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Ok heres the story:
I started eating clean about a year ago, by this i mean going a week, and then eating a little junk or drinking on the weekends.
This was normal and fine with me, i was not really bulking or cutting, just working out, and staying lean.
This last summer I started my first actual cutting attempt/diet. --my first real diet restrictions:
I would consume a diet of about 100-150C a day 200G protien, and 30G fat, i was doing cardio 4X a week, and lifting 3 or 4X a week.
I was able to go a week at a time, then every sunday i would binge on anything i could get my hands on, consuming copious amounts of junk all day, the calories easily were in the 10,000's, i would eat untill i felt sick.
Monday i would wake up and diet again all week, then do the same thing on the weekend - BINGE.
I did this from June untill September.--every single weekend, i gave myself the excuse that I was "REFEEDING" and it was ok.
I got results, i did get cut up.
1 month ago i broke up with my girlfriend (which was my motivation to cut up), and who would not witness theese massive binges over the summer...and i got depressed, my motivation to continue to work out dropped. I was planning on trying to cut up to 175 and have my bf @ 6-7% - then begin a reasonable bulking diet.
I binged almost every day for 2 weeks, mostly just at night, getting sick from it, -stopped doing my cardio and worked out only a few times.
I balloned up to 198 in 2 weeks...ALMOST 25 LBS. most of it is probably water and carbs, but it has to bee a good amount of fat as well.
Im now at 194-i ruined my attempt at a clean bulk, and now im flabbly, lost all my cuts, my abs have disappeared.
After my summer of cutting ive lost strenght, probably some muscle, and because of the binging ive been doing ive gained fat. Now i have to go backwards.....i want to be lean.
The problem is i just cannot control my urges to eat, last night i was at 1800 cals -my jperferred amount for the day in attempt to lose the weight i had gained over the past 3 weeks, was ready for bed, decided to have one more "myoplex" - that led to a binge consisting of:
3 more shakes
2 cups of oatmeal
1 can of tuna in a wrap
now at least it was clean food, but i felt sick from eating it, stomach all bloated.
Before I ever restricted anything from my diet i would not eat if i felt full, i had a hard time eating 3 arbys roast beef sandwhiches, now 5 of them are nothing and that was just a small part of one of my binges. People who witness me eating 4 pints of ben and jerrys are amazed that I am not fat, and that i can eat that much.....however this used to be a once a week thing, its spilling over to other days - I eat, feel full, sick, and eat some more, untill the point that breathing becomes heavy because my stomach is pushing up and blocking my airway or something -it is hard to even bend over im so stuffed, sometimes i wait and when i can eat a little more, i will in the next hour or so, however i do not throw up, nor try to throw up, i do feel guilt, that leads to more depression, which makes me more vuneralble to more binging, i also do not try to do mass cardio or anything to counter my binge.
i have to run to class now but does anyone have any advice? Ive tried writing everything down, cals and all, i didn't help. I cannot have just a little junk, i have to eat it all if its there. It used to just be junk, cereal or whatever, its starting to become lots of "clean" food too. Ive eaten just fruit once untill i was sick - 8 apples? I mean comon this is a serious disorder. Im driving to the store, buying 20 bucks worth of nothing put trash, and gorging on it, hardly enjoying it. - its like i like the pain from overeating or something, like a punishment?????
I waxed off a box of twinkies and a box of granola bars 2 nights ago, theres no way i can just eat 1 of them, its so wierd. I guess i think if its all gone then i wont eat more of it the next day. HELP!
later.
CRunch
I started eating clean about a year ago, by this i mean going a week, and then eating a little junk or drinking on the weekends.
This was normal and fine with me, i was not really bulking or cutting, just working out, and staying lean.
This last summer I started my first actual cutting attempt/diet. --my first real diet restrictions:
I would consume a diet of about 100-150C a day 200G protien, and 30G fat, i was doing cardio 4X a week, and lifting 3 or 4X a week.
I was able to go a week at a time, then every sunday i would binge on anything i could get my hands on, consuming copious amounts of junk all day, the calories easily were in the 10,000's, i would eat untill i felt sick.
Monday i would wake up and diet again all week, then do the same thing on the weekend - BINGE.
I did this from June untill September.--every single weekend, i gave myself the excuse that I was "REFEEDING" and it was ok.
I got results, i did get cut up.
1 month ago i broke up with my girlfriend (which was my motivation to cut up), and who would not witness theese massive binges over the summer...and i got depressed, my motivation to continue to work out dropped. I was planning on trying to cut up to 175 and have my bf @ 6-7% - then begin a reasonable bulking diet.
I binged almost every day for 2 weeks, mostly just at night, getting sick from it, -stopped doing my cardio and worked out only a few times.
I balloned up to 198 in 2 weeks...ALMOST 25 LBS. most of it is probably water and carbs, but it has to bee a good amount of fat as well.
Im now at 194-i ruined my attempt at a clean bulk, and now im flabbly, lost all my cuts, my abs have disappeared.
After my summer of cutting ive lost strenght, probably some muscle, and because of the binging ive been doing ive gained fat. Now i have to go backwards.....i want to be lean.
The problem is i just cannot control my urges to eat, last night i was at 1800 cals -my jperferred amount for the day in attempt to lose the weight i had gained over the past 3 weeks, was ready for bed, decided to have one more "myoplex" - that led to a binge consisting of:
3 more shakes
2 cups of oatmeal
1 can of tuna in a wrap
now at least it was clean food, but i felt sick from eating it, stomach all bloated.
Before I ever restricted anything from my diet i would not eat if i felt full, i had a hard time eating 3 arbys roast beef sandwhiches, now 5 of them are nothing and that was just a small part of one of my binges. People who witness me eating 4 pints of ben and jerrys are amazed that I am not fat, and that i can eat that much.....however this used to be a once a week thing, its spilling over to other days - I eat, feel full, sick, and eat some more, untill the point that breathing becomes heavy because my stomach is pushing up and blocking my airway or something -it is hard to even bend over im so stuffed, sometimes i wait and when i can eat a little more, i will in the next hour or so, however i do not throw up, nor try to throw up, i do feel guilt, that leads to more depression, which makes me more vuneralble to more binging, i also do not try to do mass cardio or anything to counter my binge.
i have to run to class now but does anyone have any advice? Ive tried writing everything down, cals and all, i didn't help. I cannot have just a little junk, i have to eat it all if its there. It used to just be junk, cereal or whatever, its starting to become lots of "clean" food too. Ive eaten just fruit once untill i was sick - 8 apples? I mean comon this is a serious disorder. Im driving to the store, buying 20 bucks worth of nothing put trash, and gorging on it, hardly enjoying it. - its like i like the pain from overeating or something, like a punishment?????
I waxed off a box of twinkies and a box of granola bars 2 nights ago, theres no way i can just eat 1 of them, its so wierd. I guess i think if its all gone then i wont eat more of it the next day. HELP!
later.
CRunch
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