A little about me...I am an only child, so my mother tended to want to live her life through me. I was a chubby kid, so when I was in the fifth grade(I cringe at the thought now) my mother made me start running 3 miles 5 times a week....IN THE FIFTH GRADE!!!!!!!! It got so bad that she would follow me down the road in her car and proceed to tell me how many MPH I was running and telling me I show be able to go FASTER! Of course my mother is overweight. She is one of those people that has lost all her weight numerous times and always gained it back.

We used to get in fights and she used to call me a "fat cow" because I didn't look like she thought I should. I also wasn't as "skinny" as my friends were. I am 20 years old now, and to this day I can't begin to count how many fights we have been in over this. Every time I go home for a break in school she tells me how I look like a football player. She asks me if I've "lost weight." I don't know how many times I have lied to her about my weight. If she knew that I weighed 155, she would DIE! I am only 5'6" but I have a lot of muscle.

I am so frustrated about this because I don't have any support from her about my bb excursion. She tells me I am just getting too big. I can't believe this. I actually want to do this. Can't she support me for this. I mean, HELL, it is healthy! I am not into any bad things---can't she just accept the fact that I want to improve my body??? Uhhh...I get so pissed at her sometimes.

Anyway, now that I have vented about that. I have a situation here. I want to compete in September, but I don't know if there is a chance for me. I don't have but about 15 lbs. to lose for this competition. I don't think I would look right if I lost anymore than that. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should continue to bulk up (I have been doing a program that FC put me on and I am much stronger) or if I should start eating clean and just maintain what I have until cut down time. I am SO confused. This will be my first contest. I need help from anyone that is willing to help me. I know that this board has a lot of great people that give a lot of great advice, so please help if you can.

Sorry about the venting...it just gets to me sometimes. And people wonder why I am so self-conscious (I have NO confidence AT ALL). Go figure.

Thanks for listening...

MS is dead on. Sept is long way off. No problems with dropping 10-15 lbs. Start eating clean now - that's something you should always do.

I'll wait for a few more to chime in fer we go into other details.

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LAte

Re your Mom - she is the past. You are the present. Refuse to discuss the issue with her any longer.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT let your mother discourage you. It is extremely painful when a parent tries to tear you down. Even when we can wear a teflon sheild against anyone else, it all seems to melt away when it's our parent berating us for something.

Remember that the ugliness she's directing at you is only a fraction of what she must be feeling toward herself. You cannot fix your mother's poor self-image, and you are not in any way responsible for it. You are the only one who can fix your own self-image, and you're busy working on that (and obviously succeeding). She probably sees this, and it just makes her feel worse about herself.

Just keep your eye on your goals. Your mother may or may not come around, but remember who you're doing this for. I too have always felt that whatever it was I succeeded at, my mother would have preferred it be something else.

I don't even mention bodybuilding to my mother. I don't know if you've seen my other posts, but I was anorexic in high school and have spent the last 20 years trying to recover. So for me in these last few years, bodybuilding has been my key out of hell. My mother is 72 years old and still obsessed with being a walking coat hanger. So, whenever the subject of weight, etc. is brought up, I never take the bait and change the subject.

Eating cleanly may limit your intake of McDonalds but it doesn't mean you can't eat good tasting food. I spend a few hours every weekend cooking up dishes that I can eat during the week - and I often tweak them a bit to up the protein/veggie content. Invest in some good cookbooks!