how do you help someone that thinks they re fat?

[MrStamina]

I know all girls think they re fat but some times it can get out of controll. What can a guy do so there girl isnt OD ing on Hydroxy cut or Animal cuts?
at 5'5 - 5'8 I would think a girl could look sexy as hell at 120 to 135 pounds if its muscle.
But some girls are brain washed in the paper thin sick starving look. when they are black its even worse because it reminds me of the save Africa commercials with all the starving children and families.
Please help.

 

[circusgirl]

if she has an eating disorder get her a therapist. Otherwise, replace that sub to Cosmo with one to Muscle and Fitness Hers. Looking at alternative ideas of beauty helps.

 

[grlpwrd]

I read a book (entitled Reviving Ophelia) and some studies where mothers of these women with eating and body image problems are the root of their daughter's problems. It could be that she has been socialized by her upbringing. Of course, the media perpetuates this and mothers (who have problems themselves) are partly to blame.

Yes, this girl needs a therapist on eating/body image disorders and she may need to seek out media with healthier views like M&F Hers, Oxygen, etc.

Good luck!

 

[Sassy69]

First issue is that if its HER self image, then its very hard for YOU to do anythiing about it. What you can do is point her to the right sources of information if she really wants to do somethign about.

Before I jump into that, she needs to decide if she atualy wants to do somethign about it (if there really is a problem) or just likes to whine about being fat but would never actually do anything about.

Step 1: examine the things she has control over - diet & training. Have her write out a typical day's meal and post it -- we can probably make a shitload of suggestions to clean it up that won't have a major effect on her lifestyle. (ie.. not painful to do)

Step 2: training - does she? If not, that's a big fat duh. If she doesn't get out and do something physical, if she isn't actually fat now, she will be soon enough. Help her get out and do the stuff that she likes to do, or get her in the gym and get "into" lifting. And dont' let her be scared of lifting heavy.

Step 3: EDUCATION! Print out some of the stickies at the top of this board -- like the "Myths' thread. There are some great explanations about why women should lift and diet. If she is really interested in pursuing a plan but has no background or understandign of it all, I suggest startign with the Body For Life book. Great way to start a program and lists a clear way to diet & train.

Hope that helps.

 

[ATrollFromTheFatBoard]

I think the only cure for *thinking* you are fat is actually getting fat.

Now that I am really, truly fat, I can look back at myself when I was thin, fit, and in shape and appreciate how good I really looked and how fit I really was. At the time, nothing was ever good enough. One big factor is that when I was sweating away all the time, working as hard as I could work, I never got any positive feedback from anyone. All I heard was shit like, "You never run fast enough!" Now I can't run at that speed AT ALL.

The thing I really hate about all this is that I never appreciated it when I had it. AND if I had appreciated it, I would never have gotten fed up, completely given up, and gotten fat in the first place!!!

Perhaps if our society weren't so fixated on bodies, bodies, bodies, and so determined that everything about a person can be seen in their measurements in a two-second glance, so many women wouldn't have this problem!!!

"In all the years I've been a therapist, I've yet to meet one girl who likes her body. Girls as skinny as chopsticks complain that their thighs are flabby or their stomachs puff out. And not only do girls dislike their bodies, they often loathe their fat. They have been culturally conditioned to hate their bodies, which are after all themselves. When I speak to classes, I ask any woman in the audience who feels good about her body to come up afterward. I want to hear about her success experience. I have yet to have a woman come up."

--Mary Pipher, Ph.D.

 

[MrStamina]

Can you post some more info?

You sound like you know exactly what I'm taking about.


Today I was at the gym and a girl that must be about 5'8 and 110 pounds said she has a wedding to go to at the end of the week and just started a diet because she bought a dress and couldnt fit into it..
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GIRLS?

This lady was killing herself with the cardio, she wouldnt dare touch a wieght and if she did it was one of those cute little colour 3 or 5 pounds wieghts.

HOW THIN DOES SHE WANT TO BE?

I train a couple girls and get them to start lifting wieghts and as soon as they start looking good they freak out and say there cloths are getting tight and they want to stop lifting wieghts. LOL
Not thinking they looked like a piece of paper before they started so of course they re going to get some sexy curves. IF YOUR A SKINNY RAIL AND YOUR CLOTHS ARE TIGHT WHEN YOU LIFT WIEGHTS AND GO A PROPER MEAL PLAN YOUR CLOTHS GET TIGHTER! SO GO SHOPPING FOR SOME NEW SEXY CLOTHS TO SHOW OF THE NEW CURVES!

AND GIRLS GUYS DONT LIKE SKINNY GIRLS! RUNWAY MODELS LOOK GOOD WITH THERE CLOTHS ON BUT NAKED THEY MAKE GUYS THROW UP..BUT GUYS WILL F__K ANTHING SO DON"T THINK GUYS LIKE IT IF YOUR ONE OF THESE THORN LOOKING GIRLS AND GETTING LAID.

So please any info you can post to help some of these ladies from turning into a stick or changing the stick girls into some sexy curves would be helpful..

Thanks

 

[Screwball]

how do you help someone that thinks they re fat?

Over a beer...

Maybe a light beer in a case of extreme obesity...

 

[circusgirl]

Can you post some more info?

You sound like you know exactly what I'm taking about.


Today I was at the gym and a girl that must be about 5'8 and 110 pounds said she has a wedding to go to at the end of the week and just started a diet because she bought a dress and couldnt fit into it..
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GIRLS?

Intensive social conditioning. Constantly, constantly being told that looks are EVERYTHING. That a woman has nothing else to offer the world other than how thin/pretty she might be. It's more unusual for guys to have this kind of dysmorphia, but as you folks know from the boards here, it's not as rare as it could be. Women get SO MUCH shit about their bodies from their mothers, it's unbelievable.

Maybe back in the 30s when snagging a rich guy was the only way a woman could get out of poverty, as she wasn't allowed to work a real job that paid decent money, looks were important. Thankfully that's no longer the case but the attitude remains. Naomi Wolf has some interesting things to say about what happens to fat women at work.

Look, you guys have a choice, unless you are HUGE no-one is going to make comments at you or laugh at you or make pig noises when you are eating in public or in the grocery store. No-no-one is going to yell "fatass" at you from a construction site or have a bunch of guys loudly discussing whether or not they'd consider fucking you (as if). It is demeaning and horrible to be reduced to a piece of meat but for EVERY woman it happens over and over. And other women are just as bad as the men, BTW.

As a guy, you an choose the healthy lifestyle, or reject it, and know that having a gut will not get you fired, passed over frmo promotion, or the figure of public ridicule. Women know that if they get fat they will be treated like shit by the rest of the world. A woman who is considered unattractive, for any reason, goes through hell. In high school I was considered very unattractive by the guys because I had braces, glasses and I was very skinny, no curves, and they never, never wasted an opportunity to let me know that they would not date me in a million years. Now there were guys who weren't exactly lookers, but no woman would have considered going up to them and passing public judgement on their looks just because. It's like guys have this sense of entitlement, and if a woman isn't trying to meet certain standards of beauty, then they get the full-on aggression.

This lady was killing herself with the cardio, she wouldnt dare touch a wieght and if she did it was one of those cute little colour 3 or 5 pounds wieghts.

HOW THIN DOES SHE WANT TO BE?

Probably about 110lbs. That's what runway models weigh. Of course, most of them are aged 14-17, and there are plenty lanky skinny teenagers just past their growth spurt.

I train a couple girls and get them to start lifting wieghts and as soon as they start looking good they freak out and say there cloths are getting tight and they want to stop lifting wieghts. LOL
Not thinking they looked like a piece of paper before they started so of course they re going to get some sexy curves. IF YOUR A SKINNY RAIL AND YOUR CLOTHS ARE TIGHT WHEN YOU LIFT WIEGHTS AND GO A PROPER MEAL PLAN YOUR CLOTHS GET TIGHTER! SO GO SHOPPING FOR SOME NEW SEXY CLOTHS TO SHOW OF THE NEW CURVES!

AND GIRLS GUYS DONT LIKE SKINNY GIRLS! RUNWAY MODELS LOOK GOOD WITH THERE CLOTHS ON BUT NAKED THEY MAKE GUYS THROW UP..BUT GUYS WILL F__K ANTHING SO DON"T THINK GUYS LIKE IT IF YOUR ONE OF THESE THORN LOOKING GIRLS AND GETTING LAID.

Interestingly, a recent copy of playboy had a shitload of letters from guys who complained about them featuring a fitness model on their previous centrefold. These guys did NOT want a muscly chick and felt strongly enough about it to write in. THere is almost as much social pressure on wmen to be "feminine" as there is on guys to NOT be "feminine". There were also letters raving about how great she looked, from guys who said they were sick of trying to get their girlfriends to train with them.

(BTW, Playboy is a good magazine, and well written, hence I read it occasionally).

The women who want to be rail thin are less concerned about attractiveness to men, but more concerned with thin as the social epitome of self-control, professionalism, and success. If you are not thin, and you are female, then your accomplishments seem to mean nothing to people. Their is a requirement for successful women to also be thin and these women are buying into that mystique. Most women know that guys fancy Marilyn far more than Gisele. But it's the social status associated with being thin.

So please any info you can post to help some of these ladies from turning into a stick or changing the stick girls into some sexy curves would be helpful..

Thanks

A copy of muscle and fitness hers , and The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf.

 

[TEXgrl]

sadly there are men, even on this site, who prefer the rail thin look.

like troll said, you don't know what fat is until you actually are and you look back and say, wtf was i thinking?