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Can cheating once make your marriage better?

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Golddoor

New member
I know im going to probrably get flamed for this but I have been married for 10 years and have never cheated or came close. But I recently ran into a girl that is begging for it and she is really hot. she knows im married and agreed it could just be a one time thing. I thought about it and thought could just one time hurt? She would never know? I had a friend that swore it made him closer to his wife after he did it just once. Im not sure if i will regret it after I did it or be glad that I did it. And Im already stressed out enough about just thinking about it! I need some advice here? And in a hurry!

Golddoor
 
You have already decided what you are going to do. I really can't answer this one because I can't relate...my wife and I are swingers and have a non-jelous relationship.
 
If by "better" you mean finding your shit on the front lawn and the locks changed as soon as I found out, as well as not seeing your children daily since you would no longer be living with them, yeah, I guess it can.

Cheating, or planning to, is most likely just a symptom of deeper issues. Why not invest that time into counseling?

10 years is a long time to throw away for a piece of ass.
 
this is a question that you need to ask yourself.....after 10 yrs of marriage are you willing to ruin every thing that you have?
i dont see how cheating would better your marriage...i would think it would ruin it in a terrible way....your wife would no longer trust you and you obviously do not respect her as your wife if you are thinking of cheating...you need some thing to better your marraige? go to councilling or some thing.....i think if after 10 years you cheat for one night of ass you are a fool...giving up 10 years of history with some one for one night of ass??????
 
it made mine stronger in the long run, but I went through hell and back afterwards. My opinion is that it was/ is not worth it.
 
I'll listen to the argument, but how do you suppose it will make it better? You'll treat your wife better out of guilt? Do what you want to do, but don't be foolish enough to think it will improve your marrage. And don't try to justify it thinking it will help your marrage. If you want to go tag some on the side, go for it. Just be a little more realistic about why you're doing it.
 
chosen.one said:
If you want to go tag some on the side, go for it. Just be a little more realistic about why you're doing it.
Click to expand...

OK im board! My wife does the same 2 or 3 moves when we have sex. wont try anything new. Its like eating Mcdonalds cheeseburgers everyday for the rest of your life. It just gets old. You have to try something different every once in a while!
 
Golddoor said:
OK im board! My wife does the same 2 or 3 moves when we have sex. wont try anything new. Its like eating Mcdonalds cheeseburgers everyday for the rest of your life. It just gets old. You have to try something different every once in a while!
Click to expand...

You need to be more open with her about your sex life. It could also be that you are not doing so great of a job either, which could be making her less enthusiasic about the act.
 
only if you wanna walk around feeling like the headmans axe is going to come crashing down at any moment. Dude cheating is wrong, its betrayal, and it HURTS people, it destroys lives, and if you have kids and they ever find out, who knows if they will ever forgive you for it, thank god my parents relationship has always been solid, but I;ll say this if my dad ever did it to my mom I'd attack him and try to put him on a stretcher. My mom, well can't assault her so I'd prob just tell her to burn in hell and I want nothing to do with her.
 
You Question : can cheating once make your marriage better


stupid question

is like asking if you shot a person at the heart would he die..

Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do you think..

not unless your wife doesn't give a shit about you then.. she wont mind you cheating...at her....

Cheating ruin relationship Period....
 
Wow... all of you place entirely too much importance on sex. I am not condoning cheating, but people, it is just sex. Not many of you can say you have never had casual sex. Those who are married, can you really say you were never tempted to have sex with anyone besides your spouse? Ever had a fantasy about someone else you saw on tv or in a movie? How about imagined you were having sex with someone else when you were having sex with your spouse? How about you Austin316? Oh, but it was only in your mind right? So you just WANTED to do it but did not so it is ok?

The importance people in American culture place on sex is rather amusing.
 
Well you can screw this girl but then SHE OWNS YOU. She has information that if leaked at any time would ruin your marriage.

Remember this:

any fool can cheat on his wife

but it takes a genuious to get away with it

She will find out...one way or another, it will happen....so be prepared for hell bro

sex is great but it isn't worth it to lose your marriage

if your marriage is bad and u don't want to mend it....divorce your wife first and then screw any girl you want.

but if u cheat on her then their will be hell to pay

a womens scorn is not to be underestimated

be carefull bro
 
the differance between thinking about it is completly differant than doing it or even seriously considering doing it. If your unhappy with your s/o break it off and do what you want, casual sex is well whatever I've honestly only done it once and honestly I hated it, but its not a big deal so long as NO ONE GETS HURT

anyone who actually tries and defend cheating or condones it is only trying to ease their own guilt IMO. Because what your essentially doing is condoning hurting another person very badly emotionally and thats just shameful. People do fuck up yes but don't even try to justify it, you better just make damn sure to learn from it and grow
 
Austin316 said:
the differance between thinking about it is completly differant than doing it or even seriously considering doing it. If your unhappy with your s/o break it off and do what you want, casual sex is well whatever I've honestly only done it once and honestly I hated it, but its not a big deal so long as NO ONE GETS HURT

anyone who actually tries and defend cheating or condones it is only trying to ease their own guilt IMO. Because what your essentially doing is condoning hurting another person very badly emotionally and thats just shameful. People do fuck up yes but don't even try to justify it, you better just make damn sure to learn from it and grow
Click to expand...

My point is you would attack your father and injure him enough to put him in the hospitol or kill him or tell your mother to "go to hell then have nothing to do with her ever again" over sex? I can assure you I am not trying to ease my own guild. My wife has given me full permission to fuck other women without her around, and I have as of yet to do so, or even make an effort. The point is, we are talking about sex, and regardless of what anyone does or says, when that temptation presents itself one might be surprised what they do, especially if the one offering is sexy enough and one happens to be made at their spouse or feeling unfulfilled with them sexually and/ or emtionally at the time of the offer.

Get real. People need to grow the hell up and stop being so quick to "never forgive their spouse" or just divorce over something like sex. There are FAR worse things done to people than your spouse having sex with someone in a one time fling that a lot of people seem to be willing to put up with. Physical and mental abuse are high on the list. Again, you all seem to place so much importance on sex as being something more than entertainment.
 
cheating ruin relationship Period..enough said...

so stop your mumbo jumbo

you eitheir are a cheating bastard or your not..


but yet... you said your wife has gave you permission to fuck other woman


well you guys are both cheaters and obvs. sex is just sex to you guys


bec. if you really love someone... sex means more than sex alone.... and will not go running around having sex with another being.


Ppl like you make me sick
 
ex0Tic_island_girl said:
cheating ruin relationship Period..enough said...

so stop your mumbo jumbo

you eitheir are a cheating bastard or your not..


but yet... you said your wife has gave you permission to fuck other woman


well you guys are both cheaters and obvs. sex is just sex to you guys


bec. if you really love someone... sex means more than sex alone.... and will not go running around having sex with another being.


Ppl like you make me sick
Click to expand...
so there lol......she has spoken her peace
 
don't lower the rest of us to your standards, just because your morals, values, beliefs, whatever are differant then the rest of us don't try and force us to look at things based on your rational which I can assure you is not the popular choice, people know they are doing soemthing wrong when they cheat, and not everyone sees sex just as something thats purely physical with no emotional connection. Whatever works for you so be it, but most people aren't like you, for one the swinger crowd is extremly small and the average person is quite frankly disturbed by it

The reason I would attack my father or say something like that to my mother has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with respect and the fact that if one of them were to hurt the other like that I would be within my rights as their son to act how I see fit, I do not tolerate that kind of pain being inflicted upon someone if I am within my rights to do something about it (and I am if it directly effects me and you better believe seeing someone I love being hurt like that would) If you honestly believe the issue is just with sex then your extremly narrow minded, and thats fine for you but don't begin to think you can dictate that thought pattern to the rest of us, its far from the norm
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
My point is you would attack your father and injure him enough to put him in the hospitol or kill him or tell your mother to "go to hell then have nothing to do with her ever again" over sex? I can assure you I am not trying to ease my own guild. My wife has given me full permission to fuck other women without her around, and I have as of yet to do so, or even make an effort. The point is, we are talking about sex, and regardless of what anyone does or says, when that temptation presents itself one might be surprised what they do, especially if the one offering is sexy enough and one happens to be made at their spouse or feeling unfulfilled with them sexually and/ or emtionally at the time of the offer.

Get real. People need to grow the hell up and stop being so quick to "never forgive their spouse" or just divorce over something like sex. There are FAR worse things done to people than your spouse having sex with someone in a one time fling that a lot of people seem to be willing to put up with. Physical and mental abuse are high on the list. Again, you all seem to place so much importance on sex as being something more than entertainment.
Click to expand...
For some people sex is really intimate, for others it is just about busting a nut. I think we've all had each ''type'' of sex, and maybe a mixture of each. When I'm really intimate with a woman I personally don't look at it as just fucking.
 
Austin316 said:
don't lower the rest of us to your standards, just because your morals, values, beliefs, whatever are differant then the rest of us don't try and force us to look at things based on your rational which I can assure you is not the popular choice, people know they are doing soemthing wrong when they cheat, and not everyone sees sex just as something thats purely physical with no emotional connection. Whatever works for you so be it, but most people aren't like you, for one the swinger crowd is extremly small and the average person is quite frankly disturbed by it

The reason I would attack my father or say something like that to my mother has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with respect and the fact that if one of them were to hurt the other like that I would be within my rights as their son to act how I see fit, I do not tolerate that kind of pain being inflicted upon someone if I am within my rights to do something about it (and I am if it directly effects me and you better believe seeing someone I love being hurt like that would) If you honestly believe the issue is just with sex then your extremly narrow minded, and thats fine for you but don't begin to think you can dictate that thought pattern to the rest of us, its far from the norm
Click to expand...

Well I would not beat my father half to death or disown the woman who gave birth to me over something like that... so who here as the lack of standards? How do you know neither of them has ever cheated? It is very common today...

The popular attitude does not seem to be the successful one. 60% of all first marriages for an individual in our culture end in divorce. There is a very high rate of cheating, spousal abuse is common place, and I have meet men who admit to having hit their wife with their fist at least once. That being said, maybe the majority need to rethink their view of marriage and love.

I for one made a vow to love my wife above all others until death, and even when things get bad, I will not break that promise. I would die to save my wife's life if I had too, even if she "cheated on me". If you can't say the same, you do not know what it is to love someone.
 
okay everyone this is annabelletx, bbf's wife. first above all we love each other unconditionly and have total trust in each other. yes we do swing, but it is just something we do from time to time. it does not control our lives and it is just recreational. when we are at home alone, ie. just the two of just our sex life is about being intimate with each other and is a special moment between the two of us. we can seperate our personal intimacy and our swinging. we own swing if the other person is completely comfortable with the situation, if not we leave. we can read each other like a book without having to say a word. and that only comes when you can completely trust someone. as for the fact of me giving bbf permission to play without me, well that was when i was working alot of nights, we weren't seeing each other often and the condition was it had to be a one night stand and i had to know about it first. and he gave me the same option, however, neither of us has ever acted upon this. why would i want to go out and fuck around when i have my man you loves and satisfies me home. the rest is just us being honest about how we feel and setting bounderies.
 
Cheating made mine much better. She cheated, I divorced her ass :)

She's poor, nearly homeless with zero-self esteem

I have my own house, business, and a foxy girlfriend who actually cares about HERSELF.

I'd say it was worth it in the end for me, but for her?
 
shit go fir it!!!!! its not like your gonna care for her and comprimise your life for her. thats what your wifes for. its just sex no intimaCY
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
You have already decided what you are going to do. I really can't answer this one because I can't relate...my wife and I are swingers and have a non-jelous relationship.
Click to expand...
that is so.eeird.how do you do it.
 
ex0Tic_island_girl said:
cheating ruin relationship Period..enough said...

so stop your mumbo jumbo

you eitheir are a cheating bastard or your not..


but yet... you said your wife has gave you permission to fuck other woman


well you guys are both cheaters and obvs. sex is just sex to you guys


bec. if you really love someone... sex means more than sex alone.... and will not go running around having sex with another being.


Ppl like you make me sick
Click to expand...


That's how it is for me. Most of my female friends are the same way. I would never get close to such trash. I can smell it miles away and any woman that has some respect for herself will smell it too.
 
what the person that started the thread is doing is covering up other issues he has and masking it with a new worse one. i would say it would definately not make YOUR marriage better, as you can't seem to make it work now without that added burden

as for everyone else, people's inability to consider and weigh the oppositions point of view brings out strong feelings, like violence and name calling, which usually points out those who are too close minded to carry on a normal conversational debate. relax a bit people and realize there are many different folks out there with lifestyles very dissimilar from your own. you do not have a right to judge them as a person based on their actions, i.e. swining, when they do not cause physical or mental harm to anyone. they have a right to their choices in life, just as you have your right not to cheat or swing. i do not condone what bbf and his wife do or have yet to do, but i would never condemn it either
 
Devastation said:
what the person that started the thread is doing is covering up other issues he has and masking it with a new worse one. i would say it would definately not make YOUR marriage better, as you can't seem to make it work now without that added burden

as for everyone else, people's inability to consider and weigh the oppositions point of view brings out strong feelings, like violence and name calling, which usually points out those who are too close minded to carry on a normal conversational debate. relax a bit people and realize there are many different folks out there with lifestyles very dissimilar from your own. you do not have a right to judge them as a person based on their actions, i.e. swining, when they do not cause physical or mental harm to anyone. they have a right to their choices in life, just as you have your right not to cheat or swing. i do not condone what bbf and his wife do or have yet to do, but i would never condemn it either
Click to expand...
No- I do have a right to judge whoever I please. This is America. If someone is a crack addict, they are judged by me as scum, and I have the right to do so.
 
Devastation said:
what the person that started the thread is doing is covering up other issues he has and masking it with a new worse one. i would say it would definately not make YOUR marriage better, as you can't seem to make it work now without that added burden

as for everyone else, people's inability to consider and weigh the oppositions point of view brings out strong feelings, like violence and name calling, which usually points out those who are too close minded to carry on a normal conversational debate. relax a bit people and realize there are many different folks out there with lifestyles very dissimilar from your own. you do not have a right to judge them as a person based on their actions, i.e. swining, when they do not cause physical or mental harm to anyone. they have a right to their choices in life, just as you have your right not to cheat or swing. i do not condone what bbf and his wife do or have yet to do, but i would never condemn it either
Click to expand...
Exactally, I am not condoning cheating as was suggested in the thread, only playing devil's advocate. It is amazing what percentage of people out there will cheat in their marriage at some time, but everyone reacted so strongly to anyone even suggesting it. Just an observation.

About Annabelletx and I, correct we are not hurting anyone, nor do we recruit people into the lifestyle who are not already into it, since we meet all of our playmates on websites.
 
LindseyCita said:
That's how it is for me. Most of my female friends are the same way. I would never get close to such trash. I can smell it miles away and any woman that has some respect for herself will smell it too.
Click to expand...

So let me get this strait: I am suppose to be intimidated by a post written by someone who’s proficiency at the English language is on a high school level, judging by your sentence structure, who neither her or her husband can afford a camera, living in another state.

Your well thought out argument has made me see the light and realize that I am not only trash, but causing great pain and suffering by my actions.

The pictures of you and your husband in your avatar were so sexy that we were planning on bringing you into the lifestyle and flying all the way to San Diego to meet you… after all anyone who does not have online pictures must be extremely beautiful or so rich that they wish to keep their identity hidden.
 
Don't cheat. It can cause pain and ruin families. The victims include the person being cheated on and any children that will be emotionally torn apart.

I know. I will not argue it. It ruined my childhood and ruined my marriage.

=========================================
Definition:
[n] a deception for profit to yourself
[n] the act of swindling by some fraudulent scheme
[n] someone who leads you to believe something that is not true
[v] defeat someone in an expectation through trickery or deceit
[v] engage in deceitful behavior; practice trickery or fraud; "Who's chiseling on the side?"
[v] be sexually unfaithful to one's partner in marriage.
============================================
Synonyms: bearded darnel, beat, beguiler, betray, Bromus secalinus, cheat on, cheater, cheating, chess, chicane, chisel, chouse, cuckold, darnel, deceiver, jockey, Lolium temulentum, rig, rip off, screw, shaft, slicker, swindle, tare, trickster, wander
============================================

Do any of these definitions or synonyms of cheat or cheating fit what you would want some one to do to you?

To be betrayed by some one you love and trust above all others is like having a stake driven through your heart. I truly never recovered and will probably never be able to fully trust or love another.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
So let me get this strait: I am suppose to be intimidated by a post written by someone who’s proficiency at the English language is on a high school level, judging by your sentence structure, who neither her or her husband can afford a camera, living in another state.
Click to expand...

You mean "neither her NOR her husband" surely ? Kettle to pot - you're black.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
Wow... all of you place entirely too much importance on sex. I am not condoning cheating, but people, it is just sex. Not many of you can say you have never had casual sex. Those who are married, can you really say you were never tempted to have sex with anyone besides your spouse? Ever had a fantasy about someone else you saw on tv or in a movie? How about imagined you were having sex with someone else when you were having sex with your spouse? How about you Austin316? Oh, but it was only in your mind right? So you just WANTED to do it but did not so it is ok?

The importance people in American culture place on sex is rather amusing.
Click to expand...

You summed it up perfect, bro.
 
I think cheating can destroy most marriages because of how most people view a marriage and religous beliefs. My wife ,fourtunately, is bi-sexual and has no problem bringing other women into the bedroom. We both understand that love and sex are not the same thing and if I'm with another girl it doesn't mean I love that girl, it's just sex. Of course she isn't cool with me sleeping with other women when she isn't around but as long as she is in the mix she loves. Just two nights ago we had friends of ours over who are married to babysit for us while we went out. When we came back my wife spoke to our guy friend ,knowing his wife was bi also, and asked if she could have sex with his wife while we watched. He was all for it and I got a hell of a show, they even let us "direct" them . Not as good as being in the mix but you can't complain. Just little stuff like that makes being married better. If I could never be with another woman I don't think I could stay married. But some people are fine with monogomy and if it makes you happy, more power to you.
 
danaf1 said:
I think cheating can destroy most marriages because of how most people view a marriage and religous beliefs. My wife ,fourtunately, is bi-sexual and has no problem bringing other women into the bedroom. We both understand that love and sex are not the same thing and if I'm with another girl it doesn't mean I love that girl, it's just sex. Of course she isn't cool with me sleeping with other women when she isn't around but as long as she is in the mix she loves. Just two nights ago we had friends of ours over who are married to babysit for us while we went out. When we came back my wife spoke to our guy friend ,knowing his wife was bi also, and asked if she could have sex with his wife while we watched. He was all for it and I got a hell of a show, they even let us "direct" them . Not as good as being in the mix but you can't complain. Just little stuff like that makes being married better. If I could never be with another woman I don't think I could stay married. But some people are fine with monogomy and if it makes you happy, more power to you.
Click to expand...

Basically the same situation I am in.

We have this huge cultural hangup about love and sex being the same thing, but most people in this country have had sex with someone they did not love at least once.
 
Devastation said:
what the person that started the thread is doing is covering up other issues he has and masking it with a new worse one. i would say it would definately not make YOUR marriage better, as you can't seem to make it work now without that added burden

as for everyone else, people's inability to consider and weigh the oppositions point of view brings out strong feelings, like violence and name calling, which usually points out those who are too close minded to carry on a normal conversational debate. relax a bit people and realize there are many different folks out there with lifestyles very dissimilar from your own. you do not have a right to judge them as a person based on their actions, i.e. swining, when they do not cause physical or mental harm to anyone. they have a right to their choices in life, just as you have your right not to cheat or swing. i do not condone what bbf and his wife do or have yet to do, but i would never condemn it either
Click to expand...

Well said, Devastation. Everyone has a right to do what they believe and others who disagree should simply say so rather than ranting about what scumbags they think others are for making personal choices that doesn't affect anyone on these boards anyway.
 
BodyByFinaplix said:
Basically the same situation I am in.

We have this huge cultural hangup about love and sex being the same thing, but most people in this country have had sex with someone they did not love at least once.
Click to expand...

You are exactly right, BBF. The same people that that think believe sex and love are the same thing are the same people that go(or at least went when they were single) to clubs on a Saturday night trying to get laid. I think it is safe to assume they certainly did not love all the people they went home with.
 
An "Older" woman that I once worked with told me that she cheated on her husband from time
to time and it made her marriage better.

Later I had a G/F who sent a dozen roses to me at the hospital I worked at.
An "Older" woman asked me what me me so special or what did I do to warrant the flowers. I said "nothing" she said that it had to be something annd even though she was married she wanted me to sleep with her.

I kindly declined. For me, there are are only 3 kinds of sex; bad, good, and indifferent. I would never cheat on mi-espousa. I would divorce her first. Because once trust is gone, you have nothing else.
 
Golddoor said:
I know im going to probrably get flamed for this but I have been married for 10 years and have never cheated or came close. But I recently ran into a girl that is begging for it and she is really hot. she knows im married and agreed it could just be a one time thing. I thought about it and thought could just one time hurt? She would never know? I had a friend that swore it made him closer to his wife after he did it just once. Im not sure if i will regret it after I did it or be glad that I did it. And Im already stressed out enough about just thinking about it! I need some advice here? And in a hurry!

Golddoor
Click to expand...

If you can live with the guilt...
 
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