How to motivate my girlfriend?

[BeachDude022]

I'm having an issue motivating my girlfriend to stay in shape. We've been together almost a year now. I'm 30, she's 31, and we've always had a great relationship. She used to be a knockout and would turn every head in the room. She would take part in bikini contests and win all of them, and it wasn't even close. Over the passed few months, since it's gotten hot as hell here in Houston, she won't exercise, eat right, and just stresses out about everything imaginable, mainly finances. She used to run 1 mile every day, 5-6 times a week. That's all she needed. She never ever lifted weights either, she just didn't feel the need to. Now all she does is sit on the couch when she's not working (she's a nurse) and bitch about the weight she's gaining and that her flat tummy is just flubber now. You know, it's true, she's getting fat. She gets mad at me when I tell her to start running again or simply suggest exercises that she could do indoors. I mean, why should I know what I'm talking about, I've only been training people for 8 years now. She won't do supplements, won't exercise, and just complains all day. She has no motivation and I'm sick of it. It's to the point that she won't even have sex with me anymore because she's disgusted about her body image. I've broken up with her twice in the passed 4 months b/c of this, but I may just do it again and this time permanently. I try to lead by example because I have a routine and I'm in the gym 5-6 days a week and staying in tip top shape. What can I do to motivate her, any ideas?

 

[trex74]

I'm having an issue motivating my girlfriend to stay in shape. We've been together almost a year now. I'm 30, she's 31, and we've always had a great relationship. She used to be a knockout and would turn every head in the room. She would take part in bikini contests and win all of them, and it wasn't even close. Over the passed few months, since it's gotten hot as hell here in Houston, she won't exercise, eat right, and just stresses out about everything imaginable, mainly finances. She used to run 1 mile every day, 5-6 times a week. That's all she needed. She never ever lifted weights either, she just didn't feel the need to. Now all she does is sit on the couch when she's not working (she's a nurse) and bitch about the weight she's gaining and that her flat tummy is just flubber now. You know, it's true, she's getting fat. She gets mad at me when I tell her to start running again or simply suggest exercises that she could do indoors. I mean, why should I know what I'm talking about, I've only been training people for 8 years now. She won't do supplements, won't exercise, and just complains all day. She has no motivation and I'm sick of it. It's to the point that she won't even have sex with me anymore because she's disgusted about her body image. I've broken up with her twice in the passed 4 months b/c of this, but I may just do it again and this time permanently. I try to lead by example because I have a routine and I'm in the gym 5-6 days a week and staying in tip top shape. What can I do to motivate her, any ideas?

Tell her she's not allowed to complain if she's not willing to do something about it. leave the room when she starts exhibiting the bad behaviour. if you think this is just a phase she's going through maybe she needs some counselling to get to the root of why she won't treat herself (and you) better. If she refuses to change, then I's suggest leaving untill she gets her act together again. Coddling people doesn't work, and she is clearly enjoying being a suck about it.

 

[stevesmi]

woman don't like pushy guys. so the more you push the more its gonna tick her off.

i would just let it go, if you really love her it shouldn't matter if she is in bikini shape. however if its an issue with lifestyle choices that are causing confliction like her not sharing an active lifestyle or eating junk food then your relationship is not gonna be successful long term IMO.

i do not allow fast food, milk, soda or other junk food in my house... so the person who is with me cannot like that stuff either or we got a problem.

 

[MidasMulligan]

Good advice above... especially like the no junk in the house (though I will continue to peacefully disagree with stevemi's opinion about milk). It is certainly depressive behavior, and if you think she would go for it talking to a counselor or psychologist certainly wouldn't hurt anything. If you want to forego that, my real advice follows.

I'd like to chime in... as you've probably encountered training others, different people respond better to different stimulus. Often the kind of folks you find in the gym (me, sounds like you) respond well to good advice and the occasional kick in the pants (extrinsic or intrinsic). Others will respond very negatively, digging in their heels to the extreme, if they feel you are prodding them in any direction. EVEN IF YOU HAVE HER BEST INTEREST AT HEART AND YOU BOTH WANT THE END RESULT.

In this case my advice is simple but deceptively difficult to follow. You have to stop trying to push her. Instead, give her praise when she makes a good choice (try not to be condescending about it...), and don't listen to her complaints--leave the room if that's what it takes to get the point across. Do everything you can in YOUR life that will help her indirectly- food around the house, exercise, sleep schedule, lazy vs active behaviors -but don't be seen as trying to influence her. Ultimately, it's her choice to get healthy again, but you can make that choice seem more appealing. The more appealing that choice seems, the more likely she is to make it.

Good luck to both of you.

Posted with my Droid EO Forum App

 

[trex74]

I'd like to disagree about the "not pushing". In my opinion, it does people a real disservice to let them do things that hurt themselves. It's not OK to let someone bitterly complain about their being fat and not do anything about it (the complaining, not necessarily the fat). If she was accepting of her fat, and didn't find it a problem, then i could see letting it go. But she is not happy. And is indirectly asking for help by drawing attention to the problem.
When we let things go, it means we don't care enough or are too afraid to see the problem through to its end. It doesn't mean nagging, or passive-aggressive behaviour, or calling her fat too. But having a heart to heart and drawing a line in the sand. Explaining that you feel upset, angry, frustrated when she complains about her body and yet will not initiate positive changes. Could she please in the future not complain unless she is willing to have a dialogue about what she can do, and how she can change her stress levels and self-destructive behaviour. You can reiterate that you would love to help if you can, and for her to let you know how exactly you can help. Explain the consequences if she refuses to acknowledge her behaviour. What ever those consequences might be.
I believe that loving someone is sometimes about helping them through difficult times with action, not just letting them wallow in their problems. It might blow up in your face, but at least you will have told her how you feel, given her a chance to explain herself, given her options, and stated your intentions.

 

[Babygirl7997]

If that were me, and I have been there before trust me, I would just want space and some time to work through the issue. Because there is obviously an underlying issue that is causing her to be unhappy. You need to make sure she knows you love her, but dont be up her butt. If she used to be pretty athletic, she should come around again. Shes just in a rutt, and lets all be honest, once your down its really hard to get back up and at it! If you love her and care, just be patient and stick by her side and hopefully she'll snap out of it. Relationships are rollercoasters, you dont always grow together and there are setbacks along the way. You may need her patience and encouragment one day you never know. Good luck

 

[musclemom]

It is not possible to motivate another person to do something. You can't make an addict stop using, you can't make a smoker quit, you can't make a person take medicine or get therapy if they need it, and you can't make someone exercise and eat better.

If her attitude and appearance are a turn off all you can do is get out. Even if you love her. She might wake up and decide to change her life. All you're looking at is the shape of things to come if you stay with her anyway. She's aware of her shape, she knows how to exercise, she's not blind or ignorant, she's unhappy with some aspect of her life and it's coloring everything in her life. Lack of exercise isn't the disease, it's a symptom.

 

[Liquid 2009]

Show her a pic of me

 

[Rebecca D]

Hire The Rock to train her. I know that would get me in the gym.

Rebecca D

 

[Youngncurious]

woman don't like pushy guys. so the more you push the more its gonna tick her off.

i would just let it go, if you really love her it shouldn't matter if she is in bikini shape. however if its an issue with lifestyle choices that are causing confliction like her not sharing an active lifestyle or eating junk food then your relationship is not gonna be successful long term IMO.

i do not allow fast food, milk, soda or other junk food in my house... so the person who is with me cannot like that stuff either or we got a problem.

You don't like milk?