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the.gladiator1987

the.gladiator1987

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Just found out that my fiance was cheating on me with her ex. She wont admit it but her ex told my best friend, and pretty much dont need to go into details but I had her move her shit of of my sisters house that we were/are staying at. I dont even know if the baby is mine anymore, I guess thats life right?

Hope all you guys are doing better than I am
 
I am sorry for you, Glad. I get the impression you really want a long term relationship and liked the idea of being a father. Perhaps you were a bit too eager. That being said:

DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE OR ALLOW YOUR NAME TO BE PUT ON IT!

Seriously.

There is a paternity test that can be done before the baby is born, but there are risks and its expensive so you're pretty much stuck to a DNA test after birth. However, I have heard of cases where, even though the man was genetically proven to not be the father the fact that he was willing to CLAIM the child as his own locked him into child support.
 
Hey Fuck It bro, prolly for the best. As Dave said you make damn sure you make the hoe have a paternity test. Lot less stress being just a daddy, but make sure if that kid is yours that you take care of it. You got my info if you need anything bro.
 
musclemom said:
I am sorry for you, Glad. I get the impression you really want a long term relationship and liked the idea of being a father. Perhaps you were a bit too eager. That being said:

DO NOT SIGN THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE OR ALLOW YOUR NAME TO BE PUT ON IT!

Seriously.

There is a paternity test that can be done before the baby is born, but there are risks and its expensive so you're pretty much stuck to a DNA test after birth. However, I have heard of cases where, even though the man was genetically proven to not be the father the fact that he was willing to CLAIM the child as his own locked him into child support.
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Sucks bro ... sorry

take MM's advice
 
Even though this is just the interwebs.. If you have noticed you have been wrong about everything. Please start listening to people.
Whether the kid is your or not you would be a fool to ever go back with this girl.
 
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my motto has always been to listen to people who have experience (my elders). The times I have not listened (thinking I would be the exception to the rule) I wasn't.
 
Fucking shit bro. That's a shitty situation and I'm sorry.

Definitely take MM's advice here.
 
Pretty sure if she wants you taking care of her kid, she has to prove its yours, bro.
 
Dont put your name on the BC as was said. Tell her to get a pat test ASAP for everyone involved sake.

No more fucking around rob, time to play hardball with her.
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
She always said she would never get a paternity test so doesnt she have to be willing?
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Well that simplifies matters, then doesn't it? You don't sign that birth certificate under any circumstances, period. You can always amend the child's birth certificate down the road but no freaking way would I do it without a paternity test. And support orders can absolutely be contingent on paternity tests, in fact, the court can order them (in which case, they're about twice as expensive).

BTW, says something if she doesn't want a DNA test. It's totally painless, you take something that is very much like a Q-Tip and rub it on the inside cheek of your mouth, another on the inside of the baby's mouth. Seal each in a vial thing, drop off at lab. That's it.
 
If it isn't yours you should throw a party. Seems like it is yours though. WE'll see..
Your life is like a low-budget soap opera.
 
musclemom said:
Well that simplifies matters, then doesn't it? You don't sign that birth certificate under any circumstances, period. You can always amend the child's birth certificate down the road but no freaking way would I do it without a paternity test. And support orders can absolutely be contingent on paternity tests, in fact, the court can order them (in which case, they're about twice as expensive).

BTW, says something if she doesn't want a DNA test. It's totally painless, you take something that is very much like a Q-Tip and rub it on the inside cheek of your mouth, another on the inside of the baby's mouth. Seal each in a vial thing, drop off at lab. That's it.
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She can't possibly get any money out of you without it. (Expect a call from Maury) Please cancel all Wedding plans now.
 
Get a paternity test for peace of mine. Go before a judge and get an order for it.. Now move on with your life. Remember:: once a cheater always

Yesterdays history
Tomorrows a mystery
Live for today

Good luck to you
 
i'm not gonna sit here and kick your dick in the dirt when you're already down. but A LOT of us told you what was going to go happen. the plus side is that YOU took the leap to find out what the road had in store for you. might sound dumb. but, that shows a lot of back bone that you're willing to make mistakes and go after what you want. the bigger picture that you're not seeing yet is that the road had other plans for you and will lead you to a greater destination. when you reach it you'll agree.

you're a pretty good bro to have shitty things happen to. keep your head up bro!!
 
Arabian said:
Get a paternity test for peace of mine. Go before a judge and get an order for it.. Now move on with your life. Remember:: once a cheater always

Yesterdays history
Tomorrows a mystery
Live for today

Good luck to you
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I once heard a chant that was real similar to that:

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow's a Mystery
Today is the Present - It's a Gift

(Okay, corny, but sounds quite good at about 2:00 a.m dancing around a fire circle)
 
musclemom said:
I once heard a chant that was real similar to that:

Yesterday is History
Tomorrow's a Mystery
Today is the Present - It's a Gift

(Okay, corny, but sounds quite good at about 2:00 a.m dancing around a fire circle)
Click to expand...

was this at a nudist colony or something? Pagans?
 
Ok Im getting a paternity test for sure and im done. Should I ask her to do it and if she says no then go to court? Ordo I need to go to family lawyer asap anyway?

heres some shit she did and you guys can tell me if she lied or not LOL

---Her ex told my buddy that they had sex, and so my buddy told me. I brought it up to my gf and she denied it and started crying. Then she left a nasty message to my friends phone! Then her ex texted my friend and instead of saying it wasnt true, sad that my friend shouldnt be saying **** and he thought that he would keep his mouth shut.

---Also, i heard that they did stuff on the houseboat the DAY after i left. She or her family never told me that her ex came to their houseboat and visited (because they knew how mad I would be). I guess they did stuff, and my ex told me that she told my best friend that she hooked up with her ex to test their relationship (my ex and my best friends). Isnt that just a lame excuse?

---I had her move all her **** out, and i am not going back with her ever. I just feel like I want closure and I want the truth, but I know ill never get it. Does this sound like she cheated on me?

---To make things more interesting, she found out she was pregnant THE DAY we were at the houseboat! And the next day her ex goes there and i never hear about it.
 
Can you tell when she is lying to you? When she was crying and told you that she didn't cheat, what did your intuition tell you?
 
jiggagold said:
god gave you a 2nd chance breh
Click to expand...

He get a 2nd chance only if the kid isnt his. As it stands now he got cheated on by the woman he was supposed to marry who is carrying his child. If it were me I would have to have the pat test to know for sure either way.

This is a shit sandwich all the way and its sad Glad has to get hit with something like this at such a young age. Will affect him for a long time.
 
superdave said:
He get a 2nd chance only if the kid isnt his. As it stands now he got cheated on by the woman he was supposed to marry who is carrying his child. If it were me I would have to have the pat test to know for sure either way.

This is a shit sandwich all the way and its sad Glad has to get hit with something like this at such a young age. Will affect him for a long time.
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how u been my man? yea it is a shit sandwich. I still feel like no matter what i get a second chance because i can find a girl i actually know i want to be with for the rest of my life, a good girl. I deserve way better than what i had, she was fuckin rude to me and if i said anything i was either a baby or shed get mad. fuck that its about time i grew some fuckin balls and stop lettin her walk all over me, she probably expects me to call her back soon el oh el

Im for sure getting the pat test, how do i go about all of this? legal procedures and all that?
 
musclemom said:
Actually, for the vast majority of family court matters (and that's where paternity/support/visitation matters are handled) you don't have to get a lawyer involved.

It pretty basic, if she goes to the court and tries to get a support order against you, you fill out the forms to respond.

What state are you in, by the way?
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Oh for sure, well where do I go for family court matters?

I just want to make sure this baby is mine before i do anything. So what do I do, if she says no? Also, will medi-cal cover the expense of a paternity test?

Im in CA
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
how u been my man? yea it is a shit sandwich. I still feel like no matter what i get a second chance because i can find a girl i actually know i want to be with for the rest of my life, a good girl. I deserve way better than what i had, she was fuckin rude to me and if i said anything i was either a baby or shed get mad. fuck that its about time i grew some fuckin balls and stop lettin her walk all over me, she probably expects me to call her back soon el oh el

Im for sure getting the pat test, how do i go about all of this? legal procedures and all that?
Click to expand...
Actually, for the vast majority of family court matters (and that's where paternity/support/visitation matters are handled) you don't have to get a lawyer involved.

It pretty basic, if she goes to the court and tries to get a support order against you, you fill out the forms to respond.

What state are you in, by the way?
 
Wow.....I don't know you, but just from what you have told us, it definitely sounds like she cheated. The sad thing is.....these are the times you heard about - who knows what else she has done that she was able to cover up. I hope you stick to your guns and NEVER go back to her.

As far a the paternity test goes......if she refuses to get one, that means she can't come after you for child support. And that is an 18 year long commitment - whether she gets married again or not......just something to be aware of.

First, is she really pregnant? Did you ever see the test results, or the pics of the ultrasound? The only reason I even ask is because I can't tell you how many guy friends I have had who's chicks lied to them about being pregnant for some reason or another. Usually to keep them around a little longer when they knew the end of their relationship was near. Sometimes just to mess with them.

If you want to know if it's yours because you want to be involved in that child's life, then kudos to you - go to court and fight for it. The court can order a test for you......I agree that you probably don't need a lawyer at this point - unless things get ugly. And I have to heartily agree with everyone who says don't put your name on that certificate!

Good luck.....let us know how this all pans out.

And these things, while they totally SUCK at the time....usually are the things you look back on in 10 years when you are happily married to a normal chick with your nice little family and thank God that everything turned out the way it did.
 
Yes, she is ridiculous, she said that she told my best friend that she hooked up with her ex "to test their relationship". Because shes been friends with my best friend longer than I have. Funny thing is that she told me the day after i accused her of everything and after the fact she found out that my buddy told me everything.

She is pregnant, ive been with her to her first 3 ultrasounds already, I have a picture of the babys hand and face :) Hopefully it is mine i have been excited for a baby but i wont worry if its not either.

cw801 said:
Wow.....I don't know you, but just from what you have told us, it definitely sounds like she cheated. The sad thing is.....these are the times you heard about - who knows what else she has done that she was able to cover up. I hope you stick to your guns and NEVER go back to her.

As far a the paternity test goes......if she refuses to get one, that means she can't come after you for child support. And that is an 18 year long commitment - whether she gets married again or not......just something to be aware of.

First, is she really pregnant? Did you ever see the test results, or the pics of the ultrasound? The only reason I even ask is because I can't tell you how many guy friends I have had who's chicks lied to them about being pregnant for some reason or another. Usually to keep them around a little longer when they knew the end of their relationship was near. Sometimes just to mess with them.

If you want to know if it's yours because you want to be involved in that child's life, then kudos to you - go to court and fight for it. The court can order a test for you......I agree that you probably don't need a lawyer at this point - unless things get ugly. And I have to heartily agree with everyone who says don't put your name on that certificate!

Good luck.....let us know how this all pans out.

And these things, while they totally SUCK at the time....usually are the things you look back on in 10 years when you are happily married to a normal chick with your nice little family and thank God that everything turned out the way it did.
Click to expand...
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
Oh for sure, well where do I go for family court matters?

I just want to make sure this baby is mine before i do anything. So what do I do, if she says no? Also, will medi-cal cover the expense of a paternity test?

Im in CA
Click to expand...
In most states the county seat is where the courthouse complex is and that's where you'll end up going.

Here's the thing, UNLESS you're really convinced this baby is yours and you want to stay in the baby's life, you kind of have to wait for her to make the first strike (which would be filing for child support) and then you respond.

If you're really intent on being on the offensive and want to push for the paternity test then you will need to contact a lawyer, but expect to put out the fee for at least a few hours consultation with a lawyer, plus the cost of filing fees and the cost of the paternity test.

I would think (I'm NOT 100%, we really need a father whose gone through this in California OR a lawyer's input), that she has to bear the burden of the cost of the DNA test if it's court ordered and you aren't the father. You might have to split it with her if it's found to be your kid.

Basically, you're only course of action is to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER, now, permanently. Force all communication to take place via email (so you have record of anything that she says to you). If she leaves you voice messages or texts, save anything that might be pertinent down the road.

Oh, and be absolutely civil to her. Do not do a Mel Gibson. Never have any contact with her in an agitated mental state.
 
good luck with not being the dad

bitch is trash; you are doing the right thing kicking her to the curb
 
Thats sucks man, "theres alot fo fish in the sea" its lame I know lol, but you'll find a better one down the road.
 
Lancer55 said:
Thats sucks man, "theres alot fo fish in the sea" its lame I know lol, but you'll find a better one down the road.
Click to expand...

I just Read something in National Geographic how overfishing is killing off a good amount of fish around the world.
 
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play it over in your head for future references on how to deal next time this happens.

look for similarities and patterns in actions.

like i said in your thread during summer time, the second she started being rude to you and making it all about her, she had lost respect for you. she had already cheated at that point, or was destined to. learn to get out of a relationship when its bad, before it gets to such an extreme as cheating, resentment, etc. sucks though, because she had you by the balls, with the whole baby thing.

best of luck, hopefully you wont be such a cocky douche in the future. but dont let this turn you into a pussy either. your jacked and driven, things will work out.

strongbow is a faggot
 
No matter what it is messed up, if she is lying the kid is not yours and you were all excited for nothing, if she was not then she wont ever trust you again for questioning her, which is ironic because SHE was the cheating one... your best bet is getting a broken heart and not being the father, sucks either way, sorry Glad :(

Good luck.
 
I'm sorry this is happening - I'm sure I can't relate to how difficult this is to deal with the possibility of a child. Try to keep your emotions down - and actually do some thinking. You don't have to make any commitments or rash decisions, you have plenty of weeks to think about the rest of your life and the life of the child. You already moved her out... maybe keep a little distance for a bit; don't be the one to contact her - I'm sure you're concerned that by doing that you would be putting yourself at the risk of her sleeping with other guys, and if that is true, and she would do that - then you don't need to be with her anyway. Explain to her that you need some time to think, ponder the situation, let the drama die down so you can think clearly. During that time, try and take some time for you to consider not only the situation, but your goals and the rest of your life. If you do find out the baby is yours, and I think it is great that you want it to be - it also doesn't mean that you have to be with the girl.

She sounds scandalous. You're both young. You're not thinking. I am not saying I know any better - and as somebody referenced earlier, I never paid attention in the past when people tried to give me advice. I always had to be right.

Right now it's not about what you think is right. It's not about your mixed up emotions. Settle down and try to step back and see things from the outside.

Let us know.
 
musclemom said:
In most states the county seat is where the courthouse complex is and that's where you'll end up going.

Here's the thing, UNLESS you're really convinced this baby is yours and you want to stay in the baby's life, you kind of have to wait for her to make the first strike (which would be filing for child support) and then you respond.

If you're really intent on being on the offensive and want to push for the paternity test then you will need to contact a lawyer, but expect to put out the fee for at least a few hours consultation with a lawyer, plus the cost of filing fees and the cost of the paternity test.

I would think (I'm NOT 100%, we really need a father whose gone through this in California OR a lawyer's input), that she has to bear the burden of the cost of the DNA test if it's court ordered and you aren't the father. You might have to split it with her if it's found to be your kid.

Basically, you're only course of action is to CUT OFF ALL CONTACT WITH HER, now, permanently. Force all communication to take place via email (so you have record of anything that she says to you). If she leaves you voice messages or texts, save anything that might be pertinent down the road.

Oh, and be absolutely civil to her. Do not do a Mel Gibson. Never have any contact with her in an agitated mental state.
Click to expand...


Great advice given to you here...I hope you heed it.
 
superdave said:
Paternity test before she fucks you over even more.
Click to expand...

Even if you get back together with her, you MUST get the paternity test done. Because if you don't, and start helping to raise this kid, you are fucked; even if you figure out it's not yours later, you'd still be on the hook for child support once you establish a pattern of being a parent figure. I know that sounds outlandish, but there are precedents.

Don't be a retard like so many guys are in this situation!!!
 
Fuck i hate cheaters....i'm sorry to hear bro it's a shitty situation, been there...if you any questions or concerns let me know bro
 
you probably don't want to hear this, but she was probably fucking her ex the entire time you've been with her. there's a good chance she was pregnant before you even fucked her the first time. she's clearly not trustful, for all you know she waited till you raw dogged it a few times and popped it on you. the fact she said she'd never do a paternity test is sketchy as fuck. does she not want to know who the real father of her child is? totally selfish. it's not about you and her. it's about an innocent kid knowing who his real dad is.
 
redshirt27se said:
you probably don't want to hear this, but she was probably fucking her ex the entire time you've been with her. there's a good chance she was pregnant before you even fucked her the first time. she's clearly not trustful, for all you know she waited till you raw dogged it a few times and popped it on you. the fact she said she'd never do a paternity test is sketchy as fuck. does she not want to know who the real father of her child is? totally selfish. it's not about you and her. it's about an innocent kid knowing who his real dad is.
Click to expand...
This ^^^ plus you don't want to raise somone elses kid when you could be raising your own.
 
I wish i could say i feel your pain or something but honestly ive never been through a preg fiance cheating. Although i have had unwanted pregs that ive had to handle my buziness wirh so take that as you will rob
Either way im here
 
thanks guys, its good to get back on this site. I actually feel better because in all honesty i wasnt happy and i let the baby keep us together, thankfully i have SOME balls and kicked her out.

And we figured out her days for when she got pregnant since shes about 16 weeks, and we were in San Fran. But who knows right before or after that trip, i guess she was texting her ex during the trip too. i wont sign shit until i get a paternity test thats for sure. And theres no way in hell im getting back with her
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
thanks guys, its good to get back on this site. I actually feel better because in all honesty i wasnt happy and i let the baby keep us together, thankfully i have SOME balls and kicked her out.

And we figured out her days for when she got pregnant since shes about 16 weeks, and we were in San Fran. But who knows right before or after that trip, i guess she was texting her ex during the trip too. i wont sign shit until i get a paternity test thats for sure. And theres no way in hell im getting back with her
Click to expand...

Did she get an early ultrasound (6 weeks or before)
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
Just found out that my fiance was cheating on me with her ex. She wont admit it but her ex told my best friend, and pretty much dont need to go into details but I had her move her shit of of my sisters house that we were/are staying at. I dont even know if the baby is mine anymore, I guess thats life right?

Hope all you guys are doing better than I am
Click to expand...

GFI LAB Paternity

and dude you got a free pass, tell her to hook you up with one of her hot girlfriends and she gets to watch..
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
so im not contacting her at all, were 100% done. i guess shes talkin shit now sayin im a wife beater, fuckin whore monkey

im guessing she cheated on me the whole time too, so i cant get a test till after the baby is born?
Click to expand...


You can get a pat test while she's pregnant. It's a little more invasive and probably more expensive.

Good luck man. That shit sucks.
 
the.gladiator1987 said:
fuck i wanna know right now whos kid it is i dont wanna wait, but i want a ps3 too..
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werent you selling a PS3 a while back?

Also try to be there when she delivers to see if it's an "7-8 month" premature baby which = bullshit she was pregnant BEFORE you, pay attention to the baby's weight too...
 
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