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LAte

Me, on the other hand, I let my then boyfriend know that I was moving in with him not to "play house" but TO GET MARRIED - PERIOD. It was just that he was in the process of buying a home at the time and it really was time for me to "leave the nest". It just made sense financially for him to have a roommate to share the bills (+ the other "fun stuff" hehe).

I believe that BOTH parties involved in a relationship should be up front and honest about their desires and intentions at all times (though these ideas may change with the passage of time). It has been my experience that if an individual has difficulty committing, be they male or female, the relationship hardly ever leads to marriage. Of those that do take that fateful walk down the aisle, a successful and fulfilling union seems to occur with even less frequency.

There is an old Hungarian saying that one should not brag about how well their day went until the sun has set. The way I look at it, it is perhaps 7:00AM in my day, so I'm not crowing AT ALL.

I do agree that marriage is not for everyone. It is one of the most difficult and dynamic relationships, I believe, that two human beings can share which pales only in comparison to the relationship between parent and child....but that is another topic altogether.

As long as you have two adults who are committed to helping each other be the best person that they can be, support and care for one another, respect each other as they do themselves and work together to make their individual as well as their combined dreams come true it is like nothing else one can experience in life. It is difficult. It is taxing. It is painful beyond comprehension at times. But in the end the pay-off is unimaginable: an impermiable fortress that is strengthened with each victory over seemingly undefeatable battles, joy beyond words, strength to bear all of life's difficulties - comfort, friendship, respect.

Perhaps I am a simple girl. But this to me, is worth it.

I was never one growing up imagining myself married with kids. Here I am married tho' to a man who did nothing BUT imagine himself married with kids.

I ran with an older crowd growing up. When I was 17 or 18 years old, I was hanging around people in their late 20's. So I experianced a lot of things well before most people would... I guess Im saying I "sewed my wild oats" young!

I've been married for 7 years, and aside from one instance, its been peaceful, fun and troublefree! Was I too young to get married? I dont think so, I got married based on life experiance, not my age. I lived more in 22 years than most people will in their lifetimes! A fast crowd with fast women, easy money, and loads of trouble. So when I settled down, it was because I found someone worth giving up that life for, and someone who I knew I could be happy with.
I feel the same way now as when we dated, and I dont regret any of it.

So, is that how men think? Yes AND no. Not ALL men think that way, and MOST will eventually become more relationship minded. A man that freaks out over talk of marriage isnt completly comfortable with himself, and till he is he wont be able to deal with even the mention of it.
I guess I could have saved all this typing and just left it with a matter of maturity.
But oh well, I like to talk...

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It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and one to believe it.

Don't get me wrong, my wife is a wonderful woman. We are great together as parents and business partners. The problem is, I married a woman who is just like my mother. I vowed over and over I would never allow a woman to treat me like my mother treated my father.

Well, you guessed it, I married mom!!! It took me years to discover this, hell, I didn't even know I had childhood issues until a couple of years ago.

But I am not alone, we all marry are parents in an attempt to heal childhood wounds. Thats why so many (marriages) fail. Subconsciously we marry people who represent our caregivers (usually those traits that caused the pain) in an attempt to relive and correct our past.

Soon, however, we discover that you can never really change a persons core, they are always going to be who and what they are. Its not their fault, its who they are. Of course the cruel part is you didn't make this choice consciously.

So, where do you go from this point? I have children so its off to thearpy so we can make this thing work. If it doesn't work, NEVER AGAIN!!!!!! You couldn't drag me to the alter for nothing. I would nawg my own arms off to get free.

Anyway, thats my opinion. Oh, that goes both ways. I am sure my wife would say the samething. God knows she tells me almost daily about.

Therapy is WONDERFUL - I highly recommend it.

I have stated this many times - the past two years of my marriage have been very tumultuous! I discovered so many things about myself that I NEVER KNEW BEFORE....and yes, we are talking childhood issues here. But here I am, heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel as opposed to sinking deeper into the dark hole that I'd been in for so long! And my hubby feels the same. We are both growing and maturing daily. Yes, it is still shaky at times, but we are mending old wounds which had been "band-aided" before and reopened and cut deeper on countless occasions. A little bit more healing goes on with each passing day. We are becoming better friends that I'd ever thought possible.

That is all I ever really wanted out of marriage; to have a friend to help me when I was down and help me to feel like I could do ANYTHING!

*giggle*

I am a man and i snuck a peak in to your forum to hopefully see some bikini shots!!

I came across this thread andd let me tell you my point of view.

My last girlfriend i thought the world of, I wanted her to be with me forever! I would of jumped in front of a car and died for her to save her life. And one time she said to me "robert i want kids". Prsonally i would have had kids with her to, that's what i wanted. I had even thought of it before her saying that to me in the past and decided that i want her to have my children.

Now when she said that to me i said "Well i don't think that we are deep enouph into the relationship right now, i want to get to know you better" She probably was embarassed and the conversation ended there.

The truth is if we discussed the matter further i would have being laying my seed that night!Guarranteed!!!

I guess what i am trying to say is don't try and figure it out because i don't think us men no why either. I think it is a natural reaction, next time you talk to your man and he fluffs it off! perhaps go into it a little bit further, but not AGGRESSIVE.

I regret that night still to this day!!

I hope i helped!!

What annoys me is when women and men tell me "oh, you'll change your mind" or "oh, you're never a grown up until you've married and had kids"

Well, I guess I'll never grow up and me and Captain Hook can live in never never land.
I have nothing against either insitution when it is given the proper respect. Unfortunately, IMO both of these institutions are sadly abused by 80% of its inhabitants.

I think most guys want to get married, eventually. I think alot of how guys probably react is in part how it is brought up. The first sign of pressure and they freak. I don't see why they shouldn't be able to just have a discussion though.

I think it may be in part that we rarely understand what women are saying. We are not familiar with girlbonics. A girl can ask one question and want 20 replies, or 20 questions expecting one reply, I don't get it. The best thing I think a woman, actually men too, could do in a relationship is say what they want. I mean literally spelled out. If you want the trash taken out, don't comment on how full it is, how it smells, or come up with some girl code, just say "honey, if you take out the garbage we can do whatever you want when you get back." Ok, i'm dreaming but you get the idea.

Well, I've been typing so long I'm lost, I didn't know I had this in me. Hope this makes sense and pertains to the original question.

I dont think marriage is an end to "doing what you want" though. If you find the right person, it isnt even an issue.
My wife and I have loads of things we like to do together BUT we give each other the space to do "what we want to do" too. It really is a partnership, and if its anything but that, it wont last. If both people arent willing to give AND take, it will end up causing tension and resentment (can anyone say 50% divorce rate in America?)

I hear what naharac is saying, but its not an issue of men not understanding women. Its an issue of taking the time to know a persons quirks.
Hell, you might know that when a certain friend gets home from work he doesnt want to be bothered till he showers. Or when he's bitchy after school its probobly that he got a crappy grade or something.
The thing is we take more time to understand these people for whatever reason. Be it that their guys, or their friends, or that we've known them a long time.
You can do the same with a woman youre involved with. Learn her quirks, and dont whine about them because they are coming from a woman. Be straight up with her and she'll be straight up with you. Anyone woman who wont might not be ready for a serious relationship. That may hurt to hear, but when youre considering a lifetime with someone, you dont need to be with someone who is gonna play games (be they male or female).

And yeah, if you dont see eye to eye, SO WHAT! If I wanted to go to a certain bar, and my friend didnt, I didnt tell him "Get out of my car, I never want to see you again!" (although I did pee on his pants once when he was passed out and made him think he pissed himself, but I dont suggest doing that to your wife)

Also if my girl asked me about marrage after a year i would freak out big style 3 to 4 years maybe 1 year is to soon.

Just my .2 cents