Your boy acquaintance(not friend) is being quite selfish and acting extremely immature. What he is doing is a childish attempt to get under your skin and it is working. I take it you have spoken with him about the comparison thing? Let him know you are DLady not this other jeep driving muskrat. If he isnt happy with you then let that mofo know he needs to move on, it will be his loss. There is no need to feel insecure D, go take a look in the mirror. Your a solid chick in all aspects. Be strong in this situation. Let him know how you have sacrificed for him and tell him he is being selfish. There is nothing worse than being breathed on all day by anyone. Everyone needs a little space. peace

I have been married 13 years and there is no secret to having a successful relationship. All you have to do is accept that your mate is not perfect and don't sweat the small stuff but bond over the serious things in life. Be appreciative of your mates passions. If they don't have one, then its going to be a challenge for you to love them.

Follow your instincts and don't be afraid of failing. The only people who don't make mistakes are those that never do anything.

Godspeed to you, live life, don't worry about it.

You are not wrong in thinking that you feel insecure, that is exactly what he wants you to feel. It is a cheap and childish tactic of getting what he wants. It is saying, this is the deal, if you don't do it, then you know - there is someone over here who will.

From the way you described him, he sounds childish, self centered, and insecure himself. Why does he need all the attention all the time? Is he so insecure that if you don't constantly pander to him, he will feel like you don't love him? And he says he doesn't want to return the attention to you? HELLO?

I once dated a girl like this. Loved her to death, but insecurities and self centered behaviour was the death of us. I felt really bad because out of all the girls I have ever dated, she had the most potential up until I met my current girlfriend. Then my current girlfriend wiped her out completely out of my mind. Something a few other girls could not do. I loved her enough to follow along with her behaviour thinking that perhaps if I did everything she wanted me to do, her actions and attitude would change and it did not. When you start doing everything, they only increase the list. I felt like I was always second best, never good enough, constantly fighting a losing battle. Then I woke up one morning and thought, you know I am young, I have an education, I have a great body, a terrific personality, a lot of desires of my own that she is robbing me of, and then I cut that bitch loose. The hardest thing I had to do at the time, and was miserable for about one year afterwards, missing her each day. but it was for the best as I would not be twice as happy today.

Real Men don't resort to mind games like this. If I want my girlfriend to do something for me new or do something different from the way she normally does, or do more something she is currently doing, I would never say, someone else did this. I would say, I really like/want/need this - it is important to me, what can I do for you to make you see how much I like/want/need this.

You should play that song by Whitney Houston "MY NAME IS NOT SUSAN" for him. Tell him to take a note.

And the easiest way to get your self esteem and confidence back is to find someone who doesn't cause you to second guess yourself.

I already told him that if the grass was greener on the otherside then go be with her! i am not in a compition for his love!
Jae, could you email me and I can tell you more, maybe you can help me out here...
[email protected]

If he wants you to feel as though it is your fault he messed his car up that night, then you should make amends. Buy him some driving lessons at the local traffic school. But to shoulder an unspecified or responsible guilt is not fair.

So you made a mistake twice and hurt him twice. So what? Nobody is perfect. I can understand why he may need assurance constantly, if so, then that is for you to give him, but not for him to directly manipulate you into doing it. He is using the past to control the future in his favor. After two mistakes, it is his fault he is still there as well as yours, after twice before, he knows fire is going to burn him. And he still may feel like he wants to play with it still? The fear of a third time of being hurt and heartbroken may be keeping him from opening himself up and exposing his vunerability again. If so, he needs to go because you can not love someone you are scared of.

And face it, he is a male, if Mrs. Jeep Driver could do it better, you better believe he would be there in a heart beat. So do not compare yourself to someone who is - by all standards - still number two to him. In relationships, when they end, most people want to upgrade with their next partner. Not go back down the ladder.

He is displaying HIS OWN insecurity by doing this bullshit. He is using her as a way to get you to give him more than what would be a normal contribution to a healthy relationship.

When one person does a disproportionate amount of the giving, it means the other is doing a disproportionate amount of the taking. This is a recipe for failure.

The Skywalker has been badly burned in relationships. Initial symptoms were similar. When a guy (or girl) starts hinting about someone else, that other person is on their mind. He is starting to drop hints to see how you react.

You are reacting normally - frustration and exasperation - because you care for him and do your best to take care of him, yet he does this crap.

Hear these words: You should never define yuor self worth based on the opinions of someone else. Being upset is normal but who and what you are does not change based on who comes into your life.

In summary: Life expectancy for women is roughly 80 years. Why do you want to spend even one minute of that doubting yourself or the direction in which you are headed?

Lose the guy, lose the problem, and try single life for a while. Life is too short to get dragged down into other people's bullshit.

Good luck.

If in fact you did cheat on him, may he have no mercy on your soul, may he torment you, and may you never know happiness ever again. Losers cheat.

You seem like a great girl, but for some reason you keep ending up with men who mistreat you. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but there is definitely a pattern here.....and I think that you end up with these guys (not saying ALL MEN ARE BAD) because deep down you feel that you don't deserve better or perhaps you feel that by trying to "fix these broke guys" is how one shows love and affection.

We all have faults and we could all stand to have our lives enriched by many, MANY people. HOWEVER, to go through life trying to make guys into people that they ARE NOT is a sure recipe for misery.

Dump the guy. Get a good therapist. (WE ALL NEED TO TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL SOMETIME!) Find out what truly makes YOU happy.....and when you least expect it, that very wonderful man (or men) will be there ready to treat you the way you should be treated. But if you do not work out your own issues first, you will be doomed to continuously repeat this pattern.

Go Get healthy and happy!

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Originally posted by Dlady27:
Advice needed from Jae, MattSky, BikiniMom, Havoc... Only the SERIOUS ONES. no flames here please.

I am starting to feel a bit insecure about myself because of certain things that the BF has been saying lately to me. It may be all in my head but, I need to know if I should say something to him about how I am feeling.
He has been saying things to me that are making me believe that he is thinking about this other girl that he was dating awhile back, she wants him back , but he said he loves me and doesnt want to be with her. BUT, I feel like he is secretly comparing me to her, like everything I do he is thinking to himself that she did it better. He said that she would always be hugging and kissing on him all the time when he would come home from work at night. And give him all kinds of attention and affection. Well, I do all this for him, I cook him dinner, and give him a body massage every night before bed, but its like because I am not pawing all over him every minute after he walks in the door he is pissed off, and tells me that I am not showing him enough love and affection. Now, I have a million and one things going on in my head when I get home at night, & I am not the co-dependant type that needs to HANG on my bf. I like to have my alone time. And I can only GIVE so much!
He can't grasp this and says to me that I must not love him enough if I can't show him more hugs and kisses more often! WTF? How do I do this when he doesnt understand that, maybe I would like to have the same affection in return. He wants it all to be him him him. ANd this is the ONLY thing that we have been argueing about for weeks now. Then last night we talk about me buying a new truck or the new Subaru AWD Legacy, and he blurts out "Why dont you buy a Jeep w/ a V-8 ?" HELLO>>>that is the vehicle that this other girl drives!!!! WTF? I freaked out and told him what I thought then! Well, I get up this morning and I feel worse now, like he is keeping a score card between her and I. Trying to make me into this f--king slut or something! So how do I fix this problem between us, without causing another fight? Or how can I atleast gain my self-esteem and confidence back so I don't give a shit?

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