Maybe i am a bit full of myself but at the same time i would like to think that some of the advice given might actually help.
Might only be EF but i fail to believe that everything you've posted is a joke. In fact i'd take a guess that you mean most of what you write...just likea fair few other people on here.
jesus christ. i keep hoping for a breakthrough. if i were sisyphus, i'd think, "ok, just a few more feet, and i'm done with this rock." even after like a million years. almost...there. yeah.