Posted by ELVIS on February 26, 1997 at 23:32:26:
In Reply to: Somebody Help Me PLEASE!!!!! posted by Asia the Invincible on February 26, 1997 at 21:32:52:
: Dear fellow steroid users, bodybuilders, powerlifters, fitness enthusiasts, Playboy bunnies and other Bill Phillip dick suckers, drug dealers and athletes.
: I have a problem. Very simply put, I can't get laid. Not once. I don't FUCKING KNOW WHY! Is there a steroid that can help you get laid? If so, where can I get it, and what are the dosages? Will they make my dick shrink? I know I sound like a beginner, but when it comes to sex, I AM a fucking beginner. I don't even know what a clit looks like. All I know is that steroids make it hypertrophy.
: When Danny Devito ridiculed the idea of a 230 pound virgin in the movie "TWINS", I laughed. I was young then and weighed about 140 Ibs. "NO PROBLEM, I'll get laid before I gain another 90 Ibs. HAHAHAHA!"
: Well, low and behold, the steroid God was very nice to me, so was the training and nutrition god, the sleep and recuperation Gad wasn't quite as nice, but I grew none the less. Finally, in the year of 1997, a year of great economic change in Asia, I Asia the Invincible, REACHED 230IBS! HOORAAH! And ALAS! I HAVE NEVER HAD SEX IN MY LIFE! HOORAAH! THE MYTHICAL 230 Ibs FUCKING VIRGIN HAS RISEN AGAIN!
: Will the world witness a 240 Ibs virgin, 250? 260? 300? 398? No, I ain't talking about Greg Kovacs. As he said, getting into top shape using the MuscleTech Stack has many... MANY advantages. MANY FUCKING ADVANTAGES... literally.
: Guys, I know this ain't really a steroid or anabolic post, but at least I tied them in and mentioned them? Come on, help me out here, I NEED TO GET LAID! AND I NEED IT BAD! I am not asking for Monica Brandt or something like that, I JUST NEED TO GET LAID! BADLY! Somebody help me. A 230 Ibs. Virgin is just plain ridiculous, even more so than Dorain's left bicep. I just can't take it no more. I can't get any, and I need help! THIS IS SERIOUS!
: If not help me get laid, at least help me get a LITTLE affection!
: Any advice will be greatly appreciated. I am asking for help as a friend and fellow bodybuilder. This is a serious post. PLEASE HELP!
: Asia
JESUS CHRIST! DUDE, WHEN I READ YOUR POST MY STOMACH STARTED HURTING. I THINK YOU REALLY NEED TO SIT BACK AND EVALUATE YOURSELF. IS IT YOUR PERSONALITY OR WHAT? THIS IS 1997 AND EVERYONE IS GETTING A LITTLE CAT. MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A PSYCHIATRIST.
GOOD LUCK.