Married People!

[GrandMaster]

...honestly, is it nice? or does it suck?
and i dont mean in terms of your stuck fucking the same person for life...

i mean in general.
im always gettin told " dont get married son!" and then i find myself tellin that to others .. lol
but i dont suppose i'd have a problem with it..
i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

 

[75th]

I dig it. Make sure you find the right person.

 

[Raina]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.

At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.

At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

Did you guys split up? I'm sorry!! But you are right, when you bring out the worst in someone it's time to go

 

[a10j10]

...honestly, is it nice? or does it suck?
and i dont mean in terms of your stuck fucking the same person for life...

i mean in general.
im always gettin told " dont get married son!" and then i find myself tellin that to others .. lol
but i dont suppose i'd have a problem with it..
i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

Thanx for posting this GM!
I could use some thoughts & pointers from the married folk here...

 

[GrandMaster]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.

At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

Sorry to hear that babe, hope all gets better for you

me personally, im looking fwd to it, being with one person for eternity wont bother me...unless shes shifty.
but i think its all about the people,..but im not married nor have been, so i cant say hehe

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Just don't get married with the idea that you can change that person. Any part of that person. And if you have even a single doubt, walk away. You'll only end up hurting each other

 

[GrandMaster]

Thanx for posting this GM!
I could use some thoughts & pointers from the married folk here...

ka-ka-ka-karma*cough*karma..*clears throat*
musta swallowed a fly or something
hahha jk

 

[jnevin]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.
At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

Exactly the mistake I made. I know how that is and I'm sorry someone else has to. Good luck with it.

 

[HumorMe]

i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

There's your answer.

 

[Zebo]

I'm sorry Raina. I'm right there with you.

Going through what I have with the divorce, child support, losing friends and family, of course, I'm biased.

Honestly, with the current divorce rate and family courts in this country, its simply not beneficial to the man to enter into this kind of binding agreement. (romantic..huh?).

I don't see it getting any better soon.

But if you do....pre-nup. Because there's a better than average chance that she's going to file for divorce.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

I'm sorry Raina. I'm right there with you.

Going through what I have with the divorce, child support, losing friends and family, of course, I'm biased.

Honestly, with the current divorce rate and family courts in this country, its simply not beneficial to the man to enter into this kind of binding agreement. (romantic..huh?).

I don't see it getting any better soon.

But if you do....pre-nup. Because there's a better than average chance that she's going to file for divorce.

Love the avi!!

 

[Zebo]

Love the avi!!

Thanks. And it applies to this thread too......

 

[a10j10]

Just don't get married with the idea that you can change that person. Any part of that person. And if you have even a single doubt, walk away. You'll only end up hurting each other

Don't ya just hate those gals (especially) who pull that, "Ah, he'll change once we get married.." crap...
BULLSHIT!

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Don't ya just hate those gals (especially) who pull that, "Ah, he'll change once we get married.." crap...
BULLSHIT!

Yeah, they suck too. Course, I was talking about a guy doing that

 

[GrandMaster]

But if you do....pre-nup. Because there's a better than average chance that she's going to file for divorce.

hmm that pre-nup shizzy is sketchy
unless your LOADED!

i dont think its nessessary tho, if u get married shit should stay that way, and be happy, but things aren't always like that.i dunno....tough call with that pre-nup biznasss

 

[a10j10]

Yeah, they suck too. Course, I was talking about a guy doing that

Yeah babe, it's reciprocal.

 

[GrandMaster]

Thanks. And it applies to this thread too......

LOL!

im looking fwd to married life, but then again i may be a hopeless romantic lol

 

[Sub-Zero]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.

At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

that sucks. at least ur mature and honest about it. best of luck with that situation

 

[GrandMaster]

Yeah, they suck too. Course, I was talking about a guy doing that

Nah man, ppl dont change, they can mildly alter, but thats it,
u gots 2 love them for them....am i right... or do i need a smackin'?

 

[gab9681]

I got married young, very young. We are going on 4 years of marriage now and seven years of being together. Marriage seemed like the right way to go. We went into this thing saying that we would stay together through hell or high water, and we have seen plenty of both, but we have always made it out alive. For the most part, it has been the best thing to happen to me. Sometime we both wish we would have waited a few years though. Neither one of us had much time to "sow our wild oats". But it is pretty cool coming home from work everyday and knowing that someone is there waiting for you and that she loves you. It is definitely a give and take kinda thing. You won't be able to change the other person, but you will be able to adapt and accept certain things if you truly love them. My only bit of advice would be to remain honest with eachother about everything. That was me and my wife's near downfall. She had told some "false-truths" about herself before we were married. These things were a big part of what I found attractive in her. Then, about 2 years after we tied the knot, I found out the truth. It came very very close to tearing us apart. But we had built so much other good stuff together, that it couldn't break us down. Marriage has its ups and downs, but it's a fun and interesting ride. Just make sure you have the right one with you for the ride.

 

[KBEKQT]

...honestly, is it nice? or does it suck?

i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

Trust me when I tell you this: as we evolve and move forward in life, our expectations, our personal views, opinions and our personalities change.

For a while, I thought I married Mr. Right, but after several years, I found the evolution of our lives did not have the togetherness it had in the early years, our paths grew apart and as the anniversaries passed, the further we got from each other. Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Right-Then.

Should you get married? Sorry hun, only you can make that decision. Is it going to be nice? Only time will tell…

 

[gotmojo]

Just don't get married with the idea that you can change that person. Any part of that person. And if you have even a single doubt, walk away. You'll only end up hurting each other

Sing it sister!........When I was married the bitch hit me in the face with one of those jumbo hotel room phones on our wedding night, just because I wanted to sit in the rooms' whirlpool instead of lamenting over the fact that her dad got liquored up and showed his ass at the reception. My fault to go through with it knowing I was not only marrying her but trying to fix her too. Neededless to say I divorced her, only after killing myself by trying to make something out of nothing. But I am looking forward to doing it again, with the right person and after a series applications w/ references, and personality tests....JK.....for real when it's right it's right.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Yeah babe, it's reciprocal.

Hell yes it is Girls are more apt to do that, but you men aren't all innocent

 

[GrandMaster]

as long as shes the one, i dont mind being on LockDown

 

[DJ_UFO]

I think marriage could be great, could be average, or could suck. Most of them suck. A great minority are average and a little minority are great. And what really destroy a relationship is the FUCKING SIGNATURE. That application for marriage is the worst you can do. If you love someone, you don't need to sign for it. To live with someone you don't need a signature for it.

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Nah man, ppl dont change, they can mildly alter, but thats it,
u gots 2 love them for them....am i right... or do i need a smackin'?

Nope, no smackin' necessary You are EXACTLY correct!!

 

[bigmann245]

...honestly, is it nice? or does it suck?
and i dont mean in terms of your stuck fucking the same person for life...

i mean in general.
im always gettin told " dont get married son!" and then i find myself tellin that to others .. lol
but i dont suppose i'd have a problem with it..
i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

well you know my situation. i love it. we dated for 3 years before we got married. we lived together for 2 of them. i firmly believe in living together before marriage. it will give you a chance to see what it is like to be married. most marriages that fail in the first year is due to the fact they could not stand each other when they moved in together. and in my relationship there are added benifits that some of you already know about... lol

 

[Sweet_Bitch]

Sing it sister!........When I was married the bitch hit me in the face with one of those jumbo hotel room phones on our wedding night, just because I wanted to sit in the rooms' whirlpool instead of lamenting over the fact that her dad got liquored up and showed his ass at the reception. My fault to go through with it knowing I was not only marrying her but trying to fix her too. Neededless to say I divorced her, only after killing myself by trying to make something out of nothing. But I am looking forward to doing it again, with the right person and after a series applications w/ references, and personality tests....JK.....for real when it's right it's right.

Wow-great story Not to poke fun at your marriage, but that sounds like an episode of a bad sitcom!! I got so drunk on my wedding night that I don't remember much, but I definetly wasn't hitting anyone with the jumbo hotel room phone!!

 

[gotmojo]

Wow-great story Not to poke fun at your marriage, but that sounds like an episode of a bad sitcom!! I got so drunk on my wedding night that I don't remember much, but I definetly wasn't hitting anyone with the jumbo hotel room phone!!

You are exactly right, You'd think that a sane person wouldn't just hit someone with a jumbo phone with no provocation let alone their new hubby, well i'm here to tell ya, the broad was daffy, actually it just went down hill from there. But i've learned to have a sense of humor about it. I don't hate her, just wish her well..................................But what a wild F'd up rollercoaster of a ride it was!

 

[Cutiebaby]

its dandy...i think marraige takes a lot of work..before you get married you were just one person with 1 opinion and 1 way of doing things..when you get married it is 2 people trying to have 1 opinion and 1 way to go....it is not easy no where has it said that marraige was suposed to be easy.there is obviously going to be disagreements and such..i think if you work hard at keeping the marraige good then you will suceed. it has a lot to do with respect for yourself and respect for your spouse.if you know some thing that you are doing is not good or hurts your spouse then you need to work at that and fix that.....some people just arent meant for marraige they are too selfish or they think of it as a huge responsibility...it is a responsibility dont get me wrong but it is not that bad as long as you trust,treasure,love,be patient,and be kind to one another and care about each others feelings.also communicate too.

 

[awittyusername]

I got married young, very young. We are going on 4 years of marriage now and seven years of being together. Marriage seemed like the right way to go. We went into this thing saying that we would stay together through hell or high water, and we have seen plenty of both, but we have always made it out alive. For the most part, it has been the best thing to happen to me. Sometime we both wish we would have waited a few years though. Neither one of us had much time to "sow our wild oats". But it is pretty cool coming home from work everyday and knowing that someone is there waiting for you and that she loves you. It is definitely a give and take kinda thing. You won't be able to change the other person, but you will be able to adapt and accept certain things if you truly love them. My only bit of advice would be to remain honest with eachother about everything. That was me and my wife's near downfall. She had told some "false-truths" about herself before we were married. These things were a big part of what I found attractive in her. Then, about 2 years after we tied the knot, I found out the truth. It came very very close to tearing us apart. But we had built so much other good stuff together, that it couldn't break us down. Marriage has its ups and downs, but it's a fun and interesting ride. Just make sure you have the right one with you for the ride.

Not trying to hate. But, could you tell us what the "false-truths" were? I had a couple of friends say the same thing.

 

[bigmann245]

Not trying to hate. But, could you tell us what the "false-truths" were? I had a couple of friends say the same thing.

these are when your sig other tells you he or she likes some things but really doesent. he or she only said it because you liked it. its sad but true. my wife and i hit a small patch of ice early in our marriage as well because of this but we worked it out and moved on. that is what makes a marriage work. the ability to work things out and move on. now we tell each other what we feel right away. this way there arent any surprises down the road.

 

[awittyusername]

these are when your sig other tells you he or she likes some things but really doesent. he or she only said it because you liked it. its sad but true. my wife and i hit a small patch of ice early in our marriage as well because of this but we worked it out and moved on. that is what makes a marriage work. the ability to work things out and move on. now we tell each other what we feel right away. this way there arent any surprises down the road.

Yes, exactly. All my friends that have lived with a girl. Said they are completely different than they thought.

Then, the girls thought they could change they things they didn't like.

 

[JayC9]

Because both my parents have had multiple failed relationships you can guess what my views on the whole marriage thing were. I married on the spur of the moment, didn't tell any of my family and even to this date my father is the only member of my family that's actually met my wife.

I consider myself fortunate to be very happy in my relationship. I work with my wife and we rely on each other to get things done so I guess that adds an extra dimension to the marriage. People see us as a team and we've been offered some great opportunities (imo) soley because they see that we work well together in our relationship and as business partners, it seems to inspire confidence.

Of late I've seriously been wondering how I stumbled on a gem like her. It hasn't been smooth going all the way but we're learning all the time and the more time we spend together the deeper my love for her gets.

There's no real difference between living with someone and getting married, only other people's perception of your relationship. My advice to anyone contemplating marriage is not to focus on the lovey duvy romantic side of things but to make sure that you can actually trust that person with your life and that you share common ground.

 

[gonelifting]

Marriage is something you must wake up every day and DO. It's not getting married at 26 and telling yourself "I love her just the way she is, I hope she never changes"... and cross your fingers. If you think like that, you WILL get divorced. You MUST WORK every day of a marriage to make it a good one.

I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.

Don't even get me started on children.

I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.

Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.

MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..

Do it.

 

[Raina]

I totally agree GL. I 100% agree. That's exactly what I want. I'm just with someone who broke things way beyond repair.

 

[HiDnGoD]

I dated my wife for 2 1/2 yrs before we got married. Approx. 2 of those years I only saw her for 2 wks twice a year. When we got married we thought we were in love, we married an ideal. We also had ideas about what a marriage should be & we had no illusions there. Over the years we've fallen deeper in love than I ever thought possible. There were some rocky times, but through it all we've listened to each other. The hardest part, actually was learning to talk about things truthfully.
As you change over the years, and you both will, you have to stay connected, so you both grow the same way. Support each other.
One thing I've learned when you are going through a difficult time. You have to sit & tell yourself the good things about your S.O., & remind yourself why you love them. Concentrate on their good qualities.
I think it boils down to 2 things.
1. Incredible good luck (in my case anyways, not sure about her luck ).
2. Everyday work at it. Do the romantic stuff. Touch them, listen to them, tell them how you can't live without them. Do stuff together.
If I had to do it again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
BTW, my Dad's done it twice & each marriage has been a smashing success.

I am so turned on to marriage I get misty eyed when I see a wedding or a Bride. And I grieve everytime I hear about one that didn't work out.

 

[Daisy_Girl]

Marriage is a person decision. I REALLY hate it when people say "you shouldn't do it" or even, "you should do it". Justbecause one person had a shitty experience doesn't mean they should tell someone else NOT to do it. You cannot speak for someone else, and furthermore, how can you comment on a relationship you know nothing about?

*vent over*

Marriage has been better than I expected. Honestly, I didn't think I would think marriage was that different than living together (we did for 3 years before marriage). But it is. There is an undefinable comfort, security and happiness to being married to the right partner. Not necessarily a FINANCIAL sense of security, but an emotional one.

I am a more comfortable, happier person now - with myself, with life, and my relationship.

 

[GrandMaster]

Yea i agree with Hidngod's #2 response, very tru!!
and Daisy's 1st paragraph

 

[HumorMe]

Marriage is something you must wake up every day and DO. It's not getting married at 26 and telling yourself "I love her just the way she is, I hope she never changes"... and cross your fingers. If you think like that, you WILL get divorced. You MUST WORK every day of a marriage to make it a good one.

I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.

Don't even get me started on children.

I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.

Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.

MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..

Do it.

Thanks Dr. Phil.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Oh, & one other thing. When you get married, move far far far away from your families.
With us, I left behind my circle of single friends (they never wanted to visit), & My wife left her family & all her friends. We lived in Germany for 2 yrs with no social network except what we developed together. We only had each other 2 depend on, & that made us communicate. it was actually much harder on my wife, than on me.

 

[seizer]

Oh, & one other thing. When you get married, move far far far away from your families.
With us, I left behind my circle of single friends (they never wanted to visit), & My wife left her family & all her friends. We lived in Germany for 2 yrs with no social network except what we developed together. We only had each other 2 depend on, & that made us communicate. it was actually much harder on my wife, than on me.

When you moved to germany, was that a tactic to force yourselves to grown closer?

 

[seizer]

Do you guy's think people should live it up, kinda having fun and meeting lots of people before getting married, THEN settle down? Like say people are in their early twenties, meet up with someone totally made for them, yet, on the back of their mind, they feel like they need to leave the relationship just so that they can make sure their isnt "someone better for them". I bet ya alot of good couples ended for this reason...it scares me cause I feel like I might be the same way.

 

[JayC9]

We married "for better or for worse"....I couldn't do any better, she couldn't do any worse.

 

[spongebob]

marriage is like a box of chocolats...

just the way i like it.

 

[GrandMaster]

Do you guy's think people should live it up, kinda having fun and meeting lots of people before getting married, THEN settle down? Like say people are in their early twenties, meet up with someone totally made for them, yet, on the back of their mind, they feel like they need to leave the relationship just so that they can make sure their isnt "someone better for them". I bet ya alot of good couples ended for this reason...it scares me cause I feel like I might be the same way.

been in that situation, and they came running back


im in my20's and i wouldnt mind being settled down with the right one....if there is one out there for me,
a life long companion, someone you love and loves you to go home to...shit like that, im always a happier person when im in a relationship


but then again, i could be just fucked up lol

 

[bigmann245]

Do you guy's think people should live it up, kinda having fun and meeting lots of people before getting married, THEN settle down? Like say people are in their early twenties, meet up with someone totally made for them, yet, on the back of their mind, they feel like they need to leave the relationship just so that they can make sure their isnt "someone better for them". I bet ya alot of good couples ended for this reason...it scares me cause I feel like I might be the same way.

i thought the same thing early in my marriage. i thought i was missing out on things, thought i made the wrong choice, etc... but i soon realized it was part of growing up. when we dated i spent every waking moment with her. after work, weekends, holidays, then her parents invited me to live there. i said sure why not. but even though we dated for 3 years before we got married, it wasnt till after marriege that i thought i made a mistake. but then i looked back at the reasons i got married and stuck with them. i didnt miss anything, i created something. a beautiful life together with the woman i completely love. it hasent been easy. but we managed.

 

[HiDnGoD]

When you moved to germany, was that a tactic to force yourselves to grown closer?

Nah, I was in the army & that was my posting. I'd already lived there for a year. But most of my friends were single & almost all of them were heavy drinkers. Some didn't know how to handle a woman around, & others just didn't want a woman around. I basically stopped drinking when my wife came over after REFORGER.

 

[pintoca]

When you moved to germany, was that a tactic to force yourselves to grown closer?

in my case it was.

When we moved here, we were married for 2 years already, and hadn't lived together for more than 15 days in a row.

 

[gotmojo]

Oh, & one other thing. When you get married, move far far far away from your families.
With us, I left behind my circle of single friends (they never wanted to visit), & My wife left her family & all her friends. We lived in Germany for 2 yrs with no social network except what we developed together. We only had each other 2 depend on, & that made us communicate. it was actually much harder on my wife, than on me.

That's a good thing in alot of ways. I really shouldn't make my ex out to sound like she is just plain nuts, I mean she never had a chance. Her pops left her mom for another woman (I understand why) when she was 2 yrs old and due to that her mom decided she would hate men with every fiber of her being, and pass that on to her daughter. Her mom adopted the attitude (it's just me and you kid) which is fine but this went to a creepy extent. she was raised to hate her father and believe he didn't care for her, although he did. She was taught that men are worthless dirtbag scum that exist for the sole purpose of procreation with the understanding that more girls are born on average than boys. Their bond grew very strong....too strong! When we got engaged and were planning the wedding I was planning to build a "dream home" in the suburbs of our town....well this was out of the question as being 7 min. away from mom was too far. I had to settle for buying a duplex 6 blocks from her moms house. Due to this after the wedding she never really moved in, some of her things were there but kind of in a sleep over way, 99% of her clothes and toiletries were still at her moms as she spent the majority of her time there when I wasn't home during the day. I'm only giving the basics of her psychosis and the situation, lets face it we just don't have that kinda time. But what it boils down to is she started to suffer from separation anxiety to a phenomenal degree and having a Norman Bates type bond with mom really wasn't helping matters as we were so close, I don't know that being farther away would have saved us, but at least it would have given us a fighting chance. Anyhoo, my only advise for anyone is to make sure the F'N umbilical cord is actually cut, cuz it sure sucks if ya have to try and chew through one!


I just wanted to add that it of course wasn't all her, I mean after all, i'm the dumbass that thought he could fix her....

 

[nycgirl]

^^^
I agree 100% with your umbilical cord advise.

 

[bigmann245]

That's a good thing in alot of ways. I really shouldn't make my ex out to sound like she is just plain nuts, I mean she never had a chance. Her pops left her mom for another woman (I understand why) when she was 2 yrs old and due to that her mom decided she would hate men with every fiber of her being, and pass that on to her daughter. Her mom adopted the attitude (it's just me and you kid) which is fine but this went to a creepy extent. she was raised to hate her father and believe he didn't care for her, although he did. She was taught that men are worthless dirtbag scum that exist for the sole purpose of procreation with the understanding that more girls are born on average than boys. Their bond grew very strong....too strong! When we got engaged and were planning the wedding I was planning to build a "dream home" in the suburbs of our town....well this was out of the question as being 7 min. away from mom was too far. I had to settle for buying a duplex 6 blocks from her moms house. Due to this after the wedding she never really moved in, some of her things were there but kind of in a sleep over way, 99% of her clothes and toiletries were still at her moms as she spent the majority of her time there when I wasn't home during the day. I'm only giving the basics of her psychosis and the situation, lets face it we just don't have that kinda time. But what it boils down to is she started to suffer from separation anxiety to a phenomenal degree and having a Norman Bates type bond with mom really wasn't helping matters as we were so close, I don't know that being farther away would have saved us, but at least it would have given us a fighting chance. Anyhoo, my only advise for anyone is to make sure the F'N umbilical cord is actually cut, cuz it sure sucks if ya have to try and chew through one!


I just wanted to add that it of course wasn't all her, I mean after all, i'm the dumbass that thought he could fix her....

i had the same problem when i got married. i lived with my wife at her parents house for 2 years before we got married. then after we were married i got orders with the navy to go to maryland. we had not choice. her mom got so mad. she blamed me for taking her away. i asked her if she thought we were going to live with them forever and she said she didnt see any reason we needed to move out. fuck that. i took my wife and our new born son and hauled ass. i was glad they sent us there. the wife fell into a bad depression and missed home a lot. so we visited every so often since it was about a days drive. but i had to help cut that umbilical cord and i almost lost her. but we loved each other too much and decided to move on. then she realized all the crap her parents were shoving into her head and started to live her own life her own way. i guess i got lucky because now we moved back and live 15 minutes away and we never go over there. we go maybe every 1 or 2 months. mainly due to the fact that her parents never come over here. so i told her they think they are the center of the universe and the road goes both ways. she saw that and found we were better off the way it is right now.

so i was able to get her used to being away from her parents and also she was able to see what i saw. her parents had a choke hold on her while growing up and i broke that. i cant believe they wanted us to live there forever. we are much happier now together than ever before.

 

[HiDnGoD]

^^^
I agree 100% with your umbilical cord advise.

& once it's cut, it's cut.
After I got out of the army, we lived with my parents for 3 months. Drove us crazy, then we lived with her Mom & stepdad for 2 months, drove us crazy. We ended up living with her brother for 2 yrs. He was hardly at home, always working O.T., & G.F.'s. so we were essentially alone again, with our new baby.

 

[gotmojo]

i had the same problem when i got married. i lived with my wife at her parents house for 2 years before we got married. then after we were married i got orders with the navy to go to maryland. we had not choice. her mom got so mad. she blamed me for taking her away. i asked her if she thought we were going to live with them forever and she said she didnt see any reason we needed to move out. fuck that. i took my wife and our new born son and hauled ass. i was glad they sent us there. the wife fell into a bad depression and missed home a lot. so we visited every so often since it was about a days drive. but i had to help cut that umbilical cord and i almost lost her. but we loved each other too much and decided to move on. then she realized all the crap her parents were shoving into her head and started to live her own life her own way. i guess i got lucky because now we moved back and live 15 minutes away and we never go over there. we go maybe every 1 or 2 months. mainly due to the fact that her parents never come over here. so i told her they think they are the center of the universe and the road goes both ways. she saw that and found we were better off the way it is right now.

so i was able to get her used to being away from her parents and also she was able to see what i saw. her parents had a choke hold on her while growing up and i broke that. i cant believe they wanted us to live there forever. we are much happier now together than ever before.

Amen to that....You are a lucky, lucky man. In no way was I that lucky, believe me I tried, I put my career on hold in Los Angeles to open a retail store in our home town while I put her through school, in hopes that that would motivate her enough (career wise) to move back to L.A. with me and live happily ever after..............................NO!..............................her mom was too much in her head. Every positive I put on the table, her mom attached a negative cancer to it, and it just ate the S.O.B. away. Part of the trouble was that her mom convinced her that she either was or will be hurt in some way by everyone in her life but her mom. Oh well, we are better for it.....It forced her to realize something wasn't right and it showed me that I needed to understand myself better before I could hope to understand anyone else. It also let me know exactly what I wanted out of a relationship and what to look for, so now that I am in a much better place, I can treat a woman like an equal and not like a scared lil' bunny with a broken leg. Taking care of it and fixing it then getting pissed when it bites me cuz the scared lil' bunny doesn't know any better.

 

[gonelifting]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

 

[gotmojo]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

That can be a cool situation under the right (sane) circumstances. I would actually welcome that situation to an extent. It just doesn't work out so well when ya marry into the flippin' chainsaw family though.

 

[Lumberg]

Marriage is something you must wake up every day and DO. It's not getting married at 26 and telling yourself "I love her just the way she is, I hope she never changes"... and cross your fingers. If you think like that, you WILL get divorced. You MUST WORK every day of a marriage to make it a good one.

I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.

Don't even get me started on children.

I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.

Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.

MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..

Do it.

DIN!

As for me, I'm getting married on September 4th, so I guess checak back with me.

So far it's been pretty fun.

 

[Lumberg]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

LOL!

I'd still ounge however I wanted to. I'm not bashful about my body. If my MIA didn't want to see me then she can just not come over!

 

[Sub-Zero]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

u forgot the F in MIL

 

[-SD-]

Trust me when I tell you this: as we evolve and move forward in life, our expectations, our personal views, opinions and our personalities change.

For a while, I thought I married Mr. Right, but after several years, I found the evolution of our lives did not have the togetherness it had in the early years, our paths grew apart and as the anniversaries passed, the further we got from each other. Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Right-Then.

Should you get married? Sorry hun, only you can make that decision. Is it going to be nice? Only time will tell…

Give me a break. This is the part where it is called "for better or worse". People dont say marriage takes work for nothing and if you are "growing apart" then you werent trying to stay close to each other in the first place.

 

[Forge]

I think it's grand for the right people. I think it would be great for me with the right person. But I'm not married to the right person. This is by far the biggest mistake I've ever made. No question about it.

I've never in my life known that I could be this stressed out and unhappy. Had we not gotten married there is no way we'd be together right now. On some level we love each other and always will. But we can barely tolerate being in the same city let alone house. I wish him well. I hope he lives happily ever after. I hope I do too. We just aren't going to be doing that together.

At this point it's too little too late. Things are broken way beyond being fixable. It's incredibly sad and it's so weird to think that soon enough the person who's been the center of my adult life won't be there. But we bring out the absolute worst in each other at this point.

Get married because you want to and because you love someone. Not because you feel like it's what you should do. Whether it be from expectations of your partner or your family or whoever.

Wow Raina, I had no idea your marriage was in trouble, I'm sorry to hear it.



My marriage only lasted 5 years, but they were a fantastic 5 years. There is some real good advice in this thread and lots of truth. Even though I'm divorced I would have no problem getting married again if the right woman came along, with the wisdom that no marriage is guaranteed to last forever. People change over time, and if the couple can't deal with those changes then they will not last, no matter how perfect it once was.

 

[HiDnGoD]

LOL We bought a house NEXT DOOR to my MIL. Their whole family does'nt even knock on our front door before walking in. Gone are the days of lounging out in my underwear. We are happily married though, and her mother is cool, but it still can get a little weird.

Keep walking around in a thong or bikini, they'll get the hint.

 

[texasbrainsandbeef]

Ok here is my little opinion. I have had the wrong person AND the right person much like many people have. Don't ever marry if you want or need to change ANYTHING about that other person. Don't ever marry if you want or need to change ANYTHING about yourself (of course making compromises is a different thing...such as learning to pick up the cloths we men leave laying on the floor). Sex is a very very important part of the married relationship; however, sex is a very secondary thing to a lot of other things. Being best-friends is a lot more important...and we all know that you can't become best-friends overnight. Don't marry unless you want (not feel like you have to) place that other person as the number person in your life over you buddies. This does not mean kickin your friends to the curb...it just means the buddies take a back seat to your spouse. And don't marry unless you are willing to give you full trust, heart, and faith to that person without any conditions and questions. If you can't do all of that stuff...it is not that you shouldn't get married, it is just that you have not found "the one". Of course love is a crazy thing and sometimes we get it wrong, and we learn from those mistakes. As for me...I have found "the one" and I have had the "wrong one" in the past. And having the right one makes life soooooo much better than being alone in my 02. Just my 02, take it for what it is worth. Hope that helps.

 

[KBEKQT]

Give me a break. This is the part where it is called "for better or worse". People dont say marriage takes work for nothing and if you are "growing apart" then you werent trying to stay close to each other in the first place.

You are not living my life, Jack, so STFU.

When your sig other start spending more time holding their GD 12 oz than your hand and is quick to let you know that every FN thing you do in your life is wrong, come back to me and we'll talk. And I'm not gonna give you the pleasure of knowing a whole lot more crap that is too degrading to post up.

 

[Forge]

Give me a break. This is the part where it is called "for better or worse". People dont say marriage takes work for nothing and if you are "growing apart" then you werent trying to stay close to each other in the first place.

The problem is that sometimes it's only one person who "grows apart" and stops trying, while the other is helpless to stop it. Marriage is bilateral, but divorce today is decidely unilateral. This is why a pre-nup is SO important in today's world.

 

[bigmann245]

You are not living my life, Jack, so STFU.

When your sig other start spending more time holding their GD 12 oz than your hand and is quick to let you know that every FN thing you do in your life is wrong, come back to me and we'll talk. And I'm not gonna give you the pleasure of knowing a whole lot more crap that is too degrading to post up.

im sorry to hear about your story. I never understood why some people even get married. I mean, you and him probably had all the right connections at one point but for some reason when some guys get married they fall back to the 1950's where the man worked, the woman stayed home and had 50 kids. and the man treated his wife like shit. at it seamed acceptable back then. I for one can never treat ANY woman bad. even if she slapped me in the face. upset sure, but I would never lay a hand on another woman or verbally abuse her. the verbal abuse is the worst. some woman would rather be beaten once than be verbally abused all day.

some people think it is so easy, they always have an answer. I like your response to this persons post. no you shouldn’t have to embarrass yourself just to prove your point. when this person gets into a relationship and thinks he has it perfect and one day comes home from work early and finds his wife being pounded on there wedding bed but another guy yelling "your so much better than my husband" you will understand what we mean. I had a friend have that very same thing happen to him. he said he swore he was in a movie. you cant write it any better than that. he just slammed the door shut, grabbed some things and left. she was shocked as shit and her mother had the balls to slap him when he came to pick up his stuff and say it was his fault. he gave her everything. he did whatever she wanted. he still has no idea what went wrong.


KBEKQT I admire your courage and responding to this post. the thing I commend you for is you got out. most woman don’t get out. they keep getting walked on and it only gets worse. move on and look forward. one day you will find that person that makes you extremely happy. take care.

 

[Vicious cycle]

...honestly, is it nice? or does it suck?
and i dont mean in terms of your stuck fucking the same person for life...

i mean in general.
im always gettin told " dont get married son!" and then i find myself tellin that to others .. lol
but i dont suppose i'd have a problem with it..
i guess it just depends on the people in the relationship??

There is a single guy that lives across the street from me and is the same age I am. He owns his home, a Vette, motorcycle and brand new Avalanch. Goes out drinking when ever he wants and by all accounts would seem to be in hawg heaven. Except he's not. He tells me everytime I see him how he wishs he had the wife and kid. His life sounds cool at 22, but at 35+; that's not cool. That's pathetic. Most of the good women are gone, married or have a ton of baggage. Dates are far and few between for him. He spends most of his time drunk and washing his toys alone.

I'm not saying get married for marryings sake. Be in love; just try to find love before you dry up. Nothing worse than an older guy walking into the "hot spot" in town. Makes them look like perverts.

 

[KBEKQT]

the verbal abuse is the worst. some woman would rather be beaten once than be verbally abused all day.

A black eye will go away, but verbal abuse will scar for life. It takes away your selfworth if you are not strong enough or don't have self confidence or makes you build walls as defense mechanism and ruins it for the next guy because you'll never allow yourself to fully open up to someone else.

some people think it is so easy, they always have an answer. I like your response to this persons post

Some people think they have all the answers and all the wisdom in the world, but lack the maturity to fully understand, judge without knowing the whole thruth or don't have enough experience to validate their point of view.

KBEKQT I admire your courage and responding to this post. the thing I commend you for is you got out. most woman don’t get out. they keep getting walked on and it only gets worse.

Thank so much for the support, Bigmann. Making the decision was extremely difficult for me, failure is never an option for me so I was torn for a long time, and tried my hardest to make it work. Reading Superdick...hum...Dave's post really pissed me off. Took it personal and had to fire back. ( I have red hair, can you tell? )

 

[-SD-]

You are not living my life, Jack, so STFU.

When your sig other start spending more time holding their GD 12 oz than your hand and is quick to let you know that every FN thing you do in your life is wrong, come back to me and we'll talk. And I'm not gonna give you the pleasure of knowing a whole lot more crap that is too degrading to post up.

Thats not growing apart, thats called "alcoholism". Probably contributes to why he criticizes you also. Sorry either way.

 

[HiDnGoD]

Give me a break. This is the part where it is called "for better or worse". People dont say marriage takes work for nothing and if you are "growing apart" then you werent trying to stay close to each other in the first place.

It takes 2 to tango. I've seen countless relationships where 1 partner is willing to do whatever it takes, yet the other partner is just "yeah, whatever".
It is work, but it's teamwork. If the rest of the team don't show up, nobody wins.

A black eye will go away, but verbal abuse will scar for life. It takes away your selfworth if you are not strong enough or don't have self confidence or makes you build walls as defense mechanism and ruins it for the next guy because you'll never allow yourself to fully open up to someone else.

This works the other way too. I have a friend who has been subject to this verbal abuse from various S.O.'s.
Sometimes people, men & women, somehow drift towards bad people with the same propensity for abuse, of one form or another. & each one has helped convince him of his worthlessness as a man.
You sound like a strong woman KBEKQT. I hope you are able to extricate yourself from that cycle.

 

[HiDnGoD]

I had a friend have that very same thing happen to him. he said he swore he was in a movie. you cant write it any better than that. he just slammed the door shut, grabbed some things and left. she was shocked as shit and her mother had the balls to slap him when he came to pick up his stuff and say it was his fault. he gave her everything. he did whatever she wanted. he still has no idea what went wrong.

I know 2 guys that went through this. One guy it happened to 12 yrs ago, still doesn't know what happened.
The other guy worked 2 jobs to support wife & 2 kids. 15yrs ago. Wife got tired of him not being there & was getting pounded by his Best Friend. He walked in & saw her riding him reverse cowgirl. Says that was the thing that he can never forgive. BTW, he got fucked by her family, crucified by his own family (not much of a man. Couldn't satisfy her!), fucked by her & her lawyer & fucked by the Judges.
I can honestly understand how some people could commit "suicide by cop". This guy was fucked 6 ways to Sunday & today his own fucking kids won't talk to him.

 

[a10j10]

It takes 2 to tango. I've seen countless relationships where 1 partner is willing to do whatever it takes, yet the other partner is just "yeah, whatever".
It is work, but it's teamwork. If the rest of the team don't show up, nobody wins.

Exactly! Very well put!

 

[EnderJE]

I'm on 5 years of marriage and I've been with my wife for about 10 years now. I can honestly say that it wasn't what I expected. I originally expected a non-stop fuck fest where they're was passion everyday in every possible way.

Instead, I have a friend, a confident, a partner, someone who will hear the same story again and again and never interrupt (or correct me), someone who is a great parent to my kids, and someone (most importantly) puts up with my shit.

 

[GrandMaster]

I'm on 5 years of marriage and I've been with my wife for about 10 years now. I can honestly say that it wasn't what I expected. I originally expected a non-stop fuck fest where they're was passion everyday in every possible way.

Instead, I have a friend, a confident, a partner, someone who will hear the same story again and again and never interrupt (or correct me), someone who is a great parent to my kids, and someone (most importantly) puts up with my shit.

i think thats what the marrage shit should be about
spending your lives together, understanding eachother, u got love there bro!

 

[Daisy_Girl]

Instead, I have a friend, a confident, a partner, someone who will hear the same story again and again and never interrupt (or correct me), someone who is a great parent to my kids, and someone (most importantly) puts up with my shit.

Very well put.

 

[bigmann245]

Thank so much for the support, Bigmann. Making the decision was extremely difficult for me, failure is never an option for me so I was torn for a long time, and tried my hardest to make it work. Reading Superdick...hum...Dave's post really pissed me off. Took it personal and had to fire back. ( I have red hair, can you tell? )

i also have red hair. thats funny. we have to stick together. im sorry i didnt get back to this post. i have been so busy helping a buddy move his brother from one house to another. you sound like a very sweet woman. stay that way. the next guy will appreciate it.