IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE, BUT...

It seems a large proportion of Americans are laboring under the impression that the only thing screwy about the elections in Florida is that one funky butterfly ballot. This is not the case, folks. In fact, there have been literally THOUSANDS of irregularities reported, in over a half-dozen categories. Here's just a sample of the craziness that was going on in the Sunshine State last Tuesday...

Ballots ran out early in certain precincts, and the polls closed with people still in line in Tampa.

In Osceola County, ballots did not line up properly, possibly causing Gore voters to have their ballots cast for Harry Browne. Also, Hispanic voters were required to produce two forms of ID when only one was legally required.

Dozens, and possibly hundreds, of voters in Broward County were unable to vote because the Supervisor of Elections did not have enough staff to verify changes of address.

On election night, CBS newsman Dan Rather reported a possible computer error in Volusia County, Florida, where James Harris, a Socialist Workers Party candidate, won 9,888 votes. He won 583 in the rest of the state.

Many Black voters who car-pooled to the polls were stopped and harrassed by police, according to the Los Angeles Times. In some cases, officers demanded that the driver produce a "taxi license."

According to Reuters, many voters received pencils rather than pens when they voted, which is a flagrant violation of Florida state law, and makes it that much easier to "erase" any evidence of the "will of the voter" when hand-counting ballots.

Xavier Suarez, one of the people involved in preparing the absentee ballots for the state of Florida this year, was once a mayoral candidate in the city of Miami. In fact, he was elected, but his election was later overturned due to - guess what - VOTER FRAUD!

You know all the talk about how the VNS fucked up by prematurely calling Florida for Gore, then recalling their prediction, then prematurely calling the state for Dubya? The fact of the matter is, they NEVER called Florida for Dubya. You know who called Florida for Dubya? It was Fox "biased" News employee John Ellis... who also happens to be Dubya's first cousin!!! Once Fox News declared Dubya the winner in Florida, the other networks followed suit. Reportedly, Ellis was on the phone with both Dubya and Florida governor Jeb all throughout that long and tense election night.

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YOU CANNOT IGNORE GENIUS.

IT IS FORTUNATE FOR THOSE IN POWER,THAT MEN DO NOT THINK.-ADOLF HITLER

You say something is funny. Here is a thought, after all of the recounting to date gore picked up over 2,000 more votes while bush only picked up a few hundred. Now almost half of what gore picked up came from palm beach. Now using a machine that has been used before and proven you should get statistically the same answer as the first time. Ooops? Something smells like a trout and it ain't my girlfriend.

In fact a university professor from Nevada put it this way. Statistically speaking a person has a better chance of getting struck by lightning 30 times than for the vote to change that much.

If anyone is dicking with the vote it would be the liberals. Hell, why would they only want the largest democratically supporting counties to do a hand recount. And why are they the ones showing the most new votes for gore? Most likely because it would be easier to explain away extra new votes for gore since he had already won in those counties by up to 2-1.

Geesh, I think cnn beat fox to the punchline.