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Totally lost in an abusive relationship - HELP

S

Surviving

New member
Bros, I don't know where to begin. My life is so fucked up right now

I've got no idea what to do or where to turn.

I'm in a 2 year relationship with a girl that I love but know we can't

be together. We have a 9 month old daughter who I love more than

anything in the world. She is the only thing that keeps me going every

day.

She has been physically abusive ever since we met but I didn't think

anything of it because she couldn't hurt me and it was almost a joke.

Finally I told her that the shit would only escalate so that anymore

physical abuse and I was calling the cops. I did, three times and

things got so bad that I ended up cheating on her when she was pregnant

partially because I was out late at night doing what I had to do to pay

the bills because we were barely getting by. When I did come home, it

was hell so eventually, this other girl and I that was friends with

took it further.

When we had finally seperated, she found out that I'd been cheating on

her and we were not on speaking terms of a month or two. Once she had

the baby, we gradually spent more and more time together because we

both wanted things to work out and we loved each other.

I always took accountability for what I did and know that it was wrong.

I've apologized time and time again, but I cant change the past.

We are trying to work things out but she cannot get over what happened

and no matther what she does, breaking things, hitting me, anything,

she always justifies it by the fact that I cheated on her. the worst

part is, she uses the fact that if she yells loud enough and kicks

enough doors, I won't do a thing because I wont let my daughter see me

act violently and being quiet is the only way she will calm down

without me slapping the makeup off her face.

I've never laid a hand on her and she knows I wont. But I wont take

this kind of enviornment for my daughter to live in.

I dont know what to do. Do I just leave her? If so, that would mean

leaving my daughter which I could never do. I wont let anyone hurt

that angel.

But I cant keep living with my hands tied and let her exploit the fact that I wont hit her back and I will not let our daughter see violence.

You dont know how hard it has been not to show her her what getting physical can really mean. But I've always had the presence of mind to keep my cool no matter what the circumstances. I'm not going to jail for any girl, no matter how crazy.

I cant be the first one in totally fucked up relationship like this. At least I hope not.

What the fuck do I do to unfuck my life for myself and my daughter?

Thanks in advance of any advice whatsoever.
 
bro. leave her. go to court for custody of your child. at this age your child will absorb and learn alot and watching mommy do those things to daddy will be instilled subconciously in her impressionable mind. i've also been in an abusive relationship with a girl who was the abuser and like you couldnt do anything because i dont get physical with girls like that. its frustrating i know. good luck man.
 
call the cops every time, and document all of it. If you can afford it, install hidden cameras to use the footage to gain custody. Then she will have to pay you child support and have supervised visits if any at all.
 
holy shit Jimsbbc...havent seen you in forever (pm me i'm an old vet :) )
 
i grew up with a lot of women, and while i will protect them all in the face of some external threat without hesitation or regard for consequence, i have made it very clear to the women that i associate with that i have no qualms about beating the hell out of them under various (extreme) circumstances.

its amazing how some really fiesty women stop short at a glance once you pull the rug of their own misconception out from under their feet. not that i am a violent person, mind. i dont start fights, but i wont tolerate bullshit - and the drama queens who lean on mens reluctance to hit a woman while they scream/slap up a storm arent willing to take the chance, it seems ;)

learn a couple of joint locks, and use them next time she decides to hit you. the reality of how much stronger/faster men are, and how much damage they can take without giving a shit isnt real until they experience it

have fun :)
 
You could get evidence of her beating you, and then give it to the social services so you can get custody of the kid, but I don't know which of you would actually make a better parent.

You've got to put the well being of the kid first and foremost.

Good luck in making good decisions.
 
I know you already said that you would never hit her, but I can't stress the fact more, if you ever do you will never see your child on a regular basis again.

Unfortunately the courts/legal system are extremely bias when it comes to custody rights toward men. You need to have every abusive physical encounter with her documented, take photos if you can of any bruises, scratches,etc.

Call the police in every occurance.

Get a restraining order against her, and make every attempt to get custody of this child.

I've had several bros go through this kind of shit. The women they are involved with are abusive but they call the cops and have daddy carted away, then comes the restraining order and they have spent 1000's of dollars just to see their own children for 2 days a month.

Play this one safe and be cool headed.

Best of luck.
 
GoldenDelicious said:
i grew up with a lot of women, and while i will protect them all in the face of some external threat without hesitation or regard for consequence, i have made it very clear to the women that i associate with that i have no qualms about beating the hell out of them under various (extreme) circumstances.

its amazing how some really fiesty women stop short at a glance once you pull the rug of their own misconception out from under their feet. not that i am a violent person, mind. i dont start fights, but i wont tolerate bullshit - and the drama queens who lean on mens reluctance to hit a woman while they scream/slap up a storm arent willing to take the chance, it seems ;)

learn a couple of joint locks, and use them next time she decides to hit you. the reality of how much stronger/faster men are, and how much damage they can take without giving a shit isnt real until they experience it

have fun :)
Click to expand...
lol i find it funny as well that men get slapped around by women and dont do shit, the last time my mom hit me, i told her if she ever hit me again id punch her in the face...i was serious and she hasnt hit me since- i havnt really deserved it since, and i didnt deserve it when she hit me, which is why i said that, i wouldnt say it if i deserved it.

anyway, yeah if a bitch slaps u, bitchslap herback
 
strangebrew said:
Are you in a relationship with Chyna?
Click to expand...


Yeah, I'm helpless. j/k Its not the fact that she is abusive, I used to keep on teasing her to see how hard she could hit...until I realized the escalation thing.

One slap and she's knocked out and I'm locked up - thats why I dont go there.

The only thing I ever did was once she hit me twice, tried to hit me again so I grabbed her hair, twisted her around and pulled her head down do my waist and told her just because I dont doesnt mean I cant. Looking up at me hanging by her hair she got the point...at least for a while :rolleyes:
 
monkey arms said:
I know you already said that you would never hit her, but I can't stress the fact more, if you ever do you will never see your child on a regular basis again.

Unfortunately the courts/legal system are extremely bias when it comes to custody rights toward men. You need to have every abusive physical encounter with her documented, take photos if you can of any bruises, scratches,etc.

Call the police in every occurance.

Get a restraining order against her, and make every attempt to get custody of this child.

I've had several bros go through this kind of shit. The women they are involved with are abusive but they call the cops and have daddy carted away, then comes the restraining order and they have spent 1000's of dollars just to see their own children for 2 days a month.

Play this one safe and be cool headed.

Best of luck.
Click to expand...


Listen to this guy. This is the best advice going.
 
keep your head on straight for the little one,your life is,nt all that fucked up as you see,you still have a little daughter:)
 
hamstershaver said:
i thought banging a new chick was the best advice i gave him
Click to expand...

Apparently my never marry a wop quote from the godfather 2 was better advice.
 
#1. Move out immediately.
#2. Go to the nearest Superior Court and find out what papers you need to file for a child custody hearing. Take all previous police reports with you to the hearing.
#3. Obtain a restraining order and stop ALL contact with her immediately(except for child visitation related stuff, which insist be done via email only).
#4. Move on with your life, spend as much time as the court will allow with your daughter.
#5. If you ever have ANY inclination to reunite with this woman, punch yourself as hard as you can and get back to reality.
 
Viking850 said:
#1. Move out immediately.
#2. Go to the nearest Superior Court and find out what papers you need to file for a child custody hearing. Take all previous police reports with you to the hearing.
#3. Obtain a restraining order and stop ALL contact with her immediately(except for child visitation related stuff, which insist be done via email only).
#4. Move on with your life, spend as much time as the court will allow with your daughter.
#5. If you ever have ANY inclination to reunite with this woman, punch yourself as hard as you can and get back to reality.
Click to expand...
This is as good as it gets. Some things cant be fixed and a violent person is one of those things that cant be fixed. I would focus on getting custody of your child, which means gaining evidence that her mother is abusive. Overall I would say you made your bed on this one.
 
superdave said:
This is as good as it gets. Some things cant be fixed and a violent person is one of those things that cant be fixed. I would focus on getting custody of your child, which means gaining evidence that her mother is abusive. Overall I would say you made your bed on this one.
Click to expand...


You are absolutely right there. It took me two years to dig this deep of a hole, I dont expect to get out in a day.
 
Survivor,

You need to get definently seperate yourself from your wife but see if you can get enough against your wife to take your daughter away. Its a disaster waiting to happen for her.

Its hard to realize when its over, but people do actually move on. Look at those famalies who divorce after 20 years of marrage. Keeping your kids in an abusive relationship for that long does nothing but hurt them. You WILL be able to move on and still raise your daughter the way she should. THose who divorce ARE able to move onto better lifes for themselves and those they care about.

Get out while you can before someone get hurt. Think of all the times your daughter watches her mom deal with her anger. Shes eventually going to think that what her mom does is normal and will probably repeat the abuse in her future family.

Coming from somone who watched theyre parents stay together for the kids, dont let it drag on. Its only doing more invisible damage on your daughter. PLEASE
 
Move out

Get 4 cases of Meister Brau and drink them all because you are about to spend the next 17 years forking over most of your income in child support.

After this step it's widely accepted to make some cry for help like banging a fat girl at the office or joining a curling league.

Follow other poster's advice more closely than this advice.

If none of the above work, give the 4 cases of Meister Brau another shot and cheer up cause by the time you are done paying child support you only have about 20 years left to save for retirement
 
Call the cops "Every time" she hits you but make sure she leaves marks on you..

Eventually they will have enough information and a record that she will lose custody of your Daugher in court and only have visitation rights..

Is that what you want ?
If not, get her help to find out the real reason she hits and help her get over it.
You said she was violent Before you cheated on her so IMO that isnt the real reason. Sounds like a jealousy things she has over you..
 
Y_lifter said:
Call the cops "Every time" she hits you but make sure she leaves marks on you..

Eventually they will have enough information and a record that she will lose custody of your Daugher in court and only have visitation rights..

Is that what you want ?
If not, get her help to find out the real reason she hits and help her get over it.
You said she was violent Before you cheated on her so IMO that isnt the real reason. Sounds like a jealousy things she has over you..
Click to expand...
failing that
anytime a woman hits you,get away
they know that the majority of us won't strike back
if any guys out there have been struck in a really harmful manner
your best decision is to disassociate yourself from her
 
if she truly loves you she will forgive and forget--she needs to realize yea you screwed up big time but if she decides to go on with this relationship she needs to forgive and forget..if she doesnt well then im not sure cuz i am not a fan of divorce by any means so if you decided to marry this women then do what you can as a man and make it work.
 
There is absolutely nothing un-manly about leaving a relationship with a violent woman. All this "be a man" talk is just shaming language.
 
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