BF more turned on by his own body...?

[emilynichole]

Recently I've been really perturbed by the fact that my boyfriend is far more interested in his own body than in mine. I've realized that sounds weird, but let me give you an example.
We practically live together, and whenever I'm getting ready/showering/etc naked, he won't even look twice. He'll just come right in and start looking at/talking about his own body. I mean, I realize he won't want to jump my bones all the time...but honestly...not many men would walk in on me naked and not even look twice.
Even when we're basically in the middle of foreplay, he seems more interested in how his own body looks than caring about mine.
It really bugs me!!! Anyone have any insight/advice? Am I just being supersensitive?

 

[emilynichole]

Thanks for the advice. It's tough...and I shouldn't make it out to seem like he's never interested in me, because he is. But it still doesn't feel right!

When we first started dating he was always "into" my body...now it just seems that he's into his own. I just want to feel desirable to him again! I'm so jealous of your "pain" husband...ha!

 

[Thandie]

I agree with BM!
I don't think the issue so much is that he WON'T look at your body, but that he's showing his selfishness. This will show up in other more important matters later on, unfortunately. Take a good look at the relationship now, before you invest too much time and end up with issues of self worth. I feel you!

Good luck with it!!

 

[emilynichole]

I think you're both right...unfortunately. It's so hard watching the change. If he'd always been like this...I would have never gotten into the relationship. Which makes it even harder to leave...

I'm hoping it's just a phase. I know he isn't feeling good about his body recently. When I mentioned how I was feeling in a very "not serious" context - he said, "me? like my body? i hate my body right now." I know I need to have a serious talk with him about it. And if he doesn't respond...well then, I really need to examine things.

 

[nefertiti]

Ahh....so it's not that he's admiring himself, it's that he's tearing himself down. Interesting.

I have no good advice here. My boyfriend put on about 15 lbs over the winter and constantly bitched about it even though I found him as sexy as ever...but he was never more focused on those insecurities than he was on me.

Dealing with insecurity is a drain - I know this both as being someone who has dealt with it from a partner, and in myself (draining others around me). In the end you can encourage and do your best to get them on track again, but it's up to you how long you're willing to try.

 

[emilynichole]

Yeah...he's feeling down about his body. So he's preoccupied trying to make himself feel better about it. But he is one those people who tries to fake confidence in order to gain it...if that makes sense. He'll admit to me he feels bad about himself, but he'll act really self-assured.

Having dealt with an eating disorder myself, I can see warning signs of Body Dysmorphia in him. He'll say he's small (as in not muscular) or fat...and none of these things are even remotely true. He just doesn't see himself the way others do. You're right on though...his preoccupation with it can be draining to say the least. What's even more draining is the fact that he doesn't really recognize the gravity of the problem. But neither did I for a long time when I was anorexic. It's a very hard thing to balance...

Thanks for the advice from everyone. I really appreciate having yall's support (and I definitely just gave away the fact that I'm a Southerner- haha).

 

[nefertiti]

Emily, as admitted in the pinned thread here, I also have a long history with eating disorders. It's something I know has been difficult on the guys I have dated. Even my current boyfriend, though I've come a long way from where I was three years ago.

I'd never advocate leaving someone in need, but at some point you have to look out for yourself as well. It's not selfish to say, "I have needs in this relationship, too." I empathize with what you are dealing with, but I also encourage you to be very careful about it given your background. Be wary of anything he does acting as a trigger for you to slip into some similar unhealthy lines of thinking/behaviors.