Need Some Serious Personal Advice

[seventieschile']

My life is in shambles and I need some serious advice on how to begin the process of piecing it back together.
Every aspect of my life is just complete shit right now. Professionaly (sales) , I' just can't keep a job. Although I'm only 23 and still relatively young, I don't believe this is a normal thing. Although I'm just 2 years out of college. I can hired to do anything. I've never been to an interview that I haven't aced; whether its a position making 40 grand a year or 6 digits. Unfortunately, this is the full and total extend of my professional success. I always start off bangin. After a couple months I've usually achieved the status as top rep and then I just stop showing up. No phone call, no email. No reason. I just quit.

 

[AAP]

Wow. I am not joking or kidding around, but you should consider checking with a therapist and seeing what the underlying issue on this really is.

Give musclebrains a ring on this.. he is good with this kind of thing. And he is very confidential. About all I can help you with is gay sex.

(interested?)

 

[georgie24]

first you need to relax then take charge of your life

 

[jwill3:16]

you might want to seek help they can really do you good as loing as you are willing to accept change... i hope all is well...

 

[seventieschile']

Sorry I accidentally hit enter... this continues

I apologize for the cut off and any for spelling errors. I hit enter accidentally.
Anyways, My financial life is a joke. Seriously, I'm not even going to go there. Of course the only reason I'm in complete and utter financial ruin is because I can't keep a job.
Now from professional to personal. I just have no consistency. Never had. I make all these lofty goals and get uber motivated then just stop. No reason. Just lose interest. Working out has been a huge one. I'm the type of person that if I'm not in the gym five or six days a week a feel like shit. But when I'm in there doing what I got to do I feel unstoppable. All the craziness in my life starts to dissipate. I've always had the goal to acquire the cover model physique but always fall short. I'll just miss one day, then two, then a week. After that I feel horrible about myself and start all over. Once again no consistency.
Which brings me to the one consistency that I do have, but I'd really rather not... my girlfried. Well I actually classify here has this chick that has just dug her claws into me and just won't let go. She is constantly around. If i don't see her one day a week its like a f#$king meteor is heading to earth and our doom is emanate. I mean unless you experienced it you have no idea. We hung out one day and that was it. I tell her at least 3 times a week that I don't want a relationship, don't want her, and that I constantly "hook up" other chix. Most women would say fuck you and walk away never looking back. But not her, nooooooo. Just the opposite, she's up my ass even more. It's just awful.
I play way too many video games and don't go out enough. When I do get out I have mad ass fun. But the girl is constantly up my ass so I rarely have the opportunity to do anything without her.
Oh by the way, did I mention I still live with my mother and she's a crazy old hag that annoys me beyond no end. Anyone wanna trade places, please?
I need to get this boat turned around. Any and all advice will be most welcome. Thanks in advance.

 

[AAP]

Counselor and possible meds. You need it bro. I hear the part about setting lofty goals, being supercharged about them and then losing interest.

 

[georgie24]

you may have bi-polar disorder! i can bet my money on it you do

 

[AAP]

you may have bi-polar disorder! i can bet my money on it you do

I would bet you have one too georgie. I am not kidding. Or at least a very severe case of co-dependency. You should really take an hour and look over the net for information on co-dependency. Look at the symptoms, look at yourself. This is not a flame or anything, as you know in the past, I have made long posts on the threads you made like this. But please, at least look it over.

 

[SofaGeorge]

you may have bi-polar disorder! i can bet my money on it you do

I was guessing bi-polar or depression. Regardless, AAP called it right first. You need to go to a therapist and work on getting diagnosed. The severity of the pattern of your behavior indicates that it likely may be a problem that requires professional assessment.

And for his speedy contribution... I nominate AAP for Mod.

 

[seventieschile']

Well I can imagine that bipolar disorder would be the first impression to anyone reading this article. I would assume so myself if it wasn't for this. I rarely if ever get depressed. I'm not emotional like that. I've been described as emotionally dead, but that may be relationship specific. Although I do get very excited and I feel that the world is limitless and full of possibility. I would ask this; is this a personal problem isolated upon me only, or is it reality based? I mean the world is indeed limitless and people can achieve full potential both financialy and personally. If I can only stay tapped into that mindset 24/7 and not lose that ambition, I probably wouldn't be typing this write now. Maybe its just severe laziness. Anyone think thats a possibility?

 

[SofaGeorge]

Well I can imagine that bipolar disorder would be the first impression to anyone reading this article. I would assume so myself if it wasn't for this. I rarely if ever get depressed. I'm not emotional like that. I've been described as emotionally dead, but that may be relationship specific. Although I do get very excited and I feel that the world is limitless and full of possibility. I would ask this; is this a personal problem isolated upon me only, or is it reality based? I mean the world is indeed limitless and people can achieve full potential both financialy and personally. If I can only stay tapped into that mindset 24/7 and not lose that ambition, I probably wouldn't be typing this write now. Maybe its just severe laziness. Anyone think thats a possibility?

Wow! Now I vote bipolar for sure.

That is almost carbon copy what my business partner said about why he DIDN'T have bipolar disorder just prior to his diagnosis.

He's on mild meds and doing great now.

 

[seventieschile']

Lol. No way! Thats exact opposite of bipolar. Without both extremes by definition there is no "bi"- polar. Maybe I'm just being defense. Is that really carbon copy?

 

[Raina]

I've always viewed my own depression to be characterized more as me lacking motivation and being unable to enjoy/appreciate what I have vs just feeling sad. As for my manic side-- I'm over-the-top energetic and I have a million ideas/goal....I'm productive and positive. That side is great. The problem is that anything or nothing can throw me into one of those extremes. I lack a "grey area".

You should seriously consider going into a psychiatrist and seeing what they think. Understanding why you're feeling like you do can help you feel less "crazy" (at least that has been my experience).

 

[seventieschile']

Well thanks for all the advice. Keep it coming. Anyone with alternate opinions feel free to chime in. I appreciate all of your prompt responses. Thanks again.

 

[nevertoobig]

I'd advise you to look into NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

Its about self improvement, persuasion skills, achieving motivation, even hypnosis and a lot of it about anchoring psychological states so that you can feel however you want whenever you want.

Get a book on it or something.

Frogs into Princes by Richard Bandler and John Grinder is excellent.

 

[SofaGeorge]

Lol. No way! Thats exact opposite of bipolar. Without both extremes by definition there is no "bi"- polar. Maybe I'm just being defense. Is that really carbon copy?

Bro, go talk to a doctor. Don't get this kind of advice here on the boards.

 

[BowlingForSoup]

Bro, go talk to a doctor. Don't get this kind of advice here on the boards

Sofa's right bro. Use this board and the info (all excellent if I must say, way to go everyone) as part of a jumpstart and go see a professional. I'm not sure what your views are on therapists but most people are like "I don't need that" or "I'm not crazy" and it's not like that at all. LOL...I guess you could think of it as a friend that you pay for, with more times than not...very sound advice and medicine on their side. Like you said, you're only 23. Take care of this now before it gets worse (and it always gets worse). The only advice I can give you other than that, is try to set easier to attain goals. Start small, something like "today I'm going to workout straight through in the gym. Then maybe treat yourself afterwards? Like if you go all week, treat yourself friday night. I know it sounds stupid, but hell...try it. As far as the girl man, if there's a girl around that you don't want around and she won't leave, that puts on a major strain. At some point you're going to have to break the chain, but be easy about it since she sounds a bit unstable at best, herself. But like I said before, go talk to someone. Nip it in the bud now. Good luck bro, take care!

 

[Rockafella Skank]

It could still be a bi-polar disorder. Depressive cycles need not be suicidal to be depressive. That you say you are emotionally dead suggests a depressive state. Many people belive depression to be an overly sad dysfunction. In fact, depressives, almost to a person, report that -- once treatment has begun to work -- their depression was characterized by the inability to feel. After treatment, whether short term or ongoing, depressives are amazed at the range of emotions they are able to experience.

I agree ... seek professional help.

 

[DigitalKyle]

Maybe it's because you use the word "uber"

 

[[email protected]]

I agree with Bi-Polar. I have it and it sucks. The meds will not make it go away but it will make dealing with it easier.

A few sit downs with the doc. He'll write you a scrip and about a month later you'll notice a slight improvment. That "slight" is what gets you over the hump.

 

[grlpwrd]

So you're living with your mom...where is your dad? Aside from the depression angle I'm thinking maybe you're just reliving the behavior you've learned from one of your parents..and you just have to unlearn them.

I had problems being committed to anything (as in I had no goals) and I am naturally unambitious because I learned this from my parents. They didn't attend college and they don't have anything that they worked for and had no goals. I don't want to trash them and talk bad, but they weren't very good role models. It took me many years to unlearn what they taught me and to learn how to live with goals, ambition, and fortitude. I read a lot of self help books.. maybe you just need a dose of Dr Phil or Tony Robbins.

Hope any of this helps..and good luck!

 

[thebabydoc]

I am a doc and I have patients and friends with this problem. Just like Sofa said, this sounds precisely and exactly like bipolar. "Depression" doesn't mean you have to be down crying everyday. It can be something as subltle as anhedonia (no enjoyment, or what you described as "being dead") or sleeping too much, or just no motivation to do things you started just a few weeks earlier.

Get a doc ASAP. Probably will put you on an SSRI like Zoloft or Prozac plus something like Depakote. You will not believe how fast you will get/feel better!

 

[Mad4Iron]

My ex was bi-polar and manic depressive.

On the bi-polar,if I was lucky on her downslide,she'd be bummed or melancoly.If I wasn't lucky,I'd be ducking and the cops would be at the house.
It doesn't have to be wild extremes but in my ex's case it was more than not.

The one thing that is common I noticed is she would get a great job,keep it for a month or three and say fuck it.Some of these jobs were really cake,highpaying jobs that friends went out of their way to get for her/us.

I always thought she was self destructive but I've learned that it's part of the condition.

See a Doc Bro,meds helped her to the point I could dump her with a clean conscience(That sounds shitty but there was more to it than that).As far as I know she's doing alright.

Mad

 

[seventieschile']

"So you're living with your mom...where is your dad? Aside from the depression angle I'm thinking maybe you're just reliving the behavior you've learned from one of your parents..and you just have to unlearn them.

I had problems being committed to anything (as in I had no goals) and I am naturally unambitious because I learned this from my parents. They didn't attend college and they don't have anything that they worked for and had no goals. I don't want to trash them and talk bad, but they weren't very good role models. It took me many years to unlearn what they taught me and to learn how to live with goals, ambition, and fortitude. I read a lot of self help books.. maybe you just need a dose of Dr Phil or Tony Robbins.

Hope any of this helps..and good luck!" Re grlpwrd

That was unbelievably as close to my situation as possible. My parents split when I was 3 or 4. Can't really remember, don't really care all that much; however, my father was an authoritarian and a serious workaholic. His life was devoted towards hard work and was a strong believer in education. My mother on the other hand is exactly the opposite. She has never had a job in her life. Sits on the couch all day and just complains constantly. She takes absolutely no control over her life and blames all of her problems on everyone except herself. Of the two polar opposite mind sets, I have to admit I despise the second tier. I've lived with both of them at different developmental stages of my life (mom 0-12, dad 12-18). I'm wondering if perhaps I'm unconsciously torn between those two philosophies. I mean children have to model parents behavior to some point both consciously and/or unconsciously. Anyone have an opinion on this week.
Secondly, I am seriously contemplating seeking professional help; however, its my understanding that it can be very expensive. Is their such a thing a free or reduced mental assistance.

 

[VeggieLifterChick]

I can relate to a lot of what you said, especially that stuff about getting all motivated and dreaming of lofty goals (in the gym, for instance) and then missing a few days, then a week, etc. and having to start all over. And the job thing, the laziness the comes after acing an interview and lining it up, that too.

Do you think maybe you're sabotaging yourself? Two reasons come to mind. One, as Freud said, its more comfortable to be melancholy/unhappy than to be happy. Two, maybe its a fear of comittment, of being tied down to a given job/person? Just a few thoughts.

Is it really so unusual to have "up" mood swings that involve lofty dreams, and "down" swings of laziness and melancholy? SOunds pretty normal to me. Not every up and down is a symptom of a mood disorder.

That said, in this case, the emotional deadness thing does sound like it could be depression.

 

[p0ink]

did your boyfriend dump you for being a cheating bitch?

oh wait, i see you're from rutgers...you must be a straight up ho.

 

[Baoh]

did your boyfriend dump you for being a cheating bitch?

oh wait, i see you're from rutgers...you must be a straight up ho.

I was going to ask this, but a certain mod is gunning to ban me for posting any kind "rude" remark towards any "female" member.

Thank you.

 

[HumorMe]

Why don't you move away from your environment.(move to another town)

A change of scenery might be a vast improvement over how you are living now.

Seek help if moving is not an option. Good luck.

 

[HULKSTER]

My life is in shambles and I need some serious advice on how to begin the process of piecing it back together.
Every aspect of my life is just complete shit right now. Professionaly (sales) , I' just can't keep a job. Although I'm only 23 and still relatively young, I don't believe this is a normal thing. Although I'm just 2 years out of college. I can hired to do anything. I've never been to an interview that I haven't aced; whether its a position making 40 grand a year or 6 digits. Unfortunately, this is the full and total extend of my professional success. I always start off bangin. After a couple months I've usually achieved the status as top rep and then I just stop showing up. No phone call, no email. No reason. I just quit.

I used to get like that; you start off at a new job, and the excitement of meeting new people, new tasks and new challenges keeps your mind occupied from the misery of working in a dead-end job that will mean nothing to society in the end. But then I finally thought to myself, "Fuck society, I work for me and my own!" That's why I don't care if my work is stimulating, important to society/civilization, etc. All I care about is making as much money as possible without me losing my soul. Other than that, I pay too much damn taxes to both the federal and state governments for me to use my remaining money and free time to give a damn about me using my employment, education, knowlege, etc. to benefit anyone else. That's the job of the federal and state governments. I notice that there are too many people in the world like you---and how I used to be----who get unmotivated or outright depressed because their job only makes them good money, but does nothing to help/progress society. Like I said, that's why we work like animals to pay taxes, and that's what the government is for. So be happy to be one of the multitude who have a meaningless job, or even a meaningless life for that matter, and just be the best worker bee you can be in order to make as much money as possible for yourself and your family.

 

[VeggieLifterChick]

I was going to ask this, but a certain mod is gunning to ban me for posting any kind "rude" remark towards any "female" member.

Thank you.

Its really not your business, but I'll answer anyway. Unlike many of the meatheads, like p0ink, that replied to that thread in order to kick me when I was down, so to speak, my boyfriend didn't consider that cheating, would never use the term "slut" or "ho" in regards to any woman because he is respectful, valued my honesty in fact, and, now we have an even better relationship than before. We agreed upon broader boundaries. And, not all females that go to Rutgers are promiscuous.

Not that you two could relate. With the sort of anti-woman animosity you come out with, its pretty clear you're feeling frustrated with the ladies for turning you down so often.

 

[Frackal]

Vegans. Can't live with 'em, can't eat 'em.

 

[ajtomasi]

is there any way we could get some pix here?

 

[VeggieLifterChick]

Frackal, I'm not a vegan. I'm a vegetarian. There is a difference.

The link on your signature line is sickening. I will never ever ever even think of driving tispy. That poor girl is ridiculously disfigured...wow.

 

[Frackal]

Frackal, I'm not a vegan. I'm a vegetarian. There is a difference.

The link on your signature line is sickening. I will never ever ever even think of driving tispy. That poor girl is ridiculously disfigured...wow.

I know, my goal is to make people t hink twice....I believe most do as the images stick.

 

[Baoh]

Its really not your business, but I'll answer anyway. Unlike many of the meatheads, like p0ink, that replied to that thread in order to kick me when I was down, so to speak, my boyfriend didn't consider that cheating, would never use the term "slut" or "ho" in regards to any woman because he is respectful, valued my honesty in fact, and, now we have an even better relationship than before. We agreed upon broader boundaries. And, not all females that go to Rutgers are promiscuous.

Not that you two could relate. With the sort of anti-woman animosity you come out with, its pretty clear you're feeling frustrated with the ladies for turning you down so often.

A lesson for you: When you post information on a message board, it's everyone's business. If you don't want to take heat for your piss-poor decisions, either a) don't make them or b) don't announce them to the world in order to attain your very own pity party.

As for me, I have no anti-woman animosity. I have anti-dishonor animosity. Additionally, I was pleasantly interrupted from responding to this by a visit from my girlfriend. Of course, she doesn't cheat on me, but you couldn't possibly understand what that means.

 

[p0ink]

Its really not your business, but I'll answer anyway. Unlike many of the meatheads, like p0ink, that replied to that thread in order to kick me when I was down, so to speak, my boyfriend didn't consider that cheating, would never use the term "slut" or "ho" in regards to any woman because he is respectful, valued my honesty in fact, and, now we have an even better relationship than before. We agreed upon broader boundaries. And, not all females that go to Rutgers are promiscuous.

Not that you two could relate. With the sort of anti-woman animosity you come out with, its pretty clear you're feeling frustrated with the ladies for turning you down so often.

your boyfriend sounds like a bigger loser than you are a slut.

i didnt try to kick you when you were down. you came on here asking for sympathy after you had fucked around with one your friends, and when you didnt get it, you started threatening to kill yourself.

love the quote in your sig. ill bet $50 your senior quote was some fucking lyrics from DMX like, "if you love something, let it go. if it comes back to you it's yours. HOLLA!"

oh yeah, thanks for the bad karma.

 

[duritz]

Since I have grown up with seventieschile' I think I can really assess his situation. I have a degree in psychology and I am currently pursuing my masters. This post is gonna be ruthless and some may consider it not the way to go, but understand I was practically brothers with seventieschile' throughout college.

Bro, you need to stop living in the pipe dream you call reality. The things you ask me about and tell me you are gonna do aren't ever gonna happen, "AKA computer designer" Instead of trying to do 1 million things in hopes of one of them being successful, you need to stick with maybe 2 or 3 and really master them.

Secondly, your girlfriend. You've been with her for almost two years now. Everytime I talk to you about her you say how you hate her and don't want to be with her, but if you really didn't couldn't you just cease all contact with her?? You are the one who eventually gives in and hangs out with her. Maybe you really like her?? IF you do than admit it and move on with your life.

Third, maybe sales isn't your gig?? I mean you've have 1,2,3,4,5 sales jobs in the past 2 yrs?? All ending up with you quitting. The first one was the best and you really fucked it up.

Fourth, go back and finish college. I know how you tell everyone you finished and that you have your degree in English/Mass COmm, but you are i semester short and you only took one Mass Comm class. suck it up, sell your car, get financial aid and finish the stupid thing. Not only will you finally have the degree which you don't have to lie about anymore, but you will also have the foundation to a new life. You'll have accomplished your first real goal of many more to come.

Fifth, I know your family has had an integral part in your development. You are torn between trying to be successful (dad)and being a bum (mom) because it's the easy way out. You need to use their lives as a motivator for yours. Your dad is successful, but at what price is he being successful... he works 80 hrs weeks. While on the other hand you mom has all the leisure time in the world, yet she does nothing constructive during it. She has no motivation. It's all about the opportunity cost of time (could this time be spent doing something more worthwhile?)

Sometimes you need to take two steps back before you can take one step forward. I know how hard it would be for you to sell the car you love and start all over again, but just think of it this way?? in a yr or so when u are finally financially secure and you are setting and accomplishing goals won't it be worth it??

I myself have been in the same situation as seventieschile'. I finished college, got a sales job and was making sick money... i mean like $10k a month. I thought i was untouchable. Like i was on top of the world. Then i realized that no matter how much money I was making here, I really didn't enjoy what i was doing. It was a tough decision, but I quit and tried starting over.

I realized most of the Sales jobs out there sucked ass really bad and I didn't want to settle for the shitty ones. I made a huge choice to go back to school. It was the smartest thing I could have done. I hope to be done next yr and get a teaching job locally. it was the goal i had when i first started school and now I want to accomplish it. I currently have a sales job that I really enjoy, a lot of free time. I mean I am not making $10K a month, but i am making good money and I am having fun doing it.

To sum it up, my personal advice would be. Take charge of your life. With all the psych classes I have taken i realize that people need to take responsibility of their own life and not blame it on someone (parents) or some other things (BIPOLAR). Cease all contact with the GF if you really don't like her. It's gonna be tough but in a month or two it will be all fine. GO back to school this semester. Start setting goals that are concrete and attainable. Don't say how you wanna make a lot of money by writing a computer program, say how you want to make x amount of dollars by this date and this is how you are going to do it. Your goals are too vague. Finally stick with only 2 or 3 things at one time. Right now u are trying to do too many things at once and nothing gets accomplished.

IF you wanna respond or you need any other help you know where to reach me.

Peace

 

[duritz]

oh another thing... u quit that food sales job already??

 

[thebabydoc]

Wow man, with friends like that who needs enemies?

No serioyusly, THAT IS A TRUE FRIEND. However I disagree with the part about "trying to blame it on something else (BIPOLAR)." Medically, he really needs to be evaluated. Even if it is for a short period, SSRI's help this sort of thing.

 

[duritz]

Wow man, with friends like that who needs enemies?

No serioyusly, THAT IS A TRUE FRIEND. However I disagree with the part about "trying to blame it on something else (BIPOLAR)." Medically, he really needs to be evaluated. Even if it is for a short period, SSRI's help this sort of thing.

i'm not saying it might not be the answer to his problem, but don't jump the gun and say it's BIPOLAR off the bat. try what i have recommended first. Doesn't it feel much better knowing you solved the problem on your own with time and hard work rather than having a quick fix of drugs to solve it?? Just my opinion i guess

 

[VeggieLifterChick]

i didnt try to kick you when you were down. you came on here asking for sympathy after you had fucked around with one your friends, and when you didnt get it, you started threatening to kill yourself.

No, I wrote a long post asking for advice, and wrote in that same first post that I felt so upset about the prospect of losing him and so much guilt about it that I felt suicidal. That is when you responded, telling me to go kill myself.

Thus, you are a piece of shit that really ought to be kicked off the boards because you never have anything worthwhile to say. You are also about as intelligent as a cucumber. You deserve more bad karma than I can give you.

 

[ajtomasi]

don't kill yourself, the world doesn't have enough physically fit women in it!