Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below I know this has been written about before but I want to bring it up again. I am troubled because my wife and I no longer have sex. We do not have kids. We are both 27. We may have sex once a month or sometimes not at all that month. Time is not an issue either. We are both in good shape and excercise regularly and eat healthy except for the carb up on the weekend. We have discussed it many times and I always get the ;'it's just me I don't feel like it.' We have seen the doc, got counseling. She is not on birth control. I am very caring and very romantic and always give her massages and cook her nice meals and tell her how beautiful she is. When we do have sex, it feels like a chore. <vent> What the hell is the deal? If I hear that damned 'talk it out' thing one more time I am going to kill someone. From what I hear from most of you is that you have sex regularly, or at least once every 2 weeks so you have no idea what I go through. Hell, I stated taking Avant's ONE just to curb my sex drive so it wouldn't bother me so much. This post may seem harsh or callous, but I at my wits end here. </vent>
No libido for you , one year.
- Thread starter kag729
- Start date
Unfortunately as a man you are in some good years. 27 years and married is tough especially if she isn't giving you any sex. Some women just don't need sex. Plain and simple. I don't think we could ever understand.
The bigger question is what you going to do about? You could ignore it and hope things get better and live a life of masterbation. You could try to work on it as it sounds you have. You could cheat on her or you could walk away. It all depends on what is important to you. Just hope it works out, because nothing is worse than this happening for the next 5 years and you missed out on five great years. I was with a girl like this and I too was like let me lower my sex drive. Fuck that. Either you are not compatable sexually and something is up with her. I suggest you try to make it work. Give yourself x number of months if nothing is better make a decision.
The bigger question is what you going to do about? You could ignore it and hope things get better and live a life of masterbation. You could try to work on it as it sounds you have. You could cheat on her or you could walk away. It all depends on what is important to you. Just hope it works out, because nothing is worse than this happening for the next 5 years and you missed out on five great years. I was with a girl like this and I too was like let me lower my sex drive. Fuck that. Either you are not compatable sexually and something is up with her. I suggest you try to make it work. Give yourself x number of months if nothing is better make a decision.
I never thought about giving up, I am just profoundly frustrated. Does she care? I guess, at least she says ' I am sorry that I am not in the mood it's just me.'. It just seems so matter-of-fact to her. She also has this idea in her head that lack of sex drive is normal at her age. However, all my female friends seem pretty active. As guys understand (an some women) sex is not all-encompassing, but it is a major player. I am not greedy nor unreasonable with my desires and am trying to be accomodating. As far as bloodwork goes, everything seems to be fine.
what about supplements? Anyone have any luck with over the counter items. I know they have a female viagara in the works, but I am not willing to risk her health for that until it is thoroughly tested. What about sex suppresents for me? I am using Avant's ONE right now. Thanks.
TEXgrl...email me some of that libido so I can pass it on.
what about supplements? Anyone have any luck with over the counter items. I know they have a female viagara in the works, but I am not willing to risk her health for that until it is thoroughly tested. What about sex suppresents for me? I am using Avant's ONE right now. Thanks.
TEXgrl...email me some of that libido so I can pass it on.
TEXgrl
New member
hee hee, i did have a slump in my drive in my late twenties it seems, but there were some other factors in my life, i wasn't very active as far as working out, i'd had a kid, i was having some marital problems, so my lack of interest or libido was a combination of things. since you said you both work out, have no child, the two obvious places i would look would be #1 harmones, does she have any female problems at all? #2, i'd wonder if there was something wrong with my marriage, is she happy, getting all she needs from you, and you from her.
kag729 said:
This is not the solution.
Bikini Mod
New member
I do know there are some people that just have naturally lower sex drives then others, but not even ONCE A MONTH?
I would be climbing the walls.. LOL I AM!
Seriously, You seem to have covered all of the bases, her health, hormones are in check, there is no job stress I take it, you have no children, she claims to be happy w/you...
I just don't buy it that there ISN'T SOMETHING REALLY WRONG.
I hate to say it, but if it was the other way around I would seriously think that my partner was being unfaithful.
Maybe I am out of line, but the way you are describing it, that is just NOT normal.
Good Luck.
I would be climbing the walls.. LOL I AM!
Seriously, You seem to have covered all of the bases, her health, hormones are in check, there is no job stress I take it, you have no children, she claims to be happy w/you...
I just don't buy it that there ISN'T SOMETHING REALLY WRONG.
I hate to say it, but if it was the other way around I would seriously think that my partner was being unfaithful.
Maybe I am out of line, but the way you are describing it, that is just NOT normal.
Good Luck.
grlpwrd
New member
kag729 said:
I am not a licensed professional, but I have 7 years of psychology so this is what I am thinking....
Was she like this before you were married? Maybe it's just the way she is. Some people can go without as if they are monks.
Has she been a victim of sexual abuse? Some victims internalize their pain and displace their emotions in their other relationships. Maybe she has issues that need to be resolved and maybe she's not telling you.
How long have you been married? She could just be in a slump because stresses and a woman's daily life can lower their libido especially if they have a demanding career/boss.
I would say to see another professional, preferably a sex therapist. I know you said don't say it
, but you need a specialist. I could see the possibility that she is having an affair or you may end up being fed up and having an affair to fulfill your needs. Just don't give up..find a therapist to help both of you and get some mediation.Good luck!
Zerxes
New member
Granted, I didn't read this entire Thread but I did get the jist of it and the part where you say that "she is so matter of fact" about saying that she "isn't in the mood", makes me feel like sex just isn't that big of deal to her and that being the case, I seriously doubt that she could EVER empathize that it is to you brother. I feel that given her attitude in general towards sex, that there is NO WAY that she is going to go get any help, or take any pills or whatever, because she simply doesn't give the act of you two making love much credence as far as what is important to HER in your marriage. She sounds like a very selfish woman to me quite frankly. I have wasted years of my life with a girl like that once also, and I regret it to this day!! I tried everything brother, but she just didn't care anything about my sexual needs to even try to make our love making any more passionate. She hated sex from behind, she hated it on top, she hated giving head...SHE WOULDN'T even try!! She was the perfect girl as far as her personality went, but she was about as exciting as Sunday morning television when it came to sex. To me brother, SEX & TRUST are the two most important components in any relationship, and when I feel like one of the two components, or both, are missing or lacking, it is time to consider bailing. Especially when the other person is unwilling to make any effort to satisfy your needs, or even meet you half-way for that matter. On the flip-side of that coin, I have been with Women who understood FULLY, my sexual needs, and would be more than willing to jerk me off all over her titties, or give me oral so that I would be satisfied if she weren't in the mood at the time. I say, if you feel anything I said here applies to your situation, you should seriously consider losing her, before you lose your mind. Either that or get yourself some side action. Then you would be the one in the wrong though, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Good luck either way pal.
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S
Spartacus
Guest
I'm with zerxes on this..I don't think she is cheating on you,because if she was then that would mean she has an interest in sex and she would at least accomodate you to some extent to "cover herself"..if you two don't have any children then I'd get out if I were you..even if you love her a lot..you will get over it over time..esp. when you start to get some real action..also with all the new stuff out such as viagra and cialis,you can be sexually proficient for a long time..I couldn't imagine getting old with someone celibate
Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.
I have a weird problem, really the opposite. my GF wants me all the time and begs me for sex. But she is rarely ever wet from the start and takes at least 30 min of foreplay before she is ready. Also, in the 2 years I"ve been with her she has never allowed me to take her to orgasm. And yes, she has been molested when she was younger.
any thoughts on that???
grlpwrd said:
I am not a licensed professional, but I have 7 years of psychology so this is what I am thinking....
Was she like this before you were married? Maybe it's just the way she is. Some people can go without as if they are monks.
Has she been a victim of sexual abuse? Some victims internalize their pain and displace their emotions in their other relationships. Maybe she has issues that need to be resolved and maybe she's not telling you.
How long have you been married? She could just be in a slump because stresses and a woman's daily life can lower their libido especially if they have a demanding career/boss.
I would say to see another professional, preferably a sex therapist. I know you said don't say it
Good luck!
I have a weird problem, really the opposite. my GF wants me all the time and begs me for sex. But she is rarely ever wet from the start and takes at least 30 min of foreplay before she is ready. Also, in the 2 years I"ve been with her she has never allowed me to take her to orgasm. And yes, she has been molested when she was younger.
any thoughts on that???
TEXgrl
New member
Re: Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.
she's probably equating sex with love, or being liked.
some girls just don't get super wet anyway, buy some lube! the orgasm question, i don't know how to answer, can she get herself off? have her do it and show you. lots of girls cant get off without direct stimultation to the clit.
SirMack said:
she's probably equating sex with love, or being liked.
some girls just don't get super wet anyway, buy some lube! the orgasm question, i don't know how to answer, can she get herself off? have her do it and show you. lots of girls cant get off without direct stimultation to the clit.
Re: Re: Re: Re: No libido for you , one year.
Its not really like she can't get off, I think its more like she won't. Also, she hates LUBE, and we've tried every type, and insists on using the good ole natural stuff (I wonder why? she probably loves the hours of foreplay, lol).
Also, she doesn't masturbate, never has, and won't start. In regards to equating sex with love, she has had about 4 other boyfriends before me and I am the first one she has even gotten remotely sexual with. She never even let a boy touch her breast before until me. WHich she said was weird for her to experience sexual desires when she first met me, since it was never a big issue in her life.
Thoughts?
TEXgrl said:
Its not really like she can't get off, I think its more like she won't. Also, she hates LUBE, and we've tried every type, and insists on using the good ole natural stuff (I wonder why? she probably loves the hours of foreplay, lol).
Also, she doesn't masturbate, never has, and won't start. In regards to equating sex with love, she has had about 4 other boyfriends before me and I am the first one she has even gotten remotely sexual with. She never even let a boy touch her breast before until me. WHich she said was weird for her to experience sexual desires when she first met me, since it was never a big issue in her life.
Thoughts?
Bikini Mod
New member
*blush*
Thank you kag... and for your sake I sincerely hope that I am WAY OFF! It never ever makes me happy to see other people NOT happy.
Thank you kag... and for your sake I sincerely hope that I am WAY OFF! It never ever makes me happy to see other people NOT happy.
TC2
New member
kag729 said:
Thats just bullshit, some women are just like that no matter what you do and for no reason.
I don't give a fuck if she's not in the mood, you CAN'T negelect a spouse like this.
She sounds really selfish, belive me I have friends in the same situation as you. And they are fuckin miserable and feel like they have wasted their youth.
I honestly dont understand why women think that they can pull this shit and expect you to just deal with it.
F
Frackal
Guest
No shit TC....course if he gets caught cheating because of this crap the woman will take him for everything..I'm never fucking geting married
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