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OMG!!! You guys ever been to one of these? Holy Hell!
Ok, it is one of these huge warehouse type places that has all the wooden ramps and shit. Here is the dilly-o:
The Place - nasty as shit. Fucking stickers stuck on every fucking thing. I swear, if I had not kept moving around one would have magically appeared on me. The remaining few spaces was covered with graffiti. I thought that a gang of 6 year olds that covered the place as the poor grammar and bad spelling was terrible and evident. Until I saw the people that came there. The bathroom looked like someone packed a dozen Ethiopians with hand grenades down their throats and locked them in there. I ain't kidding you. I ended up pissing in the trashcan in the hallway because the bathroom was hideously dirty. There was a Chic-let type bubble gum machine near the front door... you know the little square multi colored pieces of gum... when I looked in the top, there were tiny little bugs scurrying around the inside all over the gum.
The Boys - I think the oldest was 15. And he had a full beard and mustache. No fucking joke. Was about 5'3" and had the face of a 45 year old alcoholic. The rest was between ages 8-13. Nasty ass kids. If you ever saw / or will see / the movie Bully, set in South Florida, you will know exactly what kind of kids I am talking about. None of them wore a shirt (which I found odd until later...), most were there in jeans or shorts and flip flops. Some of them didn't even have shoes. I mean, I thought they were wearing socks until closer inspection showed it was caked up dirt. It was hot and humid inside and they were just dripping with sweat. They must have brushed their teeth with Pepsi and Dr Pepper three times a day for all their lives, because when I saw some of the speak, they mostly had black stumps for teeth.
The Girls - someone tell curling that Jesus is still crying and wringing his hands over these souls. Average age was 12. Oldest was about 14. You could tell she was the oldest because she was telling everyone how she was studying night and day to go get her learners permit the next week. (I bet the bitch flunks). Ok, the 12 year olds were all wearing torn up blues jeans the magic marker writing all over the pants and their shoes. We are talking about children walking around in full facial make up, foundation/blush/mascara/lipstick... the entire Tammy Faye MegaWorks Special. They only put it on their faces, and thus looked two toned with tan face and pasty white vitamin deficient neck, shoulders and arms. We are talking about teenage mom on Jerry Springer by their 16th birthday kind of children here. They spent the entire time #1 discussing how they were having their tit jobs done (I ain't lying.. they had not even caught a sniff of puberty yet and were talking about breast implants) and #2 trying to attract the attention of the skater boys around, which was not happening because of.....................
The Old Men - yeah... go back and read that again. The. Old. Men. There were these old fucking child molesters in there about 50-60 years old. They showed up just to admire the young boys with their sweaty bodies. It was so evident. These were NOT gay men.. these were straight men playing the Favorite Uncle Molester card. It was so obvious. Everytime one of the boys did a trick on a ramp they just clapped and hooted. They would spend their time handing these children cigerettes and buying them Pepsi's from the front in exchange for hugs. If I am lying.. I'm dying. Fucking sickos. They would just rub these boys chest and backs while they lit their cigerettes for them or they were standing there drinking sodas. And the woman at the front desk knew what the hell was going on and didn't care. Hell, she was profiting off it because she was charing $4 for a 12 ounce Pepsi can. Yeah... that's right. Hell even Six Flags don't have the balls to charge that much. But she was. These old men routinely called the young guys their "princes" and then turned right around and refered to the girls as "those whores".
So my little neighbor was skating around (totally killing all these other lame brains with his skillz) when one of the men started calling him over and yelling "take off your shirt". Since my neighbor is deaf, he couldn't hear the man. The man took offense at what he perceived as being ignored and remarked "that little son of a bitch best lose his attitude and start playing by the rules around here or he won't be welcome here anymore." When I heard this, I walked over there and told him "Motherfucker, I will knock you the fuck out of that chair for talking shit like that". So he gets up and goes tell the lady at the front desk. She comes out and asks us to leave becasue (her words) we are not contributing to a family atmosphere. I was about to get pissed, but I was aware that I had only paid for him to skate for two hours and it was a little less than 20 minutes left on his time. So I didn't say anything. I just called him over and told (signed to him) we needed to leave because they were going to be hosting a private birthday party there later. He was ready to go anyway. So on the way out the door, just to fuck with her, I knocked that bubble gum machine over with my elbow. The top didn't break (as I was hoping) but it pop off and free the prisoners crawling around the inside.
Talk about a fucked up environment out there.
Ok, it is one of these huge warehouse type places that has all the wooden ramps and shit. Here is the dilly-o:
The Place - nasty as shit. Fucking stickers stuck on every fucking thing. I swear, if I had not kept moving around one would have magically appeared on me. The remaining few spaces was covered with graffiti. I thought that a gang of 6 year olds that covered the place as the poor grammar and bad spelling was terrible and evident. Until I saw the people that came there. The bathroom looked like someone packed a dozen Ethiopians with hand grenades down their throats and locked them in there. I ain't kidding you. I ended up pissing in the trashcan in the hallway because the bathroom was hideously dirty. There was a Chic-let type bubble gum machine near the front door... you know the little square multi colored pieces of gum... when I looked in the top, there were tiny little bugs scurrying around the inside all over the gum.
The Boys - I think the oldest was 15. And he had a full beard and mustache. No fucking joke. Was about 5'3" and had the face of a 45 year old alcoholic. The rest was between ages 8-13. Nasty ass kids. If you ever saw / or will see / the movie Bully, set in South Florida, you will know exactly what kind of kids I am talking about. None of them wore a shirt (which I found odd until later...), most were there in jeans or shorts and flip flops. Some of them didn't even have shoes. I mean, I thought they were wearing socks until closer inspection showed it was caked up dirt. It was hot and humid inside and they were just dripping with sweat. They must have brushed their teeth with Pepsi and Dr Pepper three times a day for all their lives, because when I saw some of the speak, they mostly had black stumps for teeth.
The Girls - someone tell curling that Jesus is still crying and wringing his hands over these souls. Average age was 12. Oldest was about 14. You could tell she was the oldest because she was telling everyone how she was studying night and day to go get her learners permit the next week. (I bet the bitch flunks). Ok, the 12 year olds were all wearing torn up blues jeans the magic marker writing all over the pants and their shoes. We are talking about children walking around in full facial make up, foundation/blush/mascara/lipstick... the entire Tammy Faye MegaWorks Special. They only put it on their faces, and thus looked two toned with tan face and pasty white vitamin deficient neck, shoulders and arms. We are talking about teenage mom on Jerry Springer by their 16th birthday kind of children here. They spent the entire time #1 discussing how they were having their tit jobs done (I ain't lying.. they had not even caught a sniff of puberty yet and were talking about breast implants) and #2 trying to attract the attention of the skater boys around, which was not happening because of.....................
The Old Men - yeah... go back and read that again. The. Old. Men. There were these old fucking child molesters in there about 50-60 years old. They showed up just to admire the young boys with their sweaty bodies. It was so evident. These were NOT gay men.. these were straight men playing the Favorite Uncle Molester card. It was so obvious. Everytime one of the boys did a trick on a ramp they just clapped and hooted. They would spend their time handing these children cigerettes and buying them Pepsi's from the front in exchange for hugs. If I am lying.. I'm dying. Fucking sickos. They would just rub these boys chest and backs while they lit their cigerettes for them or they were standing there drinking sodas. And the woman at the front desk knew what the hell was going on and didn't care. Hell, she was profiting off it because she was charing $4 for a 12 ounce Pepsi can. Yeah... that's right. Hell even Six Flags don't have the balls to charge that much. But she was. These old men routinely called the young guys their "princes" and then turned right around and refered to the girls as "those whores".
So my little neighbor was skating around (totally killing all these other lame brains with his skillz) when one of the men started calling him over and yelling "take off your shirt". Since my neighbor is deaf, he couldn't hear the man. The man took offense at what he perceived as being ignored and remarked "that little son of a bitch best lose his attitude and start playing by the rules around here or he won't be welcome here anymore." When I heard this, I walked over there and told him "Motherfucker, I will knock you the fuck out of that chair for talking shit like that". So he gets up and goes tell the lady at the front desk. She comes out and asks us to leave becasue (her words) we are not contributing to a family atmosphere. I was about to get pissed, but I was aware that I had only paid for him to skate for two hours and it was a little less than 20 minutes left on his time. So I didn't say anything. I just called him over and told (signed to him) we needed to leave because they were going to be hosting a private birthday party there later. He was ready to go anyway. So on the way out the door, just to fuck with her, I knocked that bubble gum machine over with my elbow. The top didn't break (as I was hoping) but it pop off and free the prisoners crawling around the inside.
Talk about a fucked up environment out there.
