I am hurt! I have been cheated on...

[Nobledude]

I am hurt! I have been cheated on...and I was the one who pushed my fiancee away..

It is tough for me to come out and let it out....
I always thought that it happens to others..
I have been engaged with my lady for more than 2 years. We both have Romanian heritage. Before she met me she was deeply in love with a guy from ROmania..at the time she was living in Romania...

She came to US and she found out that her boyfriend was getting married. She was so upset and she started looking into dating sites....so we met..

IT was love at the beginning...after 3 months we had a beautiful and amazing daughter..I was kinda freaked out and I was angry at her , was telling her to go to her mom and such...

I was the mean one in the relationship....I was offending her and I was moody...

Meanwhile, as I found out now from her, she started to keep in touch with her former BF....

Two weeks ago we went to Romania to see my dad who had a stroke. She is from a different town and she also went from my place to see her relatives...

I was hinting to her that she might also see her former BF>...

In fact, as she was there for two weeks they met and they had sex!

To make a story shorter, I have found one of her email addressed to him where she was telling him how bad she was missing him!!!!!

She admitted that she had an affair and she still loves him and her feelings for me are very very low as she told me I killed the relationship..

Now I realize what an idiot I was as I couldnt keep her and couldnt be a nicer person!

I asked her to give it another chance and she agreed but she also said that she loves that guy a lot...

I am so depressed and couldnt sleep all night...It is almost 4.30 am as I write...

I want to make it work!

What should I do to bring her feelings back to me?

Please refrain from sore jokes...

Tx for reading!

 

[bw1]

That sucks bro.

 

[silverstar1025]

Wow I am sorry this happened to you. It does suck when the one you love cheats on you. It hurts like shit. I guess the question is can you really trust her if you stay with her? I have seen relationships work after someone cheats and sometimes it only takes one time for someone to realize their mistakes and never make it again. If you do stay though it will be a long hard road and I am sure will take a long time to trust her again. Does she want to stay with you too? My concern about this is you basically said she loves this man more than you. Do you want to compete with that? I mean you have a child together and all, but won't you always be wondering if she is truely happy with you or if she is thinking about this other man? Everyone deserves to be happy and whether you weren't the perfect fiance or not she still burned you like that. She should have talked to you about your problems and not run to sleep with another man. You deserve someone that will love you with their whole heart not somebody that still has a piece of their heart with another man. Good luck!

 

[Nobledude]

Wow I am sorry this happened to you. It does suck when the one you love cheats on you. It hurts like shit. I guess the question is can you really trust her if you stay with her? I have seen relationships work after someone cheats and sometimes it only takes one time for someone to realize their mistakes and never make it again. If you do stay though it will be a long hard road and I am sure will take a long time to trust her again. Does she want to stay with you too? My concern about this is you basically said she loves this man more than you. Do you want to compete with that? I mean you have a child together and all, but won't you always be wondering if she is truely happy with you or if she is thinking about this other man? Everyone deserves to be happy and whether you weren't the perfect fiance or not she still burned you like that. She should have talked to you about your problems and not run to sleep with another man. You deserve someone that will love you with their whole heart not somebody that still has a piece of their heart with another man. Good luck!

I was the one who ran her away...

She was a nice and caring person and I was mean and grouchy..

She found solace and refuge in her former BF ...She wanted to see him badly and she was surprised to see how much she still loves him!

The guy said that he wanted to divorce his current wife but he didnt say much if he wants to be with my lady...

My fiancee said that she wont be hurt at all if we were to be separated tomorrow!!

It would have been easier for me if my 18 month old baby wasnt involved!

I take guilt as I was the one who pushed her away from me...I am a egotistical, cocky son of a bitch!!

 

[silverstar1025]

I was the one who ran her away...

She was a nice and caring person and I was mean and grouchy..

She found solace and refuge in her former BF ...She wanted to see him badly and she was surprised to see how much she still loves him!

The guy said that he wanted to divorce his current wife but he didnt say much if he wants to be with my lady...

My fiancee said that she wont be hurt at all if we were to be separated tomorrow!!
It would have been easier for me if my 18 month old baby wasnt involved!

I take guilt as I was the one who pushed her away from me...I am a egotistical, cocky son of a bitch!!

Ok so she doesn't want to make it work with you? You want to make it work, but she is ready to move on? I am assuming that based on that statement you made.

 

[bw1]

Oh fuck, what a mess.

 

[Nobledude]

Ok so she doesn't want to make it work with you? You want to make it work, but she is ready to move on? I am assuming that based on that statement you made.

She said that she will give it a try...but chances to get her feelings back to me are low...

IF I were to say " I leave or you can go to your mom" she wont be affected.

But we can try....
A year ago I wanted her to get an IUD...she wanted to have one more kid but I didnt...

Now, I told her that I want to have her IUD removed to have a little brother for my daughter but she doenst want!

 

[Nobledude]

I remember that when she was pregnant in two months she left me ..she went to her mom...I got home and all her clothing was gone..I was so upset!

But I was the one who caused as I would always tell her that she should go to her mom...

Oh, man....I hope not to do anything stupid...I dont want to hurt anyone and I howp I dont hurt myself!

 

[silverstar1025]

She said that she will give it a try...but chances to get her feelings back to me are low...

IF I were to say " I leave or you can go to your mom" she wont be affected.

But we can try....
A year ago I wanted her to get an IUD...she wanted to have one more kid but I didnt...

Now, I told her that I want to have her IUD removed to have a little brother for my daughter but she doenst want!

Please don't give in to her wishes to have a kid now. Nobody should bring a kid into the mix when the relationship is rocky. I guess you can work on it if you really love her, but you must be prepared and keep your guard up. It sounds like she is already out of love with you and who knows if it can be saved now. Plus you will never be able to trust her. If you do decide to work on it you better be sure she has cut off all ties with this man. Is she willing to do that? Do you think you can be the man she wants? You also shouldn't have to change yourself for someone either. Were you really good to her and then suddenly you became a dick or have you always been the same and it wasn't enough for her?

 

[Nobledude]

Please don't give in to her wishes to have a kid now. Nobody should bring a kid into the mix when the relationship is rocky. I guess you can work on it if you really love her, but you must be prepared and keep your guard up. It sounds like she is already out of love with you and who knows if it can be saved now. Plus you will never be able to trust her. If you do decide to work on it you better be sure she has cut off all ties with this man. Is she willing to do that? Do you think you can be the man she wants? You also shouldn't have to change yourself for someone either. Were you really good to her and then suddenly you became a dick or have you always been the same and it wasn't enough for her?

You missunderstood...

I am the one who wanted to have another kid but she doesnt!

I was kinda dick most of the time ! I admit!

I told her to stop emailing or phoning him...Her mom was there today when I told her that I found prof that she cheated on me with her former BF whom she dearly loves!!...

I was the one who pushed her away..and she warned me many times that I may end up alone...Macho me didnt care...

Now I realize what a moron I was...I dont want to loser her.

 

[silverstar1025]

You missunderstood...

I am the one who wanted to have another kid but she doesnt!

I was kinda dick most of the time ! I admit!

I told her to stop emailing or phoning him...Her mom was there today when I told her that I found prof that she cheated on me with her former BF whom she dearly loves!!...

I was the one who pushed her away..and she warned me many times that I may end up alone...Macho me didnt care...

Now I realize what a moron I was...I dont want to loser her.

It doesn't matter who wants another baby right now I am just saying nobody should bring a baby into things when the relationship has problems. 9 times out of 10 they divorce anyway and that is another baby from a broken family.

Emotional cheating is far worse than just sexual cheating in my opinion. It is not like she was just missing some action and had meaningless sex and now regrets it. She is in love with another man and does not sound like she regrets it. How can you compete with that? Why would you want to? I know you love her and you made mistakes, but you can't do that to yourself. Just by listening to what you are saying if you try to make it work I just see yourself disappointed and hurt later. You said the guy she is in love with wants a divorce. What will happen then? You will be working hard to please her and the man she loves will be available again and you will be left in the cold. I could be wrong, but it is just what I see. If she really had regret and did love you then I would say yes work on it, but in this case I just see you hurt more later. You just need to accept it and learn from this experience. Sometimes people don't know what they had until it is gone and it makes them a better person for the next.

 

[bw1]

I remember that when she was pregnant in two months she left me ..she went to her mom...I got home and all her clothing was gone..I was so upset!

But I was the one who caused as I would always tell her that she should go to her mom...

Oh, man....I hope not to do anything stupid...I dont want to hurt anyone and I howp I dont hurt myself!

Don't do anything stupid bro

 

[silverstar1025]

Don't do anything stupid bro

What he said! Always think about your kid and what it would do to the child. Don't be selfish in all of this and do anything bad.

 

[GUARDIAN]

do u think if u change your treatment of her now that even if she were to give it an honest try at working it out that u could forgive her?

 

[stilleto]

I'm sorry that happened. You do flirt a lot on the net- maybe she didn't make you as happy as you really think.

 

[Nobledude]

It doesn't matter who wants another baby right now I am just saying nobody should bring a baby into things when the relationship has problems. 9 times out of 10 they divorce anyway and that is another baby from a broken family.

Emotional cheating is far worse than just sexual cheating in my opinion. It is not like she was just missing some action and had meaningless sex and now regrets it. She is in love with another man and does not sound like she regrets it. How can you compete with that? Why would you want to? I know you love her and you made mistakes, but you can't do that to yourself. Just by listening to what you are saying if you try to make it work I just see yourself disappointed and hurt later. You said the guy she is in love with wants a divorce. What will happen then? You will be working hard to please her and the man she loves will be available again and you will be left in the cold. I could be wrong, but it is just what I see. If she really had regret and did love you then I would say yes work on it, but in this case I just see you hurt more later. You just need to accept it and learn from this experience. Sometimes people don't know what they had until it is gone and it makes them a better person for the next.

you make sense but I have to try!!

She told me she loved me for the first two months in our relationship...

But after she saw him and had sex with him, she is a different person...very pleased that she saw the guy and ready to move on if I chose to ...

I cant let her go yet! I have to try! That guy is in Romania...she cant go there with my baby without my approval...only chance is to bring him here when she get her citizenship in almost two years!

I asked her to stop calling him!

I found out that the calling card I gave her and put it in her phone memory she was using calling him!

SHe called him twice as I saw teh phone history on the net!

Now I have his number! Should I try to call him up and talk to him?

She will be pissed..

 

[Nobledude]

do u think if u change your treatment of her now that even if she were to give it an honest try at working it out that u could forgive her?

I think I could , maybe...but I dont want to humiliate myself to please her....

It is possible that at our first fight to leave me and go to her mom.....I walk on eggs shells...

Oh, man.....I have been sobbing all night here...

 

[silverstar1025]

you make sense but I have to try!!

She told me she loved me for the first two months in our relationship...

But after she saw him and had sex with him, she is a different person...very pleased that she saw the guy and ready to move on if I chose to ...

I cant let her go yet! I have to try! That guy is in Romania...she cant go there with my baby without my approval...only chance is to bring him here when she get her citizenship in almost two years!

I asked her to stop calling him!

I found out that the calling card I gave her and put it in her phone memory she was using calling him!

SHe called him twice as I saw teh phone history on the net!

Now I have his number! Should I try to call him up and talk to him?

She will be pissed..

I understand I am just giving you my opinion and trying to spare you the hurt. In most cases I believe people do make mistakes and are willing to give them one more shot, but I just think you are up against a lot since she no longer loves you, doesn't care if you separate, and loves another man. It sounds like you want to try so all I can say is good luck. Make sure she has no contact with the man and communicate a lot.

 

[Nobledude]

I understand I am just giving you my opinion and trying to spare you the hurt. In most cases I believe people do make mistakes and are willing to give them one more shot, but I just think you are up against a lot since she no longer loves you, doesn't care if you separate, and loves another man. It sounds like you want to try so all I can say is good luck. Make sure she has no contact with the man and communicate a lot.

If she want to call him I cant help....she can do it from work using a calling card or on the net using a different email address!

I brought all this to myself....by being mean she found refuge in emailing him once in a while...she even told me that she dreamt of him!


Once she saw him in Romania she was all LOVE for him like nothing changed in the last four years...

Funny thing the guy got married when she was in US more than 3 years without telling her.....

Oh man, I wont wish my situation to my darnest enemy!!

As I am typing she is feeding my baby who just woke up....I didnt sleep a wink...

 

[Nobledude]

Honestly, should I call the guy now that Ihave his phone number? If yes, what should I tell him? To back off or ask him what are his intentions?

But my fiancee would be pissed if I did...at least I find some closure.

 

[GUARDIAN]

Honestly, should I call the guy now that Ihave his phone number? If yes, what should I tell him? To back off or ask him what are his intentions?

But my fiancee would be pissed if I did...at least I find some closure.

tough one. i would hold off until u get finalized what your future is with her. i would definitely do it for closure if things do not work out.

 

[Nobledude]

tough one. i would hold off until u get finalized what your future is with her. i would definitely do it for closure if things do not work out.

I dont know...I was thinking if I will call him up and ask him honestly what are his intentions I may see if there is a plan brewing between those two..she said she didnt tell her that he loves her or wanna stay with her... a man to man conversation..

 

[silverstar1025]

I dont know...I was thinking if I will call him up and ask him honestly what are his intentions I may see if there is a plan brewing between those two..she said she didnt tell her that he loves her or wanna stay with her... a man to man conversation..

Do you really think he would be honest with you? I highly doubt he would say "yeah man we have been talking and we want to be together".

 

[GUARDIAN]

Do you really think he would be honest with you? I highly doubt he would say "yeah man we have been talking and we want to be together".

+1

 

[Nobledude]

Do you really think he would be honest with you? I highly doubt he would say "yeah man we have been talking and we want to be together".

why not? whats to hide...?

How funny is life...a while ago , my fiancee wanted another baby but I didnt...now after she saw hear beau she wouldnt want her IUD taken out!

I guess I was thinking if we will have another child she will be with me and forget about the other man...she is a wonderful mom, a hard working person and a very good looking girl!!

It is hard for me...I hope I wont resort to stupid things...I need all the help I can get...I couldnt go to bed at all today....we had a lousy sex today,,,it was the same since she had sex with the other man..

 

[silverstar1025]

why not? whats to hide...?

How funny is life...a while ago , my fiancee wanted another baby but I didnt...now after she saw hear beau she wouldnt want her IUD taken out!

I guess I was thinking if we will have another child she will be with me and forget about the other man...she is a wonderful mom, a hard working person and a very good looking girl!!

It is hard for me...I hope I wont resort to stupid things...I need all the help I can get...I couldnt go to bed at all today....we had a lousy sex today,,,it was the same since she had sex with the other man..

What do you mean by do stupid things?

 

[Nobledude]

What do you mean by do stupid things?

hurt someone or myself...

typing words cant express my huge pain.....they are emotionless...

 

[silverstar1025]

hurt someone or myself...

typing words cant express my huge pain.....they are emotionless...

Dude if you have these feelings then please talk to someone. Maybe counseling would help you guys. Would both of you be willing to do that?

Again, think about your child. Can you imagine how messed up your kid would grow to be if Daddy harmed himself or Mommy?

 

[rnch]

I was the one who ran her away...

WRONG!!! she CHOSE to cheat on u

 

[GUARDIAN]

hurt someone or myself...

typing words cant express my huge pain.....they are emotionless...

whoa stop right there bro. the pain is temporary. if u are having feelings like that u should not sit at home and keep thinking about it.

 

[Nobledude]

Dude if you have these feelings then please talk to someone. Maybe counseling would help you guys. Would both of you be willing to do that?

Again, think about your child. Can you imagine how messed up your kid would grow to be if Daddy harmed himself or Mommy?

There are things that go beyond our reasoning....

AS I said I though I was invincible...I can do whatever the fuk I want with her and be mean and shit and she will be here for ever...didnt care when she warned me that I will destroy all the love she has for me and end up alone!!

 

[Sub-Zero]

Re: I am hurt! I have been cheated on...and I was the one who pushed my fiancee away..

It is tough for me to come out and let it out....
I always thought that it happens to others..
I have been engaged with my lady for more than 2 years. We both have Romanian heritage. Before she met me she was deeply in love with a guy from ROmania..at the time she was living in Romania...

She came to US and she found out that her boyfriend was getting married. She was so upset and she started looking into dating sites....so we met..

IT was love at the beginning...after 3 months we had a beautiful and amazing daughter..I was kinda freaked out and I was angry at her , was telling her to go to her mom and such...

I was the mean one in the relationship....I was offending her and I was moody...

Meanwhile, as I found out now from her, she started to keep in touch with her former BF....

Two weeks ago we went to Romania to see my dad who had a stroke. She is from a different town and she also went from my place to see her relatives...

I was hinting to her that she might also see her former BF>...

In fact, as she was there for two weeks they met and they had sex!

To make a story shorter, I have found one of her email addressed to him where she was telling him how bad she was missing him!!!!!

She admitted that she had an affair and she still loves him and her feelings for me are very very low as she told me I killed the relationship..

Now I realize what an idiot I was as I couldnt keep her and couldnt be a nicer person!

I asked her to give it another chance and she agreed but she also said that she loves that guy a lot...

I am so depressed and couldnt sleep all night...It is almost 4.30 am as I write...

I want to make it work!

What should I do to bring her feelings back to me?

Please refrain from sore jokes...

Tx for reading!

i doubt you were that much of a dick...shes probably just using it as an excuse to not feel so slutteh...

but she WAS probably using you as backup.(didnt care about you nearly as much as u thought in the first place)

so dont "make it work"

just move on.

goodluck bro

 

[Sub-Zero]

Honestly, should I call the guy now that Ihave his phone number? If yes, what should I tell him? To back off or ask him what are his intentions?

But my fiancee would be pissed if I did...at least I find some closure.

dude she doesnt want you anymore.

why were you a dick in the first place?

 

[Nobledude]

Re: I am hurt! I have been cheated on...and I was the one who pushed my fiancee away.

i doubt you were that much of a dick...shes probably just using it as an excuse to not feel so slutteh...

but she WAS probably using you as backup.(didnt care about you nearly as much as u thought in the first place)

so dont "make it work"

just move on.

goodluck bro

Easy to say ' move on"....I hope you will never be in my shoes and someone to tell you " move on"...it hurts like hell!

I know I have been a dick....a moron, and a desconsiderate person....trust me guys. I drove her there ...back into his arms....

Now I try to get her back....but she loves another man...I cant let her go!
But on the other hand, I dont want to humiliate myself and keep my mouth shut or stifle my emotions to please her!!

Oh man, what a mess!!!

 

[Sub-Zero]

Re: I am hurt! I have been cheated on...and I was the one who pushed my fiancee away.

Easy to say ' move on"....I hope you will never be in my shoes and someone to tell you " move on"...it hurts like hell!

I know I have been a dick....a moron, and a desconsiderate person....trust me guys. I drove her there ...back into his arms....

Now I try to get her back....but she loves another man...I cant let her go!
But on the other hand, I dont want to humiliate myself and keep my mouth shut or stifle my emotions to please her!!

Oh man, what a mess!!!

you already humiliated yourself by being enough of a dick to drive someone away (if thats actually what happened)

so why notput yourself out there a lil bit more and do whatever you can think of to try and keep her?

in the end itl be a much larger regret to not try anything at all, than to try "too much".

if that doesnt work:

move on,

goodluck bro

 

[Nobledude]

dude she doesnt want you anymore.

why were you a dick in the first place?

My behaviour towards her...I have been thru bouts of depressions after I tore my achiles tendon and had the surgery.. She was my angel who fed me, bathe me and took care of me...

When she would come from work I was playing on line poker and getting quite angry as I was losing....and I was lashing at her...

i wouldnt go out....I would get mad at may baby as she was crying ..I dont have patience...


Life sucks is an understatement....if those words would have a voice you will get deaf in a second...I scream with pain.....

Just shoot me please!

 

[velvett]

At the risk of sounding insensitive - this relationship is not only severely damaged it's over from her perspective. She'll go back to you only to use the time to find a better plan to leave you and you will go through this hurt and pain twice.

You're better off cutting the ties now and dealing with the devastation once and now.

 

[Nobledude]

I have to pinch myself to make sure this is not a really bad dream...unfortunately, it is reality.

I cant believe after all she said I want to stay with her...You have to realize I was a guy who would chose and pick when to leave a woman....never been in this situation!!


Sad but I am in devastating pain and see no way out...

thanks for all of your input...as I am a very private person...btu I have no qualms now...

 

[GUARDIAN]

I have to pinch myself to make sure this is not a really bad dream...unfortunately, it is reality.

I cant believe after all she said I want to stay with her...You have to realize I was a guy who would chose and pick when to leave a woman....never been in this situation!!


Sad but I am in devastating pain and see no way out...

thanks for all of your input...as I am a very private person...btu I have no qualms now...

qualms about???

 

[Nobledude]

qualms about???

about let it all out....and share with you guys my horror story..

Please shoot me....I wont be uspet or mad....but make sure you kill me!

i am a moron, egotistical son of a biatch and deserve no compassion....I brought it to myself...please trust me

 

[GUARDIAN]

shit happens bro. we all make mistakes. years from now this will be a distant memory.

about let it all out....and share with you guys my horror story..

Please shoot me....I wont be uspet or mad....but make sure you kill me!

i am a moron, egotistical son of a biatch and deserve no compassion....I brought it to myself...please trust me

 

[silverstar1025]

about let it all out....and share with you guys my horror story..

Please shoot me....I wont be uspet or mad....but make sure you kill me!

i am a moron, egotistical son of a biatch and deserve no compassion....I brought it to myself...please trust me

Do you love your child?

 

[velvett]

about let it all out....and share with you guys my horror story..

Please shoot me....I wont be uspet or mad....but make sure you kill me!

i am a moron, egotistical son of a biatch and deserve no compassion....I brought it to myself...please trust me

If you feel that your actions are to blame this is your opportunity to be a better person. People come in and out of our lives, if you learn nothing from those moments together you are doomed to repeat your mistakes.

It sucks, you are going to be miserable for a while and hopeless that things can get better but one day the cloud over your life will rise and you better be paying attention for that moment that you can claim your life back and make something better out of it.

 

[Nobledude]

Do you love your child?

I do...

 

[Raptorex]

sorry bro, not much advice except that I'm certain things will work out for you some way.

 

[Nobledude]

If you feel that your actions are to blame this is your opportunity to be a better person. People come in and out of our lives, if you learn nothing from those moments together you are doomed to repeat your mistakes.

It sucks, you are going to be miserable for a while and hopeless that things can get better but one day the cloud over your life will rise and you better be paying attention for that moment that you can claim your life back and make something better out of it.

I have messed up badly and been reimbursed over the top for my actions...

I am the faulty wire in this relations....and I short it out badly....

I am out to take my baby to her mom and take the car to the shop..
it has been a white night....a nightmare.....

 

[wootoom]

dude...no matter how good you look or what you do you're never safe......i also learnt...

 

[wootoom]

move on.....she says her feelings have run low....trust me...mine said the same thing.

 

[silverstar1025]

I do...

Then stop talking stupid about you wanting to die and think about your child.

 

[bw1]

Then stop talking stupid about you wanting to die and think about your child.

+1

 

[GUARDIAN]

Then stop talking stupid about you wanting to die and think about your child.

+2

 

[Tatyana]

I haven't read the entire thread, so if I missed something......

If you have a child together then I think it is worth making the effort to see what you can do with your relationship.

 

[jdynasty]

I have no time for alters

 

[GUARDIAN]

I have no time for alters

wtf??

 

[wootoom]

i dotn think hes an alter....this type of shit i dont joke around with...ive been hurt and i know how bad it feels to betrayed

 

[Nobledude]

i dotn think hes an alter....this type of shit i dont joke around with...ive been hurt and i know how bad it feels to betrayed

I wish I were an alter...I would have given money along with karma for this shit,,

Unfortunately, is is a nightmare!

I take responsability for having this horrible outcome..

 

[fistfullofsteel]

ask biteme about his situation. sorry, but you have to 86 her. that's the only option. don't trust the Delilah. she will destroy your life even more. you will suffer a 1,000 deaths if you try to stay with her.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

At the risk of sounding insensitive - this relationship is not only severely damaged it's over from her perspective. She'll go back to you only to use the time to find a better plan to leave you and you will go through this hurt and pain twice.

You're better off cutting the ties now and dealing with the devastation once and now.

perfect

 

[fistfullofsteel]

At the risk of sounding insensitive - this relationship is not only severely damaged it's over from her perspective. She'll go back to you only to use the time to find a better plan to leave you and you will go through this hurt and pain twice.

You're better off cutting the ties now and dealing with the devastation once and now.

........

 

[GoldenDelicious]

If you feel that your actions are to blame this is your opportunity to be a better person. People come in and out of our lives, if you learn nothing from those moments together you are doomed to repeat your mistakes.

It sucks, you are going to be miserable for a while and hopeless that things can get better but one day the cloud over your life will rise and you better be paying attention for that moment that you can claim your life back and make something better out of it.

also perfect

 

[fistfullofsteel]

i dotn think hes an alter....this type of shit i dont joke around with...ive been hurt and i know how bad it feels to betrayed

tell him how it is brother. all praise be upon those who spread the truth.

 

[biteme]

Re: I am hurt! I have been cheated on...and I was the one who pushed my fiancee away..

It is tough for me to come out and let it out....
I always thought that it happens to others..
I have been engaged with my lady for more than 2 years. We both have Romanian heritage. Before she met me she was deeply in love with a guy from ROmania..at the time she was living in Romania...

She came to US and she found out that her boyfriend was getting married. She was so upset and she started looking into dating sites....so we met..

IT was love at the beginning...after 3 months we had a beautiful and amazing daughter..I was kinda freaked out and I was angry at her , was telling her to go to her mom and such...

I was the mean one in the relationship....I was offending her and I was moody...

Meanwhile, as I found out now from her, she started to keep in touch with her former BF....

Two weeks ago we went to Romania to see my dad who had a stroke. She is from a different town and she also went from my place to see her relatives...

I was hinting to her that she might also see her former BF>...

In fact, as she was there for two weeks they met and they had sex!

To make a story shorter, I have found one of her email addressed to him where she was telling him how bad she was missing him!!!!!

She admitted that she had an affair and she still loves him and her feelings for me are very very low as she told me I killed the relationship..

Now I realize what an idiot I was as I couldnt keep her and couldnt be a nicer person!

I asked her to give it another chance and she agreed but she also said that she loves that guy a lot...

I am so depressed and couldnt sleep all night...It is almost 4.30 am as I write...

I want to make it work!

What should I do to bring her feelings back to me?

Please refrain from sore jokes...

Tx for reading!

Do you love her and does she love you? If so, get over it... Most people will cheat at one time or another... It's not normal to only sleep with one person your whole life... This thought comes from religion and most of you are not religious... and even if you are, it's a hard thing to do for most... Except for the ugly people

 

[Dial_tone]

I think if someone cheats on YOU and YOU have to win THEM back it's best to move on. They have to have remorse and want to fix things before you have any real chance.

 

[all the whey]

tell him how it is brother. all praise be upon those who spread the truth.

lol I told him the same thing in a k

 

[all the whey]

Very sorry to here.

You are one of the last guys who I would think that would be a dick. I remeber you being extra nice to the girls.

But, I don't even remember you saying you were engaged or had a kid?????//

 

[biteme]

Next time ask if you can watch... They're gonna cheat anyways, so you might as well get to see how they are with someone else. If you can't beat em.. join em.... They will get pissed if you want to watch and get pleasure out of it... yet they will fuck the shit out of a man behind your back.... just don't want u to receive any pleasure out of that... Just one way to beat em... They want you to idolize them and if you imagine them with someone else... they feel you are degrading them... Well I don't idolize people and they're all sluts anyway.

 

[Nobledude]

Very sorry to here.

You are one of the last guys who I would think that would be a dick. I remeber you being extra nice to the girls.

But, I don't even remember you saying you were engaged or had a kid?????//

I tried to keep my private life off EF chat....now it is all out...

 

[Nobledude]

At the risk of sounding insensitive - this relationship is not only severely damaged it's over from her perspective. She'll go back to you only to use the time to find a better plan to leave you and you will go through this hurt and pain twice.

You're better off cutting the ties now and dealing with the devastation once and now.

That guy is in Romania now, he lives there. They were lovers before she met me...she got to US and found out he was getting married without telling her and she went on a dating site where we met.

It was love ...but after she got pregnant I got scared and started to push her away and kept telling her to go to her mom. One time she left me and i was very upset...she cam back...

meanwhile she started to keep in touch with her former lover while I wasnt very nice to her...i was even yelling at my baby as she was crying...i am a cruel bastard!

How can one yell at a one and a half year old baby...

We went to Romania cause my dad had a stroke....she went to her hometown where he met him and she told me that it was like she never was apart from him....she loves him as she loved him before!

I didnt sleep for the last 38 hours ...I love my child and I wouldt want to have another man with her..

I already sent him an email ...I told him that Doina and I agreed to give it another chance and she will cut the ties off from him....

I saw on the calling card history list on the internet that she called him today....she was telling him that I found out about their affair and their secret is out!


I can monitor her calling card as she doesnt know that I can see who is she talking to..

I couldnt eat anything from yesterday afternoon....I would have never thought about this....

 

[Nobledude]

i was going to email him and tell him that if he were to be with my fiancee and my daughter i would tell my daughter about their affair and she will hate him..

Should I do this?

 

[Nobledude]

I really could use some solid advice...I dont want know to humiliate myself and give in to all her demands...I need dignity...

When we had sex it was more of a forced one on my part...i was told by a friend that I shouldnt do that anymore and try to win her over ...

 

[Dial_tone]

i was going to email him and tell him that if he were to be with my fiancee and my daughter i would tell my daughter about their affair and she will hate him..

Should I do this?

No. This is not about him. It's about her.

 

[Nobledude]

No. This is not about him. It's about her.

true...but it takes two to tango..

Also, it could make him think twice if he will continue and pursue this relationship..

If he will show no interest, my fiancee wont be interested as much and we have a better chance to mend the damaged situation...

dont u think?

 

[silverstar1025]

I really could use some solid advice...I dont want know to humiliate myself and give in to all her demands...I need dignity...

When we had sex it was more of a forced one on my part...i was told by a friend that I shouldnt do that anymore and try to win her over ...

Dude you got plenty of solid advice here. The problem is you just don't want to listen to it.

 

[rnch]

I really could use some solid advice...

WALK AWAY. she's not worth it.

 

[wootoom]

why does this shit have to happen....

 

[silverstar1025]

why does this shit have to happen....

Too many heartless people out there that is why.

 

[wootoom]

life isnt fair for the kids......

 

[silverstar1025]

life isnt fair for the kids......

Nope it is not. It is a shame because they don't ask for that shit and deserve to have the best up bringing possible. Thankfully when I was cheated on I had no kids. I can't imagine going through that and having a family torn apart.
No matter what though you just have to provide a good life for them and always be active in their life and they will be ok.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I never realized that you weren't native American, but I can see now you must be upset as you are typing with an accent.

May I be blunt?

I don't want to kick you that you are down. That is not my intent at all. And I am not saying that your fiancee is "Mother Theresa", she could have made other choices too... however, I CAN understand her feelings.

My first husband KILLED EVERY BIT OF LOVE I HAD... slowly over 13 years.. I was a good and faithfull, loving wife - EXCELLENT mother to our children, (I was raised MAGYAR so you know that I was a good woman for my husband) supportive life partner and very good business partner and yet, he didn't care. I warned him FOR YEARS - if you don't change your behavior you WILL end up losing me. Of course, he promised he would change but he never did. Then one night (after we had been having serious problems for months) he beat me up. <---THAT ENDED IT.

I am now very happily remarried to a wonderfully loving and amazing man.

But, the reason I am telling you this is so that YOU can learn from your mistake. As Stilleto pointed out, maybe she wasn't making you as happy as you thought, but regardless you must first "work on you" so that you can be a happier person with yourself, to make yourself a better parent to your daughter - long before you can bring a woman into your life or work on this relationship with your fiancee.

You can NOT control her and do not try to use your daughter. I know how scary it would be to allow her to leave the US with your daughter as you would have to return to "get the child" if she did not return. But that is also the country of your birth and she would be held to the law's there as well.

Try to let her make her own decisions. Do not guilt her or make her feel badly. By your own admission - you drove her away. Let her be free so that YOU CAN BE FREE...

Focus on you so that you can be an excellent daddy. I promise you, once you get your own head together your life will present a better path.

I am very sad for you.

 

[BlueBird]

At the risk of sounding insensitive - this relationship is not only severely damaged it's over from her perspective. She'll go back to you only to use the time to find a better plan to leave you and you will go through this hurt and pain twice.

You're better off cutting the ties now and dealing with the devastation once and now.

Ditto. And I'm sorry for your situation.

 

[Tweakle]

She doesn't care about you and she'll be back on his crotch next time he snaps his fingers. And even if she doesn't, she'll be thinking about him when she's with you. Walk away from her, but be a dad to your kid

However you blame yourself she's worthless for acting the way she did when a kid's involved.

 

[caligirl]

awwww, ND this all sucks. I wish you the best. no ones advice is gona take the pain away but it will get better in time. just dont let her walk all over you she will respect you even less. remember, she cheated not you.

 

[Nobledude]

I never realized that you weren't native American, but I can see now you must be upset as you are typing with an accent.

May I be blunt?

I don't want to kick you that you are down. That is not my intent at all. And I am not saying that your fiancee is "Mother Theresa", she could have made other choices too... however, I CAN understand her feelings.

My first husband KILLED EVERY BIT OF LOVE I HAD... slowly over 13 years.. I was a good and faithfull, loving wife - EXCELLENT mother to our children, (I was raised MAGYAR so you know that I was a good woman for my husband) supportive life partner and very good business partner and yet, he didn't care. I warned him FOR YEARS - if you don't change your behavior you WILL end up losing me. Of course, he promised he would change but he never did. Then one night (after we had been having serious problems for months) he beat me up. <---THAT ENDED IT.

I am now very happily remarried to a wonderfully loving and amazing man.

But, the reason I am telling you this is so that YOU can learn from your mistake. As Stilleto pointed out, maybe she wasn't making you as happy as you thought, but regardless you must first "work on you" so that you can be a happier person with yourself, to make yourself a better parent to your daughter - long before you can bring a woman into your life or work on this relationship with your fiancee.

You can NOT control her and do not try to use your daughter. I know how scary it would be to allow her to leave the US with your daughter as you would have to return to "get the child" if she did not return. But that is also the country of your birth and she would be held to the law's there as well.

Try to let her make her own decisions. Do not guilt her or make her feel badly. By your own admission - you drove her away. Let her be free so that YOU CAN BE FREE...

Focus on you so that you can be an excellent daddy. I promise you, once you get your own head together your life will present a better path.

I am very sad for you.

i know magyars as I used to have a very pretty Magyar GF back in HS.

I told her to cut all her ties with him.....I dont think she is ready yet....

But they dont have much future together....he cant come to US as he needs visa and she is not a US citizen yet so she can marry him if he ever gets here. She will be a US citizen in 18 months maybe.

Even if he gets here , he will be a regular guy for my baby. I am the dad and be there for her. My fiancee cant take my baby out of US without my approval.

So, nu much future left.

I know that my bad actions in the past drove her to this outcome. I try to be a better person now. I know that I wasnt the best dad. I want this to change as I realize how important is my baby. I want to become a better person first of all and later to try to improve our relationship.


Thanks for advice!

 

[Bikini Mod]

The more you pursue her, the farther she will run.

Give her freedom to make her own choices and focus on you. Everything else will fall into place.

I know that when a relationship ends or is devastated like this one clearly is, it hurts and you can't imagine your life without that other person in it. But I promise you, that once you fix *your own head* suddenly that other person may not seem so "perfect for you". You will always be bound by your child. Focus on THAT relationship so that you can both be excellent parents. Whether or not you will both decide to be life partners again, that is something that only time will tell and not something that should consume your thoughts. I know it is easy for me to say because it isn't my heart that is broken.

But I promise you that my heart has been broken equally badly and today I am a better person.

 

[BlueBird]

i know magyars as I used to have a very pretty Magyar GF back in HS.

I told her to cut all her ties with him.....I dont think she is ready yet....

But they dont have much future together....he cant come to US as he needs visa and she is not a US citizen yet so she can marry him if he ever gets here. She will be a US citizen in 18 months maybe.

Even if he gets here , he will be a regular guy for my baby. I am the dad and be there for her. My fiancee cant take my baby out of US without my approval.

So, nu much future left.

I know that my bad actions in the past drove her to this outcome. I try to be a better person now. I know that I wasnt the best dad. I want this to change as I realize how important is my baby. I want to become a better person first of all and later to try to improve our relationship.


Thanks for advice!

DUDE!!! There's your timeline (clue) for you. She'll be gone in 18 months and a day.

 

[Nobledude]

The more you pursue her, the farther she will run.

Give her freedom to make her own choices and focus on you. Everything else will fall into place.

I know that when a relationship ends or is devastated like this one clearly is, it hurts and you can't imagine your life without that other person in it. But I promise you, that once you fix *your own head* suddenly that other person may not seem so "perfect for you". You will always be bound by your child. Focus on THAT relationship so that you can both be excellent parents. Whether or not you will both decide to be life partners again, that is something that only time will tell and not something that should consume your thoughts. I know it is easy for me to say because it isn't my heart that is broken.

But I promise you that my heart has been broken equally badly and today I am a better person.

Fixing "your own head" is a tough one....you are right..once I get her out of my head she wont be so important to me..

I have to do that but I dont know how and where to start.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Fixing "your own head" is a tough one....you are right..once I get her out of my head she wont be so important to me..

I have to do that but I dont know how and where to start.

The fact that you have already recognized that you have some issues is an EXCELLENT start.

 

[Nobledude]

The fact that you have already recognized that you have some issues is an EXCELLENT start.

well, yea, but I dont want to get stuck in the blockstart...I have to start running towards a cleaner head..

On another note, she is a hot woman and that makes it even tougher not to want her ass anymore. Our sex life used ot be very good and I always enjoyed having sex with her!..

I need to get myself emotionally detached but I dont know how to do it.

 

[puddlemonkey]

I need to get myself emotionally detached but I dont know how to do it.

Sleep with other women.

 

[Bikini Mod]

Sleep with other women.

I dunno if that is the answer, but it couldn't hurt... could it?

 

[Grumpy Old Man]

well, yea, but I dont want to get stuck in the blockstart...I have to start running towards a cleaner head..

On another note, she is a hot woman and that makes it even tougher not to want her ass anymore. Our sex life used ot be very good and I always enjoyed having sex with her!..

I need to get myself emotionally detached but I dont know how to do it.

If you have sex with yourself it can be enjoyable too. It will also help you fall in love with yourself.

This means sex doesn't make you emotionally attached. Let her go bro, move on and find someone that you like, start again. Good luck!

 

[puddlemonkey]

I dunno if that is the answer, but it couldn't hurt... could it?

Works for me.

 

[binö]

bro, i couldn't read more than a first few posts.
honestly i'm disgusted.
disgusted that a woman has beaten you up so bad and confused you enough that she has been able to make YOU feel guilty for her getting fucked by some romanian sleaze/dutch bag.
She did the deed, it's not your fault, don't buy into that bullshit that woman play when the slut around.
they always try to make it your fault.

 

[Bikini Mod]

bro, i couldn't read more than a first few posts.
honestly i'm disgusted.
disgusted that a woman has beaten you up so bad and confused you enough that she has been able to make YOU feel guilty for her getting fucked by some romanian sleaze/dutch bag.
She did the deed, it's not your fault, don't buy into that bullshit that woman play when the slut around.
they always try to make it your fault.

Her behavior is NOT his fault. But he does accept responsiblity for his role in the demise of their relationship. <---- there is a HYUGE difference.

 

[binö]

Her behavior is NOT his fault. But he does accept responsiblity for his role in the demise of their relationship. <---- there is a HYUGE difference.

regardless of who is the offending party, the person that fucks/get's fucked is responsible 100% for the demise of the relationship.
there is no debating this in my eyes.
you wanna fuck/get fucked somebody else then end it before

 

[wootoom]

HH make me happy

 

[puddlemonkey]

regardless of who is the offending party, the person that fucks/get's fucked is responsible 100% for the demise of the relationship.
there is no debating this in my eyes.
you wanna fuck/get fucked somebody else then end it before

Yeah, if there are problems in the relationship either work them out or leave. No other respectable options.

 

[Bikini Mod]

regardless of who is the offending party, the person that fucks/get's fucked is responsible 100% for the demise of the relationship.
there is no debating this in my eyes.
you wanna fuck/get fucked somebody else then end it before

I never defended her behavior but what YOU are failing to see is that SHE DID LEAVE... I am thinkin maybe that Nobledude didn't realize or want to admit it at the time. I mean, hell he was asking her to have another baby even though she has slept with another man!

Case in point... I kicked my ex out when he beat me up. I never EVER told him that we had a snowball's chance in hell, told him to do whatever he wanted to do because WE WERE OVER AS HUSBAND AND WIFE WITH NO HOPE OF RECONCILIATION EVER.... Yet that sorry bastard to THIS DAY thinks that he will somehow get me back, just so that he can "torture me for having the balls to leave."

Nobledude is hurting. We can see that. But rather than blame his fiancee for her choices (which I believe are extremely poor. I mean WTF is she doing lowering herself to be with a man who chose to marry someone who WAS NOT her?) he should focus on making himself the best man for :

A - his own sake.

B - the sake of his child.

That is all I am saying.

This woman is clearly not a good choice for HIM. No need to put her down as her choices will lead to her own unhappiness. I mean, even Nobledude admitted that he did not treat her well.

Seems to me that she has no clue what love is...

Nobledude need love himself FIRST, then he will undoubtedly raise his standards.

 

[binö]

Yeah, if there are problems in the relationship either work them out or leave. No other respectable options.

this infuriates me cause i was once a victim of a cheating gf...and of course she blamed me for spreading her legs and inserting a penis in her vag.
and of course i swallowed her bulllshit and blamed myself like a faggot.
never again

 

[puddlemonkey]

this infuriates me cause i was once a victim of a cheating gf...and of course she blamed me for spreading her legs and inserting a penis in her vag.
and of course i swallowed her bulllshit and blamed myself like a faggot.
never again

I've been the one they've cheated with countless times. Have gone out of my way to be that guy on many occasions. For years I felt that if I was the other guy then I already know they are a liar and cheat and I'm not the one who has to worry about them being faithful. Its given me trust issues though.