relationship great/sex bad

[Kali]

Okay, so to clarify from the beginning, this is not for me. My friend has been with her man for almost a year now and has a great relationship with him, the only problem is that the sex is horrible. I am talking 15 min, clueless, small guy, monkeys fucking a football horrible. So she is asking me for advice on what to do. She has tried talking to him, and getting him to try different things, but the man is really small, afraid of toys and just has no skills. She doesn't even want sex anymore and is totally unhappy with this... but he is great outside of the bedroom. What am I supposed to say? My thoughts were that sex is not what a relationship is all about, but it is a very important part of who we are and how we show love for one another. The only thing that really seperates our SOs from our best friend is our sexuality. She can't go through life being unhappy if there is nothing he can obviously do (outside of surgery and a few sex ed courses.) Maybe this is leading to bigger communication issues. What do you think? What should I tell her?

 

[naturally anabolic]

it certainly is leading to bigger communication issues, if she is talking to him and telling him what she wants and he is not atleast attempting to improve then there are underlying issues right there. Perhaps he has certain taboo's or reservations in his mind as how sex is supposed to be and hes not willing to change. Its not everything in a relationship granted but it can defineately leave the bedroom and transfer into other portions of the relationship rather quickly. She can try to talk to him again and be totally honest about what she thinks is wrong with the sex and see if he will change but it may be a futile attempt.

admit it kali its really you

 

[Kali]

"Hi honey, after dinner, lets look at platic surgeons for you and then take you back to junior high where they teach you what a vagina is and what you are supposed to do with it"

Probably not going to happen. Some people just can't be taught.

 

[naturally anabolic]

yea maybe suggest they rent a porn and watch it together

 

[Kali]

Done it... they have been together for a year, remember that. So, the real question is: If you have tried everything, do you leave or stay if the sex is horrible?

 

[Spartacus]

have her buy a sybian..or better yet,have him buy her a sybian

 

[Citruscide]

Read my post on your stupid poll... If she is complaining sex sucks, then she is part of the culpret... and the problem.

You can't just blame the other party and say you are the bomb.

C-ditty

 

[Serenity Head]

Done it... they have been together for a year, remember that. So, the real question is: If you have tried everything, do you leave or stay if the sex is horrible?

It sounds as if the real problem is him, and him alone. The last thing I am thinking about is myself. I always focus on her. I actually have some of the best times when I make her cum way before I ever do. I would have her push him to go down on her. It took me over 2 years to learn my women, no joke, but It was also my first and will be my last.

 

[Zerxes]

I've had this happen to me in a relationship once. I'll make a short story long here and give you the abreviated version. I met this girl "Casey" while I was bartending in '95. I didn't want anything to do with her at first, but she was always there to see me at the end of the night, and we always would end up talking out in her Car until dusk, so one thing eventually led to another...OK, so it turns out that this girl was everything I ever wanted in a woman on all levels EXEPT sexually. I mean she hated EVERYTHING...hated being on top(a first for me), hated it from behind, HATED giving me oral sex(although she sure enjoyed it when I gave), and just had NO SEXUAL aura about her whatsoever. I tried talking to her about it like an adult because I wanted it to work. Problem is though(and maybe I just wasn't sensitive enough when I put the request to her), is that she took my requests to be more open as far as our sexual needs, as me trying to mold her into my little whore(which I was), and she came back with the attitude that she wasn't going to do anything to slut herself out, for the sake of some MANS sexual needs. I couldn't get through to her, and eventually went looking for sex elsewhere, and ended up being the asshole after the shit ended. To this day she tells people that Im some big crack dealer, and was a deadfuck(not true). In my opinion, there are three important elements to a sucessfull relationship that MUST be in place in order for there to even be a FOUNDATION for a long-term relationship, assuming that is what a person is looking for. Those being:

1. Trust
2. Sex
3. Communication

The order of importance depends on the person imo, but applies to ALL people from my experiences. Take any of the three away, and you are just with a tweener.

 

[Puddles]

If they're perfect for eachother in every way except for in the bedroom, then they should continue to work on it some more. Finding true love isn't easy. But, I don't think they should marry until they get these issues resolved. They've already invested a year together...now they should invest in some councelling, or at the least, some self-help books.

If he's really small, he's gotta have some self esteem problems, but, just like with any handicap, he can learn how to work around it...tongue, fingers, him using toys on her, different positions. But, he's got to WANT to satisfy her. He could have a low sex drive that could be helped out with hormone therapy. She has to make him really understand how much she desires his physical affection. She says he has no skills...has she tried masturbating with him, showing him what makes her feel good? Does he have things that really get him turned on that she could do more often?