Female Opinions...please dont move

[Hannibal]

Ok ladies...I know this board is supposed to be about fitness. But this is a relationship question. If the mods feel that it deserves to be in chat I will just delete it. The people on this board are the ones I think I can get an honest answer from it goes to Chat it will get flamed to hell and back.

My question is simple and complex at the same time. What do you ladies mean by "just friends"? What is it about a guy that deems him a plutonic friend and nothing more. I know that is a very broad question, but I seem to run into that so much in my dating life that I want to hear your opinions on it.

I get told all the time...you are a "great guy"...you are a "true friend".....

BUT

I dont want to risk our friendship on a relationship. And please dont take this the wrong way. I cherish my friendships (both men and women)...its just that one time I would like to find someone that thinks I am "worth" the risk. Its funny I remarked to a female friend the other night how often I had been the "shoulder to cry on" for a woman I was interested in, but were just friends. I mean I listen to women talk about how they "really know how to pick them"...and they can never seem to find the right guy. And the whole time I'm thinking...uh HELLO But instead I have to say "I understand"...since I have been cast into the role as "friend" I just have to listen and be there for them and put my personal feelings aside.

My initial reaction to "just friends" is that it is an attraction thing. A spark that isnt there. But a few women have made remarks about believing I would be "great in bed"....or how "attractive" I am ...yada yada yada. So that isnt it.

So then I think to myself....they think I'm a great guy...they are physically attracted to me..there is a chemistry...but still I sleep alone?

So to make a short question long....is there such thing as too good a friend. Is it me that is doing something that instantly labels me "friend material". It's really confusing. Seems I do everything that women "say they want"..but then they go off with the asshole and I am there for them when they pic up the pieces. Could be the lure of the bad boy. And the funny thing is I have my "bad boy" side...but when you are just friends that side never gets to surface.

Sorry for such a long read...but I am interested in what you ladies have to say. Any opinions...or anything that you want to share on the subject.

Thanks

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I’ve been married since I was 19, so dating is a COMPLETE mystery to me! BUT, I just have to say that I have a close guy friend whose experiences mirror what you have described here.

He’s good looking, built, sensitive (he writes poetry for God’s sake), fun, smart, financially stable, has a decent stable job….yet he can’t seem to find a girlfriend to save his damn life.... It totally confuses me…

I’ll have to pass on any advice you all have for Hannibal here….Hannibal, you’re not alone in your plight!

 

[velvett]

Read my PM.


If I were single and living in your state.

I wouldn't want to be your friend.



Well, only your friend.





By Request of Hannibal:

My PM to him.


At a quick view -

two things...

If I were to say that it would mean one of two things:

1 - I'm seeing someone and I really like you but I'm involved but I don't want to not share your company which also means - if I find myself single and ready - and you still happen to be single I'd want to date you but I'm not willing to hurt the person I'm with either.

2 - I'm dating to date not to be *involved * with someone that has the potential for a long term commitment - which translates to - I don't want to hurt because you are the kind that you marry not date.

Goes both ways with guys and girls darlin'......


I know exactly what you are going through

 

[Hannibal]

He’s good looking, built, sensitive (he writes poetry for God’s sake), fun, smart, financially stable, has a decent stable job….yet he can’t seem to find a girlfriend to save his damn life.... It totally confuses me…

I’ll have to pass on any advice you all have for Hannibal here….Hannibal, you’re not alone in your plight!

Well good lookin is subjective...but that sounds like me..even the poetry for God's sake

At least I know that I am not alone in this emotional purgatory.

And velvett...BEHAVE!!!

 

[new@gettinbig]

To tell you the truth its sad to say but women usually are attracted to the WRONG type of guys...we all do it time and again. but we always keep those nice sweet guys that we cry on as our "FRIENDS." The ones we know we would be happy w/ and would treat us properly. Another thing friends are how relationships begin...you should be best friends w/ the one you are involved w/. So sometimes these friend situations turn into romantic ones..and it is tricky because if things do not work out you are at risk of losing a great friend. So that does explain why some women would say that to you...and be afraid of taking it to the next level...You seem like a sweet guy...and I believe things happen for a reason and stuff usually falls into place..not always when we want it to but it does... Just dont change and become a asshole like most men You will get what you deserve and more when the time is right!

 

[Hannibal]

Just dont change and become a asshole like most men You will get what you deserve and more when the time is right!

Thank you lady...dont worry I will always be true to myself. And I know it will all be worth it one day...even if it is not easy right now. Nothing worth having is easy though.

Its weird though...I have gotten to a point where "you're sweet"...or "you're such a great person" almost cut right through me. I mean yes I makes me feel good that I treat women the way the should be treated...to where they would say those things. But on the other hand I just wonder WHY?

 

[BrickGirl]

I tell you what, I have known plenty of "guy friends" and if they would have made a simple move on me, It probably would have turned into more than just friends, but they never did, it's always the guys that after one thing that end up making the move at the right time and win the prize. Just my opionion


p.s. I had a "guy friend" who finally made a move and I'll be damned, we are still together after 8 years.

 

[fit1]

Hannibal....

I can relate, but on the other side. So, we'll see if this helps...New@ has it just RIGHT...I have a b/f and I have a friend...the friend I dated 10 years ago in high school. We only dated for 3 months and then he moved to PA. After I got over the initial hate for this guy, we became very good friends...I seen him everytime he was down here, we hung out, etc., etc., but that was IT. To this day, I still bullshit with him, hang out with him, listen to his g/f problems and he listens to mine...I know he still has feelings for me and of course, I will always have feelings for him. BUT, I'm afraid that friends is all it will ever be...who knows, if it's meant to be, it'll happen...I am a BIG believer of that btw, but right now, I DON'T wanna' risk losing a terrific friend. That's the reason nothing has happened, plain and simple. Don't know if I was just rambling or what, but that's my .02 cents.

 

[fit1]

Brickgirl does have a good point though.
I've had a "friend" initiate it and we got together...but in this case, if my "guy friend" tried something, I really don't know what on earth I'd do...

 

[Hannibal]

p.s. I had a "guy friend" who finally made a move and I'll be damned, we are still together after 8 years.

Well dont get the wrong impression. Making a move is not a problem for me when it is something that I want. But after the initial "just friends" (rejection)...when and how do you approach it again. Or can you? Congratulations by the way on your happiness

fit1...yes I can relate. Cant think of a single woman that I have split up with that I am not still "friends" with. And that kinda worries me...dont want to be the "friend" guy forever. I gotta "get some" too ya know...kidding(kinda)

 

[BrickGirl]

Your not kidding! You wanna get some, I surely don't blame you geez, I'm sure you are about to blow up Let's see, let me think, I guess it depends on how the initial rejection went and in what environment it was made in. I mean, if she has had a drink and you all are both alone somewhere and she still says no, well, I would probably pass then But if you are at her parents house having thanksgiving dinner and you are both in the bathroom and you ask her to bend over the countertop, another time might be better Give us details! Then we can go from there

 

[Hannibal]

But if you are at her parents house having thanksgiving dinner and you are both in the bathroom and you ask her to bend over the countertop, another time might be better Give us details! Then we can go from there

You've been reading my diary again havent you....bathroom countertop...BTW...it was New Years Eve not Thanksgiving....aaaahhh *memories*

But seriously there are no specific details as this post was not about anyone person in particular. This is just a pattern that women have developed toward me in the past several years. Just curious if my behavior has perpetuated any of it...or is it simply a case of finding the one for me

 

[VooDoo Lady]

I should probably also mention that some are of the opinion my friend sabotages his potential relationships because he is secretly in love with me....

VDL

 

[Cheetarah]

Ok ladies...I know this board is supposed to be about fitness. But this is a relationship question. If the mods feel that it deserves to be in chat I will just delete it. The people on this board are the ones I think I can get an honest answer from it goes to Chat it will get flamed to hell and back.

My question is simple and complex at the same time. What do you ladies mean by "just friends"? What is it about a guy that deems him a plutonic friend and nothing more. I know that is a very broad question, but I seem to run into that so much in my dating life that I want to hear your opinions on it.

I get told all the time...you are a "great guy"...you are a "true friend".....

BUT

I dont want to risk our friendship on a relationship. And please dont take this the wrong way. I cherish my friendships (both men and women)...its just that one time I would like to find someone that thinks I am "worth" the risk. Its funny I remarked to a female friend the other night how often I had been the "shoulder to cry on" for a woman I was interested in, but were just friends. I mean I listen to women talk about how they "really know how to pick them"...and they can never seem to find the right guy. And the whole time I'm thinking...uh HELLO But instead I have to say "I understand"...since I have been cast into the role as "friend" I just have to listen and be there for them and put my personal feelings aside.

My initial reaction to "just friends" is that it is an attraction thing. A spark that isnt there. But a few women have made remarks about believing I would be "great in bed"....or how "attractive" I am ...yada yada yada. So that isnt it.

So then I think to myself....they think I'm a great guy...they are physically attracted to me..there is a chemistry...but still I sleep alone?

So to make a short question long....is there such thing as too good a friend. Is it me that is doing something that instantly labels me "friend material". It's really confusing. Seems I do everything that women "say they want"..but then they go off with the asshole and I am there for them when they pic up the pieces. Could be the lure of the bad boy. And the funny thing is I have my "bad boy" side...but when you are just friends that side never gets to surface.

Sorry for such a long read...but I am interested in what you ladies have to say. Any opinions...or anything that you want to share on the subject.

Thanks

OMG, I just felt so bad for you after I read that. You poor guy. You sound like a great guy too. Here's my take on it. And this is me personally. If the personality and looks are there/right (I'm attracted to him sexually) and we really connect, then I am interested in being more than friends. If not, if everything isn't there, then just friends it is. A good example is my ex-husband, at first everything was there, but then we changed and I became less attracted to him physically. I felt like I'd rather just be friends with him, I lost the desire to be intimate with him. So now we are divorced but we are still good friends. It's just different around him now. I really like him and we get along great, but there is no desire whatsoever to be intimate with him. That's my take on it. Unfortunately it is a difficult question to really answer as I think there aren't really any definite answers. It's gonna depend on each individual woman. Wish I could help more. Good luck. Hope things change for you and you find that special somebody.

 

[Hannibal]

Pity Post

OMG, I just felt so bad for you after I read that. You poor guy. You sound like a great guy too.

Well thank you lady....but I must please ask you no feeling sorry for me. That is not what this thread is about. There is so much that is good in my life. And I am happy for who I am. Just tryin to figure out why that which means the most to me (Love) has eluded me thus far. Thanks for your thoughts

*side note* had I posted this in Chat it would now be at the bottom of the page after it got flamed by some 13 year olds that have no idea what love is* THANKS LADIES

 

[Cheetarah]

Just curious if my behavior has perpetuated any of it...or is it simply a case of finding the one for me

Keep doing what you are doing. Girls are blind if they can't see what a great guy you are (or at least seem to me over the internet). I think it's a case of finding the right one.

 

[Gladiola]

Hmmm, I have put guys in that category & it was (in my experiences) because there was no chemistry. I didn't get that tingle-y feeling like electricity. My relationship with them was simply too *tame*. I couldn't picture it being hot & exciting. I *need* hot & exciting!

I've been with my current bf almost 2 years & we started out dating... with all the accompanying little awkward-ness about the first kiss, flirting, etc. That anticipation that built up made it SO much better when we *finally* kissed than finally did more.

I guess I'm saying it's easier to think of someone as 'potential bf' from the get-go than to change 'friend' into 'bf'.

With a friend, I am more open than with a date/ potential bf. With friends, you don't worry so much about putting your best foot forward... you're more laid back & just yourself. Then to think of dating a person who knows your dirty secrets.... Turn Off! The switch is just not comfortable.

BrickGirl makes some great points... not just making moves but FLIRTING!!! Creating that sexual *tension* & really showing that you have what it takes to be something to make her hot & excited...

Nothin' wrong with wanting to get some!

 

[new@gettinbig]

Id never move your posts hannibal...we love ya here Plus you never cause any trouble and you always give great posts...

 

[Sassy69]

I can also TOTALLY relate. I am a friend to a lot of guys. ACtually I really prefer guys to girls as friends - I have always worked in male dominated fields where I'm generally the only girl in a group fo 20 + guys. I can tell raunchy jokes & curse w/ the best of them. I don't mind getting dirty or sweating and wearing nylons or going to get my hair done seems pointless. The sick thing is that the only ones that hit on me are the married ones. This annoys me because I guess I screwed up somewhere in the friendship by being comfortable enough w/ these guys to discuss sexual exploints, jokes, fantasies, etc. They went the extra mile to approach me -- except I have no respect for a guy who is involved to come sniffing around my door because he'll probably do the same shit to me if I let him into my life like that. The perfect answer, then, is to have a gay friend instead of girl friends.

I think both new@ & BrickGirl nailed it --- the guys that are quality enough to be good friends with put both parties in the situation that they either are afraid to sacrifice the friendship for a relationship or there truly is no sexual attraction or whatever is that extra thing needed to make a relationship. I also think that many women are waiting for the guy to make the move first. (Regardless of the women's movement, etc. --- just once I'd like a guy to be "the guy"...) But if neither party makes the move, the answer will never be known. But the risk is possible loss of friendship.

I do know people who have been best friends and end up dating. My only experience w/ having a friend & then ending updating where it actually worked was with a guy I had known for about 5 years, we always socialized but always in a group. Then one night we went out and got hammered -- actually I was pumping him w/ booze to get hiim drunk enough to tell me some dirt on my previous ex. The booze broke down the "non-involvement" wall that protected our friendship and pushed it to the next level. ANyway we dated for a year and I would consider that my most successful relationship to date with someone that I truly loved. But it fell apart for some other stupid reasons -- basically I assumed that the level of communication we had as friends would remain, but when he started feeling like I wasn't givign him the attention he wanted (I was finishing my MBA & hanging aroudn another group of people alot), he started retreating behind the wall and wouldn't come out and say what he wanted to because he was afraid of the response I think. Anyway it got fucked up and fell apart. We are still friends, but we don't hang out together anymore. He knows I still love him & if he needs me I'm there.

So what does that tell you about men & women & being friends. Its back to the question -- can you TRULY have "friends" of the opposite sex with or without (depending on what you want) going beyond platonic? I want to think you can, but I think in reality its the exception more than the rule.

What do girls mean when they say they want to be "friends"? Either means they aren't interested & dont' want to say it straight out or they are scared to go beyond at the expense of the friendship. Did that answer your question? NOPE... I dont' know if there is an answer.....

 

[Sassy69]

Plus you never cause any trouble and you always give great posts...

That's what we like in our male visitors --- dont' cause trouble and give good post!

 

[Hannibal]

I guess I'm saying it's easier to think of someone as 'potential bf' from the get-go than to change 'friend' into 'bf'.

With a friend, I am more open than with a date/ potential bf. With friends, you don't worry so much about putting your best foot forward... you're more laid back & just yourself. Then to think of dating a person who knows your dirty secrets.... Turn Off! The switch is just not comfortable.

BrickGirl makes some great points... not just making moves but FLIRTING!!! Creating that sexual *tension* & really showing that you have what it takes to be something to make her hot & excited...

Nothin' wrong with wanting to get some!

I understand what you are saying and that was part of my question. By being such a good friend, and allowing them to feel comfortable enough with me to say..."I've never told anyone else this but ......." am I impeding any chance at a relationship. Believe me I know so many dirty secrets...women just trust me with stuff like that. And their trust is something that I dont take lightly. I can understand how that might be a bad thing when wishing to make the trasitions. But then again..when a friend needs me to listen I cant very well say...."please dont tell me this cuz I might want to f*ck your brains out at a later time". Anyway you get my point I think...just a Catch 22 and Deja Vu

And as for the "get some"...actually I dont think that would be much of a problem, or so I have been told, if all I wanted to do was "just get some". Its the wanting more that becomes a problem. And for me to want "some" there has to be "some more" to it

 

[Hannibal]

If you are finding women like us, it's possible that they value a firendship with you because you relate to them, whereas other women don't. Do these girls have other "girl" friends?

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; therefore is winged Cupid painted blind"

You know tryin to put the women I have dated into any sort of "group" is impossible. I dont really have a type. I just look for the person within...sometimes only seeing the person that I want to see unfortunately.

But I do understand what you are saying spatts...and I have noticed that difference between women with female friends and women without them. And unfortunately I like the tomboyish ones..but they tend not to be interested in the romantic side of me. I am an anomoly....guess I just have to wait for another like me...thanks

 

[jennifer BFL chick]

Its what it means.

I just want to be friends-----that means they are not interested in a relationship.

Pretty simple.

I get along with guys really well, but I don't have alot of "friends" that I hang out with that are guys.

For me, there is a VERY thin line between being a "friend" with a guy, and dating him.

I'm not friends with any of my past boyfriends, in fact I havn't talked to them in years. If I bumped into them, of course I would say hi, but "hangen" out with them would be very uncomfortable.

If they needed anything, I would help them out, but I'm not going to come over to his house and watch a moive alone with him.

 

[sheez_ripped]

Generally, when i was single...

If i wanted to be "just friends" it was because i wasn't interested or didn't think i was...

however...there were a couple of cases....where it became otherwise....one guy...we went out...drank too much and ended up in bed....after that..we could never get our timing right....neither of us ever seemed to want a relationship at the same time...but we've always remained friends...

2nd guy....we dated for a couple of years...i made the move on him....but again...it fell apart cause we didn't know where to go with it...he had regrets after we broke up...but i was seeing my future husband...after i married he remainded cordial...but hasn't remained in contact much...

so...maybe it would take seeing u in a different setting or a different light to see your potential...

in the 2nd case....my guy friend started dating someone...and that got my attention real fast!

 

[supergirl]

Its what it means.

I just want to be friends-----that means they are not interested in a relationship.

Pretty simple.

exactly.. it is not anything you are doing wrong hannibal or anything you are lacking..

also, maybe you are just pursuing the wrong girls.. if i know you at all.. you do tend to go for the "damsels in distress" remember you like being the shoulder.. maybe you should stop going for girls with baggage etc... just a thought.

HUGS

 

[polarpixie]

Hannibal...I'm a girl with alot of guy friends that I hang out with...and all I can say is that I would not want to get involved with any of them, not because they are not great guys, but because I love hanging out with them too much to jeopardize that. They know that too. But...if say, one of them were to say, I can't even stand being around you anymore as just your friend because I'm madly in love with you, then they walked out of my life...it'd make me think twice....not adviseable unless you are really more miserable being their friend then not at all.

But to be more clear about your question about the line between friend and more than friends...for me...it's more like, could I see myself being married to this person that will be worth jeopardizing this friendship, or are we just gonna have a great time for a little while, and then end up with no relationship and no friendship? That is just me though.

 

[crab3535]

The majority of the answers that you seek can, in broad brush generalizations, be found at:

Askmen.com

Take a couple of hours to read all of the threads in the dating and love section.

It pretty much covers it all, particularly the man/woman psychological dynamic.

In a small percentage of cases a friendship may be able to turn into more.

There are exceptions to almost every statistical rule, just like it is possible to hit an inside straight, but the odds favor going for two pair or three of a kind.

You don't have to be an asshole to get a good woman, but you do have to know if she is interested, what to say, what to do, and how to dance the dance.

I wish you good luck !

 

[Hannibal]

also, maybe you are just pursuing the wrong girls.. if i know you at all.. you do tend to go for the "damsels in distress" remember you like being the shoulder.. maybe you should stop going for girls with baggage etc... just a thought.

HUGS

First of all my heartfelt thank you to all the ladies that took the time to view and reply to this thread. And as usual I think Supergirl may be right. That was something that I was hinting towards earlier in the thread. Perhaps I do pursue the "distressed damsels"...yeah you do know me pretty well. Or perhaps they are naturally drawn to me as I seem a worthy protector.

I mean honestly its not like I sit across a bar from a woman and say...."damn look at her...she looks like she has tons of issues...she's gotta be interested in me...I can save her." But lately it just seems that is what has happened. Everyone has baggage...myself included. But I think I have come to a point in my life where I need a woman that has a "compact carryon bag full of baggage".....instead of the "UHaul Truckload of baggage."

Maybe it is because I do wear my heart on my sleeve..cant argue that. I am not equipped with an emotional "kill switch". Some people can squash their feelings for someone. I have never been able to do that. Maybe that is something I need to learn how to do. To have the ability to look at a situation and say.."this is not going to work....you cant save her but you can save yourself". It's funny if I had been on the Titanic...I would have been the guy that drowned saving that "one last person"...probably someone I didnt even know.

Ok I got way off on a tangent there. Just wanted to thank you ladies again

 

[Sassy69]

Hey Hannibal --

you may be right -- but do you think you look for these girls or do you attract them? Maybe I'm asking questions to you that I am asking myself.....

I meet guys totally at random -- but every damn one of them has a shit load of baggage, no money, totally fucked up ex, and is a giant child. And for some reason, there's been a run of guys who don't even have their own cars. Come on. Get real. I'm not talking 19 years olds in college either.

So anyway, to break that "habit" I've stayed away from the places where I met these guys. So now I just don't meet anyone.

So what do you think about that? Do you think you attract a certain type of girl or do you go looking for them?

 

[Hannibal]

you may be right -- but do you think you look for these girls or do you attract them? Maybe I'm asking questions to you that I am asking myself.....

So anyway, to break that "habit" I've stayed away from the places where I met these guys. So now I just don't meet anyone.

Sassy I honestly dont know the answer. If I figure it out I will let you know so maybe it will help you. I mean I do not go out and purposely try to find a "fair maiden in need of rescuing". I am very attracted to strong women. But it seems here lately that the ones that return the affection turn out not to be as strong as I had initially thought. I end up being a crutch to them...until they can get back on thier feet.

 

[jennifer BFL chick]

Sassy I honestly dont know the answer. If I figure it out I will let you know so maybe it will help you. I mean I do not go out and purposely try to find a "fair maiden in need of rescuing". I am very attracted to strong women. But it seems here lately that the ones that return the affection turn out not to be as strong as I had initially thought. I end up being a crutch to them...until they can get back on thier feet.

Or maybe they are a crutch for you as well? You seem to keep running back to them, thats why I ask.

 

[MrMuscle]

dang bro..thats exactly how its always been with me too..

 

[Sassy69]

Here's a thought --- one of my girlfriends treats guys like shit all the time -- and they fucking come running to her. I think she's mostly just a cock tease - she comes from a Latin family, of course heavily Catholic, but she's a complete fucking tease - literally gets them into the bed and then starts yelling at them about how she isn't going to do any of this or that. Congrats boys, you've been fucked alright.

Anyway she tells me I need to be more of a bitch. I dont' like this idea because it ain't me -- but a thought - Hannibal - try not being so nice, or such a crutch. See what happens. Try it on a new chick who's friendship you don't have to worry about sacrificing. If she's not into, the worst is she calls you a bastard and leaves.

 

[Hannibal]

Or maybe they are a crutch for you as well? You seem to keep running back to them, thats why I ask.

I understand what you are saying...but its not like I keep running back to the same one. This is some sort of strange pattern that things have followed here lately. I do not purposely seek out weak spirited women that are in need of saving. I do however allow myself to care too soon sometimes...and THEN when all the "issues" come out...its emotionally too late for me.

Sassy...as you said yourself...it just is not my nature to behave that way. Just have to find someone that likes me for who I am...rather than how I would be if I "acted" differently. Try not being so nice....uh dont see that happening. I have to laugh at though..."if you werent so nice maybe you would have a girlfriend"...not laughing at you Sassy cuz I know what you are saying. Like I said its not really about "getting some"...if thats all I wanted, humbly submitted, I dont think it would be too difficult. However, if I did "act" a different way and it worked...then what. I would be lying to both myself and her...neither of which are acceptable.

Something I have realize from this thread. Some of the choices I have made regarding dating have been made with "emotion without the benefit of intelect". I need to learn to keep my eyes open a little longer. And most importantly...BE PATIENT

Thanks all....

 

[buksoon]

You know that "law" in the world of science? "Ockham's Razor"-- it says the simplest answer is usually correct one.

So the simplest possible answer: the women you go for. I mean, right?

You always put all these quotes in your posts. It is rare to see a Hannibal post without a romantic/historical quote. Sometimes that's all there is. And look at your signature!

You are Don Quixote. I think you got a little "knight complex", there. And you know what old "Don" (hehe) did, right?

He fell for this woman, Aldonza. Aldonza was ... back then you might say "harlot" or "strumpet"; today you might say "skank." (Sorry, she was.....) But he saw her as this divinely good woman. He even went so far as to RE-NAME HER! He made her "Dulcinea." He didn't really see her at all. Just stuck her in a fantasy.

In the book it worked out. (It WAS fantasy!) In life, no. Sorry.

 

[Hannibal]

You are Don Quixote. I think you got a little "knight complex", there. And you know what old "Don" (hehe) did, right?

He fell for this woman, Aldonza. Aldonza was ... back then you might say "harlot" or "strumpet"; today you might say "skank." (Sorry, she was.....) But he saw her as this divinely good woman. He even went so far as to RE-NAME HER! He made her "Dulcinea." He didn't really see her at all. Just stuck her in a fantasy.

In the book it worked out. (It WAS fantasy!) In life, no. Sorry.

"Knight Complex"...hmmmmmm? Theres alot of smoke there, but theres some fire. I dont think it is something that I purposely do...but it does seem to happen quite a bit.

And yes I know all about Dulcinea....I've fallen for her a couple of times already

 

[buksoon]

It's funny if I had been on the Titanic...I would have been the guy that drowned saving that "one last person"...probably someone I didnt even know.

I don't think guys w/o knight complexes even think of such things, let alone announce them in public forums! And look at what's written under your handle: "saving your queen...."?

It's not bad to be quixotic, and to be infatuated with Dulcinea. It's nice, but it's not gonna get YOU anywhere.

I feel like Oprah's friend Dr. Phil right now.....

 

[Hannibal]

Hannibal - try not being so nice, or such a crutch. See what happens. Try it on a new chick who's friendship you don't have to worry about sacrificing. If she's not into, the worst is she calls you a bastard and leaves.

"The major obstacle to love...is a premature walling off of the personality that results in a falseness or inauthenticity that other people can feel. Love, after all, requires a person to be open and vulnerable, able to tolerate and enjoy the crossing of ego boundaries that occurs naturally under the spell of passion... When someone is so uncomfortable with his own sense of emptiness that he struggles to keep it at bay, there is no way he will be able to be open with another person. He will simply be too ashamed to reveal himself."

I think instead of pretending to be something that I am not. I should try to find someone that appreciates what I have to offer....now where the hell is she??! My luck she is saving the rain forests in some third world country right now

 

[Bigsatan13]

Are we on a fishing trip H?

 

[Hannibal]

Are we on a fishing trip H?

Nope devil man...I'm not trollin to see if I can land a big one on the Womens board. Just tryin to figure the "opposing team" out...and more than likely trying to figure myself out along the way

 

[Bigsatan13]

Did any of these women you speak of ever see you train? Maybe you scare the shit out of them. Maybe they picture you bouncing their heads off the kitchen cabinets if supper is late. I've had women tell me how scared they were of me untill I broke the ice with them. For what it's worth, if you are a nice guy the woman may be looking for the bad boy type or vice-versa. Alot of women think they might want the bad boy type until they are with him and realize that they bit off more then they can chew. Good luck in your endeavours and remember that most times you find things when your not looking so hard.

 

[vixenbabe]

" True love removes all masks"

Maybe the ladies are not ready for the white picket fence and knight on the horse..... yet......

I've seen many of my single, younger pals want to behave like the "typical" man now a days. They do not want to settle down and find Mr. Right. They are throwing themselves into a career and playing the field before they settle down.

You're a real sweetie and a perfect catch, Han. Have some patience and enjoy all the frienships you encounter...Ya just never know when a gal may come into your life and be ready for that white knight on a horse.....

I found my man by being his pal first. He was never the type I thought I'd marry- until he removed his "mask" and allowed me in...

 

[AGENT SHAGWELL]

Ok, you want the facts, and ONLY the facts:

"Just friends" "Great Guy", means you don't light her fire.

From my experience I'd say its mostly a sexual attraction, NOT NECCESARILY A VISUAL THING! Common mistake by men, since they are mostly visual creatures. Women like the visual, don't get me wrong. BUT a man's attitude can make you want them all over you no mater what they look like.

Every woman is different, but for me the following top 2 qualities make me randy:

-SMART ASS
-CONFIDENCE IN A NON-NEEDY/ NON-ARROGANT MANNER

Gotta know you got the goods, do not doubt yourself, and don't be hesitant to make a move.

Woman are lazy just like men, so give them a break and make the move, don't rely on them to "signal" you. If you out on a date, then you already got the "signal". If she pulls away, then just go on with the date, no biggie.

Just keep this mind set:
-You are the man, INTIATE
-She is a hottie, make her feel that way

With that on your mind you can't go wrong

 

[AGENT SHAGWELL]

ALSO...another commmon mistake:

-Man waits too long to make a mover causes the following:

1-Loss of Interest
2-Women feels unattractive-ANGER, and ANNOYANCE
3-Man is a whimp

On the first date if you don't at least kiss her, you've begun to write you name in the "friends" catagory.

 

[ashe]

check out askmen.com

awesome site and it should answer a lot of your questions too!

good luck to ya....you sound like a great guy!