my son going through a bout of separation anxiety, lately. I still don't know if I would classify it as a tantrum or being spoiled because I don't know if a 1 year old has the cognitive skills yet to be manipulative. ??? The jury is still out, I guess. If he was throwing a tantrum, what is the mother of a 1 year old to do? Yelling at or spanking or punishing a one year old seems pretty pointless.

That is a bit young to call it a tantrum. 2 its even young in some cases. I guess its the baby's way of saying WTF without saying WTF. Ah who cares what others think anyway. Your focus is on your child, and your child is lucky for that. I see many cases of kids having kids and always having someone else watch them. I mean like everyday. BTW punishing a one year old is child abuse LOL just saying. At 1 year old they still trying to figure out where in the hell they are HR, they have no idea about being manipulative. And even young kids learn that manipulative behavior from someone else, maybe even you. Not saying you but in general. You know what I mean damn.

 

[seaking420]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

 

[Tytan]

why is it okay for husbands to act this way?

It`s not, but the reality is not all people are capable of doing the same task the exact same way. My wifey will rip me a new one even if I variate slightly from the way she does things. Weird, so I fed them, bath them, put them to bed on time, but I forgot to put lotion on them and brush their hair and read their favorite book so its stressful for her. Granted, she has learned to relax a bit as of lately.

 

[heatherrae]

yeah. Good advice on here.

I think that the person was right that I somehow need to get Devin to sleep in his own bed (he will cry for hours and I really can't take that. I go crazy). I need to get him on some sort of schedule, but he is just so clingy right now. I think it is separation anxiety, but I really can't get anything done or even have regular conversations with company. I feel exhausted pretty often because I don't get to sleep well, and my house and car is so dirty. Maybe other parents handle this better? Maybe my child is particularly needy but will outgrow this?

 

[BNG]

Think its okay to be rude just because they have kids?

Stuff like cancel plans last minute and expect you not to be a little pissed when the babysitter has an "emergency".

why cant husbands watch the kids one night ? Women never ask the GUY to watch the kids while she goes out with her friends.

and then they wonder why their friends drop off the face of the earth when they have kids.

Not everyone with kids are rude because of the kids. Your friend is inconsiderate and now that she has kids it's more evident. We don't have family where we live and it does cramp the social life because it's hard to find trustworthy babysitters.
I let my wife go out with the girls pretty much when she wants. I stayed home with the kids last weekend while they went out. No big deal if you can trust your spouse.

As for the unruly. Parental skills are lacking more and more as time goes on. Less and less values are being taught.

 

[heatherrae]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

yeah, I thought the same way BEFORE I had kids. I thought 1. I won't gain any weight 2. I'll still go out dressed nicely, my hair and makeup done. 3. I'll keep the same friends 4. I'll still go out and do exciting/interesting things AND 5. I'll never let my kid act like that at the store/airplane/restaraunt.

Then, you have a kid and realize that every decision you question if you are doing the right things. You are sometimes lucky to even bathe yourself and put on clean clothing, etc. lolololololol

 

[miplank]

yeah. Good advice on here.

I think that the person was right that I somehow need to get Devin to sleep in his own bed (he will cry for hours and I really can't take that. I go crazy). I need to get him on some sort of schedule, but he is just so clingy right now. I think it is separation anxiety, but I really can't get anything done or even have regular conversations with company. I feel exhausted pretty often because I don't get to sleep well, and my house and car is so dirty. Maybe other parents handle this better? Maybe my child is particularly needy but will outgrow this?

Yes, He will slowly outgrow it.

My son slept in our bed for about the first 18 months. He just wouldn't go to sleep in his crib. Everyone told us, "oh you need to have him sleep in his own bed or you'll never get him out"

But, He goes to sleep in his own bed now, and has been for quite a while now. Now, He occasionally will end up in our bed early in the morning, but for the most part he sleeps all night in his bed.

 

[heatherrae]

Yes, He will slowly outgrow it.

My son slept in our bed for about the first 18 months. He just wouldn't go to sleep in his crib. Everyone told us, "oh you need to have him sleep in his own bed or you'll never get him out"

But, He goes to sleep in his own bed now, and has been for quite a while now. Now, He occasionally will end up in our bed early in the morning, but for the most part he sleeps all night in his bed.

That is good to know. I think maybe just each kid is unique and they maybe don't understand that perhaps my son's personality and needs are different than their child's were at the same age.

 

[Smurfy]

yeah. Good advice on here.

I think that the person was right that I somehow need to get Devin to sleep in his own bed (he will cry for hours and I really can't take that. I go crazy). I need to get him on some sort of schedule, but he is just so clingy right now. I think it is separation anxiety, but I really can't get anything done or even have regular conversations with company. I feel exhausted pretty often because I don't get to sleep well, and my house and car is so dirty. Maybe other parents handle this better? Maybe my child is particularly needy but will outgrow this?

heather, you are his only parent and main lifeline. He is used to you being at his beck and call. also, for his age, separation anxiety is common. everyone chooses to raise their kids based on what they decide is best for their own situation. devin is very attached to you especialy like i said, becuase you are the only parent in his life.
he will outgrow it and there are also things you can do to speed his adjustment along in this regard (google). but it wont be easy. trust me.

when i was a single parent, my son and I moved into an apartment in my parents house that was a 1 bedroom. he was 2 yrs old. he had never slept anywhere but in his own crib.
but when we moved, he and i slept in the same room, same bed. this went on for the 4 yrs we lived there. and almost immediately, he wouldnt/couldnt fall asleep or even go to bed withouth me laying down in the bed with him, then id have to sneak out once he was sleeping.
that was very draining on me over those 4 yrs but it was because of the decision i had made to begin with. certainly not the child's fault.
when my son was 6, we moved into our own house and he had his own room. i spent weeks preparing him for the transition to sleeping on his own. etc. and in the end, it worked ok, but i still had to put him to sleep, tuck him in, etc.
in fact, he's10 now and he still wants me to walk him up to his bed, scratch his back, and tuck him in at night. everynight. lol

 

[miplank]

That is good to know. I think maybe just each kid is unique and they maybe don't understand that perhaps my son's personality and needs are different than their child's were at the same age.

Yes,

My wife had the luxory of being able to stay at home with my son for about 18 months. So needless to say my wife and son have an AMAZING BOND...Now don't get me wrong, he loves me a lot, but when he's sick, tired, hurt, etc...if my wife and I are both there...he's picking mommy, and i'm 2nd choice.

 

[heatherrae]

heather, you are his only parent and main lifeline. He is used to you being at his beck and call. also, for his age, separation anxiety is common. everyone chooses to raise their kids based on what they decide is best for their own situation. devin is very attached to you especialy like i said, becuase you are the only parent in his life.
he will outgrow it and there are also things you can do to speed his adjustment along in this regard (google). but it wont be easy. trust me.

when i was a single parent, my son and I moved into an apartment in my parents house that was a 1 bedroom. he was 2 yrs old. he had never slept anywhere but in his own crib.
but when we moved, he and i slept in the same room, same bed. this went on for the 4 yrs we lived there. and almost immediately, he wouldnt/couldnt fall asleep or even go to bed withouth me laying down in the bed with him, then id have to sneak out once he was sleeping.
that was very draining on me over those 4 yrs but it was because of the decision i had made to begin with. certainly not the child's fault.
when my son was 6, we moved into our own house and he had his own room. i spent weeks preparing him for the transition to sleeping on his own. etc. and in the end, it worked ok, but i still had to put him to sleep, tuck him in, etc.
in fact, he's10 now and he still wants me to walk him up to his bed, scratch his back, and tuck him in at night. everynight. lol

Thanks Smurfy. That is good to know, too. I usually feel that I'm doing a good job except at handling the house chores, etc. I made up my own mind that I felt it more important to bond with him and have him feel secure in the fact that mommy was here for him (especially because daddy isn't). However, when I get people telling me that I'm spoiling him all the time, it makes me second guess myself sometimes. I need to wear earplugs and a smile, sometimes. ;-)

I can relate to how you were with your son. It sounds like we went through similar child rearing situations and attitudes.

 

[walliwalibus]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

Whom are you talking about?

 

[mrplunkey]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

/agree

I love all the people who say how things will be once they have children. Just remember, "No plan survives contact with the enemy." -- Erwin Rommel.

Now don't get me wrong... getting your parenting ducks in a row is doable. For example, if you already have your relationship in great shape, your finances in great shape, the vast majority of your extended family issues in great shape, your career in great shape, your home (including neighborhood) in great shape and your own interpersonal demons tamed-down by about 85%... then you've got a solid 25% chance that adding a kid or two won't upset the apple cart. Now if you don't have all that in order, you're probably not going deliver on your "this is how it will be when I have kids" statements.

 

[Raptorex]

For the record, My Mom could throw shoes like a boomerang and hit me up stairs off of 3 walls. She also had the ears of an elephant and heard me cussing from 100 yards.

 

[miplank]

/agree

I love all the people who say how things will be once they have children. Just remember, "No plan survives contact with the enemy." -- Erwin Rommel.

Now don't get me wrong... getting your parenting ducks in a row is doable. For example, if you already have your relationship in great shape, your finances in great shape, the vast majority of your extended family issues in great shape, your career in great shape, your home (including neighborhood) in great shape and your own interpersonal demons tamed-down by about 85%... then you've got a solid 25% chance that adding a kid or two won't upset the apple cart. Now if you don't have all that in order, you're probably not going deliver on your "this is how it will be when I have kids" statements.

Nobody knows what life is going to be like after having kids. Its uncharted territory.

 

[puddlemonkey]

she just didnt want to go.

I'll go with you! I don't even care if its to get our nails done.

 

[Raptorex]

Nobody knows what life is going to be like after having kids. Its uncharted territory.

life is uncharted territory, you don't need kids. each person has their own challenges (parents, bro/sisters, friends).

 

[miplank]

life is uncharted territory, you don't need kids. each person has their own challenges (parents, bro/sisters, friends).

I never said you needed kids...I was simply saying noone can say what life will be like once they have children.

 

[puddlemonkey]

each person has their own challenges (parents, bro/sisters, friends).

Mental challenges ^^^^

 

[reno240]

Because that shit happens and you can't help it. I don't know why some women don't let their husbands watch the kids - that's just idiotic, but sometimes you are all excited to go out, you have your plans made, and the baby sitter falls through and you can't do it. Believe me, you might feel slighted, but her dissappointed is far worse.

 

[BBR100]

For the record, My Mom could throw shoes like a boomerang and hit me up stairs off of 3 walls. She also had the ears of an elephant and heard me cussing from 100 yards.

lol gotta love Italian mamas

 

[BBR100]

life is uncharted territory, you don't need kids. each person has their own challenges (parents, bro/sisters, friends).

It's just a different dynamic with your own kids.

Not the same as a parent, sibling or friend.

 

[jnevin]

My daughter spit up some of her milk while I was eating my oatmeal yesterday. Some went in. I had been sleeping in 3 hour shifts and my wife-ish was at the gym. I just ate the fucking oatmeal.

God, I love that kid.

 

[heatherrae]

my daughter spit up some of her milk while i was eating my oatmeal yesterday. Some went in. I had been sleeping in 3 hour shifts and my wife-ish was at the gym. I just ate the fucking oatmeal.

God, i love that kid.

lol...

 

[miplank]

My daughter spit up some of her milk while I was eating my oatmeal yesterday. Some went in. I had been sleeping in 3 hour shifts and my wife-ish was at the gym. I just ate the fucking oatmeal.

God, I love that kid.

haha..I can totally relate.


My son will slobber all over a sucker and drop it on the floor, touch it on everything, slober on it some more...then proceed to want to share it with me. I always oblige.

or we'll be out in the yard and he'll have some snotty booger coming out of his nose, and i just grab it and wipe it on my pants or something. LOL

 

[jnevin]

haha..I can totally relate.


My son will slobber all over a sucker and drop it on the floor, touch it on everything, slober on it some more...then proceed to want to share it with me. I always oblige.

or we'll be out in the yard and he'll have some snotty booger coming out of his nose, and i just grab it and wipe it on my pants or something. LOL

Yeah. I used to be such a germ freak until her. I still am with everyone but her, but I just laugh it off if she pees on my hand or farts some liquid gold onto my wrist when I'm changing her.

 

[heatherrae]

haha..I can totally relate.


My son will slobber all over a sucker and drop it on the floor, touch it on everything, slober on it some more...then proceed to want to share it with me. I always oblige.

or we'll be out in the yard and he'll have some snotty booger coming out of his nose, and i just grab it and wipe it on my pants or something. LOL

I do the same thing! I blow his nose on my shirt and just keep on going, snotty shirt and all! lol.

 

[puddlemonkey]

You guys are gross!

 

[cindylou]

ugh im still pissy.

lol.

 

[mrplunkey]

You guys are gross!

You just watch and see! The karma delivery truck is probably loading-up a special delivery just for jooooo!

Actually, I don't wish that upon anyone. For some reason I see you sporting one of those male nursing vests five years from now.

 

[puddlemonkey]

ugh im still pissy.

lol.

 

[cindylou]

i get that kids are a responsibility and should come first blah blah

but it can be abused too

I wouldnt be pissy if I thought that she was putting her kids first and had tried to find a decent sitter but it just didnt work out that way and someone had broke both feet and needed surgery or some shit. it was kinda a rediculous story and even then didnt excuse the fact that her husband/fiance WHATEVER could have watched them for a couple of hours.

she just didnt try and my poor little feelings got hurt.

now im going to be a bitch. lol

 

[miplank]

I do the same thing! I blow his nose on my shirt and just keep on going, snotty shirt and all! lol.

haha...yup!

actually...I was in my front yard the other day talking to my landscapers, and my son is standing in the driveway and goes, "uh oh daddy..i pee'd" I look over and he's got piss all down the front of his pants and he's standing in a puddle.

So i pick him up, and he's got a big booger coming out of his nose, wipe it on my pants and tell the landscaper I need to go change him.

He kinda looks at me like, "GROSS!"...haha

 

[cindylou]

lol yeah. gross. lol

 

[miplank]

i get that kids are a responsibility and should come first blah blah

but it can be abused too

I wouldnt be pissy if I thought that she was putting her kids first and had tried to find a decent sitter but it just didnt work out that way and someone had broke both feet and needed surgery or some shit. it was kinda a rediculous story and even then didnt excuse the fact that her husband/fiance WHATEVER could have watched them for a couple of hours.

she just didnt try and my poor little feelings got hurt.

now im going to be a bitch. lol

here's a thought...why didn't you just go hang out at her house? or go somewhere that the kids could tag along?

I know its not as good as a night out on the town, but it would've been better than a kick in the nuts...

 

[cindylou]

here's a thought...why didn't you just go hang out at her house? or go somewhere that the kids could tag along?

I know its not as good as a night out on the town, but it would've been better than a kick in the nuts...

She didnt offer.

cant invite myself over ya know.

besides, fuck it. we'll try again sometime maybe.

 

[cindylou]

I'm officially over it I decided. I've pouted enough.

 

[miplank]

hmm...I would've atleast told you to come over and chill.


Maybe she just doesn't like you?...just sayin

 

[cindylou]

hmm...I would've atleast told you to come over and chill.


Maybe she just doesn't like you?...just sayin

that may be.

she gives me some weird signals then since she asked me to be in her wedding after not seeing eachother in a couple years.

maybe she just needed an extra body to make the pictures even. i dont know.

 

[miplank]

that may be.

she gives me some weird signals then since she asked me to be in her wedding after not seeing eachother in a couple years.

maybe she just needed an extra body to make the pictures even. i dont know.

who knows...


I have a buddy I was really really close with in highschool that I hardly ever see. Maybe 1x every couple years ask me to be in his wedding this summer. I was like sure, well then him and his bitch ass wife decide that they are going to do it in vegas instead of in state like originally planned.

Unfortunetly, I couldn't just drop everything, not to mention all that money just to go out to vegas for a wedding/bachelor party. I think he's super pissed at me know, but oh well.

I thought it was kind of rude for him to demand and expect that I go.

AH well...she's a bitch anyways so there will probably be another wedding for him again anyways...maybe i'll make that one

 

[cindylou]

who knows...


I have a buddy I was really really close with in highschool that I hardly ever see. Maybe 1x every couple years ask me to be in his wedding this summer. I was like sure, well then him and his bitch ass wife decide that they are going to do it in vegas instead of in state like originally planned.

Unfortunetly, I couldn't just drop everything, not to mention all that money just to go out to vegas for a wedding/bachelor party. I think he's super pissed at me know, but oh well.

I thought it was kind of rude for him to demand and expect that I go.

AH well...she's a bitch anyways so there will probably be another wedding for him again anyways...maybe i'll make that one

thats similiar to this. we were really close in high school, and really even years after up until she started popping out kids (lol). we only speak through email but she did ask me to be in her wedding. She offered to pay for everything for me. Im guessing its more of a body to fill a space instead of her wanting to rekindle our old friendship (like I had hoped).

If it was important (since her wedding is in less than a month) she would want to meet me and catch up before I'm thrown into this mess. I have not seen her in years but Im supposed to be in her wedding - I kinda wanted to catch up. Crap. She should have made sure it happened because now i'm like wtf and Im goin into this wedding blind.

 

[miplank]

ha...I had to pay for everything to be in his wedding.


On a side note...

Like I said every few years we hang out, go to the bar have a few beers, and I find that we are just 2 totally different people now. Have really nothing in common except for the past. Which doesn't leave us much to talk about as I'm not the same person as I used to be. I've grown up tremendously and he..well hasn't that much.

Which always leave me in an awkward position because when he comes to town he calls and wants to hang out and I honestly would rather hang out with my wife and son because if I had met him today, i probably wouldn't be friends with him. So I always contemplate answering the phone when he calls.

 

[cindylou]

ha...I had to pay for everything to be in his wedding.


On a side note...

Like I said every few years we hang out, go to the bar have a few beers, and I find that we are just 2 totally different people now. Have really nothing in common except for the past. Which doesn't leave us much to talk about as I'm not the same person as I used to be. I've grown up tremendously and he..well hasn't that much.

Which always leave me in an awkward position because when he comes to town he calls and wants to hang out and I honestly would rather hang out with my wife and son because if I had met him today, i probably wouldn't be friends with him. So I always contemplate answering the phone when he calls.

if you dont have much to talk about, yeah that would blow.

but I have so much to say to her lol.

I'll just grin and bear it to get through the wedding. it does not help that I'm in another one two weeks later. Stress!

That one I DID have to pay for. lol

 

[miplank]

if you dont have much to talk about, yeah that would blow.

but I have so much to say to her lol.

I'll just grin and bear it to get through the wedding. it does not help that I'm in another one two weeks later. Stress!

That one I DID have to pay for. lol

I wouldn't be too surprised if you find the you two no longer have much in common either.

The first get together might be fun to talk about the "good ole days", but if you start hanging out more and more...you get tired of just talking about the old days.

atleast I do..haha!

 

[cindylou]

I wouldn't be too surprised if you find the you two no longer have much in common either.

The first get together might be fun to talk about the "good ole days", but if you start hanging out more and more...you get tired of just talking about the old days.

atleast I do..haha!

see, I guess I sorta understand but at the same time...

its that haughty behavior from people in the kids club that drives me nuts.

sorty like the married club. Not all of us want to be tied down with kids in our 20's. lol.

I've been married for four years this year, but I wanted to be married for a while first and enjoy alone time with my guy.