What Do I Do???

[LSUMuscle]

Ok, Saturday night I was in New Orleans for a friends bachelor party. We run into a couple of girls from N.Y., well actually one lives in Boston now. I along with a couple of my friends hung out with them for a while, and I ended up getting closer to the one from Boston. She was extremely cute, very attractive, and incredibly nice to talk to. We kissed a little, and later she told me that she would not be sleeping with me. I was fine with that since it was early in the night and I was just having fun. Around 4 a.m. she and I, along with her friend and a couple of mine head back to her hotel to go swimming, but the pool was closed of course so we settled for hanging out in their room. A little later, my friends left to return to our hotel, but I stayed as we were having fun talking and such. She was walking me downstairs to leave sometime later, but we ended up talking and decided that I would stay as long as there was no funny stuff. I was cool with that since I just really didn't wanna walk back to my hotel at that point. We climb in bed, kiss a little, and go to sleep. I get up around 930, say goodbye, she gives me her email addy, and catch a cab to my place.

Ok, that's the story now here's the problem. I have a girlfriend who I have been dating for a couple years. We have had lots of ups and downs, and I'm really close to her family. But, this girl really turned me on, both physically and emotionally. It was the first time that I actually liked the fact that a girl wouldn't put out. I have never really believed in love at first sight, but I really believe that it happened with her. I can't stop thinking about her. But, I also don't know what to do since she lives in Boston and I live in Louisiana AND the fact that I've got a gf already.

Can someone please give me some advice. Please only serious comments as I don't need any more confusion or guilt.
Thanks

 

[TheStromba]

You only talked to this girl for a couple of hours. Given enough time, I'm sure you will find lots of things about her that annoy you just as much as your current girl. Unless you really want to fuck up what you already have, move on.

 

[duritz]

Maybe she didn't want to screw around cuz her crabs we being agressive tonight. It takes longer than a few hours to find out about a chick. You had what is called lust. You wanted her cuz she didnt want you. Every guy has it. You beg a girl to hang out with you and she says no, but you still try. Then there is that girl who calls u and tells u she is gonna blow u and wants u to fuck her in the ass, but she lives 10 minutes away and it's not even worth it to you. Ever happen to you??

 

[epimetheus]

The unknown is always fascinating. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Girls are always fascinating when you first meet em, but after awhile you can start seeing through the "interesting mask" they have built around the true them. Don't mess up what you have for a short infatuation.

 

[Puddles]

You say you've been with the same girlfriend for a couple of years, but do you truly love her...the kind of love that you can't live without, the kind of love that the thought of living without her brings tears to your eyes and makes your heart ache? If you do, then don't even think about this new chick in a serious way...but if you don't honestly love your girlfriend, then maybe you're just together out of habbit and it's time to take a leave of absence and possibly get to know this other girl.

A couple of years seems like a long enough time to know what's in your heart. You don't want to screw around on your current g/f because she will never forgive you and you won't forgive yourself, but if you seriously don't think your current girl is the one for you, then re-think your relationship...you don't want to live the rest of your life with the "What if..." lingering in the back of your mind.

 

[LSUMuscle]

MrsPuddles, that's exactly my problem. I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering "what if" about either of these situations. What if I would have forgotten about the girl I met? OR, What if I would have gone after her?

You know, up until this point, I thought that I was totally in love and couldn't live with out her. But she was gone out of town with her family for several days, and then I went to N.O. where this took place and I didn't miss her the way I usually do. Now that this has happened, I don't look at her the same, don't feel the same, etc...I feel guilty, but not because I kissed this girl and slept in the same bed as her, but because I had feelings for someone other than my girlfriend. The emotional attraction was just as strong as the physical attraction.

Well, I understand and have thought about what the rest of you said also. I don't want to just give up what I have for something that I don't know will ever be. But on the same hand, I don't want to stay with her just because I think that this incident was lust instead of something real.

Thanks for your help, and anyone else's help is also appreciated.

 

[bigguns7]

Number one, yes I do believe in love at first sight.

Number two, this MAY have been what you experienced.

Number three, I too would find it very attractive if a girl wouldn't sleep with me. There are too few girls like that out there. But here is why: I believe it was the famous philosopher Lao Tzu who said "WE PURSUE THAT WHICH RETREATS FROM US."

That is one of the truest statements I have ever heard. The girl played hard to get, and you loved it. Secondly the girl is in another city, and you can't have her or see her. That makes her that much more attractive.

These are just some things to think about.

 

[LSUMuscle]

Well, I don't really think she was playing hard to get. Neither one of really came on to the other very strong at first. We just kinda started talking and let things go as they may. After we kissed, we both were a little touchy-feely, and I think she just wanted to let me know up front that she wasn't the type of girl who did that. Other than that, she was all over me the rest of the night, kissing, touching, holding hands, talking, etc.....So, I really don't think that I'm after something that I can't have, at least in the sense that she is playing hard to get.

Now the part about her being in Boston and I being in Louisiana, I guess in that sense I can't readily have her. I can't drive over to her place or anything, or even drive a couple hours to see her, so that makes it tough and I guess it makes me wonder more.

Well, just to update, we've talked through email a couple times and I'm still confused. This girl really got to me. I can't hardly function normally anymore. All I want to do is see her again, or even talk to her on the phone, but she hasn't given me her number yet. I've given her mine, but.....So, I guess we'll see in the next few days what happens.

 

[Legs1010]

The unknown is always fascinating. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Girls are always fascinating when you first meet em, but after awhile you can start seeing through the "interesting mask" they have built around the true them. Don't mess up what you have for a short infatuation.

As if men don't do the same damn thing.

 

[LSUMuscle]

Legs1010,

Sure, that's very true. It's not a sex thing, it's a person thing. People are different when you first meet them. They always change somehow, some good, some bad. Anyway, I'd love to get the chance to find out if this girl has any bad qualities because right now the only one I know is that she is so damn far away.

 

[LSUMuscle]

Please someone else give me their thoughts. I need some help with this.

 

[Puddles]

MrsPuddles, that's exactly my problem. I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering "what if" about either of these situations. What if I would have forgotten about the girl I met? OR, What if I would have gone after .

Don't rush into anything. Take your time to think about it ALL.

I met TheStromba (my husband now of almost 18 yrs.) on his 18th birthday when he was celebrating with a few of his friends at my father's bar. I can still remember what he was wearing and what he was drinking that first night we met. I was attracted to him from the moment my eyes caught sight of him. Well...one of the other guys asked me out and we wound up dating for over a year. During that time I got to know TheStromba and really liked him in every way but it had been strictly platonic. We would meet in the morning and take the ferry into work together (a 30 minute ride), we'd catch eachother for lunches, ride the ferry home together, as well as the three of us just hanging out on weekends, I even tried setting him up with a few of my friends. Somehow that simple platonic friendship changed into and increadible lustfull desire, the lust was always there from the night I met him but it grew and grew until I couldn't hold back any longer. One night I confessed my feelings to him. We were in quite a situation but we were both strongly attracted to each other. We wound up dating behind my boyfriend's back for a little while...we hated doing it, but we had to follow our hearts. I broke up with the boyfriend and explained what had happened. He tried hard to get me back, but my heart did not belong to him. He never could forgive us, but we were right to do what we did because it changed the course of the REST of our lives. I can NOT imagine my life without my husband, and if I hadn't gone for it back then and followed my heart, I'd probably be misserable now. He IS my soulmate.

Since you feel so strongly about this girl, take the time to really get to know her. E-mail and talk and see if the feelings are still strong in a few months. If so, maybe she IS the ONE for you. Just take it one step at a time though. It will eventually all fall into place.

 

[lilperronis]

hey LSU i live in baton rouge to and there are some hott girls down here .but i am serious bout this ,you should ask your girlfriend if you can go on JUST ONE date with this girl and you will be back at midnight and u never know that might bring yall relationship closer. but dont tell her that yall kissed or nothing like that.but then it might also get you in troble with her u never know till you ask.....

tell us how it goes

 

[PrincessRayn]

ahh this sounds so much like my situation. i have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now.. and before him i was in another long relationship. i love him but we have gone thorough a lot and the love isnt as intense, at least for me. i find myself resenting him for the times he's hurt me.. and resenting myself for rushing into another relationship.. then again he has always stuck by my side. i am only 18. he asked me to marry him a few monthes ago and i said yes.... im not sure that i should have because i dont think i am ready for that type of commitment. i met another guy back in febuary. i was immediatly drawn to him. his personality was awesome.. and he was extremely goodlooking.(as is my boyfriend) so its not just a physical thing. we spent 12 hours together and then he moved to georgia! bad timing or good timing i always wonder. anyway we talk alot on the phone i planned to go see him this summer. then he told me how beautiful i am and he thinks i have all the traits a guy would want in a girl.. ahhh my own boyfriend doesnt even tell me im beautiful! maybe i just like the attention? but i dont think so because i liked him way before that.. anyway since my boyfriend and i have been fighting a lot i told him i have to find out.. about this guy... i thought being honest would be best. isnt it better to find out now that have regrets later? well he doesnt think so... he basically told me i can not go to see my friend now!!! ahhh... he isnt controlling like ever.. he says hes afraid this other guy will win my heart. i kind of just want him to appreciate me and make things work.. but now i cant go see my friend that i had planned on seeing.. what do i do? same thing sort of.. i know he probably has just as many flaws but i cant see them... i feel like i know him but have only spent 12 hours with him..

 

[Nutri-Wrestler]

Hey, LSU Muscle. I got a story for you that might make you a little happier. cant typ it now caus eim at work and ill be getting off soon so i dont have the time. Just remember, the grass isnt always greener on the other side so make sure you know before you jump ship.

Ross

 

[Nutri-Wrestler]

Ok, i promised you the story so here it is. It all started way back in the smmer between 6th and 7th grade year. That summer i met and incredibly beautiful and sweet girl named Cassie. She came down during the summer to visit her dad and one of my friends brought her over to introduce us. well, we hit off right away. After 2 weeks of some heavy making out (hey, i was only 12) she had to leave to go back to connecticut.

She returned the next year, except this time she had a b/f. Unfortunately, nothing between me and Cassie happened that summer so that really sucked. There was no way in hell a long distance thing was gonna happen since i lived in Louisiana and she lived up in Connecticut. Every year she would come down and i would see her. We would be together off on like that all the way up till my juior year in high school.

I met my ex (jenna) my freshman year and by half way through sophomore year we were together. However, 2 weeks later i moved form louisiana up to virginia. I would come and visit every 2 months or so. So, the summer between junior and senior year came and i decided i would come back down to good ol' Mandeville Louisiana to stay with my friends and my g/f. During that summer Cassie came down to visit and my g/f refused to let me see her. Being the pussywhipped little bitch i was at the time, i just tucked my balls inbetween my legs and walked away.

Well, senior year came and i moved back to my hometown of Mandeville Louisiana. This was wonderful, or so i thought, because me and my g/f could be together again after a 1.5 year long distance relationship. Things werent going to good so me and her broke up a week before my homecoming (which i would wind up going to alone).

During me and Jenna's little break Cassie came down to visit her dad for Thanksgiving. I told her that i moved back to LA and that i wanted to see her again. We made plans to meet up at her dads and we would go out and hang out together.

Well, the day finally came. I was excited and hoping we would hit it off. But i was so nervous b/c she hasnt seen me in forever. Turns out we hit it off instantly. It was like nothing ever changed for us. Those few days we spent together were awsome. But as with all things in life, that week came to an end and she returned to connecticut.

About a month later though she came back down to LA for Christmas. Needless to say we were together again. However, when she did leave, me and my Jenna got back together on New years. Unfortunately, jenna also cheated on me that night with some 24 year old white trash piece of shit from Virginia with 2 ids and an ex wife (jenna is only 17). This really pissed me off, however, i took her back.

Things were goin good for me and Jenna, but in the back of my mind i thought about cassie and how i felt for her. These feelings for cassie never did go away, i just hid them from myself. When spring break came, cassie visited her dad again and once again i went to visit. She was all over me, kissing me and everything, but i couldnt give in to my desires, after all, i had a g/f and i wasnt about to cheat on her with cassie. I rationalized this out b/c if i did cheat on her with cassie, then if me and cassie did get together in the futrure, then she would know it was a possibility i would cheat on her. So, i resisted the temptation for the rest of the week till cassie left to go back to Connecticut.

Now, here comes the pretty cool part. Cassie, decided to move to Baton Rouge for her junior year at LSU. Although i live in Mandeville, i will be moving to Baton rouge for my freshman year at LSU. Cassie still wanted me when she moved down and she told me that she was gonna wait for me and Jenna to break up, however, she hoped it was soon.

Turns out me and Jenna did break up after 2.5 years together. The next day (literally), she got all up on some 20 year old football player from McNeese (hes fat and feminine and not to mention, a kicker haha). This absolutely destroyed me. However, i figured it would be better for me and Jenna to be best friends rather than just go our seperate ways completely. About a week later, me and jenna got together and she gave me a blowjob and i went down on her (this is after she found out me and Cassie were dating). Well, about 2 days later i went up to LSU for freshman orientation. I went to cassie's apartment and me and her stayed up till 3 just talkin and kissing.

The next day (Friday) she came to Mandeville and we went out yet again. We started kissing and everything and talking once more. However, we talked about us. We had a loooong conversation in which finally me and Cassie found up being together! As in b/f and g/f type shit. This was completely exilerating. After all, here is this girl i have been knowing and liking since 6th grade and thinkin the whole time that nothing else was gonna happen b/c of the distance between us.

Now me and Cassie are together. Its so weird having a g/f who is not Jenna. But im glad b/c Jenna really treated me like shit. And being the person i was, i continuied to take it while lookin for a way to improve our relationship while she destroyed it. Last night Jenna found out me and Cassie are b/f and g/f. Needless to say she fuckin flipped. If ya wanna know more about that, then ask, but by now im sure your bored off your ass so im gonna hurry up and end it.

The point is, some things are meant to happen in your life time. Fate will only take you so far, but it is up to you to act upon it. Its a hard situation your in, but you should also remember that the grass isnt always greener on the other side. Just make sure you take a longer look at your feelings before you act upon them. Make sure what your feeling for this girl is not just lust and make sure that you dont have feelings for your girl. Otherwise, you might just jump ship and then you will be wondering "Well, what if i stayed with my ex." Just do what your heart is telling you but dont confuse love for lust and dont trade one for the other. Never thought an 18 year old kid could think like that, huh?

Ross

P.S. Good luck with the choice you make, hopefully it will be the right one.

Karma is welcome for this long and entertaining story, especially since i dont have any...

 

[lilchit]

im of the opinion that there is no "one true love" for people, but a large number of suitable, compatible mates for each of us.

perhaps what you have here are two of the many options you have. its lust PLUS some kind of emotional connection (for no apparent reason). its very likely that you could be happy with either of these women. this is where logic comes into play. you feel like its time to "choose", right? go ahead and do so.

but, as im sure you know, if you choose the new girl, some day down the road when your relationship with HER is in the "rocky" stage, you WILL run into another of your options. and so will the new girl.

 

[Wombat]

This is very simple-----You are looking for the BBD(bigger-better-deal)regardless of whats going on with your current girlfriend, don't be like every other fucking guy out their and keep her around until the BBD comes. Its not fair to her. Ups and Downs are what make up a real relationship...If you love your current girlfriend --stay with her and grow with what you have....if you don't love her, let her go......I have a ton of respect for people that can walk the earth alone(no relationship) in search for what they believe they deserve(their not afraid to be alone) I myself have never been that person--always had some girl by my side(insecurity you know)

But let me tell you --it doesn't matter that she didn't have sex with you--that really doesn't mean shit(what if she did put out, would she be so intreging to you)--what type of chix would let you put your hands all over her but not give out her digits(ya she does have a boyfriend) and the reason you didn't get the Duke(fuck her) was because of this boyfriend...thats all...its really no secrete....This girl was exciting to you(she dug her shit)and made you feel good..The Excite Factor really can play with your head.....Hell guys fuck up all the time and give up on their 15 year Marriage just because of the Excite Factor---then they try crawling back with their head between their legs after the wife moved on and probably fucked 2 of his friends while they were apart---In his old house, in his old bed-----while the husband is scraping by in one bedroom apartment.....maybe i'm going alitte far with the above statment but you get what i'm saying.

So my advice to you is very simple-----put 100% of your energy into your current girlfriend-----if it doesn't work and you truly tried, let her go for good ---then go out and look for what you think you need---that way you will be drama free and be able to spot women who are drama free also----this woman that you speak of- I can almost say for certain will bring drama into your life----do yourself a favor and don't be in such a hurry to give all of yourself to a female other then the one your with----by doing this, you are setting yourself up for failure in one way or another.....

Good luck and go give your real girlfriend and hug----and lose the others email--------by the way I could go walk out my door and in a one mile radius find on any given day probably a hand full of women that would be intreging to me---you could do the same(their really is no need for long distance relationships)that will probably end in failure anyways----peace