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If another couple asked you to have a foursome

Captain FT

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How would you react?

What if the other couple just approached you and asked to do a threesome without your partner?

First I would need to be physically attracted to the other female to say yes. My only rule would be - I don't touch guys. Other than that I'd say yes.

I never have but a coworker told me she would do either with me. Her and her husband swing and I didn't know that. We had some real talk at lunch.
 
I couldnt watch someone fuck my wife. I've BSed a lot here about 3somes and what not but I'm pretty sure she'd never go for it either
 
Some couples are just flat out fucking weird
 
I had a threesome with a bro and his girlfriend like 15 years ago. She blew me while he did her doggy style. It was odd cause we were facing each other. I remember we were bullshitting during it at some point just to break the awkward silence. They broke up after that, and I'm still friends with the girl. In fact, I'm going out with her and one of her friends tomorrow night.
 
I had a threesome with a bro and his girlfriend like 15 years ago. She blew me while he did her doggy style. It was odd cause we were facing each other. I remember we were bullshitting during it at some point just to break the awkward silence. They broke up after that, and I'm still friends with the girl. In fact, I'm going out with her and one of her friends tomorrow night.

Lol same situation we high fived each other (Eiffel tower) lol good times they broke up months after then I started hitting it but eventually moved to the next lol
 
We've discussed pretty in depth playing with another girl before. Never another guy though, neither of us are interested in that.
 
I'm open and honest with my wife, I think it takes a very trusting relationship to do something like this...to know its purely physical and to fulfill a fantasy. My wife knows all about my gear, the risks involved in obtaining it etc. - she's even pin'd me in places I can't reach - rear delts and back with IGF-1; I tell her everything.

One of her fantasies is to be with another woman, but she does t know how to make that happen. Fast foreword to this scenario. Wife and I go to said couples house for dinner and drinks under the premiss that his misses will make an advance on my wife and we watch, don't participate. See where it goes from there. I dunno still up in the air but I could make this happen...you know, for the good of the misses and all.
 
I'm open and honest with my wife, I think it takes a very trusting relationship to do something like this...to know its purely physical and to fulfill a fantasy. My wife knows all about my gear, the risks involved in obtaining it etc. - she's even pin'd me in places I can't reach - rear delts and back with IGF-1; I tell her everything.

One of her fantasies is to be with another woman, but she does t know how to make that happen. Fast foreword to this scenario. Wife and I go to said couples house for dinner and drinks under the premiss that his misses will make an advance on my wife and we watch, don't participate. See where it goes from there. I dunno still up in the air but I could make this happen...you know, for the good of the misses and all.

I 100% agree. I could've never imagine even considering it with anybody else than the current guy because I've never had a secure, open, honest enough relationship.

I also don't think it'd ever work unless both parties were 100% into it. If not, like if the girl goes into it only doing it for her husband, she'll end up feeling insecure or resentful about it eventually for sure.
 
i would never be cool with someone screwing my gf in front of me and if she wanted that, she would be fucking gone, im dead serious
 
I'm open and honest with my wife, I think it takes a very trusting relationship to do something like this...to know its purely physical and to fulfill a fantasy. My wife knows all about my gear, the risks involved in obtaining it etc. - she's even pin'd me in places I can't reach - rear delts and back with IGF-1; I tell her everything.

One of her fantasies is to be with another woman, but she does t know how to make that happen. Fast foreword to this scenario. Wife and I go to said couples house for dinner and drinks under the premiss that his misses will make an advance on my wife and we watch, don't participate. See where it goes from there. I dunno still up in the air but I could make this happen...you know, for the good of the misses and all.


She just wants to bump clams with another woman. Once you stick your dick in that other woman, the wife's opinion on the subject will change.
 
She just wants to bump clams with another woman. Once you stick your dick in that other woman, the wife's opinion on the subject will change.

Agree, and I'm fine with clam bumping only a d participating only with my wife. Over time a comfort leveling build up and change or who know could be the opposite. I'd be doing it for her for her fantasy with another woman and I'm not opposed to that.

Yeah no dude is going to bang my wife, but that could change in the heat of the moment who knows.
 
My old boss and his wife were big time swingers. They went to swinger parties all over the world all the time.
 
his misses will make an advance on my wife and we watch, don't participate. See where it goes from there.

So you are sitting there watching with another dude and you both have boners. :Popcorn:

Then the other dude starts kissing your wife and then pulls out his giant shlong and reams the living hell out of her while she screams that she never knew it could be so good. :worried:

So you decide you better start shtupping that dudes wife, and so you get on top of her and you think its going ok, but then you feel the dude behind you pushing his salami into your darkest of places. :eek2: :shocked: :eek2: :shocked: :eek2:

You drive home feeling kind of stupid, and your wife says that was great, when can we do it again!! :mad:

No thanks! :drink2:
 
So you are sitting there watching with another dude and you both have boners. :popcorn:

Then the other dude starts kissing your wife and then pulls out his giant shlong and reams the living hell out of her while she screams that she never knew it could be so good. :worried:

So you decide you better start shtupping that dudes wife, and so you get on top of her and you think its going ok, but then you feel the dude behind you pushing his salami into your darkest of places. :eek2: :shocked: :eek2: :shocked: :eek2:

You drive home feeling kind of stupid, and your wife says that was great, when can we do it again!! :mad:

No thanks! :drink2:

Not my envisioning and an interesting turn of events. May rethink this.
 
I don't share much on here of a personal nature but I am going to weigh in on this one. I have experience in that lifestyle and I'd say don't do it. Unless you're 100% sure you're willing to take the chance that things won't ever be quite the same...there are not many couples who can successfully pull it off and once you start, rules change, boundaries change and fantasies get mixed.
 
I don't share much on here of a personal nature but I am going to weigh in on this one. I have experience in that lifestyle and I'd say don't do it. Unless you're 100% sure you're willing to take the chance that things won't ever be quite the same...


Gonna need some details...
 
I'm open and honest with my wife, I think it takes a very trusting relationship to do something like this...to know its purely physical and to fulfill a fantasy. My wife knows all about my gear, the risks involved in obtaining it etc. - she's even pin'd me in places I can't reach - rear delts and back with IGF-1; I tell her everything.

One of her fantasies is to be with another woman, but she does t know how to make that happen. Fast foreword to this scenario. Wife and I go to said couples house for dinner and drinks under the premiss that his misses will make an advance on my wife and we watch, don't participate. See where it goes from there. I dunno still up in the air but I could make this happen...you know, for the good of the misses and all.

Trust is important, but I think it goes a lot farther than that. I can have 100% trust and security with my partner, but if I care about him, I am still not going to want to watch another girl pleasing him. That's MY job. Some things are better left to fantasy, those situations are almost impossible to navigate if we are talking about a first time thing. The couples who pull it off only do so because both parties already have an existing detachment from the intimacy of sex (not uncommon for men, but pretty uncommon for women) and understanding of what their reaction will be.

Even if you don't touch the other girl, can you be sure one day that she won't get the little seed in her head, "I wonder if he was more turned on by watching her than he was by watching me?" Add that to this being a couple you know, and you see this woman at work, and it's going to fester. I guess this is where trust comes in, but it's impossible to know when you are in uncharted waters.

If you ever DID do this with her, I'd say you would have to figure out a way to do it with a couple or woman who you could sever ties completely with afterward. You would have to take steps that went above and beyond your normal communication routine to make sure this didn't put any cracks in the pavement.
 
Trust is important, but I think it goes a lot farther than that. I can have 100% trust and security with my partner, but if I care about him, I am still not going to want to watch another girl pleasing him. That's MY job. Some things are better left to fantasy, those situations are almost impossible to navigate if we are talking about a first time thing. The couples who pull it off only do so because both parties already have an existing detachment from the intimacy of sex (not uncommon for men, but pretty uncommon for women) and understanding of what their reaction will be.

Even if you don't touch the other girl, can you be sure one day that she won't get the little seed in her head, "I wonder if he was more turned on by watching her than he was by watching me?" Add that to this being a couple you know, and you see this woman at work, and it's going to fester. I guess this is where trust comes in, but it's impossible to know when you are in uncharted waters.

If you ever DID do this with her, I'd say you would have to figure out a way to do it with a couple or woman who you could sever ties completely with afterward. You would have to take steps that went above and beyond your normal communication routine to make sure this didn't put any cracks in the pavement.

This times a million!!
 
I don't share much on here of a personal nature but I am going to weigh in on this one. I have experience in that lifestyle and I'd say don't do it. Unless you're 100% sure you're willing to take the chance that things won't ever be quite the same...there are not many couples who can successfully pill it off and once you start, rules change, boundaries change and fantasies get mixed.

Thx, I'll consider your advice, I know it's not an easy decision when it really comes down to it though I say I'd be into it I may not know for sure when it really happens.
 
Thx Nef I will consider what you say as well. Seems this has been tried and tested here before with not so good results.

Maybe you're right and fantasy is better left to fantasy.
 
Thx, I'll consider your advice, I know it's not an easy decision when it really comes down to it though I say I'd be into it I may not know for sure when it really happens.

Pm me if you like and Ill give you a few guidelines. I'd never go back to that lifestyle but learned a lot.
 
Pm me if you like and Ill give you a few guidelines. I'd never go back to that lifestyle but learned a lot.

Sounds like that box from Hellraiser that you so badly want to play with and touch but once you do the hooks come out and drag you in the box to the pit of hell...hmmm, maybe better off not doing this.

If I was single I guess it would be a whole different story.
 
Sounds like that box from Hellraiser that you so badly want to play with and touch but once you do the hooks come out and drag you in the box to the pit of hell...hmmm, maybe better off not doing this.

If I was single I guess it would be a whole different story.

Lol that's a good analogy! It's not to say it wouldn't work but you'd be better off finding a woman who does not come attached and has no previous ties and who knows the rules and knows who's making the rules (in this case your wife).

For what it's worth, there are a lot of closet bi sexual men in the swinging community and you'd never know it until you're in a foursome situation and not sure who is grabbing your man parts! ;)
 
Thx Nef I will consider what you say as well. Seems this has been tried and tested here before with not so good results.

Maybe you're right and fantasy is better left to fantasy.

I don't mean to be a fun killer, and my knowledge of swinging is limited to what I saw on "Real sex" (HBO show) when I was younger lol. But I did once have a bf who had the threesome fantasy, and though he never actually suggested it, I did some serious soul searching about what it might take for me to be ok with that situation, what boundaries I would have to establish, how to feel in control of the situation, etc.

Cali is more equipt to give guidelines, but personally speaking I offer one more tidbit of general advice:

If this is a fantasy she actively wants to pursue, you should urge her to take responsibility for that and not take it lightly (not saying she is, but it's important to emphasize it). Have a no holds barred discussion of all the potential negative ramifications. Have her research swinging and read accounts of other women who have tried it, especially ones who's first experience was after being married (both with success and without) - I'm sure google can turn up plenty of both. Have her pick the female, so she never has to wonder about your motivations. Have her set the rules, but make sure she has really emotionally explored her needs - Needs prior, during, and maybe most importantly after.

Swinging, when successful, is usually a lifestyle. People who approach it casually, and other things like BDSM, tend to do so carelessly and without researching it on that level or having consideration for what happens AFTER you go there with your partner. It might make it less sexy to have to be so thorough about it, but you are setting yourself up for disaster if you don't.
 
I think the reactions really depend on if its a couple and another couple, and if both parties really do want something as opposed to one of them participating after a little coaxing.

I can see how resentment and insecurity would fester should say, the woman, only have participated after a little convincing. But if both people want and fantasize about it equally, and I think if the 3rd person isn't a regular part of their lives, it's a little different. There's no during-sex "I don't like her touching him" or post-sex "did he like her more than me" if, for example, you both mutually brought her into your bedroom to sexually satisfy both of you.

I also don't think it necessarily means people who pull it off are detached from sexual intimacy in general. I think two people could be very much attached to each other without attachment to the 3rd person.

I think for sure the determining factor is the mutuality of the fantasy, even more so than the trust or security, though those are both musts as well.

But I'm talking about something slightly different. I wouldn't bring in another couple.
 
Sounds like that box from Hellraiser that you so badly want to play with and touch but once you do the hooks come out and drag you in the box to the pit of hell...hmmm, maybe better off not doing this.

If I was single I guess it would be a whole different story.


No tears please. It's a waste of good suffering!
 
Thx Nef, all very good points. This sounds like too much work, lol. It sounded so much better as:

"Hey want to have a foursome or threesome"
"Yes, yes I do"

I don't even think I answered, some muffled words just floated up from my crotch that sounded like "yes".
 
I think the reactions really depend on if its a couple and another couple, and if both parties really do want something as opposed to one of them participating after a little coaxing.

I can see how resentment and insecurity would fester should say, the woman, only have participated after a little convincing. But if both people want and fantasize about it equally, and I think if the 3rd person isn't a regular part of their lives, it's a little different. There's no during-sex "I don't like her touching him" or post-sex "did he like her more than me" if, for example, you both mutually brought her into your bedroom to sexually satisfy both of you.

I also don't think it necessarily means people who pull it off are detached from sexual intimacy in general. I think two people could be very much attached to each other without attachment to the 3rd person.

I think for sure the determining factor is the mutuality of the fantasy, even more so than the trust or security, though those are both musts as well.

But I'm talking about something slightly different. I wouldn't bring in another couple.

I worded the detachment statement poorly, because really you are saying essentially what I meant. I didn't intend to imply that you can only pull it off if you are detached from sex. More the capability of detaching in those situations. With a first time experience, it's impossible for CFGT and wife to know if she can do that successfully based solely on the existence of a fantasy. Thus my advice she dig a little deeper. But essentially, we're on the same page about this. I just wasn't as clear there as I wanted to be.
 
Thx Nef, all very good points. This sounds like too much work, lol. It sounded so much better as:

"Hey want to have a foursome or threesome"
"Yes, yes I do"

I don't even think I answered, some muffled words just floated up from my crotch that sounded like "yes".

lol...the more I typed, the less sexy it got haha....but that's my thoughts on how you COULD possibly pull it off if you ever did it. Cali, thoughts?
 
Why are all the women assuming sex requires an emotional attachment? I've had sex with women that I downright hate.
 
This post has also proven anther point that women need to be in a good mental state for sex. And I don't mean mental as in psycho mental, but after a hard day of work and kids, you can't just turn it on/off like a light switch (like I can). You need some wine, soft music, conversation, maybe a massage, then "maybe" you're ready if the wine and massage has t put you to sleep after your hard day, lol.

This is my life...
 
Why are all the women assuming sex requires an emotional attachment? I've had sex with women that I downright hate.

Who said that? lol

I noted in my post that it's easy for men to turn it off. It's not as easy for women. We're biologically wired to bond during sex (our body produces increased levels of the "love" hormone, oxytocin).
 
Who said that? lol

I noted in my post that it's easy for men to turn it off. It's not as easy for women. We're biologically wired to bond during sex (our body produces increased levels of the "love" hormone, oxytocin).


Oh yeah? Could sex with somebody you are thoroughly repulsed with and write it off as "just sex"?
 
Thx Nef, all very good points. This sounds like too much work, lol. It sounded so much better as:

"Hey want to have a foursome or threesome"
"Yes, yes I do"

I don't even think I answered, some muffled words just floated up from my crotch that sounded like "yes".

LOL^^

Nef and Annie both have good points and I do agree that the dynamic between a 3sum and a 4sum is quite a bit different. Nef, your advice is great about having his wife take responsibility and be involved in choosing the woman. The other thing is reality can be different than fantasy and she might get in there and start something and want to stop. Sometimes those things can be an evolution and stop means stop. And you better be damn sure before you get in there, what YOU are allowed to do!

The situation Annie described is imo the most ideal. The problem really becomes finding that woman. It's a generalization but it's hard to find single bisexual women who don't come with a man attached or at least a partner they play with (although based on all the bisexual girls we get through our unit at work maybe it's different with the younger crowd). It's better to have someone you don't really know for boundary issues but then you find someone you don't really know and run the risks that come with that.

I met a lot of couples and a few of them that had been married for a long time. Some of them seemed to be ok with it but when you sat down and talked to them (usually the women and when they're alone) the cracks would show. Jealousy would appear. Resentment sets in. It's just that once you cross that line and if one of you isn't ok, will the other respect it? will they honestly tell you they want to do it again? etc etc....Again...more in the swinger scene.
 
Trust is important, but I think it goes a lot farther than that. I can have 100% trust and security with my partner, but if I care about him, I am still not going to want to watch another girl pleasing him. That's MY job. Some things are better left to fantasy, those situations are almost impossible to navigate if we are talking about a first time thing. The couples who pull it off only do so because both parties already have an existing detachment from the intimacy of sex (not uncommon for men, but pretty uncommon for women) and understanding of what their reaction will be.

Even if you don't touch the other girl, can you be sure one day that she won't get the little seed in her head, "I wonder if he was more turned on by watching her than he was by watching me?" Add that to this being a couple you know, and you see this woman at work, and it's going to fester. I guess this is where trust comes in, but it's impossible to know when you are in uncharted waters.

If you ever DID do this with her, I'd say you would have to figure out a way to do it with a couple or woman who you could sever ties completely with afterward. You would have to take steps that went above and beyond your normal communication routine to make sure this didn't put any cracks in the pavement.

what a mind fuck

I never thought about it from that perspective
 
what a mind fuck

I never thought about it from that perspective

It's a complete mind fuck. And even if it's a one time thing and then you go back to just fantasy talk, you might always wonder if he really wants to go back to more or is he fantasizing about someone specific if it's just dirty talk? Is he really being honest that it's ok if we don't do it again? Granted...it's all insecurity but it has a way of playing on your mind and your heart. It creeps in slowly.
 
My wife and I had a really good friend. Really good friend. She was a hot scandanavian, and became like part of our family after a while. I had a terrible crush on her. In fact you could say I loved her. But my wife loved her too. it was a really unique situation where we were 3 people all very close.

One time the girls took a vacation together and I surprised them by showing up, and ended up sleeping with this girl while my wife was asleep in the bed next to us.
In the morning, I layed with her, and massaged her and snuggled with her, while my wife was in the other bed reading the newspaper, like totally cool.
I was shocked, because my wife has NO sexual wild side what so ever. I mean, we have a great sex life, but she never was promiscuous and had very limited experience before me.

Anyway, it was a nice day in my life. I had fantasized about having a 3some and that was the closest I got, but it never progressed into that.

Afterword, I brought it up with her, like "hey that was so great and you are sooooo cool for just letting that happen and knowing that there was nothing bad about it etc. "

But, she said, "I thought I was cool with it, but I realize now that I'm not cool with it and it makes me sick to think about it...."

Oh well. You figure out your own moral to that story.

But in my mind the ideal 3some would be something like that, where there is really love between all of us. There has been one other girl who also became equally close to my wife and to me, but that's a rare situation. Nice though.
 
I don't even like to share food! I freak out if someone wants just one french fry. I'm pretty sure I can't share something as great as a naked woman.
 
IMO a 3some doesn't cause insecurity that doesn't exist already, it only points it out and allows someone an outlet to blame their existing feelings on.

I've told my man a feeew times that if I was maybe only 99% secure with us at the point we decided to go for it, I wouldn't do it. I think the idea is a good mirror for existing insecurities, probably for better reasons, than a cause of new ones.

In fact, the first time we thought about it, we had a pretty long, drawn out discussion about what we want, don't want, how the fantasy makes us feel compared to how we most honestly would feel IRL, and at the end of that conversation, we felt *more* intimate, on a total lovey high knowing how much we loved and trusted each other enough to know the 3rd person is temporary and fun, not a permanent 3rd party or distraction from our love and life together.

It's not fair to talk about how it could ruin a relationship by saying it could bring insecurities to the surface if we don't alternatively point out it can bring to the surface the extent of just how sure you both are that you only romantically want each other.
 
I don't even like to share food! I freak out if someone wants just one french fry. I'm pretty sure I can't share something as great as a naked woman.


Yeah it doesn't sound like your a good candidate for this type of thing if you don't like when people touch your french fry :lmao:
 
I agree with you Annie but I think you would be an exception to the rule. Most people don't have the insight or the wisdom and they jump in too quickly. Can it work? Absolutely. But I think you would be the ideal and not the norm.
 
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I agree with you Annie but I think you would be an exception to the rule. Most people don't have the insight or the wisdom and they jump in too quickly. Can it work? Absolutely. But I think you would be the ideal and not the norm.

I totally agree. I know it's not the norm.

I'm betting it fails because most people can't be honest with themselves more so than they can't be honest with their partner. They're not *trying* to falsify how they feel, but they can't admit than in real application, they may not like or want it. Which is fine, but by the time they go through with it, it's too late and they maybe resent the other person for something that's not their fault.
 
So if I'm secure and well adjusted, it shouldn't bother me to watch another dude pork my wife?

I can't speak to that because I'm not talking about that type of situation. I'm not comfortable banging another guy, and I don't think he's comfortable with it either.

I'm solely speaking about my experience, which involves me, and my man, and another girl we both want.
 
I totally agree. I know it's not the norm.

I'm betting it fails because most people can't be honest with themselves more so than they can't be honest with their partner. They're not *trying* to falsify how they feel, but they can't admit than in real application, they may not like or want it. Which is fine, but by the time they go through with it, it's too late and they maybe resent the other person for something that's not their fault.

That's a really good summary. That is when it became a bad experience for me. When I stopped being honest with myself! Which then breeds resentment, magnifies any insecurities, creates a few new ones and so on.
 
Since I'm already talking way out of my comfort zone....when I started experimenting with this kind of stuff, I was at a time in my life where I had that "life is too short" motto and went out and crossed a few things off the fantasy list. I did it with someone I cared greatly about and it caused many issues. Ultimately ended our relationship. He is still in the lifestyle. I don't have many regrets in life but I do regret most of these experiences and wish I never had them. I NEVER thought I'd be someone to say that either. I'm a risk taker by nature and usually live in the moment. It changes you and it's one of those things I almost never talk about because it changes how people see you, too. Especially in the dating world. If a guy knows you have this in your background.....

And again....I'm talking about the specific swingers lifestyle...the clubs, the parties....that is very different than a private experience.
 
Since I'm already talking way out of my comfort zone....when I started experimenting with this kind of stuff, I was at a time in my life where I had that "life is too short" motto and went out and crossed a few things off the fantasy list. I did it with someone I cared greatly about and it caused many issues. Ultimately ended our relationship. He is still in the lifestyle. I don't have many regrets in life but I do regret most of these experiences and wish I never had them. I NEVER thought I'd be someone to say that either. I'm a risk taker by nature and usually live in the moment. It changes you and it's one of those things I almost never talk about because it changes how people see you, too. Especially in the dating world. If a guy knows you have this in your background.....

And again....I'm talking about the specific swingers lifestyle...the clubs, the parties....that is very different than a private experience.

Damn I like you a lot. Don't regret that stuff. Like you said, life is too short. If it was meant to be it would have all worked out. In the end it happened for a reason. You say he continues with that lifestyle and you learned it's not for you. Life lesson learned and you've moved on.

Now as for bringing all that up when you're dating (not sure if you currently are) that's not exactly first date material, that's a conversation for say the evening of you guys saying "hey lets go ring shopping tomorrow". Then you let some of the skeletons out of the closet or maybe it's something you take to your grave and say I just want to forget about that time in my life and no one has to know.

Maybe I'm talking out of my ass now because I've never been through something like that, and don't think I want to now.
 
We've discussed pretty in depth playing with another girl before. Never another guy though, neither of us are interested in that.

Oh so he wont share his bfs cack with you Thats a fucking bummer huh? What a greedy lil fuck you should dump his ass. :)

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Sent from my SCH-I535 using EliteFitness
 
FT stop being a fucking poosie and get this shit set up and over with. Send me pics or you SUX

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the wife and I had some swingers approach us on vacation once. my wife's naive ass thought they were just a "cool older couple".

maybe she was interested :confused:
 
FT stop being a fucking poosie and get this shit set up and over with. Send me pics or you SUX

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Maybe I should try a 3-some first with wify and younger sister, the one you like, and send pics of that - is that acceptable Beezy?
 
Maybe I should try a 3-some first with wify and younger sister, the one you like, and send pics of that - is that acceptable Beezy?

you want to fuck your younger sister?

Yes, I'm sure SB would be interested in that. He's from Georgia.
 
Not mine, in-law, SB always liked her.

I still would like the chance to be your brutha in law. Is she single? Not that i give a shit because i dont respect boundries:)

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