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Detaching yourself from everything

swole

swole

Well-known member
Leaving family, friends, and everything else you've always known and loved to chase a dream. I have a wonderful family; I borderline cry just thinking about moving away from Connecticut. I feel like I owe them so much; especially my mother who raised me on her own. And to my sisters, to act as a wholesome role model. And to my grandmother, whose husband passed away last year, who I loved as a father. I am the only successful grandson she has. There is a lot of pressure on me to succeed according to society's (and my family's) standards. You know, job, wife, house. Sure, I have a great job, but there's more to it. It's one thing after another. One expectation to meet after another. There also comes a time in a man's life where he has to choose between his own happiness and what others expect of him. This time for me is now. Is there a happy medium? No. There has to be a sacrifice.

I look at people who have lost their parents. People who have nobody except themselves, and the motivation to grab this fucking life by the horns and push until their heart stops. In a sick way, I imagine having no parents (God forbid - but hear me out)...having no expectations to meet, nobody to fall back on, no security net. Just me. And my drive, willpower, vision, instinct to survive. It sounds like a lifted burden when all you have to disappoint is yourself.

Lately I think this might be what I have to do. I feel strongly about few things, and my situation doesn't foster those dreams. I feel like everything around me is holding me down and I can't expand the roots until I bust out of this pot.

Who's done it? Tell me your story.
 
I've left my amazing family, my wonderful friends and all the life that I"ve known back home to come to Canada and live a peaceful life with my wife so we can raise children in a safe country where you dnt have crazy fuckers blowing shit up. I know exactly how you feel. I spent the first month frickin in tears most nights because I miss my family and my life so much. However, time passes and you make new friends, you make a family of your own and life gets better again. You will always remember the times you have with ur family, your friends and the life you once knew. It will never leave you. A hole in your heart. I nkow exactly what you're going through.
 
the_alcatraz said:
I've left my amazing family, my wonderful friends and all the life that I"ve known back home to come to Canada and live a peaceful life with my wife so we can raise children in a safe country where you dnt have crazy fuckers blowing shit up. I know exactly how you feel. I spent the first month frickin in tears most nights because I miss my family and my life so much. However, time passes and you make new friends, you make a family of your own and life gets better again. You will always remember the times you have with ur family, your friends and the life you once knew. It will never leave you. A hole in your heart. I nkow exactly what you're going through.
Click to expand...

Good post bro. Props for taking the plunge. Although I haven't moved away yet, the thought of it has been getting serious lately.
 
swole said:
Good post bro. Props for taking the plunge. Although I haven't moved away yet, the thought of it has been getting serious lately.
Click to expand...

It will get more and more real. Trust me. You will be in denial up until the night the plane lands in the new destination. Then the tears start coming in.
 
What kind of change are you making bro?

I'm sort of a loner among my family in many ways. My education and income sets me apart from all living relatives. I've had to stop associating with some of my family because they asked for money in the form of "loans" that I never get back. My parents are very religious, I do not share that with them. Brothers didn't complete college, cousins never attempted.
 
Swole, check your pms.
 
swole said:
Leaving family, friends, and everything else you've always known and loved to chase a dream. I have a wonderful family; I borderline cry just thinking about moving away from Connecticut. I feel like I owe them so much; especially my mother who raised me on her own. And to my sisters, to act as a wholesome role model. And to my grandmother, whose husband passed away last year, who I loved as a father. I am the only successful grandson she has. There is a lot of pressure on me to succeed according to society's (and my family's) standards. You know, job, wife, house. Sure, I have a great job, but there's more to it. It's one thing after another. One expectation to meet after another. There also comes a time in a man's life where he has to choose between his own happiness and what others expect of him. This time for me is now. Is there a happy medium? No. There has to be a sacrifice.

I look at people who have lost their parents. People who have nobody except themselves, and the motivation to grab this fucking life by the horns and push until their heart stops. In a sick way, I imagine having no parents (God forbid - but hear me out)...having no expectations to meet, nobody to fall back on, no security net. Just me. And my drive, willpower, vision, instinct to survive. It sounds like a lifted burden when all you have to disappoint is yourself.

Lately I think this might be what I have to do. I feel strongly about few things, and my situation doesn't foster those dreams. I feel like everything around me is holding me down and I can't expand the roots until I bust out of this pot.

Who's done it? Tell me your story.
Click to expand...
iv definately been through that thought process, many many times.

my situation is a little different, but when it comes down to it you have to realize you arnt letting them down. you may think you are by their reaction, but they are only human...they only know one way to react, one set of guidelines that they think is "best". its your job as their son to prove them wrong, and break free.

you will make them proud no matter what you do. but you will make them the PROUDEST, by being sucessful and happy in something they could never see you succeeding in.
 
swole said:
Good post bro. Props for taking the plunge. Although I haven't moved away yet, the thought of it has been getting serious lately.
Click to expand...
IMO the only way you let your family down is by not chasing your dreams...

family and parents are there to encourage you and "wind you up"(like a toy car :)) untill your ready to zoom off all by yourself!!

of course they have to be sad and not want you to leave, cause thats part of their job to always make you feel sheltered.

etc, etc, etc.

my mommy told me all this
 
PuddleMonkey said:
Letting yourself get comfortable in any situation results in laziness. Rest makes rust.
Click to expand...

There is nothing wrong with being content either.
 
Set goals and then work towards them.

make the goals non-greed-money oriented. Something that makes you happy, you can excel in, and thus would make your family happy - and serve as a role model.

Doesn't have to be too hard like you infer. Just take of yourself, and believe in yourself. Then go out, enjoy life, work towards your goals and good things eventually wind up happening when you view life this way.

r
 
juiceddreadlocks said:
Listen to David DeAngelo's 77laws for success and dating... he talks about that situation...
Click to expand...

or way better

Napoleon Hill's Keys to Success

Presidents and Business Leaders have read that over the years. 153 5-stars on amazon.com.

r
 
swole, are you just moving? because you'll still have your family- you just won't be living WITH them. It doesn't matter how far... the world is smaller now. You may even become closer.
 
I moved out of state from all my family and friends when I was 20. I was tired of all the same crap I had a on and off boyfriend since high school that I needed to get away from and I just wanted to start fresh. I transferred schools and moved to TX. I had visited down here a couple of times and loved it. It was a pretty scary thing to do, but was the best decision I made in my life. I was homesick the first few months, but the more people I met and more fun I had it went away. I do still get a little sad during the holidays, but as long as I get to see my family from time to time I am ok :) I am just lucky that I have such a wonderful family here in TX now. :heart:
 
I agree, family and close friends are only a plane ride away. Phones are awesome too. :)


I've chased any dream I've ever had. Sometimes those dreams worked out, other times they did not. However,when I'm on my death bed, I'll NEVER be the person saying, " I wish I had done (insert dream/goal)".


BTW- I was born in Danbury, Ct. I still have family there. :)
 
swole said:
Leaving family, friends, and everything else you've always known and loved to chase a dream. I have a wonderful family; I borderline cry just thinking about moving away from Connecticut. I feel like I owe them so much; especially my mother who raised me on her own. And to my sisters, to act as a wholesome role model. And to my grandmother, whose husband passed away last year, who I loved as a father. I am the only successful grandson she has. There is a lot of pressure on me to succeed according to society's (and my family's) standards. You know, job, wife, house. Sure, I have a great job, but there's more to it. It's one thing after another. One expectation to meet after another. There also comes a time in a man's life where he has to choose between his own happiness and what others expect of him. This time for me is now. Is there a happy medium? No. There has to be a sacrifice.

I look at people who have lost their parents. People who have nobody except themselves, and the motivation to grab this fucking life by the horns and push until their heart stops. In a sick way, I imagine having no parents (God forbid - but hear me out)...having no expectations to meet, nobody to fall back on, no security net. Just me. And my drive, willpower, vision, instinct to survive. It sounds like a lifted burden when all you have to disappoint is yourself.

Lately I think this might be what I have to do. I feel strongly about few things, and my situation doesn't foster those dreams. I feel like everything around me is holding me down and I can't expand the roots until I bust out of this pot.

Who's done it? Tell me your story.
Click to expand...
Swole, I know what you are talking about. I had LOTS of people depending on me. I moved out of a rural town in Kentucky around all my family to being totally alone in Miami when I was 19. I can tell you that while having "nothing to lose" may seem liberating from where you are, it has its own set of problems, too. Do what you have to do, but make sure that if you do move, you go see your parents lots. I lost my mom when she was only 58, and I'm happy for the things I did for her in the last few years.
 
stilleto said:
swole, are you just moving? because you'll still have your family- you just won't be living WITH them. It doesn't matter how far... the world is smaller now. You may even become closer.
Click to expand...

I've been out of my parent's house for 2 years already. I live in the next town over. The problem is I'm too close with my family. It's not so much moving, it's more of wanting to be gone and out of everyone's sight so I can do what I need to do.
 
I am going through the exact same thing. I dont want to disappoint my family by leaving plus I feel like I would be tearing the kids away from their grandparents. But like someone previously said you build a new life for yourself and everything becomes great. I think your own personal happiness is key.
 
swole said:
I've been out of my parent's house for 2 years already. I live in the next town over. The problem is I'm too close with my family. It's not so much moving, it's more of wanting to be gone and out of everyone's sight so I can do what I need to do.
Click to expand...


there's a happy medium.

I moved out of state from my mother- I'm an only child and felt like I was constantly under her control.
Now I talk to her on the phone quite often, and we email every day, but she hears the info i want to give and that's it.
You can distance yourself without being completely gone.
 
"Follow your Bliss"
~Joseph Campbell

Certainly such advice isn't the easiest to implement because of very concrete, worldly obligations, but you are here for an esoteric reason...to fulfill your destiny, and you are the only, select member of that group.
 
i have moved about half a dozen times and let me tell ya it gets easier with each new time. none of them have been a total removal of family. some followed and others stayed. i have always been quite a bit of a loner when it comes to family and never really got along with them so it wasnt quite as bad.

btw - my best friend's day died about a year ago and he is originally from CT. we just helped his mom move back home there and he travels there all the time. he keeps brining back authentic cannolis (sp.?) to wreck my diet :(
 
swole said:
I've been out of my parent's house for 2 years already. I live in the next town over. The problem is I'm too close with my family. It's not so much moving, it's more of wanting to be gone and out of everyone's sight so I can do what I need to do.
Click to expand...

Do you want to move away and get jacked up and persue bodybuilding ?
If so I understand. You do not need anything negative blocking you from your goals. It is as if you have to disconnect and become a new person.
 
swole said:
I've been out of my parent's house for 2 years already. I live in the next town over. The problem is I'm too close with my family. It's not so much moving, it's more of wanting to be gone and out of everyone's sight so I can do what I need to do.
Click to expand...

You have to do what you have to do.....

Hell, I have relatives who send me "anonymous" letters telling me I'm greedy. Ironically post marked from rural Maine towns that only my relatives live in. You don't have to sacrifice, just pick and choose when to make efforts. I'm 110% involved in my projects. Casino construction, flipping MTN's to pension funds, etc.

I'm pretty sure I have blown a couple of relationships because I spent more time on work than with my girlfriend. Yet, life does not suck.

You cannot live to make others happy. Otherwise, you miss out on making yourself happy.

Plus, you can always go home for vacation.....or to catch a fresh snowstorm
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v300/pqibex/virginsnow.jpg
 
You're only young once. When you get the wife/home/kids you can't chase dreams (hello, speaking from experience here).

One of my biggest regrets was settling down without really knowing who I was or what I wanted. Marrying young, having a kid young, owning a house by age 25, yeah, great. I've never been further north than the Canadian border (didn't cross it) and no farther south than North Carolina. I've been to Texas, once, for three days to see my son graduate basic training. I live within 5 miles of where I was born and I HATE THIS FUCKING TOWN!!! But I can't leave, because of $$$. When you're over 40, start having miscellaneous health issues, a mortgage that won't pay itself off if the house is sold, pets and child support, and debt you just can't pick up and and go move to Key West and gamble that you'll be able to hustle up enough work to at least eat once in a while and sleep in the car. You just can't do that shit when you get older.

Chase your dreams. Your family will ALWAYS be there, just frigging write and call them!!! Your own parents will tell you, you only get a narrow window of time to take risks in this life.
 
stilleto said:
there's a happy medium.

I moved out of state from my mother- I'm an only child and felt like I was constantly under her control.
Now I talk to her on the phone quite often, and we email every day, but she hears the info i want to give and that's it.
You can distance yourself without being completely gone.
Click to expand...


yeah right, you moved here because you are stalker times 100. you know you want me.
 
chazk said:
Do you want to move away and get jacked up and persue bodybuilding ?
If so I understand. You do not need anything negative blocking you from your goals. It is as if you have to disconnect and become a new person.
Click to expand...

It's probley what is holding him back.
 
I could never leave my family or his family. In an odd way I feel that I owe them something. I have wanted to move to virginia for years now but never could do it. Maybe it is different because my kids are the only grandchildren and I could never take them from the family like that. Maybe if I did not have kids it would be different, I dont know. I cannot imagine being without my family though because to be 100% honest here my mom in law is my best friend. I can tell her anything even rotten shit about her own son,lol..And she is always there to listen and give great advice. I love my own ma and live a few blocks away and still call her daily. I just love my parents maybe it is a form of seperation anxiety I dont know, but I dont think I could ever leave them.
 
Angel said:
I could never leave my family or his family. In an odd way I feel that I owe them something. I have wanted to move to virginia for years now but never could do it. Maybe it is different because my kids are the only grandchildren and I could never take them from the family like that. Maybe if I did not have kids it would be different, I dont know. I cannot imagine being without my family though because to be 100% honest here my mom in law is my best friend. I can tell her anything even rotten shit about her own son,lol..And she is always there to listen and give great advice. I love my own ma and live a few blocks away and still call her daily. I just love my parents maybe it is a form of seperation anxiety I dont know, but I dont think I could ever leave them.
Click to expand...

If you leave your parents to follow a specific goal - it's not hard. After you reach your goal - you can always move back.

Just moving for the sake of moving. Yeah that can be difficult. I could never do that.

r
 
things are getting sticky

fucking curveball fellas, i can't explain right now

it's good tho. things are good :)

it really takes balls to make yourself happy, i truly believe that

and no, not going anywhere just yet
 
swole said:
things are getting sticky

fucking curveball fellas, i can't explain right now

it's good tho. things are good :)

it really takes balls to make yourself happy, i truly believe that

and no, not going anywhere just yet
Click to expand...

Glad thngs are good for ya!

Keep us posted bro.
 
:wavey:

Twice over immigrant

I had to set up house for myself in England.

It was a bit scary at first, but it really has been the most amazing experience, and one tough cookie now because of it.

I know I can deal with anything.
 
Tatyana said:
:wavey:

Twice over immigrant

I had to set up house for myself in England.

It was a bit scary at first, but it really has been the most amazing experience, and one tough cookie now because of it.

I know I can deal with anything.
Click to expand...

You look like a tough cookie too :)
 
im living what yorue talking about.

grew up in a town of 100 000 people. related to half the city. knew people everywhere i went. did a pharmacy degree, and so was expected to be a pharmacist, get a job, a wife, a house, have kids - the usual greek/italian expectation thing. any deviation from what my family thought i should be doing was wrong. go out friday AND saturday night? you shouldnt do that. isnt once a week enough? how about once every 2 weeks instead. chase skanky girls? you shouldnt do that. guys like you are supposed to meet a nice girl and settle down. work a full time job? get a better one. own a pharmacy. sacrifice "just one or 2 years of your life to set yourself up" - except you know that "one or 2 years" actually stretches into "forever - dont stop now!"

so you end up living your life according to some script that you didnt write - and having a personality that was conforming to that script - you supress what/how you really think and build an entirely new personality to stuff yourself into - a big, fake, social construct taht you use to deal with the world - and you try to get used to the feeling in your gut that somethign is wrong

so i made a decision to be different - to be myself - and everyone freaked. they wouldnt accept it. i got massive resistence from my family and friends, who piled guilt galore on me to keep me in place - to keep me living my life according to taht fucking script. the phrases "your expectations are too high" "why cant you just do what your cousins/friends did?" "you have big fantasies, why dont you just focus on being a pharmacist instead" "why are you acting like this? this isnt you, this is an act" - so you try to be this new person, but because of all the resistence, you dont get to have enough experiences as that new person to make him real - you spend all your time fighting off this endless barrage of people trying to keep you in your place - a place that YOU didnt fucking pick

- anyway because i couldnt reprogram everyone to think and treat me differently, i left. i moved 3200km away, to a city of a million people, where i could be who i wanted to be, do what i wanted to do, and actually have some experiences as that new person which would consolidate that new personality, and so ive gone from being a modelsty socialized, reaction seeking, needy frustrated person to being someone completely different. im not unhappy anymore. i dont get angry anymore. instead of watching the guys in the club that i wanted to be like, i AM that guy - and in my infrequent trips back to my home town, the guys i used to want to be like look at me and want to be me, because ive well and truly eclipsed them

if i were you, id totally do it, even for just a little while. i cant describe how liberating and empowering it is. you really do take your life back. you chop away all those bullshit elements to your personality that you only ever put on to suit your family/friends, and because yorue closer to your true personality, you cant help but be a lot happier

i mean, i used to be a pharmacist - respected and respectable. now im a dickhead DJ/doorbitch doing a construction project (that most peopel dont know about) and half my family is embarrassed about it all, and thinks its a crying shame - but at the end of the day, i spend my time laughing my ass off, work doesnt feel like work its just a laugh (but they give me lots of money for it) i have lots of sex with lots of girls, and im poised to make more money than i should have seen in a decade, in the next year.

the last 15 months have truly been the happiest of my life. :)
 
I have a strong sense of family.. Even though I'm not particularly close to any of them, the bond is very strong and can never be broken... I would have a hard time leaving them behind.
 
I'm the wrong person to answer your post, so I will leave a Chinese Proverb instead.

"If we do not change the direction we are headed, we will end up where we are going."
 
should strike a chord:

"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind."
 
GoldenDelicious said:
should strike a chord:

"Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind."
Click to expand...
iv been horny all my life and never gotten poon, so maybe if i get unhorny ill get poon?

DOH
 
swole said:
Leaving family, friends, and everything else you've always known and loved to chase a dream. I have a wonderful family; I borderline cry just thinking about moving away from Connecticut. I feel like I owe them so much; especially my mother who raised me on her own. And to my sisters, to act as a wholesome role model. And to my grandmother, whose husband passed away last year, who I loved as a father. I am the only successful grandson she has. There is a lot of pressure on me to succeed according to society's (and my family's) standards. You know, job, wife, house. Sure, I have a great job, but there's more to it. It's one thing after another. One expectation to meet after another. There also comes a time in a man's life where he has to choose between his own happiness and what others expect of him. This time for me is now. Is there a happy medium? No. There has to be a sacrifice.

I look at people who have lost their parents. People who have nobody except themselves, and the motivation to grab this fucking life by the horns and push until their heart stops. In a sick way, I imagine having no parents (God forbid - but hear me out)...having no expectations to meet, nobody to fall back on, no security net. Just me. And my drive, willpower, vision, instinct to survive. It sounds like a lifted burden when all you have to disappoint is yourself.

Lately I think this might be what I have to do. I feel strongly about few things, and my situation doesn't foster those dreams. I feel like everything around me is holding me down and I can't expand the roots until I bust out of this pot.

Who's done it? Tell me your story.
Click to expand...

STFU and do it pussy.
 
SublimeZM said:
iv been horny all my life and never gotten poon, so maybe if i get unhorny ill get poon?

DOH
Click to expand...
at the moment i perceive you to be a little socially inhibited around people, which they perceive to be standoffishness or arrogance. if you were warmer, more playful, and less defensive, i daresay you would get a lot of girls deciding to shag you :)
 
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