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 Women's Discussion Board
 "today, women want it all"
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| Author | Topic: "today, women want it all" | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder 
Posts: 512 |
It's been a few weeks since the sheriff made this comment, and it's been mulling around in my mind every since. What does that really mean anyway? I'm a mother. In my household, I do the maintenance work. I maintain the vehicles as far as basic repairs, oil changes, tire rotation, and new brakes. I fix holes in the plaster and repair leaky plumbing. I give all the dogs their seasonal haircuts. I do all the landscaping and repair all of the lawn equipment. I have a full time job and pay all the bills. I workout to maintain my health. I'm the primary diciplinarian and manage my 12-y-o's means of expressing herself. I play hockey, have both road and mountain bikes, fish, and even went hunting for the first time this year. Occasionally, I even like to take classes to keep life interesting and set an example for my daughter so that she can learn to value intellect and independence. I think I set a fine example for my child, so tell me what exactly does it mean when people say, "women want it all". ------------------     | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder 
Posts: 741 |
Are you a single parent? Or is your "other" too lazy to help you.
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 512 |
No *laughing* (running a household requires a lot more than the few things I contribute.) She does the laundry, cooking and cleaning. She is also going back to school full time in January to become a vet. tech. Dusty is responsible for her room, laundry, feeding the dogs, homework, and scooping the back yard.
[This message has been edited by JayeLynn (edited November 28, 2000).] | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder 
Posts: 212 |
Damn, I'm tired just READING your to do list! I hear you sister! LOUD AND CLEAR! A comment had been made to me recently that has also been spinning around in my head. It was observed that it seems that because I am leading a rather unconventional life (ie - getting a life AFTER children, as opposed to having children once I've already HAD a life).....(and you know who you are *wink*) that I was, in essence, living my life backwards. I don't quite know what to make of this. I mean, knowing what I know now, would I change some of the things that I had done earlier in my life. Of course, but that holds true with most people, I assume. After all hindsight is 20/20. But because I choose to pursue MORE interests and dare to define myself to be more than "just a mother" (as another had previously stated) does that somehow make me assbackwards? Don't get me wrong, my children and my marriage are the very foundation of my existance and if all that were gone in one fell swoop I don't think that I could continue to draw breath. I'd never be the same at any rate. But why is it so odd that I want MORE out of life than JUST to facilitate the dreams of others; that I dare to pursue my own? I can honestly say that my daughters are prouder of me today and look up to me in a way they never did before BECAUSE I chose to try to fulfill my dreams. Is my situation perfect? GOD, NO! But the way I look at it is that because I was so fortunate to have my children while I was still relatively young, even though I AM CLEARLY THE PARENT, we are "raising each other." They have had such a profound effect on my life - I dare say more so than I have had on theirs. Why is it that a man can have it all? The answer is really simple. IT IS BECAUSE HE HAS A WIFE. Having said this, I believe that the optimal situation is when a family functions TOGETHER to support, nuture, and facilitate each other's dreams. Do I want it all? HELL YES! ------------------ | ||
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Moderator 
Posts: 1781 |
Men rarely want it all. Family, 60+ hour/week job, working out three times a week for big arms, and a hobby.... Usually their in for one favorite (this excludes sex, beer, and football - these are universal constants) and are generally satisfied with that slice of pie. You all know I often like to stir the pot and play devils advocate now and then. I like to see the women�s points of view and often this is the only place I can get honest answers and not get slapped in the process - well not to hard The only problem is that you women on the boards here are NOT typical in much, if any way when compared to the general population. And that can be a very biased problem. I�ll bet you get more hassle from other women than you do from men. In most every respect, other women DO see you as having it all. And from what I�ve seen, this requires immediate and swift retribution � you women are brutal to each other! Maybe it�s that guys have a more team orientated mindset. Hell, a few thousand years ago, if you ran out of arrows and this saber tooth was running you down, and your hunting buddy was pissed at you for shamelessly wearing that new bear claw necklace - you were dead meat. Well, anyway, I guess my point is that when one strives to get it all, often they end up loosing it all in the process. ------------------ Lobo | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 212 |
[QUOTE]Originally posted by WarLobo: Men rarely want it all.[QUOTE] AHhhhhhhh.....I call bullshit, sheriff. You ole boys have had it all since you guys were dancing around the campfire together neked as the day you were born. However, I must concur with your closing statement....the one about losing IT ALL while in pursuit - I keep that fresh in my mind - DAILY. ------------------ | ||
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Cool Novice 
Posts: 34 |
Today I think that quote of women wanting it all means different things to different people. Women have evolved greatly and have become powerful independent happy women! We have made known we want a piece of the pie as well. Some of us our searching for different aspects of this pie, and others are searching for the whole damn thing. Whether it be being a mother, a housewife, a independent single woman, a career woman or whatever your liking we all have dreams and aspirations. Women have become more aggressive and have a desire to achieve all that we can. shit I want it all and then some! | ||
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Moderator
Posts: 1781 |
Ya yes, neked dancing days.... How I long for them  ------------------ Lobo | ||
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Elite Bodybuilder
Posts: 605 |
Ehhh, it still is all getting back to double standards. Theres no reason a woman who wants a family AND a career should be seen as wanting it "all". A man who has a career and a family isnt seen that way, its seen as the norm. People are hung up in roles. The woman raises the kids and cooks and cleans. The man brings home the money and eats and watches TV (hmmm, that does have a ring to it! )I think its become much more common to see a woman wanting and actually HAVING it all. Christ, it almost has to be now! The days of the one income houshold are rapidly coming to an end. Two people WITHOUT children are pressed to come up with the means to afford an $1100.00 house note, and have even a late model, reliable car... not to mention food and any type of entertainment expenses. God forbid they decide to have a financial burden... I mean child! (heh heh) So really, I think times are changing, and the new generation wont see things the way we or our parents did. For them it wont even be an issue, we creep closer and closer to actually having equality with every generation (I sure hope so, at least). Where it WAS that women made less than men in equivalent postions, it is now that women can complain and fight that injustice and possibly see some justice done. Id like to think that by the time my daughter enters the work force this may not even be an issue. People can moan and cry about politcal correctness, but PC was born out of a NEED for PC. Revolutions dont happen for no reason, they come from a desire of people for change! You may call it being "Politically Correct" to not tell racist or sexist jokes, or make suggestive comments to female coworkers, or have your new issue of Swank laying on your desk (BTW, can I borrow that when your done), but my mother raised me not to do those things. Raised me that way before political correctness was even a term. She called it "consideration"... So as I slowly digress off the topic (which I so often do when I get stirred up about something), I'll wrap it up by saying "wanting it all" is a foolish term made up by the old dinosaurs who are clinging to the "good old days" of Fred Flintstone, when you came home from the quarry and had a brontosaurus steak waiting, and Wilma would stay home and watch the kids while you and Barney went bowling... I have to say though, my daughter is 8, and seeing the way things are in school now gives me a lot of hope for the future! Even at that early age, the whole learning system is light years ahead of where it was when I was her age. Not just with computers in the classrooms, but with the whole way they view the interpersonal relation between male and female student... so mabye we have a chance. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 72 |
I think we have truly come to a place where the phrase "women want it all" is becoming passe...especially out here in the northeast...My young cousins came up to me over the holidays in awe that one of their friends mom's stayed home and didnt' work!!! I've heard male coworkers say that smae thing and it has led to some enlightening conversations about why are they begrudging their wives the right to go to the gym or out with the girls when they are playing company sponsored basketball and volleyball twice a week? One man I new actually came back to work full-time from leaving to be a stay at home dad with a consulting business because there was so much to do! (they both worked previously and shared home stuff and had a weekly cleaning woman but she still had the lion's share at home with kids because her schedule was more flexible)...he came back demanded a more flexible schedule to help with kids and they're both much happier, healthier and getting their needs met... he realized that when she was asking for more time off to do for herself that it was essential but only from gaining the perspective of being more in charge on the family end...I think I have seen a backlash of sorts in the teen generation now ...they seem to want more of a Leave it Beaver life but I also see that the boys are just as willing to play June as the girls...I think to our technological environment may be lending itself to that experience...so in 200 years we've gone from family farm to the cube farm and hopefully back to homefarming the web! | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 50 |
While everyone is off having it all or at least trying to acquire it all who is taking care of the kids? I really think that alot of the problems that society has is a direct result of the grownups wanting to be totally fulfilled and consequently the childrens needs are put on the back burner. I realize that everyone needs a life but I also think that when you have kids it requires a certain amount of sacrifice and in my case the sacrifice has to a large degree been my sanity as the decision was made for me to stay at home and take care of the kids and run my business from home. The routine goes like this work 15 min, change a diaper, go back to work and take 15 min to remember what in the hell you were doing, work 10 min, go take the baby off the top of the tv cause he has learned how to climb, repeat step 2, have someone stop by to chat cause you are at home and not really doing anything repeat step 2. baby takes a nap and you take one too cause you just can't take it anymore. I did this with both of my kids, my niece and now am doing it with my nephew because my sister has to work - there is no way that they could afford for her not to. I think that the warehousing of infants and toddlers in daycare centers and telling ourselves that it is good for them, that somehow they will end up being more independent as result is a bunch of crap. For the first 5 or 6 years they need their parents and I don't care how the parents workout who is going to be with the child but one of them needs to be there. An employer would not let someone come in and say "you know what, I have decided that I am going to give you quality time instead of quantity time so I am going to come in for an hour a day and work my butt off but I still want to be paid for the full 8 hours." When they are older the rules change a bit, they are in school, have interests outside of mom and dad but attempting to "have it all" while they are little really means the the children have less. Just my .02 | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 50 |
I also think that alot of women ( my sister for example) are forced to "have it all" because the other half of the relationship is unwilling to have half of it. She has all the responsibility while he spends his non working hours playing ball, bowling, and volunteering for everything under the sun and then wonders why she is such a bitch all the time. | ||
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Moderator
Posts: 1781 |
Nicely said temple. ------------------ Lobo | ||
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Cool Novice
Posts: 13 |
Beautiful points bikinimom... and Monster for that matter | ||
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Pro Bodybuilder
Posts: 562 |
quote:Two people WITHOUT children are pressed to come up with the means to afford an $1100.00 house note, and have even a late model, reliable car... not to mention food and any type of entertainment expenses. God forbid they decide to have a financial burden... I mean child! (heh heh) God forbid a self centered couple give up a few luxuries for the sake of their child. If that doesnt make any sense, how about dont have any kids if you dont want to or cant "afford" them. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 212 |
Temple - I agree wholeheartedly. I was with my children 24/7 for 7 years! I did ALL the cleaning, cooking, diaper-changing, boo-boo kissing, counseled my hubby on his business decisions and helped to run it - God, if I had a dime for every time I pryed a child off my breast to run and answer that phone! I'd be set for life!!!! etc, etc, etc. Now three of my four are in school, my baby is with me ALL THE TIME and when I do work part time, either my mother or my sister watches my children. Until I can generate a larger income I will have to be creative w/my childcare solutions.....when I do hire a live-in there WILL BE nanny-cams and my children are also old enough and schooled enough (I TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING WITH THEM.) to tell me if something is amiss. The baby (she's four)is going to school full-time in Sept and I will have a little more time to pursue my career w/more ferver. I paid my dues BIGTIME. I had ZERO help for the first seven years. I deprived myself of A LOT so that my husband could have what he needed for our business (he's an electrician) and so that our children could have what they needed. I ALMOST lost my mind in the process. However, if I was working and entrusted another woman to raise my children I would have SURELY gone insane. I brought them here and I am responsible for them. But now that they are older, I don't feel that it is asking too much of my husband to take a more active household and parenting role so that I can now be everything that I want to be.....just as I did for him for all of these years past. As the children are growing and maturing I am still VERY much the primary care-taker and female role model, but they are becoming more independent because I am not "up under" them 24/7.....I am not home on average 5 days per month. I still volunteer in their classes, help them w/their homework, cook, (OK I NEED A CLEANING LADY), make their Halloween costumes, bake cookies, and teach them as much as I can about life. ------------------ | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 50 |
Bmom- you can certainly expect him to chip in. My husband and I both run businesses, he works in excess of 70 hours a week but he still does the laundry, helps our daughter with her homework, always tucks her into bed at night, has been known to cook a meal on the weekends, always takes out the trash, does some of the grocery shopping and is trying to add some cardio and lifting to the schedule cause his blood pressure is getting a little high (I can't imagine why that would be). I do realize that he is not your average guy. Actually, now that I think about it I do have it all. | ||
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Amateur Bodybuilder
Posts: 71 |
God I love this board..Its good to know that there are women out there who feel exactly as I do! Bmom - you are so inspiring! Ive been doing the motherly thing (you know "just a mom"  ) for the last 7 yrs and my little one is just 17mts. old...I too "want it all" but it seems like I have put myself behind everyone else (hubby, kids) for so long and now that I want to do something for myself my hubby has a hard time dealing with it..He is getting much better! Anyway Im not a great writer, just wanted to express how grateful I am for this board and all of the women (and men) that contribute..I learn so much and Im truly inspired by the great women on here! Thanks | ||
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Moderator
Posts: 1781 |
You post, Luv, is exactlly why I like kick up the dust now and then around here and help us all to take a closer look at how we live and INFLUENCE others. Cause you all know that we, as a group, are not the norm and often raise an eyebrow or two. This is good of course, and I think it helps us if we can debate some of these issues here, online, so when we have some of these "conversations" with folk in real life - BAMB!!! We're ready! ------------------ Lobo [This message has been edited by WarLobo (edited December 04, 2000).] |
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posted November 28, 2000 02:53 PM
I also think it helps the other women who read the posts to be more confident knowing there are other females out there with the same mindset.