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Umm, this was really in my local paper's advice column today. Fucking weird. That is all.
Here's a tough one: incestuous gay twins
Q: My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn't dare tell anyone. We hoped it was a phase that we'd grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to holidays. But we never fell out of love, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. I'm not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship - we're at peace and happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we're gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we're getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet and blow off their questions. I fear they would find our relationship disgusting. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they'll eventually accept it. I think he's out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? I'm also concerned about the legal implications of this - would the therapist be required to report us to the authorities? Could we go to prison?
A : I admit this is my first letter about homosexual, incestuous twins, but I'm going to take you at your word that you two are happy. I spoke to Dan Markel, a professor at Florida State University College of Law. He said that while incest is generally illegal in most jurisdictions, the laws tend to be enforced in a way that would protect minors, prevent sexual abuse, and address imbalances of power. Those aren't at issue in your consensual adult relationship, but Markel suggests you have a consultation with a criminal defense attorney (the discussion would be confidential) to find out if your relationship would come under the state incest statutes. Either way, it's better to know, and if it is illegal, as long as you remain discreet the likelihood of prosecution is remote. Next, I suggest that you and your brother split the difference in your approach to family and friends. Blowing people off is only going to fan the flames of curiosity. But I also agree with you that having a family gathering in which you announce you two have found life partners - each other - will give everyone the vapors. Ultimately your choice is your business, but a limited version of the truth should back everyone off. When people ask when you're each going to find a nice young man, tell them that while it may seem unorthodox, you both have realized that living together is what works for you. Say no brothers could be more devoted or compatible, and neither of you can imagine wanting to change what you have.
Here's a tough one: incestuous gay twins
Q: My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn't dare tell anyone. We hoped it was a phase that we'd grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to holidays. But we never fell out of love, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. I'm not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship - we're at peace and happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we're gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we're getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet and blow off their questions. I fear they would find our relationship disgusting. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they'll eventually accept it. I think he's out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? I'm also concerned about the legal implications of this - would the therapist be required to report us to the authorities? Could we go to prison?
A : I admit this is my first letter about homosexual, incestuous twins, but I'm going to take you at your word that you two are happy. I spoke to Dan Markel, a professor at Florida State University College of Law. He said that while incest is generally illegal in most jurisdictions, the laws tend to be enforced in a way that would protect minors, prevent sexual abuse, and address imbalances of power. Those aren't at issue in your consensual adult relationship, but Markel suggests you have a consultation with a criminal defense attorney (the discussion would be confidential) to find out if your relationship would come under the state incest statutes. Either way, it's better to know, and if it is illegal, as long as you remain discreet the likelihood of prosecution is remote. Next, I suggest that you and your brother split the difference in your approach to family and friends. Blowing people off is only going to fan the flames of curiosity. But I also agree with you that having a family gathering in which you announce you two have found life partners - each other - will give everyone the vapors. Ultimately your choice is your business, but a limited version of the truth should back everyone off. When people ask when you're each going to find a nice young man, tell them that while it may seem unorthodox, you both have realized that living together is what works for you. Say no brothers could be more devoted or compatible, and neither of you can imagine wanting to change what you have.
