How to be the perfect Christmas dinner guest

[coryperez]

If the supermarket ads are to be believed, putting on the year's most anticipated feast is a feat of superhuman endeavour, loathed in the run-up as much as it is loved on the day.Should you find yourself as a bona-fide house guest for the day (or several), take a moment to revel in your good fortune. You don't have to be up at 5am peeling spuds. You won't have been counting out the silverware, wondering if matching cutlery can finally be deemed passé. You won't be pondering over the social implications of serving gravy in an oversized Pyrex jug. Or have forked out for crackers at more t-<a href=http://www.monclerjacketsold.com/153-doudoune-moncler-femme-courte>Moncler Femme Courte</a>-han £2 a pop, for the sole purpose of being peppered with ballistic plastic thingymajiggies.Your only job is to turn up – never early, mind you – and be fed. There's a delicate art to being the perfect holiday guest. But never fear, Word of Mouth is here to guide you through the perilous pitfalls of this year-end's festivities.First, what to bring? If you bring food intended for the big meal, make sure it's decidedly low-key. There's nothing like slaving away for three days on your "showstopper" Christmas cake, only to have your guest "just bring along a dessert" that looks infinitely better than yours, which they then insist on wedging into your already-overspilling fridge. Also, avoid mince pies. No one, by 25 December, wants to see another mince pie for at least another 300 days. If bringing a perishable food gift (pâtés, chocolates, suchlike), here's a handy tip: check the best-before date. Nothing says I care like a thrice-regifted box of expired Thorntons.Wine (especially the bubbly sort) is always a good bet. Just remember there are two likely outcomes. Your beloved glugger, so painstakingly chosen , will be welcomed with delight, then squirreled away never to be see-<a href=http://www.monclerjacketsold.com/158-doudoune-moncler-sans-manches-homme>sans manches Homme</a>-n again. Or will secretly end up in the mulled wine and/or gravy reduction. Either way, say bye-bye bottle. A warning on fortifieds: don't bring your single-quinta port into a house where they annually serve the stuff from a dusty bottle that has been languishing in the drinks cupboard since the late 80s. This country is long-overdue a government-backed campaign on and sherry once opened. (Answer: from a handful of hours to several weeks.)So you make it to the table. Now what? First, you'll have of course warned your host well in advance (months, not minutes) of any genuine food allergies. For the record, an aversion to Brussels sprouts is not a medical condition. Neither is being "vegetarian", when it turns out that you do eat meat, just "only the better cuts". (Yes, this has actually been known to happen.)Next: like Mo Farah, you'll have learnt the huge importance of pacing. Have a bit of everything, but don't gorge yourself on the goose-fat potatoes. No one likes a guest who can't handle their pudding or has to change their trousers halfway through lunch. And no, it's not physically possible to cut you a smaller slice.The aftermath: listen to Nigella . Don't take a polite "no" for an answer, just get in there, grab the rubber gloves and get soaping. Above all: do a spankingly good job. Your host does not want to have to redo all their washing up just because you skimped on the Fairy or are incapable of seeing grease and encrusted food on the back of plates. (Hosts: kindly introduce your guest to the concept of the "reject pile". They'll soon get the drift.)If offered leftovers to take home, accept them with grace – even if the last thing you want is a cold repeat of the meal you've just had. It'll make your host happy, and you can always try making Ross Geller's infamous , complete with a slice of gravy-soaked bread in the middle.If you're staying over, do get up early enough to help out with breakfast. Don't suggest -<a href=http://www.monclerjacketsold.com/160-moncler-gilet-enfant>Moncler Gilet Enfant</a>-a Saturday Kitchen-style omelette challenge using their new non-stick pans. Do discover a new love of . And don't expect to eat anything other than and Quality Street. Last, do thank your host profusely for having you as part of this very special holiday.So that's how to get it right – any stories on getting it wrong?

 

[wootoom]

Fuck off