GEORGE SPELLWIN'S ANNOUNCEMENTS
Enlightening Men about Anabolic Steroids and Bodybuilding for over Two Decades
| Author | Topic: I need some female advice | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 139 |
Whats up girls! Just thought I'd venture down to the better half of the elitefitness board for a change. I have a serious question that I was wondering what you ladies thought about. I know I'd get flamed or get machoistic remarks if i put this on the chat board or anabolic board so here it is: My girlfriend who I adore more than anything in the world (I'm 22 years old and I still get butterflies when I'm around her!) had a terrible thing happen to her. Her mom (she has no Dad and her and her mom live by themselves together---they are extremely close) got into a car accident recently and broke her neck. 1 cm over to the left or right of the break, she would've been dead (according to the doctors) So obviously this is a huge matter. My girlfriend is home now taking care of her mom who just got out of the hospital. Here's my question. How should I go about this? I completely understand how she now must devote time to her ailing mother, and I would NEVER ask her to put her family before me, but I miss being with her and talking to her. She's been depressed recently and we havent talked much or seen each other. Everytime I call it seems like I'm bothering her and she always cuts our conversation short. I dont want to be a nuisance during this time of crisis, but I also want to be there for her (I've told her that numerous times that I was here for her if she wanted to vent frustration or anger). What would make her the happiest? Please, suggestions are very welcome right now, i'm depressed cuz she's so sad..Plus this clomid isnt helping me very much with my emotions and hormonal levels! peace ------------------ "I'll always be number one to myself"....Moses Malone     | ||
|
Cool Novice 
Posts: 23 |
You're doing the right thing to try to be there for her, but make sure you don't push TOO MUCH, because if you do... you'll push her away. Like you said, make sure she knows that you are there for her to vent, cry, or whatever because that means a lot. Have you gone over her house to try to help also? Or have you kinda stayed away because you feel awkward? All I can say is just be there for her mentally and emotionally. When things get overbearing for her to handle, she'll need you and you have to make sure you're there when it comes to that point. Keep trying though. Let me know what happens. Good luck. AJ | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 139 |
HUGE EDITOR'S NOTE: in the line where i'm talking about putting her family before me, I meant to say I would never ask her to put me in front of her family. Please excuse the mistake.
Even though it pains me, I have told myself to stay away and give her space. I shouldnt be all up in her face when she's depressed like this. I understand, sometimes people want to be alone to deal with their problems. I have never told her I loved her, (we havent been together long at all) but I really do love this girl. It was definitely love at first sight (for those who are curious she looks exactly like Jenny Mcarthy, no joke) Ever since this happened I've wanted so badly to tell her that I love her and that I'd be her shoulder to cry on. But I dont want to push her away by saying something as strong as that--espcially if she doesnt feel the same way ya know? ------------------ "I'll always be number one to myself"....Moses Malone | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 76 |
All you can do is be there for her. Let her know you care and you are there to lend an ear. That is all you can do. Time heals and she will come around in time. Its hard to understand until you experience something yourself. So be patient and let her know you are there but at the same time do not push her. She will let you know when she is ready. Try to be understanding and put yourself in her shoes. Give it time and let things go through what they need to. You obviously care a lot about her and even though she may cut you short etc.. she is in pain and dealing with things but she knows deep down how you feel and you are trying to help. So dont get discouraged by her words or actions sometimes. play it cool  and be patient. | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 59 |
Just a suggestion. Since she is going through such a difficult time. Buy a single rose and leave at her door with a note. Saying something like, Thinking of you in such a difficult time, thought this might cheer you up. Will be here for you when you need me. and sign it. Although you are right, having a stranger around when you are in a crisis is awkward but this might be a good time to let her see your sensitive side and get to know her mom too. If they are as close as you say, her mom's opinion of you will carry alot of weight with her. Think of small things that you can do to help her out. Maybe offering to take her and her mom to a doctor's appointment. This will also let you see and actually experience, even for a few moments how difficult her days must be and at the same time that you are willing to be an active participant in her life. That I'm here for you are not just words. Just giving you a few ideas. Hope this helps. ------------------ | ||
|
Cool Novice
Posts: 23 |
I think the rose and note is a great idea. Give her a little bit of time, she probably needs to adjust. | ||
|
Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 1191 |
Trinity's suggestions about finding small things to help out is a good one too...you might offer to go the grocery store for her, or the pharmacy to pick up a prescription, or bring over a couple of meals. Any small thing like that is helpful. In times of crisis, the every day things often get neglected. | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 110 |
The fact that you are on this board at all looking to learn says to me that you are interested in how the body works...perhaps what you can do is get a good description of what is going on with her mom...do some wide ranging bunch of info off the web not only of traditional but alternative approaches to her healing that will help your gf feel like she's being supported and you care and maybe help her and her mom with the decisions they have to make...this is probabaly pretty overwhelming and having the information gathered would be good... Also try just send ding her a a love note a day in teh mail and maybe a supportive quote to her mom... ask your GF what exactly needs to be done around the house or for her get a list and do the mundane things ...vacuum or shop or mow the lawn or whatever take the pressure and don't be afraid to be present and especially talk with her and do a lot of listening.... ------------------ Omnia Praeclara Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to danger of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crack pot' than the stigma of conformity." - Thomas J. Watson | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 139 |
I appreciate everybody's help and comments. Its good to know there are still good hearted people in this cynical world that understand and can empathize with what i'm going through. Not bad for a bunch of weight room meatheads huh? LOL J/K Anyways, I talked to my gf last night on the phone and made it clear to her I did not want to be bothersome during this time of crisis and that if she needed anything done or any help with getting anything done that I should be the first person on her list to call. I even told her if her anger and frustration got the best of her she could punch the shit out of the Winnie the Pooh Bear I bought her for xmas (she's a pooh freak)... Really I just want her to know I want to be the best boyfriend in the world to her during this time. And that i love her very much. Thanks everybody for your help and support and God Bless ------------------ "I'll always be number one to myself"....Moses Malone | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 76 |
wow! You are very sweet! Best of luck to you and keep us posted | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 139 |
Thanks New@gettin big. Although I have to disagree with you, I am not doing anything special. I'm just being what every guy should be for the girl they care about. Dont take this the wrong way, but dont you think its kinda sad that when guys do nice things for a girl its always looked upon as something special? To me, this is how you SHOULD treat your loved one. If you didnt, then they wouldnt be a loved one in the first place, right? Its kinda like that old Chris Rock joke. Guys who brag about taking care of their kids or staying out of jail...youre suppose to dummy!!! Same thing here. If I really loved this girl, this should (and is) all be second nature to me. ------------------ "I'll always be number one to myself"....Moses Malone | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 76 |
Yes it should come naturally and be done no questions asked when you love someone. But to be patient and to stand by someone like that I give you credit and think it is very sweet. A great guy is hard to find just like a great girl is sometimes hard to find. Just a compliment | ||
|
Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 139 |
My fault..i do appreciate the compliment [email protected] get me wrong. Sorry if I sounded like an asshole about it peace ------------------ "I'll always be number one to myself"....Moses Malone | ||
|
Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 518 |
Bro when my ex had to take care of her mother I did the same thing. Take your time and dont force the issue. Make sure when you say, You will be there if she needs to talk, that you are there. Also dont make alot of big plans for you and your friends. I hit the gym and laid low. There is nothing worse than a depressed woman finding out that while she was taking care of mom YOU were out parting... The rose idea is very nice also. I know when my girls mom was better I pampered the hell out of her and took her to the Bahamas. Yes I was your age also at the time so, just be patient.. Good Luck... ------------------ |
| |
posted January 03, 2001 09:33 PM