My GF has ZERO sex drive

[resqguy]

Ok, ladies...here's my dilemma. I've been with my current girlfriend for almost two years. She's beautiful, funny, intelligent, successful...blah, blah, blah. She and I get along better than anyone either of us has ever dated. The sex is really good, but it's infrequent. By "infrequent," I mean only about once per week. And even then, it's pretty tough to get her into the mood. She's a little embarassed about it because she claims that she's always had little to no sex drive. Is this normal? Because I've never been with a woman with such low libido...maybe I've just been lucky, haha. This is, by no means, hurting our relationship. Rather, she and I were curious if there were things she/I could do to increase her desire to have sex. Any thoughts?

ResQ

 

[blueta2]

how old is she?

 

[all the whey]

Has it always been that infrequent? If it is now she is losing interest.

If she always had a low sex drive, then it will only get worse the longer you are together. Everyone know the sex is at its highest rate in the beginning of a relationship.

You sound young. Forget about having a girlfriend.

 

[blueta2]

Has it always been that infrequent? If it is knew she is losing interest.

If she always had a low sex drive, then it will only get worse the longer you are together. Everyone know the sex is at its highest rate in the beginning of a relationship.

You sound young. Forget about having a girlfriend.

dumbest advice I ever heard.......go clean a litter box ;-)

 

[resqguy]

Yeah, I was ignoring the whole "forget about having a girlfriend" thing...

She's 32, I'm 33. Throughout the whole relationship, sex has been infrequent...even in the beginning. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with her losing interest, considering she's been initiating several "moving in together" talks lately...

 

[Gymgurl]

Hmmm....meds such as the pill, antidepressants, stress, hormones out of whack....can all cause it....

 

[blueta2]

Well she should be in her prime. Loss of libido is a tricky thing. It can be a physical thing or a mental thing. She may have an issue with thyroid. Many times hypo or hyper thyroid conditions can cause the libido to decrease.
Also, she may feel pain during sex etc.
She may also have some past experience that makes it difficult for her to be more sexual.
The reason are vast. I am sure it's not you. But like I said, when most women hit their "dirty thirties" their sexy drives goes nuts.
If it bothers her (not you) that she doesn't feel sexual, she can start by getting a physical check up.

 

[resqguy]

She's been on the pill since high school, but she doesn't take any anti-depressants. Her job definitely stresses her out...

 

[resqguy]

Well she should be in her prime. Loss of libido is a tricky thing. It can be a physical thing or a mental thing. She may have an issue with thyroid. Many times hypo or hyper thyroid conditions can cause the libido to decrease.
Also, she may feel pain during sex etc.
She may also have some past experience that makes it difficult for her to be more sexual.
The reason are vast. I am sure it's not you. But like I said, when most women hit their "dirty thirties" their sexy drives goes nuts.
If it bothers her (not you) that she doesn't feel sexual, she can start by getting a physical check up.

That's funny that you mentioned the "dirty thirties," because she even brought that up. As far as pain, she doesn't mention any...besides the occassional "too hard/too deep." She was hoping there was some type of over-the-counter supp she could try before going to her Dr.

 

[all the whey]

dumbest advice I ever heard.......go clean a litter box ;-)

That is solid and honest advice. However, I did assume he was younger and mentioned about not having to have a girlfriend. Most younger people stay in their first relationships longer than they should.

Bro, rule number 1 is never ask women about relationship advice. Lets get some guys in here.

 

[blueta2]

That's funny that you mentioned the "dirty thirties," because she even brought that up. As far as pain, she doesn't mention any...besides the occassional "too hard/too deep." She was hoping there was some type of over-the-counter supp she could try before going to her Dr.

If there was a supp, the makers would be RICH! The sup would be weed or wine
Seriously, she should get some blood work done, just to rule anything out. I mean once a week is not a bad thing. If she were not into sex at all, I would be worried.
The pill may be suppressing her libido. Hormones are a funny thing,
And AllAboutWhey's comment about getting men's advice, well I don't think ANY MAN knows a woman's body like a woman does.

 

[all the whey]

Yeah, I was ignoring the whole "forget about having a girlfriend" thing...

She's 32, I'm 33. Throughout the whole relationship, sex has been infrequent...even in the beginning. I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with her losing interest, considering she's been initiating several "moving in together" talks lately...

I only said "forget about having a girlfriend" because it is better to get out of a relationship you are having trouble with before you get married and have kids. (if the problem can't be solved)

Now, if you are starting a thread about your girlfriends sex drive while she is initiating several "moving in together" talks Then, you have a more serious problem you need to work on.

I am sure I can get some backing from the guys that girls have more sex when they are "talking about moving in" "getting married" "getting a new home" "having kids". If her sex drive is too low during these periods, then it will be waaaaay to low after she gets the above items. Ask your married friends if the sex doesn't slow down if you don't believe me.

Good luck

 

[Stryker1992]

That is solid and honest advice. However, I did assume he was younger and mentioned about not having to have a girlfriend. Most younger people stay in their first relationships longer than they should.

Bro, rule number 1 is never ask women about relationship advice. Lets get some guys in here.

Fuck, you should have met my ex-wife, once a month, then once every two months...etc. On top of that the sex was terrible. But, in the end she sure did fuck me hard!

 

[blueta2]

Just know men, women also need a good chase. When men are "needy" for sex all the time, it makes the women less challenged.
It's called the Pepe La Peu syndrome!
Make us beg for it

 

[resqguy]

That is solid and honest advice. However, I did assume he was younger and mentioned about not having to have a girlfriend. Most younger people stay in their first relationships longer than they should.

Bro, rule number 1 is never ask women about relationship advice. Lets get some guys in here.

I'm not asking about relationship advice. Our relationship is great. My girlfriend is concernced about her lack of libido, so I thought I ask some of the women here on EF. So, really, thanks...but since you don't have a vagina (at least, I'm pretty sure you don't...), leave the womens' sexual health questions to the women.

 

[blueta2]

I'm pretty sure he has a vagina ;-)

 

[resqguy]

I only said "forget about having a girlfriend" because it is better to get out of a relationship you are having trouble with before you get married and have kids. (if the problem can't be solved)

Now, if you are starting a thread about your girlfriends sex drive while she is initiating several "moving in together" talks Then, you have a more serious problem you need to work on.

I am sure I can get some backing from the guys that girls have more sex when they are "talking about moving in" "getting married" "getting a new home" "having kids". If her sex drive is too low during these periods, then it will be waaaaay to low after she gets the above items. Ask your married friends if the sex doesn't slow down if you don't believe me.

Good luck

You're an idiot. At no time did I write that my GF and I were "having trouble." My girlfriend is simply concerned about her life-long lack of libido. Bro, how old are you anyway??? Please...go away...

 

[txbondsman]

That is solid and honest advice. However, I did assume he was younger and mentioned about not having to have a girlfriend. Most younger people stay in their first relationships longer than they should.

Bro, rule number 1 is never ask women about relationship advice. Lets get some guys in here.

Man, R U F'ng kidding!? your so far out from reality that you really don't need to give advise at all to this young man. You need to go back to the village that you came from, somebodys missing their idiot.

young man, you have some good advise on here already, GG is a good gurl and the others will help too. The girls are solid people and they won't give bull shit advise to somebody whose asking a serious question. If a question about sex isn't serious, ask the one who isn't getting satisfied.

You pay attention to what their posting and answer the questions to the best of your knowledge, you'll find answers here.
Tx

the only thing that I was going add, GG covered, antidepressants, but you answered that one. Ladies? check with a doc, possible hormone inballance?

 

[resqguy]

It's definitely not chemically induced, i.e. anti-depressants. My GF is under a pretty decent amount of stress...job, family drama, etc. She just started working out again last month after a year layoff...she's hoping the activity will stimulate something.

 

[blueta2]

It's definitely not chemically induced, i.e. anti-depressants. My GF is under a pretty decent amount of stress...job, family drama, etc. She just started working out again last month after a year layoff...she's hoping the activity will stimulate something.

I can tell you this, I've been working out for 8 yrs. I am 40 now. In my first 6 months of working out (I went hard, like 6 days a week for 3 hrs) I was HORNY day and night. Bed posts were turning me on. It went on for years.
Working out may help her.

 

[resqguy]

I can tell you this, I've been working out for 8 yrs. I am 40 now. In my first 6 months of working out (I went hard, like 6 days a week for 3 hrs) I was HORNY day and night. Bed posts were turning me on. It went on for years.
Working out may help her.

That's what she's hoping.

 

[txbondsman]

In a different thread the other day, Heather brought up something that made a lot of sense, it had to do with body image, what the GF thinks she looks like. ( I took notes on that one, it's something that I have to deal with at home) Heather wrote something like, she may be too concerned with what she looks like to have an orgasm, that was the other thread. My thinking, it may have something to do here also... with feeling sexy enough to want sex. OK, that's a mans mind at work, I hope that it wasn't too big of a stretch.
Heather, sorry if I screwed that up, you were spot on on the other thread, and I hope I came close to the gist of what you had said.

 

[resqguy]

That's something I've mentioned to her before. My GF is absolutely freakin' gorgeous. Actually, she's been on a couple TV shows, so she might be recognizable to a few people. Unfortunately, out here in SoCal, everyone is so unbelieveably self-conscious and insecure...my GF included.

 

[all the whey]

You're an idiot. At no time did I write that my GF and I were "having trouble." My girlfriend is simply concerned about her life-long lack of libido. Bro, how old are you anyway??? Please...go away...

Most people would classify one partner having a lower sex drive than the other as a problem.

I made no attack on you I was simply answering mine and my friends past experiances. I am pushing 40 and have had several long term relationships.

If you didn't notice. I did "go away" until you blacked me out.

 

[all the whey]

Man, R U F'ng kidding!? your so far out from reality that you really don't need to give advise at all to this young man. You need to go back to the village that you came from, somebodys missing their idiot.

young man, you have some good advise on here already, GG is a good gurl and the others will help too. The girls are solid people and they won't give bull shit advise to somebody whose asking a serious question. If a question about sex isn't serious, ask the one who isn't getting satisfied.

You pay attention to what their posting and answer the questions to the best of your knowledge, you'll find answers here.
Tx

the only thing that I was going add, GG covered, antidepressants, but you answered that one. Ladies? check with a doc, possible hormone inballance?

Bro, I attacked no one. If you want to call me an idiot fine.

I did make a JOKE about asking women for relationship advice. (although there is a lot of truth to it.) Yes, the advice about anti-depressants etc. was great advice. But, since it was ruled out out I offer some real world advice. He doesn't have to take it.

I also agree sex is a very important part of a relationship. That is why I thought I would share. I didn't bring up ALL the experiences I had, because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I would have told him about how I had gone out with a girl who said she had a low sex drive, and only had sex with her exhusband once a week. But, our chemistry was so good that we had sex daily for yrs, and she had orgasms for the first time in her life. Honestly, the same thing has happened that the girl I was with didn't have sex often until she met someone she had better chemistry or attraction. If I would have lashed out like you both did. I would have said that she is just not attracted to him sexually, or the chemistry just isn't right. But, I would not say that, because he seemed upset. Even though it is possible that is the case.

 

[all the whey]

 

[all the whey]

 

[all the whey]

 

[heatherrae]

She's been on the pill since high school, but she doesn't take any anti-depressants. Her job definitely stresses her out...

Stress is a BIG reason for many women's low sex drives. Try getting her relaxed and being loving and romantic to her. It may work and it may not.

Worst case scenario would be that she just is not a very sexual person. If that is the case, just way whether the status quo is sufficient to stay in the relationship.

One question though, is she just slow to start and then gets into it and has orgasms, or does she just seem to be tolerating the sex just for you?

 

[HotBottom4U2NV]

 

[all the whey]

 

[resqguy]

Stress is a BIG reason for many women's low sex drives. Try getting her relaxed and being loving and romantic to her. It may work and it may not.

Worst case scenario would be that she just is not a very sexual person. If that is the case, just way whether the status quo is sufficient to stay in the relationship.

One question though, is she just slow to start and then gets into it and has orgasms, or does she just seem to be tolerating the sex just for you?

She's slow to start but DEFINITELY gets into it pretty quickly and climaxes regularly. Like I said in my first post...our sex life isn't bad, just a little infrequent. She feels bad because she wants to do it more and make me happy, but I don't pressure her because it's not all about sex. I'm definitely satisfied...I don't need to have it every day. She and I were just curious because she wants to want it more than she does.

 

[HotBottom4U2NV]

 

[all the whey]

 

[HotBottom4U2NV]

 

[all the whey]

 

[heatherrae]

She's slow to start but DEFINITELY gets into it pretty quickly and climaxes regularly. Like I said in my first post...our sex life isn't bad, just a little infrequent. She feels bad because she wants to do it more and make me happy, but I don't pressure her because it's not all about sex. I'm definitely satisfied...I don't need to have it every day. She and I were just curious because she wants to want it more than she does.

Sounds like her mind is just pre-occupied. Stress relief techniques and setting a cozy, sexy mood may really help here.

 

[HotBottom4U2NV]

 

[Gymgurl]

Im guessing pill.......she could try another one....can be a side effect of the pill

 

[youngguns]

lol

 

[KD1]

Maybe she is just not a sexual person. Some people dont want sex that much, there is nothing wrong with them, no blood test that can tell the doctor something, or magic supplement they can take. She seems to be trying to tell you this.

 

[resqguy]

She seems to be trying to tell you this.

I'm not dissatisfied by the frequency. Rather, SHE'S dissatisfied. She wants to want it more. She's not "trying" to tell me anything. She's very clearly expressed that she's never been overly sexual.

 

[youngguns]

Hope all goes well.

 

[5150guy]

My vote is with the ladies

Has she had her hormone levels checked? She needs a certain amount of testosterone in her system to have strong libido-psychological issues aside. Does she adequately naturally lubricate during foreplay and sex?

If stress seems to be a part of the equation, bio feedback can really help a person learn to lower their stress and anxiety levels. Perhaps something like this will help.

Hey if nothing else you can put subliminal messages on her I pod about sex and wanting it more often.

Let us know how things turn out

 

[musclemom]

I'm not dissatisfied by the frequency. Rather, SHE'S dissatisfied. She wants to want it more. She's not "trying" to tell me anything. She's very clearly expressed that she's never been overly sexual.

A relatively easy way to eliminate stress as the cause is to go on a nice (ideally, 9 day) vacation together in a very laid back place. You don't want to be going on a "high activity" vacation (every day is booked with activities, site seeing, museums, etc.). What you want is a place where you're days are going to go like this: wake up whenever you want, breakfast, wander down to beach or pool ... maybe a bike ride ... back to room ... shower ... lunch ... back to the beach or pool or sprawl in bed and watch a movie or read a book ... take about 1/2 hour to consider where to eat dinner ... rinse and repeat.

If her libido hasn't kicked up to a more pleasant level by about day 5, then y'all can rule out stress and she needs to make an appointment with an endocrinologist who has a subspeciality in women's sexual health. Don't go to a gynocologist for this, get an endo.

But try to eliminate stress as a cause first. If it is stress, then she needs to develop coping skills or, frankly, get a new job, short and sweet, because that kind of stress eventually does a lot more than suck away your sex drive, it sucks away your life and health.

 

[resqguy]

A relatively easy way to eliminate stress as the cause is to go on a nice (ideally, 9 day) vacation together in a very laid back place. You don't want to be going on a "high activity" vacation (every day is booked with activities, site seeing, museums, etc.). What you want is a place where you're days are going to go like this: wake up whenever you want, breakfast, wander down to beach or pool ... maybe a bike ride ... back to room ... shower ... lunch ... back to the beach or pool or sprawl in bed and watch a movie or read a book ... take about 1/2 hour to consider where to eat dinner ... rinse and repeat.

If her libido hasn't kicked up to a more pleasant level by about day 5, then y'all can rule out stress and she needs to make an appointment with an endocrinologist who has a subspeciality in women's sexual health. Don't go to a gynocologist for this, get an endo.

But try to eliminate stress as a cause first. If it is stress, then she needs to develop coping skills or, frankly, get a new job, short and sweet, because that kind of stress eventually does a lot more than suck away your sex drive, it sucks away your life and health.

That's funny you should mention vacations. We've been together for nearly two years now and we've taken a few trips together. Within a day after arriving to our destination, she's WAY more aggressive. It's like, once she's removed from her day-to-day environment, she's completely relaxed.

 

[resqguy]

Re: My vote is with the ladies

Has she had her hormone levels checked? She needs a certain amount of testosterone in her system to have strong libido-psychological issues aside. Does she adequately naturally lubricate during foreplay and sex?

If stress seems to be a part of the equation, bio feedback can really help a person learn to lower their stress and anxiety levels. Perhaps something like this will help.

Hey if nothing else you can put subliminal messages on her I pod about sex and wanting it more often.

Let us know how things turn out

She's never had anything checked before. In fact, she's never even mentioned it to her doctor...I think she's a little embarrassed. Recently, she mentioned talked about it with her physician, but she hasn't scheduled an appointment yet. Once we begin "fooling around," she "lubricates" adequately. Actually, once she's gets going, she's totally into it. It's just that initial desire that she claims to lack. Like I said in my early posts, we have sex regularly and it's always good. I'm not wanting more...although I certainly wouldn't turn her down, haha. So along those same lines, I'm DEFINITELY not pressuring her for more sex. She's just wondering why she's not horny 24/7 now that she's into her early 30's.

 

[SpyWizard]

Just know men, women also need a good chase. When men are "needy" for sex all the time, it makes the women less challenged.
It's called the Pepe La Peu syndrome!
Make us beg for it

and that's what i tell guys all the time...


Here it is..

Whatever you do to let her know you are interested, if it is a touch, a whisper, what ever, do that, but when she starts to object, just tell her, naw, i just want to be close, hold you...

now here is the hard part, you probably will be rock hard at this point and she will know it, feel it, smell it... you must not give in, i don't care if she says "alright, we can do it so you can go to sleep" .. you must not ever have sex with her even 1 time using this..

in about 2-3 hours she will be waking you up attacking you.. if she doesn't the next day she will ..

you must not empower her by telling her, or letting her know you want to be close so bad...

good luck

 

[musclemom]

That's funny you should mention vacations. We've been together for nearly two years now and we've taken a few trips together. Within a day after arriving to our destination, she's WAY more aggressive. It's like, once she's removed from her day-to-day environment, she's completely relaxed.

There's your real answer. There's nothing physically wrong with your GF, and throwing drugs at this problem, or messing around with her hormones, will only compound the situation and create different problems in the long run

She doesn't need fixing, her life/work/home enviroment or the way she lets her life affect her psyche is what really needs changing.

Women are different from men, we are just not as good as men are at compartmentalizing the different facets of our life. For a lot of women, the fact of life is if we are unhappy in our job, we are unhappy in our job 24/7/365, not just when we're at work.

 

[HiDnGoD]

But try to eliminate stress as a cause first. If it is stress, then she needs to develop coping skills or, frankly, get a new job, short and sweet, because that kind of stress eventually does a lot more than suck away your sex drive, it sucks away your life and health.

Words to live by. If you don't enjoy your work, it can touch & ruin every part of your life.
Having said that, some people just do not have a high sex drive. Doesn't mean there is anything to fix, or anything that can be fixed. That's just the way it is.

 

[cyrex]

have her see a doc and then find a therapist IMMEDIATELY you say it is not causing problems, but I am 8 years into a relationship with a woman who also has no sex drive (and actually gets no pleasure out of it even when she is aroused) and while it wasn't so bad early on, it is horrible now.

 

[Frisky]

I didn't get to read all the responses, but I will tell you that I'm in my early 30's and my sex drive is insane... as in 2 @ day's... Training makes it even more insane for me. Body image and being comfortable with your mate is a plus.

Have you ever tried to just pamper her, not expecting sex... body massage, get the blood pumping...

I really don't have a solid answer to this question beings I've never had this problem... the one thing I do know is that the more sex I get the more I want.

The pill isn't helping things though... ask her to check into the IUD (copper T) no hormones at all...

 

[resqguy]

I didn't get to read all the responses, but I will tell you that I'm in my early 30's and my sex drive is insane... as in 2 @ day's... Training makes it even more insane for me. Body image and being comfortable with your mate is a plus.

Have you ever tried to just pamper her, not expecting sex... body massage, get the blood pumping...

I really don't have a solid answer to this question beings I've never had this problem... the one thing I do know is that the more sex I get the more I want.

The pill isn't helping things though... ask her to check into the IUD (copper T) no hormones at all...

Pampering happens all the time, and it ALWAYS leads to sex. I take pretty good care of her...foot rubs are a regular occurance.

In addition to her work/family stress, I think body image has a lot to do with it as well. She's BUILT. She has a great body, but she's very self-conscious and insecure. And regardless of how often I compliment her, she's still convinced that she needs to look better...it's unfortunate.

 

[cyrex]

after reading more of your responses to other's responses it sounds like you just want her to be riding you 24/7 ... relax take your hand out for a date once and a while.

 

[resqguy]

after reading more of your responses to other's responses it sounds like you just want her to be riding you 24/7 ... relax take your hand out for a date once and a while.

Really? Perhaps you should read my responses again.