Black Bear Attacks, Rapes, Zookeeper

[p0ink]

Black Bear Attacks, Rapes, Zookeeper

Grin and bear it! Barry, an 850 lb. black bear, got a little frisky
with zookeeper Ron Gilks. The anal rape is believed to be the first
inter-special coupling in Metro Zoo history.

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except
replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally
violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had
"claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black
bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess
she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks
entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat,
goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw
marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened
next--Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert
the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing
down," and Gilks just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was
mistaking him for his "honey"!

Gilks was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. A full quart
of bear semen was extracted from his ruptured chest cavity. And that's
no small Boo-Boo!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as
red-hot needles, shot through Gilks' rectum, shattered his lower spine
and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in!
Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you
took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!

And can you imagine Gilks' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine
semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks,
whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer
gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later
destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate
Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a
human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at
least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives
new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!"

 

[chazk]

had to be a black bear didn't it?

 

[chris302001]

had to be a black bear didn't it?

lololol

 

[redsamurai]

what joke sight did that story come from?

 

[p0ink]

what joke sight did that story come from?

good observation.

i figured since i posted too much real, fucked up shit, i would have to post a joke to keep people on their toes.

it was from a 1996 copy of the onion.

 

[calveless wonder]

had to be a black bear didn't it?

that is fuckin hilarious.

 

[stosstruppe]

Poor misunderstood bear, may your offspring & subsequent unrelated black bears receive generous reparations!!1

 

[heatherrae]

That was the dumbest and most immature thing I've read in a decade.

How many "bear it" puns can one possibly put in the same story and still think it is funny?

sounds like something a ten year old wrote.

 

[Smurfy]

good observation.

i figured since i posted too much real, fucked up shit, i would have to post a joke to keep people on their toes.

it was from a 1996 copy of the onion.

lol i was going to say, how the hell did the bear unzip the man's pants?

 

[ricco561]

The bear was probably molested by the zoo keeper, as a youth.
He was just lashing out.