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In a weird sticky spot/wwyd

shirlene29

shirlene29

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so..
my daughter went with her dad to visit peeps in Fl..
I get a phone call yesterday he's sick and has been admitted to the hospital..he has pneumonia and a cpl of other little minor infections..keeping him for observation because some blood work looks off

today I get a phone call hes been upgraded to icu, no platelets and an O2 SAT OF 70% on room air and 90% on non re-breather <<to non medical peeps this isn't good
and he's extremely disoriented even at 90% and can't even figure out how to use his phone

and do I want our daughter to go in and see him before they put her on a plane home

I said yes because shes almost 14 and the people that are alarmed by all of this aren't alarmists ..so now Im pretty alarmed (make sense?)



but Im an asshole if I have her come home and he dies (this is a distinct possibility)...and I'm an asshole if I request that she stay there for a little bit longer to see if he makes it around the corner, and allow her more time with her father.

what would you do?
 
oh...and calling all of his family got left to me too

FML
 
What would I do? That's easy...Let her be with her father, especially if there is the possibility that he could die. Just my .02
 
theyre really pushing to put her on a plane home...my instinct is to let her stay

I am of course going to ask her because I haven't yet.
So far everyone is trying to keep the gravity of it from her and I think that's a mistake.


I've known these people more than twenty years now and if theyre shook up...its bad bad news...because they had a shocking death in their family theyre looking to protect her from it
 
I agree with everyone else I would.defiantly let her stay with her father during this time. I wish the best for you guys though and I'm sorry..

Sent from my Evo 3D using Elite Fitness App
 
Cutiebolic said:
Is this your husband? Or an ex? Do you love him?
Click to expand...

my ex husband...I care a good deal about the guy..but love him in a romantic sense, no. Not at all.

Im just the person everyone still thinks of as closest to him, which honestly really isn't true anymore. The friends he is with now are.
 
she isn't really grasping how sick and shes a bit of a spacey kid and the people she is with are very good at keeping emotion (like worry) under control ...but its a bit of a shock because they originally thought bad dehydration from flu and its just gone from bad to much worse in very short order...

they were expeting to pick him up from the hospital today...not have him be upgraded and in much worse shape with more alarming vitals and bloodwork

Im pretty shocked myself...when my phone rang i expected to answer it and have him be on the other end and me bust his balls a little and everyone get a chuckle...not how its playing out
 
Shit 70% on room air must feel like absolute hell. When I had pneumonia I was at 77% on room air and that felt horrible, best wishes and thoughts to your daughters dad, hope he recovers!
 
thanks man...I cant imagine it...Ive never gone below 90%
he's at 40-50 respirations a min too...the platelets is whats very troubling and the fact that he apparently doesn't really have a lot of fluid in his lungs...theyre stumped..well not totally but nothing they think it points to is good at all
 
shirlene29 said:
she isn't really grasping how sick and shes a bit of a spacey kid and the people she is with are very good at keeping emotion (like worry) under control ...but its a bit of a shock because they originally thought bad dehydration from flu and its just gone from bad to much worse in very short order...

they were expeting to pick him up from the hospital today...not have him be upgraded and in much worse shape with more alarming vitals and bloodwork

Im pretty shocked myself...when my phone rang i expected to answer it and have him be on the other end and me bust his balls a little and everyone get a chuckle...not how its playing out
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I think maybe you should bring her back. If the worst happens people there may not be best equipped to deal with her. It's going to be very traumatic and she'll need you instead of being in the middle of all that chaos. Really do hope your ex get's better.
 
I think thats what theyre worried about ffactor

and I worry they won't cope well
its a brother and sister...the sisters pregnant daughter died a cpl of years ago
and they think of my ex as their brother....I thought of her daughter as my niece

I think they'll both fall apart but do what they do and try not to let the cracks show
 
shirlene29 said:
my ex husband...I care a good deal about the guy..but love him in a romantic sense, no. Not at all.

Im just the person everyone still thinks of as closest to him, which honestly really isn't true anymore. The friends he is with now are.
Click to expand...

Well, would it be feasible to go there to support your daughter?
 
no cutie..that was my first impulse
There's no way to pull it off though.
 
shirlene29 said:
no cutie..that was my first impulse
There's no way to pull it off though.
Click to expand...

:(

I'm sorry. That is a crappy sitch... There's no clear answer. She is probably too young to be down there by herself right now, though. That would be extremely traumatic for anyone but especially for a 13 year old.

I would definitely bring her home. But that's just me. You know her best -- what does she need?
 
Thats just it. She's a teenager and her needs change at the drop of a hat ya know?

she wasnt concerned about him yesterday but in fairness no one thought things were very bad and her vacation in the keys had been ruined
she was really looking forward to this vacation with her dad

I feel really bad for her and wont really have anyway to even make up the vacation to her let alone the obvious inadequacy of what to do for her if he dies.

Theres some bad blood there that will make this all incredibly worse for her.
 
shirlene29 said:
Thats just it. She's a teenager and her needs change at the drop of a hat ya know?

she wasnt concerned about him yesterday but in fairness no one thought things were very bad and her vacation in the keys had been ruined
she was really looking forward to this vacation with her dad

I feel really bad for her and wont really have anyway to even make up the vacation to her let alone the obvious inadequacy of what to do for her if he dies.

Theres some bad blood there that will make this all incredibly worse for her.
Click to expand...

One thing I've learned over the years...

No matter how bad things are between one and one's loved ones. Don't let "bad blood" ever get in the way of telling a loved one that you..."love them". Why? Because if said individual should meet an untimely death...how would one feel if one ended the last conversation on a less than savory note...Get what I'm putting down?

All too often we let our pain/hurt/anger mask our true feelings toward others...and that can be bad.

That's all I'm gonna say.
 
but its not for me to put away...
I already let go of my bad blood with him years ago...its between them and hes so disoriented hes not recognizing people or putting together coherent sentences
shes angry at him and that I know shes not mature enough to realize she even wants to put it aside
she loves her Dad and thats about all I can hope for shining through
 
shirlene29 said:
but its not for me to put away...
I already let go of my bad blood with him years ago...its between them and hes so disoriented hes not recognizing people or putting together coherent sentences
shes angry at him and that I know shes not mature enough to realize she even wants to put it aside
she loves her Dad and thats about all I can hope for shining through
Click to expand...

I understand. For years I went through therapy hating my parents for placing me in a violent environment. I wrote what I did because I picked up what you were putting down. She doesn't know this, but there will come a time (as it came to me) where she will need to come to terms with her love and pain toward her father. Now is not the time, but should he pass away...she'll NEVER have another opportunity to look him in the eyes and tell him how she feels...It will be gone. Don't deny her that, but let her know why.
 
you really can't fly down, visit her dad with her, and bring her back?

that's like taking 1 day off work
 
tough one. I would think it best to go down there to be with her and her dad. If for whatever reason(s) that is impossible for you, then it's tough to call. Either way she needs to be made aware of the situation and the possible outcomes. From there I would let her make the decision. She may request that you come down to be with her too.
 
ceo said:
tough one. I would think it best to go down there to be with her and her dad. If for whatever reason(s) that is impossible for you, then it's tough to call. Either way she needs to be made aware of the situation and the possible outcomes. From there I would let her make the decision. She may request that you come down to be with her too.
Click to expand...

She probably won't request it but it's probably what she needs... How else can she start to cope with some of this stuff? I know you wanna distance yourself, Shirls, but this totally involves you.
 
shirlene29 said:
Thats just it. She's a teenager and her needs change at the drop of a hat ya know?

she wasnt concerned about him yesterday but in fairness no one thought things were very bad and her vacation in the keys had been ruined
she was really looking forward to this vacation with her dad

I feel really bad for her and wont really have anyway to even make up the vacation to her let alone the obvious inadequacy of what to do for her if he dies.

Theres some bad blood there that will make this all incredibly worse for her.
Click to expand...

Her mind is on the vacation, and maybe she doesn't realize just how bad things are. Has anyone explained to her what could happen? If everyone is just telling her "oh he will be fine" and god forbid he does die, is she prepared for that? If it happens, and she's not expecting it, that could be damaging. I'm sorry for your situation, really do hope for the best outcome for you guys. I don't pray, but ill have my gma put in a word to the priests at her church, get you guys in prayer. :hoping for the best:
 
I think thats alot for her to handle alone,id say let her stay if you hop a plane and be there with her,she needs support,more than just his friends,thats my two pence
 
yea, people put alot in seeing a person for the last time when death is close at hand... others say they have great memories of the way the person was although they didn't get to say "good bye" they are spared the horror of the setting that many are in when they are close to death..

IF she is unaware of how bad he is, let her stay for the vacation, you don't need to be the bad guy.. put it off on the inlaws as their fault and let her come home.. if he passes away it's still their fault not yours..

as for you calling his family, why did you have to do that?? r u going to make all the funeral arrangements and pay for it too? ?

not to be harsh, just pointing things out..
 
smurf2 said:
Pretty rare for a young guy to die from pneumonia, isnt it?
Click to expand...

not so much with end stage liver failure...if that is in fact what it is...



and Im waiting on todays labs/scans ...I'm a subcontractor ..I work 7/365 its not so easy to call out of work
what sucks is its not like my job is particularly important in the grand scheme of things

and my husbands family is having a not so small health crisis so this could turn into me going to Fl while he goes to Ky

the whole thing is pretty fucked
 
I don't know what others have said, but I would highly recommend being completely up front with her about the severity of the situation, and then letting her make the call from there. I agree with you regarding the people wanting to keep things from her; while their hearts are in the right place, it's not the right thing to do. She's old enough to be treated like an adult on this matter. Best of luck to you, shirl....this is so tough, either way.
 
SpyWizard said:
yea, people put alot in seeing a person for the last time when death is close at hand... others say they have great memories of the way the person was although they didn't get to say "good bye" they are spared the horror of the setting that many are in when they are close to death..

IF she is unaware of how bad he is, let her stay for the vacation, you don't need to be the bad guy.. put it off on the inlaws as their fault and let her come home.. if he passes away it's still their fault not yours..

as for you calling his family, why did you have to do that?? r u going to make all the funeral arrangements and pay for it too? ?

not to be harsh, just pointing things out..
Click to expand...



i am listed as executor of his estate ...so yeah...if he dies the funeral arangments are on me
 
nefertiti said:
I don't know what others have said, but I would highly recommend being completely up front with her about the severity of the situation, and then letting her make the call from there. I agree with you regarding the people wanting to keep things from her; while their hearts are in the right place, it's not the right thing to do. She's old enough to be treated like an adult on this matter. Best of luck to you, shirl....this is so tough, either way.
Click to expand...

she was made aware of things this morning and is with him now


so far the plans are as follows...a flight is booked for her tomorrow..if he recovers he wont be able to come up the coast again in time for her to get back in to school...
if she changes her mind after seeing him today well so be it.

if things do turn out to be very dire everyones trying to figure out scheduling so that I go down with her and my oldest daughter.
 
shirlene29 said:
she was made aware of things this morning and is with him now


so far the plans are as follows...a flight is booked for her tomorrow..if he recovers he wont be able to come up the coast again in time for her to get back in to school...
if she changes her mind after seeing him today well so be it.

if things do turn out to be very dire everyones trying to figure out scheduling so that I go down with her and my oldest daughter.
Click to expand...

I apologize if you already stated that in the thread....I think you have a reasonable game plan. As I said, my thoughts are with you. I can't imagine being in your shoes.
 
no...I hadnt said it yet...the plan was still up in the air a bit and firming up

no need to apologize :)
 
I know I'm late but I hope it all works out and he recovers, at least for your kid's sake. I had a very similar issue when my grandfather was in the ICU. He was practically my dad growing up. No one let me see him when I was 14 and I never got to see goodbye. It's still with me over a decade later.

You are in a very tough position and under a lot of stress. I truly hope it all works out
 
i thought this was gonna be a thread about when you blacked out and woke up to find the coagulated deposit that i left in that trough, between your two erectors, in the small of your back...oops...guess the cat's outta the bag...
 
mistaballoonhands said:
Uhhhhhh, I'd do Tobra, Zosyn, and Vancomycin... Does he have an exisiting reason for hepatic failure or is this sepsis? Fucking eh.
Click to expand...



I don't know what they have him on...he popped positive for legionnaires today

nothing I'm finding on legionnaires and thrombocytopenia is encouraging

he has a hx of alcohol and tobacco use



he was aware his daughter was there today and behaved...and now Im not sure if he's disoriented because of the haldol they added (he went for an angry stroll out of his room last night) or if its still the original confusion


and I have no fuckin idea...weird shit loves me
 
shirlene29 said:
I don't know what they have him on...he popped positive for legionnaires today

nothing I'm finding on legionnaires and thrombocytopenia is encouraging

he has a hx of alcohol and tobacco use



he was aware his daughter was there today and behaved...and now Im not sure if he's disoriented because of the haldol they added (he went for an angry stroll out of his room last night) or if its still the original confusion


and I have no fuckin idea...weird shit loves me
Click to expand...

who the hell gets legionnaires disease now-a-days?? damn! you do have a weird life!
 
it happens quite a bit but its usually mild
I think the only reason why i knew what it was off the bat was from having the same legionnaires warnings flyers given to me for all four of the times I was pregnant with my girls...and thinking the same thing...wtf gets legionnaires
 
severe thrombocytopenia is a predictor of some pretty poor outcomes. It's one of those things when you get an admission and they ED doc is running through the labs and you hear platelets <40 and you think to yourself......fuck.......
 
yeah...which is why I'm pretty sure he earned himself the ICU stay

Im trying not to flip a little to be honest....
 
he hasn't been intubated ...

the respirations scare the shit out of me though
 
I dont know where the line is drawn then....
and I figured not being intubated had to be encouraging??

ETA: I looked at the criteria...I have no idea what his blood gasses are...I never thought to ask
 
Last edited:
the last time I xported someone with respirations in that range (and it was sepsis) the woman was dead in an hr after I got her to the ED
stupid fucking nursing home left her like that for three days prior mind you
 
Let her stay trust me on this sucks to see your father in ICU but if he passes and she's there closer will be way better. If she stays he makes it then nothing lost either.
 
Cutiebolic said:
She probably won't request it but it's probably what she needs... How else can she start to cope with some of this stuff? I know you wanna distance yourself, Shirls, but this totally involves you.
Click to expand...

You would be surprised what you can cope with in a shitty situation at any age. Tough shit happens in life and you grow. I was 16 when I saw them take my father of life support sucked but I grew. You can't shelter kids forever 13 is young but not that young.

Every vibe I get from Shirl she's a great Mom so if the worst happens she can help her daughter though the pain. If she takes away that last bit of time she has with her father her daughter will have way more baggage from the lose in the long run.

If you have ever lost a parent you would know i'd still give anything to have had more time with my father in any circumstance rather it be out riding than in an ICU but we don't always get that choice.
 
I wouldn't let her see him like that, it's going to terrify her. He isn't exactly on his death bed. Sure he may buy himself a tube for a couple days but that's pretty common for bad pneumonia cases. Unless he has an underlying diagnosis ie talcosis, lung ca etc.. Then I would see it as serious, but keep in mind not everyone in the ICU is 'critical'
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Let her stay trust me on this sucks to see your father in ICU but if he passes and she's there closer will be way better. If she stays he makes it then nothing lost either.
Click to expand...

Holy fuck he's not going to die people. He needs an Ativan gtt, IV antibiotics and a bipap. It's routine shit people
 
I know someone who had legionaries at the beginning of the year, and he was on life support for 3 months and they put him into coma, but he ended up pulling through in the end.
 
smurf2 said:
well in all fairness, SHriLz implied that he might not make it
Click to expand...

You are right, however, I feel it was an inaccurate implication; having taken care of literally hundreds of these kinds of patients. There are exceptions of course, but I'm just basing my opinion on the majority of outcomes I've witnessed.
 
pdaddyII said:
You are right, however, I feel it was an inaccurate implication; having taken care of literally hundreds of these kinds of patients. There are exceptions of course, but I'm just basing my opinion on the majority of outcomes I've witnessed.
Click to expand...

I don't know if you're aware, but Shrizl is a medic.
 
yeah...I was only goin with he might not make it by what the ICU dr had given us for info and he is listed as critical by them

he hasn't bought himself a tube yet
and todays testing is a spinal ...so idk what theyre looking for now
and I still don't know if they're doing anything about the liver probs specifically or if its systemic from the legionnaires itself
I just don't know enough about it

I am picking my daughter up at the airport today...she did see him yesterday and she was upset but also found his confusion mildly amusing
he was aware she was there and because he is confused was upset she wasn't at school...wants her sent home

I feel bad for the fucker because he can't wear his glasses and hes blind as a bat without them and hes in restraints and the mittens
and its driving me nuts that I can't just look at him myself and grab his chart and go over it to reassure myself..


in other fucked up news...the hubs uncle is dealing with a recent MI and hes going in for a triple A on friday...provided the thing doesn't pop before then

the two of us have been burning up the phones...
 
shirlene29 said:
yeah...I was only goin with he might not make it by what the ICU dr had given us for info and he is listed as critical by them

he hasn't bought himself a tube yet
and todays testing is a spinal ...so idk what theyre looking for now
and I still don't know if they're doing anything about the liver probs specifically or if its systemic from the legionnaires itself
I just don't know enough about it

I am picking my daughter up at the airport today...she did see him yesterday and she was upset but also found his confusion mildly amusing
he was aware she was there and because he is confused was upset she wasn't at school...wants her sent home

I feel bad for the fucker because he can't wear his glasses and hes blind as a bat without them and hes in restraints and the mittens
and its driving me nuts that I can't just look at him myself and grab his chart and go over it to reassure myself..


in other fucked up news...the hubs uncle is dealing with a recent MI and hes going in for a triple A on friday...provided the thing doesn't pop before then

the two of us have been burning up the phones...
Click to expand...

The only reason they would do a tap would be to r/o meningitis. I was just talking to my fiancé about your situation and she says there's a bad pneumonia going around hitting young healthy guys in their 30's. It first presents with flu like s/s and a lot are intimated within 32 hours of dx. Hang in there Shirlz
 
translation digi

diprivan aka propofol= fast sedative,ETT= endotracheal tube, in patients with possible etoh=alcohol cirrhosis/damage of the liver dx=diagnoses
 
no


oh...and I was gonna say...before laptops the short hand was like...triangles and p's with lines under em and L/R with circles and a million other little pictures....and a million acronyms

^^^^^that is english comparatively
 
shirlene29 said:
no


oh...and I was gonna say...before laptops the short hand was like...triangles and p's with lines under em and L/R with circles and a million other little pictures....and a million acronyms

^^^^^that is english comparatively
Click to expand...

so, "no" you'll think about it or "no" nfw?? :(
 
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