It's all good... I mean as special a man as he was I did not expect him to be single.... I just truly wanted to let him know how much he DID affect me in a positive fashion and how much I now realize a sincere and amazing heart he had.
I chatted w/his mother and relayed this to her. Of course, I didn't tell her that I was divorced and I won't tell him either..... It would serve no useful purpose.
His mother was so happy to hear me say the nice things about her son (ALL THE TRUTH) that I did... that, ALONE was worth the risk of finding out. She couldn't believe the minor details that I did remember after thirteen years!... Yes, he was/is a wonderful man.
As a mother you never REALLY know how good/bad a job you did until the sun sets on your day (your child is grown). We only struggle and hope that we are making the right decisions, and hope that we will be able to rectify the mistakes that we make. This is why I try and let the mother's of my friends know how wonderful their children are..... As a mother, there can be no better feeling than to know that your child is loved and that he/she made a difference in the life of another.
I sent a wonderful note to one of my best friend's moms last year, to let her know how wonderful an individual her grown daughter was... I didn't do it for my gf, but for her mom. Sadly, the mother was too entangled in her own "stuff" ..... but my gf found out and was very happy to know that I tried to get through to her mom. It was worth it to me in the end.
Life is much too short... sometimes, we MUST hold back our feelings... but I choose not to. I choose to tell those that I care for EXACTLY how I feel. This has cost me in the past as I may seem overbearing to some... but I just can't help it. And those who know me best realize that I only share this WITH THEM.... a very select few.
It made me feel so good to hear a friend recently express to me how loved I was... it helped me to sort some stuff out in my head. How can the expression of positive feelings EVER be a bad thing?!... then there are those times that we must be secure and trust that those who love us most must hold back for one reason or another... that they must set us free.... It's hard as a bitch to accept it.... but in the end, it's the only way. We have to trust that if affection, friendship, respect and trust is strong enough and if it is TRULY genuine then there is no amount of time or circumstance that will change it or make it wane.... but will only solidify the relationship..... yes, we have the rest of our lives.
Thank you for all of your help.... this has really helped me out tremendously!
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