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Could someone please tell me a joke?
- Thread starter PICK3
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J
jenscats5
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey buddy why the long face?"
J
jenscats5
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PICK3 said:
Two vampires are walking down the street and they pass by a morgue, so the one vampire says to the other "Hey want to stop in for a cold one?"
J
jenscats5
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EnderJE said:
Yep, I've heard that version too.....
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.
"Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender.
"Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!"
"Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"
"I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
"Good for you! You said the right thing. So what did you say to your best friend?"
"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said... ...BAD DOG!"
"Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender.
"Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!"
"Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another triple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"
"I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"
"Good for you! You said the right thing. So what did you say to your best friend?"
"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said... ...BAD DOG!"
Three Americans died overseas in the war. The General of the three was sent to each of the houses to inform their spouses.
He went to the first man's house and told the man's wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body.'
'Well,"she said,''he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish. "And it was done.
The General went and informed the second man's wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body? "She said, "Well,he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forrests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much."
The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man's husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General's question."What would you like to do with his body?"
The gay man reesponded, "Well,my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn't like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well,the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner,throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!"
He went to the first man's house and told the man's wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body.'
'Well,"she said,''he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish. "And it was done.
The General went and informed the second man's wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body? "She said, "Well,he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forrests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much."
The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man's husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General's question."What would you like to do with his body?"
The gay man reesponded, "Well,my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn't like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well,the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner,throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!"
J
jenscats5
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There once was three guys who didn't have any money. or any food.
They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satiafied.
One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"
They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .
They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .
The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.
She took him into her barn and said to get started.
He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.
Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started fucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started fucking her with that one.
Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .
The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.
They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satiafied.
One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"
They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .
They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .
The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.
She took him into her barn and said to get started.
He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.
Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started fucking her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started fucking her with that one.
Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .
The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.
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