Do you walk if you hit it too soon?

[-Ariel-]

Okay I'm reading an article in Psychology Today, I never read this mag, but Smurf was recommending an article bout being in the present moment. This is a cornerstone of what my psych field revolves around. Anyway, I came across an this article that says that most dudes dichotimize women into good or bad. It also goes on to say if we hit it too soon, we have the tendency to walk. The article uses evolutionary psych, but there is far more to it than that.

Anyway, my question is has this ever happened to you? How long is too long to wait? What is the longest you have waited?

 

[all the whey]

Doesn't matter.

It happens whenever we both feel it. Sometimes it's the first night.

I don't mind waiting until we are both ready either. But, I am not going to play any waiting games a girl read in Cosmo.

 

[-Ariel-]

Doesn't matter.

It happens whenever we both feel it. Sometimes it's the first night.

I don't mind waiting until we are both ready either. But, I am not going to play any waiting games a girl read in Cosmo.

Seriously, like if you hit it on the first date, even though you have a little chemistry, you don't lose interest.
I dunno, I've never hit it too soon... well, lemme take that back with the bish that cheated on me, I slept with her on our second date.
We only lasted a month before she cheated on me with her ex fiance.
However, I did notice that I remember feeling a little unsure after we slept together.

 

[Basikstylz]

It doesn't matter to me if I hit it the first date or if I have to wait. If your both ready, then your ready. Nothing wrong with some good lovin if you have a connection.

 

[digimon7068]

i did once in college. . .still feel guilty about it. . .i wasn't much of a one night stand or casual sex guy for some reason. . .catholic guilt maybe. . .who knows??

anyway. . .yeah. . .i had one that i hit a couple/few times and then never really talked to her again. . .i felt guilty at the time when it was going on too because i really had no feelings for her other than she made my dick hard, and i'm certain that's why i stopped hitting it. . .i've never been good at using people, no matter what the reason. . .i realize that i don't fit the classic "guy" mold. . .i used to wonder why. . .now. . .after 19 plus years in a very happy and fulfilling relationship. . .i don't really give a shit. . .in fact, the world would probably be a better place if everyone had a little catholic guilt. . .

 

[lartinos]

I like it if a girl pretends to not be a whore (they all are of course, lol)
Just so I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with a hooker down the road. The first night is too soon, not sure if I could trust a chick after that.

 

[Basikstylz]

i did once in college. . .still feel guilty about it. . .i wasn't much of a one night stand or casual sex guy for some reason. . .catholic guilt maybe. . .who knows??

anyway. . .yeah. . .i had one that i hit a couple/few times and then never really talked to her again. . .i felt guilty at the time when it was going on too because i really had no feelings for her other than she made my dick hard, and i'm certain that's why i stopped hitting it. . .i've never been good at using people, no matter what the reason. . .i realize that i don't fit the classic "guy" mold. . .i used to wonder why. . .now. . .after 19 plus years in a very happy and fulfilling relationship. . .i don't really give a shit. . .in fact, the world would probably be a better place if everyone had a little catholic guilt. . .

I don't think hes talking so much about "hit it and quit it." I think Ariel is talking more along the lines of if you hit it early or easily do you lose respect for the girl and not want to be in a relationship.

 

[all the whey]

Seriously, like if you hit it on the first date, even though you have a little chemistry, you don't lose interest.
I dunno, I've never hit it too soon... well, lemme take that back with the bish that cheated on me, I slept with her on our second date.
We only lasted a month before she cheated on me with her ex fiance.
However, I did notice that I remember feeling a little unsure after we slept together.

No, it doesn't bother me.

But, what bothers me more if a girl is already involved with someone is just flirting with me. This happens a lot more.

 

[digimon7068]

I don't think hes talking so much about "hit it and quit it." I think Ariel is talking more along the lines of if you hit it early or easily do you lose respect for the girl and not want to be in a relationship.

i banged her on the first date and i lost interest pretty quickly after that. . .that's the topic, right??

 

[socalmuscle]

I like it if a girl pretends to not be a whore (they all are of course, lol)
Just so I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with a hooker down the road. The first night is too soon, not sure if I could trust a chick after that.

totally agree, all the girls I fuck on the first date become just that...fuck buddies, nothing more.

only once did it turn into a "dating thing", that only lasted 3 months lol

 

[Basikstylz]

i banged her on the first date and i lost interest pretty quickly after that. . .that's the topic, right??

Ya, maybe I misunderstood your orignal posts. You were talking about one night stands and casual sex and how you were not that interested in her and that you felt guilty. I took that to mean that there was never any interest in this girl other than "her making your dick hard."

Where I think Ariel was talking about girls that you are interested in, then you hit it right away and suddenly you no longer respect them because you hit it and therefore lose interest in someone u may have had interest in if you didn't hook up right away.

If you were saying that you were interested in more then just sex initially and then changed your mind cuz you hit it then i did misunderstnad your post. My Bad

 

[-Ariel-]

It doesn't matter to me if I hit it the first date or if I have to wait. If your both ready, then your ready. Nothing wrong with some good lovin if you have a connection.

See I agree totally.
This is the way I thinK, but it does seem to me if I did hit it on the first date. Which now thinkin bout it, I still would't wanna hit it. I just think it kinda kills the anticipation. I mean, this is the GFs reasoning, you only value shit you work for.
How the hell could you be ready on the first date anyway.
That is some awesome convo skillz you have basic. I mean you are like connecting at warp speed brah.
I dunno, I hear ya, yet feelings are leaning like 70/30 that I wanna wait a certain period before I hit it. Probably cause of habit.

 

[chris302001]

If I fuck someone on the first date, does that make me any better than her? Jesus christ. I'm not that arrogant.

 

[Basikstylz]

See I agree totally.
This is the way I thinK, but it does seem to me if I did hit it on the first date. Which now thinkin bout it, I still would't wanna hit it. I just think it kinda kills the anticipation. I mean, this is the GFs reasoning, you only value shit you work for.
How the hell could you be ready on the first date anyway.
That is some awesome convo skillz you have basic. I mean you are like connecting at warp speed brah.
I dunno, I hear ya, yet feelings are leaning like 70/30 that I wanna wait a certain period before I hit it. Probably cause of habit.

I agree, anticipation can make it great... but how long does that last... one maybe two times then after that its back to normal sex and you are either turned on by her physically or emotionally not the desire to chase it. And I disagree with the GF.... You do value shit you work for, but that doesn't mean you wont value something you don't work for.

Not to mention sex is such an important part of a relationship so you gotta test drive the car before you commit to buying it.

For some guys sex is more emotional for some guys its more physical. I think for me its more physical, I could and Im sure most guys here can have sex without emotion and it can be great. Sure sex with emotion is or can be better, but purely physical sex can be great too.

 

[ricco561]

That's why I'm saving myself for marriage.

 

[-Ariel-]

If I fuck someone on the first date, does that make me any better than her? Jesus christ. I'm not that arrogant.

Wait, I'm not sayin if I hit it or don't hit it, like just cause I get my shit tossed, I automatically don't think she's better than I am.
Its just if I hit it too soon, then I dunno, like the whole timing some just throws me off.
For me, now that I'm older, I just think there is like a harmony or balanced timing in a relationship that is unique to those two people. Its their world, however, if I hit it on the first date, I just feel -subconsciously- like I have lost a subconscious primer to be as creative as possbile,
Its very paradoxical, as all truths are, I mean, I don't act like I do to get laid, Yet, I don't act like I do, to not get laid. I guess I do what I do to establish connection, and that connection is what I am after, the getting laid part follows naturally. If I just talked to get in between those legs, I would lose a ton of mojo, can't tell you why, but my shit would suck. Big time. I would be balls deep in non-creative one liners. Thats what I think anyway.

However, even in one date if we just had some magical shit happen, I would still now not hit it. It would throw me off. Now I'm sure of this.

 

[jnevin]

I've had a few hit it and quit it girls, but both sides knew what was up.

As far as losing interest by sleeping with someone I was really into too soon... I think the only times that happened was after realizing we weren't sexually compatible. Like it felt like we went through the motions but it was missing. Hard for me to describe but I know what i mean.

 

[chris302001]

I guess what I'm sayin is that if she did wanna get down the first night or whatever, I wouldnt think less of her. I mean after all, if we did do the deed, I did it too.


I guess its cuz I'm not charming enough to word my way into some girls pants, so if we did something on the first date, then there is obviously chemistry there.

 

[-Ariel-]

i did once in college. . .still feel guilty about it. . .i wasn't much of a one night stand or casual sex guy for some reason. . .catholic guilt maybe. . .who knows??

anyway. . .yeah. . .i had one that i hit a couple/few times and then never really talked to her again. . .i felt guilty at the time when it was going on too because i really had no feelings for her other than she made my dick hard, and i'm certain that's why i stopped hitting it. . .i've never been good at using people, no matter what the reason. . .i realize that i don't fit the classic "guy" mold. . .i used to wonder why. . .now. . .after 19 plus years in a very happy and fulfilling relationship. . .i don't really give a shit. . .in fact, the world would probably be a better place if everyone had a little catholic guilt. . .

digimon, that makes sense.
We do live in an age that is morally bankrupt. Hell even the norm is kinda fucked up.
That said, your statement makes me reflect on how I perceive sex. To me it is mixed, I still have a little bit of the belief that it is more of a benefit for the man, but I'm also moving toward more toward the position that it is for both peeps benefit. That whole Judeo Christian thing of guilt has no hold on me, I know you think it would, but shit no, not really. What does throw me off, is that there is now just a little lack of mystery, there is lack of possibility, while its not the driving impetus of my expression to her, I mean thats not the sole purpose I try to connect, make her laugh, or make her feel 'special', it is definitely part of it.
So, yeah, I've done 2 one night stands, didn't dig on it cause, like no connection, yeah I got laid, big deal. Sex wasn't that great, I mean it's usually the second or third time before I get her timing down anyway.

 

[-Ariel-]

That's why I'm saving myself for marriage.

LOL
U kill me.

 

[sixxtoes]

its gone both ways. the times i have lost interest was the fact that i just wanted to eff the chick because she was smoking hot, nothing more. the other times where i didn't was because i enjoyed their company, along with the fact that i wanted to eff them because they were smoking hot. just depends on the person

 

[-Ariel-]

I guess what I'm sayin is that if she did wanna get down the first night or whatever, I wouldnt think less of her. I mean after all, if we did do the deed, I did it too.


I guess its cuz I'm not charming enough to word my way into some girls pants, so if we did something on the first date, then there is obviously chemistry there.

U are too, humble bullshitter.
I kinda hear ya though.

 

[goin on 4T]

Where is Dr. Sketch when you need him?
It doesn't matter to me. I have meet some really nice woman and hit it within the first 1hr. Heck I hadn't even meet some of them in person and had phone sex with them. Maybe alot of it has to do with age? Maybe as woman get older they just like sex more? I don't know? But I can't hold it against them if they can't resist me...

 

[nefertiti]

Each relationship has had it's different moment that things felt right. With james, we slept in the same bed about ten times before self control gave way. With one ex, first date (and we ended up staying together for more than four years). With my current, it would have been second date if HE didn't make me wait lol.

If some guy is going to be uptight about when things happened - as long as it was sort of the natural course of things - he and I are not going to be a good match anyway, so I don't really lose much sleep over it. but i've never had that be a problem for me.

 

[EnderJE]

I don't have this problem because I just date sluts.

 

[Smurfy]

doesn't matter.

It happens whenever we both feel it. Sometimes it's the first night.

I don't mind waiting until we are both ready either. But, i am not going to play any waiting games a girl read in cosmo.

+1!!

 

[-Ariel-]

I like it if a girl pretends to not be a whore (they all are of course, lol)
Just so I don't feel like I'm in a relationship with a hooker down the road. The first night is too soon, not sure if I could trust a chick after that.

LOL
I love the beginning of this post.
That's first date convo right there.
If one can slide that first statement in as their philosophical world view. LIke, ya know just casually drop that in, their outlook on all women in general, and still hit it... they either have major game or the girl is a total slut, or both.

 

[lartinos]

I do the moonwalk if I hit it the first night.......

 

[ceo]

I walk if I DON'T hit it too soon! Fuck that, I ain't waitin! I could be dead tomorrow!

 

[NEO1]

Depends on the situation. Back in my younger days I used to just tell a woman (obviously after some covo and flirting) "I'm taking you home tonight and we're gonna have sex". It usually got a reply like "oh really? You think so?". My answer "yes".

It takes 2 to tango but obviously there has to be more to any relationship than just sex. If that's all there was, fine. My current gf and I have a lot more but I'm lucky enough to have a good physical relationship with her as well.

 

[Chrisco915]

I'm pretty sure if you "hit it" too soon..........you're walking in handcuffs my man!

 

[digimon7068]

I walk if I DON'T hit it too soon! Fuck that, I ain't waitin! I could be dead tomorrow!

it took me a long time to get in my wife's pants (she says 6 weeks. . .i say it felt like 6 months) and i had good game back then. . .we're still together after over 19 years. . .does it have anything to do with that? well. . .probably not "specifically", but the strength of her character and conviction over the years has certainly been one of the bedrocks of our lasting relationship. . .a relationship that continues to get better with age. . .life is a marathon, not a sprint. . .

 

[BBR100]

If I fuck someone on the first date, does that make me any better than her? Jesus christ. I'm not that arrogant.

But that's not the question. Rightly or wrongly, there's a double standard.

Don't necessarily walk but could most likely only be fuck buddy.

 

[-Ariel-]

totally agree, all the girls I fuck on the first date become just that...fuck buddies, nothing more.

only once did it turn into a "dating thing", that only lasted 3 months lol

Yeah, see this is what I was looking for, this is the natural inclination.
I mean it only makes sense that this would follow.

 

[-Ariel-]

its gone both ways. the times i have lost interest was the fact that i just wanted to eff the chick because she was smoking hot, nothing more. the other times where i didn't was because i enjoyed their company, along with the fact that i wanted to eff them because they were smoking hot. just depends on the person

Hey playa, long time no see.
Shit where ya been playboy?

I know you have hooked up with some smokin asians though.
Good to see ya, stop being a stranger.

 

[Six8]

Last 2 girls I met that had a chance w me let me hit it the 2nd night and I now want nothing to do with either. My gf of 4 years made me wait a year and a half because we were young at the time, shit wouldnt fly these days.

 

[-Ariel-]

I'm pretty sure if you "hit it" too soon..........you're walking in handcuffs my man!

LOL
Yeah thanx for the semantic reversal.

 

[-Ariel-]

Each relationship has had it's different moment that things felt right. With james, we slept in the same bed about ten times before self control gave way. With one ex, first date (and we ended up staying together for more than four years). With my current, it would have been second date if HE didn't make me wait lol.

If some guy is going to be uptight about when things happened - as long as it was sort of the natural course of things - he and I are not going to be a good match anyway, so I don't really lose much sleep over it. but i've never had that be a problem for me.

You've never had a problem, cause they dance to your beat. We both are on the same peage with patterns of awareness attracting specific qualities...
I just think that in your relationships, for the most part, U have had more power in it, this thing with Steve, which kinda hints that you maybe hangin her up for good, search wise, I think is your best combo, for once you are letting someone drive for the most part. Though you take turns I'm sure.
Thanx Nef. Good post.

 

[-Ariel-]

it took me a long time to get in my wife's pants (she says 6 weeks. . .i say it felt like 6 months) and i had good game back then. . .we're still together after over 19 years. . .does it have anything to do with that? well. . .probably not "specifically", but the strength of her character and conviction over the years has certainly been one of the bedrocks of our lasting relationship. . .a relationship that continues to get better with age. . .life is a marathon, not a sprint. . .

I think this is subtly questioned by a bro who hits it on the first date.
Seriously, like we all like the chase, least I do, and, yeah, it throws everything off, we get intimate, hit it, on the first night out. I'm not saying I think she's flawed or anything like that if it happens, it just throws me off. I have never hit it on the first date, and probably never will. -lIke I could anyway, lol- That's like me saying I don't dunk cause I think it ruins the finesse of the game.

 

[digimon7068]

I think this is subtly questioned by a bro who hits it on the first date.
Seriously, like we all like the chase, least I do, and, yeah, it throws everything off, we get intimate, hit it, on the first night out. I'm not saying I think she's flawed or anything like that if it happens, it just throws me off. I have never hit it on the first date, and probably never will. -lIke I could anyway, lol- That's like me saying I don't dunk cause I think it ruins the finesse of the game.

what i'm saying is that i don't think it had anything to do with the sex (or lack thereof) perse. . .but i honestly do believe that the lack of sex was a result of something that she perceived to be very important and she has the fortitude to stand firm on things that she believes in. . .and that trait, along with a bunch of other positive traits is what keeps us together and strong year-after-year. . .

 

[-Ariel-]

But that's not the question. Rightly or wrongly, there's a double standard.

Don't necessarily walk but could most likely only be fuck buddy.

Long time no see partna...

Yeah, thats what i"m leanin towards as well.
Never hit it first date though, just throws my shit off.