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when is it ok to snoop on your husband. This one is a doozy!
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jaimejame78
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So...If you catch you husband cyber cheating and lying about it etc...how far is to far when it comes to snooping???what is a doozy? Spill the beans!
So...If you catch you husband cyber cheating and lying about it etc...how far is to far when it comes to snooping???
Once they cheat, there is no too far! Snoop to your hearts content I say!
When I found my husband cyber flirting with his ex I snooped as much as I can, then I found some weird stuff that was open to interpretation, could have been nothing, could have been a lot, could have just been an expression they ahd or an inside joke, I didnt confront him otherwise my snooping days are over..... when u are looking for something you find it, even if it's something simple u'll blow it out of proportion, few women have self restraint in that sense, I do and that's why to this day I've never said anything because I have no REAL proof of something happening at the time and am not about to lose my husband or his trust over an IF....So...If you catch you husband cyber cheating and lying about it etc...how far is to far when it comes to snooping???
jaimejame78
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You have A LOT more restraint the I do. I commend you on this!
Ugh, I know too well how this feels.
After my most recent boyfriend and I had been dating a while, I was at his house one night alone and bored, so I decided to go on the computer til he got home. Imagine my surprise when I started typing in a web address and it was auto-filled in with match.com. I HAD to know why, so I clicked and he had left his account logged in. At this point, I didn't care that I was about to look through his account. I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong or breaking his trust because he had already broken mine by having an active match.com account while we were in an exclusive relationship. Long story short, I found out he'd been talking to girls for weeks.
I didn't really snoop after that but I did message the girls he'd talked to telling them he had a girlfriend, then I cancelled his account. We eventually broke up for several reasons a few weeks later.
The BEST part of the whole thing, though, was that just ONE week after we broke up he was already dating a new girl and saying he cared for, which was unbelievable to me. How could he say he loved me, but just one or two weeks after I'm gone already have feelings for someone else? I was livid, but what goes around, comes around. After he'd been with her for a little less than a month and a half, HE found HER talking to other guys on Match.com. Obviously he was upset, and came to me to tell me what happened and also apologize for doing the same to me. I care for him and don't want to see him hurt, but I can't lie and say I wasn't a little bit happy she did that to him. I love the guy, but he deserved it.
He then said he realized how great I was and that he wanted me back. I'm not sure if this was smart, but I agreed because I love him and felt he was sorry. (I swear this part of the story is relevant to cheating). He seemed so sorry and said when I came to stay with him the next weekend he'd make everything up to me because he felt so bad for what he did to me. Long story short, I visited. And what happened?
A. It seemed like I was trying to make HIM feel better all weekend. It felt like I was trying to let HIM know that I loved him and things, as if I needed to. I wasn't the one who cheated. I know he was upset about what happened with the other girl, but I'm sure the hurt he felt when a girl he didn't love and had only been dating less than a month and a half didn't nearly rival the hurt I felt when he did it to me. We had been together longer and said we loved each other.
B. He still snoops her match.com account, which tells me something. His head is still with her, not with me. And that fact tells me something else: it's much more likely he asked me back because he was upset and lonely than because he actually wanted to be with me. I don't know for sure. I don't understand him completely because he doesn't understand himself.
Point is, I'm starting to question if his mind was ever in a place where he wanted to cheat on me if he could ever want to be with just me again. I'm beginning to think he only asked me to be with him so he could have a warm body in his bed until he finds someone else (granted, I have reason to believe that considering he tells me how he's not sure he wants a relationship, so it's not quite the same situation as yours). Regardless, you need to nip this thing with your husband in the bud. Emotional cheating exists. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't and you need to know. That's all I'm asking from my boyfriend: that he tell me what he wants. It might hurt, but at least I wouldn't be living a lie thinking just because we're together he truly wants me.
After my most recent boyfriend and I had been dating a while, I was at his house one night alone and bored, so I decided to go on the computer til he got home. Imagine my surprise when I started typing in a web address and it was auto-filled in with match.com. I HAD to know why, so I clicked and he had left his account logged in. At this point, I didn't care that I was about to look through his account. I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong or breaking his trust because he had already broken mine by having an active match.com account while we were in an exclusive relationship. Long story short, I found out he'd been talking to girls for weeks.
I didn't really snoop after that but I did message the girls he'd talked to telling them he had a girlfriend, then I cancelled his account. We eventually broke up for several reasons a few weeks later.
The BEST part of the whole thing, though, was that just ONE week after we broke up he was already dating a new girl and saying he cared for, which was unbelievable to me. How could he say he loved me, but just one or two weeks after I'm gone already have feelings for someone else? I was livid, but what goes around, comes around. After he'd been with her for a little less than a month and a half, HE found HER talking to other guys on Match.com. Obviously he was upset, and came to me to tell me what happened and also apologize for doing the same to me. I care for him and don't want to see him hurt, but I can't lie and say I wasn't a little bit happy she did that to him. I love the guy, but he deserved it.
He then said he realized how great I was and that he wanted me back. I'm not sure if this was smart, but I agreed because I love him and felt he was sorry. (I swear this part of the story is relevant to cheating). He seemed so sorry and said when I came to stay with him the next weekend he'd make everything up to me because he felt so bad for what he did to me. Long story short, I visited. And what happened?
A. It seemed like I was trying to make HIM feel better all weekend. It felt like I was trying to let HIM know that I loved him and things, as if I needed to. I wasn't the one who cheated. I know he was upset about what happened with the other girl, but I'm sure the hurt he felt when a girl he didn't love and had only been dating less than a month and a half didn't nearly rival the hurt I felt when he did it to me. We had been together longer and said we loved each other.
B. He still snoops her match.com account, which tells me something. His head is still with her, not with me. And that fact tells me something else: it's much more likely he asked me back because he was upset and lonely than because he actually wanted to be with me. I don't know for sure. I don't understand him completely because he doesn't understand himself.
Point is, I'm starting to question if his mind was ever in a place where he wanted to cheat on me if he could ever want to be with just me again. I'm beginning to think he only asked me to be with him so he could have a warm body in his bed until he finds someone else (granted, I have reason to believe that considering he tells me how he's not sure he wants a relationship, so it's not quite the same situation as yours). Regardless, you need to nip this thing with your husband in the bud. Emotional cheating exists. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't and you need to know. That's all I'm asking from my boyfriend: that he tell me what he wants. It might hurt, but at least I wouldn't be living a lie thinking just because we're together he truly wants me.
it's very hard, if i had concrete evidence of cheating i would dump him in a heart beat, but you have to be sure of it and not just misinterpreting, example:
My husband started talking about this chick at work who sat next to him, she supposedly had a bf but she would talk a lot to him even personal things, which he told me about too, i ttold him this girl had a crush on him and he blew it off, he then went out with some people from work, i heard her leave him a VM saying she had a great time and that it was fun.... I bit my tongue as HARD as i could not to blow up in his face when i heard this, i thought to myself, maybe it was just them gping out/cheating, maybe bitch is just trying to get closer to him because i know she likes him, so instead of making a big deal out of it (because it could be interpreted both ways) I chose to let it slide and be on the look out for more evidence, I didnt find much more, couple of weeks later she quit job and before leaving guess what? she told my husband about her feelings for him, same day he told me I was right about her and apologized for brushing me off and not noticing... end of story... had I blown up from the begining over something that was probably a fantasy in HER head all i would have won would be a break up or losing my husbands trust for snooping around.... and password changes that cut my snooping
My husband started talking about this chick at work who sat next to him, she supposedly had a bf but she would talk a lot to him even personal things, which he told me about too, i ttold him this girl had a crush on him and he blew it off, he then went out with some people from work, i heard her leave him a VM saying she had a great time and that it was fun.... I bit my tongue as HARD as i could not to blow up in his face when i heard this, i thought to myself, maybe it was just them gping out/cheating, maybe bitch is just trying to get closer to him because i know she likes him, so instead of making a big deal out of it (because it could be interpreted both ways) I chose to let it slide and be on the look out for more evidence, I didnt find much more, couple of weeks later she quit job and before leaving guess what? she told my husband about her feelings for him, same day he told me I was right about her and apologized for brushing me off and not noticing... end of story... had I blown up from the begining over something that was probably a fantasy in HER head all i would have won would be a break up or losing my husbands trust for snooping around.... and password changes that cut my snooping
I snoop so much the FBI should hire me. So much that my husband knows that I do. I have the passwords to his facebook, myspace, and email...and I regularly check his phone. When we were dating...there was a lot more interesting stuff. Now, it's just getting boring. Likewise, he has access to all of my accounts as well. I don't think it's about privacy...what should be that private that your spouse isn't allowed to look at it??? If a guy cheats on you...he has forfeited all rights to trust. Without trust...do you really have a relationship at all?
lol I couldnt be bothered to snoop on my husband. Its almost like I dont care if he cheats
This is how I feel now, I guess both I and the relationship aremore mature now, if he cheats he knows what happens, I probably wouldnt care if he cheated as long as I dont find out or suspect it...lol I couldnt be bothered to snoop on my husband. Its almost like I dont care if he cheats
Exactly. If I find out then I have to leave.
If I ddint have kids, I'd probably stay even if he cheated
Since I have kids, it would be a horrible example for them.
I thought so too, but its a horrible example to put up w/ cheating (I have a daughter) if my daughter ever found out... think about how it would change her view of men and what she should and shouldnt put up with, and choose for her husband when she gets older. jmo , but I've already warned my husband that I will absolutely divorce him if he has sex w/ another woman. I mean it. I wont even think about it, it would already be done. I have to stick to my word
I think 
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If I find out it's over, if he can do it without me knowing.... then... I wont know...
If I find out it's over, if he can do it without me knowing.... then... I wont know...
ha! So true
Its easier that way. Less stress.Once you lie to me or cheat on me than it becomes YOUR PROBLEM....You are the reason why there is no trust, Deal with it!
If I want to snoop, I WILL! And if you don't like it or feel as though I am breaking into your privacy keep in mind that you wouldn't have passwords on things if you had nothing to hide and I wouldn't have to snoop or double check if you had not LIED.
If I want to snoop, I WILL! And if you don't like it or feel as though I am breaking into your privacy keep in mind that you wouldn't have passwords on things if you had nothing to hide and I wouldn't have to snoop or double check if you had not LIED.
true too Angel... the reason I started looking was because of a small lie that snowballed, I never would have started looking out of the blue...
Exactly my point...There should be no privacy as in marriage nothing should need to be hidden. You become 1, a team..Not individualized..Not boyfriend/girlfriend bullshit anymore...Don't like it- than you should never have gotten married!
I once snooped through my husbands email just to find he had a special folder with all the lame/romantic/corny stuff we exchanged when we first dated.... I felt like a tool....
awwww! You should save that to go back and remember and read during the not so romantic times
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