After about six months of headaches trying to find the "right women" my wife told me she was never interested in being with a women but she thought I wouldnt want to have a family with her or stay married if she didnt do something to spice up our sex life. In other words - she promised to make me a happy man sexually - if I would start a family with her. FYI - I love my new daughter and was as excited to start a family as my wife was.

Im one of those guys with a womens emotions. I need all that cuddly shit and attention (I feel like a pussy saying that). Ive always been the romantic one in our relationship and my wife feels guilty because she honestly doesnt make any effort to be affectionate/loving/sexy with me even though she knows how much I need it.

Right now Im completely frustrated sexually (2000+ mg of gear per wk isnt helping) both by not getting enough sex from my wife, and feeling like Ive been robbed of some fantasies I was counting on enjoying with my wife. Im pissed that my wife lied to me, especially considering the efforts I made to make her happy sexually and the freedoms I gave her.

Do I have the right to go out and get all of this pent up lust out of my system? If I dont Im worried Ill be bitter as hell towards my wife. We have already talked about divorce concerning our sexual differences.

Any help appreciated - Im a seriously depressed and confused motherfucker right now. Please email me too - I dont always have time to follow my threads and I sure could use some help keeping my chin up.

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"Shine So Vibrantly That You Must Squint to Catch a Glimpse"

I'm not saying she hasn't treated you like shit, or that you don't deserve better. I'm just saying that cheating is not the answer!

You need to RUN to your nearest marriage counselor for individual counseling. I know it sounds fucked up and I know you don't want to do it, but if you REALLY want to help yourself, you need to talk this shit out with a professional. Her too. I suggest you both start individually, see where you are and then go as a couple. It sounds like the problems in your relationship are much deeper than sex.

There is no shame in going to counseling, just like a car, sometimes things get out of whack and you need a trained professional to help make things right.

Deep down, how would you feel about yourself if you cheated on your wife. Do you think you would feel good? Do you want to tear apart your marriage and family for selfish sexual gratification? I don't think you do. I think you are better than that.

If your not in a relationship with the right person, do the honorable thing -- do what you can to fix the relationship and save your family and if things don't work out, move on, free and unencumbered.

You owe it to yourself, your wife and most of all, your child.

Oh, also, you never get away with cheating. It will come out if you do it. How would you like to look in your wife's eyes and try to explain how you fucked another woman behind her back? How would you like to explain to your kid that daddy broke up the family because he wanted to get off?

Not trying to be harsh, sometimes you just need to hear it this way.

I am on the other side. I am recovering from the all of the pain and fucked up things that my wife cheating on me caused. I'm not just talking out of my ass.

I am here for you bro and I want to help you out. You ever feel like talking -- just getting the shit out, drop me a mail. I won't judge you or think badly of you. I understand the pain that goes with this type of situation. I can also point you to a board that has helped me immensely.

Are you suggesting a prostitute? I couldnt. Ive got to know the reason a women is fucking me is because she wants too. Paying for anything would be a turn-off. In another month - I may reconsider - just to get what I want without any hassles.

As far as porn goes? How do you think Im keeping any shread of sanity? Ive got to get off every day or I go nuts (pun intended).

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"BITCH! You can't do this to me!" Silvio

IF YOU CHEAT, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT INVOLVES EMOTION AND LOVE.

As far as my wife being upset with me for cheating or me feeling guilty- I had slept with another women with my wifes permision while we were looking for a partner to share. I have never done anything behind my wifes back without her express permission but we did have an open marriage for a while.

The reason I asked for the ladies input - is to try to fugure out what the hell is going through my wifes head.

Maybe Im not with the right person. I get a lot of attention from other women when Im out on the town but none at home. Ive even had other women ask me whats wrong with my wife saying shit like "I would want to fuck you every day" or "I wish I could find someone like you" etc/etc/etc

So you want to get off everday, big deal, I have to wonder why she is not that interested in you to want to have sex every day with you.

This is not a flame, but these are some of the thoughts and questions that come to my mind.

Also, who would you cheat with? Do you have somebody in mind? Are they married?

Have you tried couples counseling together?

It may be that your marriage is already dead, if so, cut it free. You both deserve a chance to find people that can fill your individual needs. Cheating is the start of a slow, downward spiral. If you can't or aren't willing to save the relationship, get out and try to remain friends for the sake of your children. Cheating, when it comes out, will very likely make you two bitter enemies. She may have a lot of issues with you already for sleeping with another woman, even with her permission. She may have felt that you pressured her into letting you do it (not saying you did) or that she didn't mean enough to you to stay mongomous (which could cause depression and low self-esteem) and those thoughts could manifest themselves in all sorts of negative ways. Like sex. If she doesn't feel sexy... you get the idea...

I little harsh considering who I am. I would be very surprised to find another man on the planet that is as loving and compasionate towards women as I am. Try not to keep your mind closed too tight. I have only love for my wife but Im depressed and confused right now. Im just looking for a little clearity and encouragement. I know your young Blackhaus, but if you have ever been in a relationship for any amount of time you know its not easy. Ive been in this relationship for seven years, so Im obviously not going to throw it away because Im not getting laid everyday. It a little more complicated then that. FYI - Im 31 and very mature.

Blackhaus and Chesty: I would wonder if my performance were a problem if my wife never wanted to have sex with me. Not the case. We were fucking like bunnies until two weeks after we were married (app 3 yrs ago). Suddenly my wifes sex drive decreased and she gained 30lbs. Sound familiar to anyone?

I don't know why shes not happy; could be a number of reasons....feeling trapped (yup, alot of chicks think they want the whole 9 yards and then when they get it decide they didnt...any 40 year old in my office will say that)
kids...big turn off as far as Im concerned
If youre so affectionate, maybe shes feeling smothered? does she work out of the house, or does she have a "normal" job?

SHE HAS BROUGHT ON A SITUATION OF LITTLE RESPECT. YOU NOW RESPECT HER LESS THEN EVER,WHETHER YOU ADMIT IT OR NOT.. IF YOU RESPECTED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE I DOUBT YOU WOULD HAVE WENT OUT WITH OTHER WOMEN... YOU MARRIED THIS LADY BECAUSE SHE WAS "THE ONE" THE "LOVE OF YOUR LIFE"... IF THAT WASNT THE CASE YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT ON DATING.

I THINK YOU BOTH NEED TO TAKE A STEP BACK AND LOOK AND THINK.. THINK IF YOU WANT TO RISK LOSING HER, AND IF YOU DO, THEN BY ALL MEANS TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL... AND DUCK!!! CUZ IF SHE HAD ANY PRIDE SHE WOULD KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT IN A HEARTBEAT.

Kat - thanks for you insight. I have tried backing off on the affection because my wife assumes every time I kiss or hug her I want to have sex. Ive been trying to let her initiate things. Problem is - she doesnt. The only time I can tell she is turned on by me is when she sees me playing with my daughter. She admires the fact that I love my child so much. Im the hopeless romantic type, so Ive already tried every thing. Flowers, massages, holding her and telling her how much I love her/how sexy she is to me.

Most all women, after having children lose their interest in ALL sexual activity for about 2 years.

1. They don't get much sleep due to the baby needing feeding every 3 hours.
Lack of sleep= lack of hormone levels which decreases sexual desire.

2. After gaining all that weight-lack of self esteem which contributes to a poor self image which means "No matter what you say, I'm ugly and fat and no man in his right mind would want to have sex with me.

3. Having a baby depletes a mothers body of all kinds of stuff. A lot of which,coupled with lack of sleep and stress over the childs well-being means bonky is the last thing on her list.

Solution: there is none except to ride it out.Be a faithful husband,father,and man. She will be smart enough to sort it outand in 2 years,you will be getting so much that you will have to tell her to tone it down.

Ask if she will spank your monkey for you.

Remember- your commitment means nada if you don't follow it.

Be patient.

I'm with the others that say if she let you screw around in the first place she doesnt have much self esteem....how do I know? Been there, done that....doesnt matter how much they tell me Im great in bed, yadda yadda you still think its not enough, you're not making them happy, blah blah.
So, in her own funny way she thinks if you screw around on her you might stay with her.
She thinks if she gives you a longenough leash then you'll always come home...if she denies you and ALSO is jealous, she knows shes screwed.

Unfortunatley, not all chicks have a wicked sex drive. Sounds like shes one of them....I don't think you can do much.

Be a man, wimping out with another woman only creates another problem.

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Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It realizes that it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It realizes that it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve to death.

The moral?

Also, have you tried talking to her to see what her deal is?? Do you ask her if shes still attracted to you or why she has no interest in sex?? Alot of the time, it has something to do with HER and not you.

And I understand what you're saying about a lifetime of misery, but other than sexually, is she making you happy?? Or is that such a big part in your relationship that you're miserable without it?? I just think that as soon as the going gets rough, far too many people turn to divorce when their problems can be solved.

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"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer..."

" DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU'D HAVE DONE TO YOU "

Jae - when my wife and I had an open marriage she had the same freedom I had to see other people. It was mutual.

Shadow - your right to a degree. The amount of gear Im on would make a tree look sexy. My sex drive is usually crazy though. The only time it changes are the first two weeks on gear after a long break and a lower drive for two weeks after coming off.

Im dead serious when I say that you should jerk off more....and Im sure you're a really nice guy, but Im glad youre not mine...

I would prefer to have sex everyday if the sparks are there and I love spending a whole Sat or Sun in bed making love. Most of the women I have talked to prefer making love everyday or often as well. In fact most women that I have talked too complain that there men only want a quickie and it doesnt give them the chance to have a good hard orgasm most of the time.

Am I out of control?

If you use test then your partner will need it too because there if not enough sex drive going aroung to complete the cycle of SEX.

Have you tried using drugs or other means to increase your wifes sex drive?

I think it might be benificial to ask what the women on the womens board do to increase their sex drive (such as using Sust etc.)

Fortunately, my BF is exactly like me, so we are quite compatible. I have have issues in the past with guys who have had higher or lower sex drives than me, and I have come to the conclusion that a relationship is doomed unless you're sexually compatible....however, youve already screwed yourself by marrying someone who is incompatible, so I'm at a loss as to what to say.

You people kick ass!