Do men like to be hit on?

[AFeedz]

Why is there no discussion of compatibility during dating process? Ive been seeing my current lady 6 months and weve already talked openly about finances, children options, religious compatibility, extended families, etc. And Ive done that with many prior girlfriends also.

Who are you trying to get with that you think its some sort of crooning competition? Even when I was hardcore internet dating everyone I could, I never thought I was in some sort of big competition, even if I was. Dating Basics 101 is dont give a shit about your competition anyway because they dont care about you and theres nothing you can do about them anyhow. Whoever you chase is either going to like you or not, doesnt matter why because you arent going to force her to like you.

If you think the typical dating scenario for any given person in the western world is BAchelor/BAchelorette then you need to turn off the TV and get outside and actually date.

I don't understand either. In all of my dating experiences, we discuss compatibility basics pretty early on always. That's when we decide to enter in to a relationship. Then details reveal themselves gradually, which is when we break up.

I know the basics of how every guy I've dated lives his life and where he wants it to lead. That's the whole point of dating, is to figure that shit out. I don't know how RedSam is in situations where all of that isn't discussed.

 

[cindylou]

Mmm. Just a twist on the question but there is one I have my eye on and believe he has on me. It's cut and dry. I know what I want and what I don't want. There's a laundry list of reasons why I might prefer a married man, including NOT doing his laundry.

Lol, I'd love to see that list

List of things I want in a man:

1. An excellent liar
2. Questionable values
3. Emotionally unavailable
4. Someone else doing his laundry

 

[cindylou]

hehe no worries Cindy, that's your opinion and ur entitled to it. But I still stand by my thought that women ought to take stronger roles in male/female relationships. I honestly think the "courting" process of men pursuing women has damaged the overall relationship dynamic and it partly to blame for why there's so many of us divorcing. It's an uber complicated situation and i'm not going to remotely pretend to trivialize it by saying women should just drop men left and right and ride them off in the middle of the street, although that would rule..lols. But the old thought patterns have to go or at the very least be seriously revised. We've been doing the same thing for so long and it just isn't working. I know it's a nice ego stroke to be pursued but just think about the mentality that promotes within the person pursuing you and how that will then re-emerge throughout the relationship. It almost boils down to an entitilement process.

I have another perspective...I thought the ego boost was when the person doing the pursuing won his "prize" and beat out the competition so to speak. The rush being the pursuit with the ego boost at the end. Am I wrong? What mentality does that promote and how that re-emerges...do you mean that he will view us as an object and not a person and sets up his thinking that he is entitled to control? Or is the woman is entitled?...I'm not following where your thinking is going, I'm sorry.

 

[redsamurai]

That's ok. We have to stroke yours from there on after.

but you shouldn't, that's partially my point. Ego has a huge part in this, and the stroking thereof. lols

 

[redsamurai]

I have another perspective...I thought the ego boost was when the person doing the pursuing won his "prize" and beat out the competition so to speak. The rush being the pursuit with the ego boost at the end. Am I wrong? What mentality does that promote and how that re-emerges...do you mean that he will view us as an object and not a person and sets up his thinking that he is entitled to control? Or is the woman is entitled?...I'm not following where your thinking is going, I'm sorry.

no you're exactly on the right path.

 

[AFeedz]

but you shouldn't, that's partially my point. Ego has a huge part in this, and the stroking thereof. lols

We all have egos that need stroking. It's nature. You aren't going to get rid of it, and that need is going to exist no matter who takes what role. Anybody who thinks their ego doesn't need some stroking from time to time is delusional.

Thinking too much about dating is pointless. You can't think yourself in to having chemistry or making something work with anybody. It works or doesn't and you are who you are, and what you do and who you are will work with some people and not with others.

There's no point in acting in a way you don't naturally want to act. You'll get in to a relationship you think is compatible based on false personalities...but eventually you will always become your true self, and the relationship will fall apart.

People aren't who they want to be, they are who they are.

 

[-SD-]

Youre overthinking this stuff, RS lol

 

[redsamurai]

I don't understand either. In all of my dating experiences, we discuss compatibility basics pretty early on always. That's when we decide to enter in to a relationship. Then details reveal themselves gradually, which is when we break up.

I know the basics of how every guy I've dated lives his life and where he wants it to lead. That's the whole point of dating, is to figure that shit out. I don't know how RedSam is in situations where all of that isn't discussed.

There are people out there who have it right, i'm not saying this 100% across the board. If you got it right you got it right, same with SD. But look at our society as a whole. Do you beleive that as a whole people view relationships as you seem to? or do we have a seriously warped view of the male/female dynamic? I tend to think it's warped based not just off my own experiences but those around me and yes, what i see in modern pop culture. One of the biggest sources I draw on is how my sister was raised, it was old school. My dad has changed now but he actually felt for a long time like there was no poin in women attending college because they're to be married anyway. I love my dad but god he was a jurassic period piece of artwork for awhile. And with small differences here and there, that's how everyone i grew up with was predominantly raised. I often wish to have been raised in the more liberal coastal regions where the impetus to mind fuck you into a life not of your choosing is not as severe. Things are obviously drastically different now even here...but during the early 80's this was everyday U.S.A

I get the feeling i'm a little older than you so my perceptions are going to be different, can't be helped.

 

[redsamurai]

AHA!!! it is the ego. And no that's exactly what I seek to destroy in myself but that's another topic and gets into my spiritual beleifs. I feel human ego is one of if not the most destructive forces on earth and when it acts in a collective it is awe inspiring at the misery it produces. At the very least hte improper formation of the ego is the problem...i agree you can never fully destroy it but you have to viciously contain it or it will utterly own your soul.

We all have egos that need stroking. It's nature. You aren't going to get rid of it, and that need is going to exist no matter who takes what role. Anybody who thinks their ego doesn't need some stroking from time to time is delusional.

Thinking too much about dating is pointless. You can't think yourself in to having chemistry or making something work with anybody. It works or doesn't and you are who you are, and what you do and who you are will work with some people and not with others.

There's no point in acting in a way you don't naturally want to act. You'll get in to a relationship you think is compatible based on false personalities...but eventually you will always become your true self, and the relationship will fall apart.

People aren't who they want to be, they are who they are.

 

[AFeedz]

There are people out there who have it right, i'm not saying this 100% across the board. If you got it right you got it right, same with SD. But look at our society as a whole. Do you beleive that as a whole people view relationships as you seem to? or do we have a seriously warped view of the male/female dynamic? I tend to think it's warped based not just off my own experiences but those around me and yes, what i see in modern pop culture. One of the biggest sources I draw on is how my sister was raised, it was old school. My dad has changed now but he actually felt for a long time like there was no poin in women attending college because they're to be married anyway. I love my dad but god he was a jurassic period piece of artwork for awhile. And with small differences here and there, that's how everyone i grew up with was predominantly raised. I often wish to have been raised in the more liberal coastal regions where the impetus to mind fuck you into a life not of your choosing is not as severe. Things are obviously drastically different now even here...but during the early 80's this was everyday U.S.A

I get the feeling i'm a little older than you so my perceptions are going to be different, can't be helped.

I wonder how smurf and shirlz made it to college.